TITLE: Wish You Were Here

AUTHOR: Melanie Lakey

CHARACTERS: Gabrielle, Xena, Gnaeus (a messenger), Joxer (you'll see), and others are mentioned.

SUMMARY: Messages from beyond the grave.... (cue "The Twilight Zone" theme)The story takes place after the events of "Motherhood". Anything before is fair game for spoilers. For the purposes of this story, I estimated Virgil's age in "Motherhood" to be about seventeen.

DISCLAIMER: The characters aren't mine. Never said they were.

RATING: PG for sadness, maybe.

SEX: Nope. Come on, people, I'm 17 for crying out loud! My mom reads my stories!

VIOLENCE: Some is mentioned, but it's nothing graphic.

ARCHIVE: Any of the list archives. Anyone else, please ask first and I'll probably say yes.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, here's my first finished non-Lyrics Challenge fanfiction story! Yay! Much thanks to Jerry Hendy for his help and encouragement, and also to Heather Beach, who showed interest--which is important to me! The story was partly influenced by a wonderful song by Mark Wills called "Wish You Were Here", and the lyrics are below. I hope that you enjoy reading it and that I didn't write anything too stupid. Feedback, please!

Wish You Were Here

by Mark Wills

They kissed goodbye at the terminal gate

She said, "You're gonna be late if you don't go."

He held her tight, said "I'll be all right,

I'll call you tonight to let you know."

He bought a postcard, on the front it just said "Heaven"

With a picture of the ocean and the beach

And the simple words he wrote her

Said he loved her and they told her

How he'd hold her if his arms could reach

(Chorus)

Wish you were here, wish you could see this place

Wish you were near, I wish I could touch your face

The weather's nice, it's paradise

It's summertime all year and there's some folks we know

They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here."

She got a call that night, but it wasn't from him

It didn't sink in right away, "Ma'am, the plane went down,

Our crews have searched the ground,

No survivors found," she heard him say

But somehow she got a postcard in the mail

That just said Heaven with a picture of the ocean and the beach

And the simple words he wrote her

Said he loved her and they told her

How he'd hold her if his arms would reach

(Chorus)

The weather's nice, in Paradise

It's summertime all year and all the folks we know

They say, "Hello, I miss you so, wish you were here."

Wish you were here

_______________________________________________________

Troubled green-blue eyes flickered over the flames in front of her. A week now. It had been a week since she'd lost him. Softly sighing, she poked at the fire, stoking the flames as if she thought that maybe she'd get lucky enough for them to swallow her up.

"Gabrielle, that fire is getting too high." Xena moved to her, taking the stick and adjusting the ashes until the flames were at a reasonable level. "What were you thinking?" As those questioning blue orbs shifted to her friend, she softened and pressed a gentle hand to the bard's shoulder. "I miss him, too," she said quietly.

"Xena," Gabrielle whispered, shaking her head. "He said he didn't want to disappoint me. Gods, did I make him feel that way? As if I held him to some stupid standard he'd have to live up to in order to be worthy of me?" The last words were spat sarcastically, and the bard looked down at her hands in disgust. She was the one who had never been worthy of *him*.

"Hey." Xena slipped her arm around her friend. "Your standards have never been stupid. Look what they did for me." A kind smile was offered as she forced the younger woman to look into her eyes, arching one eyebrow.

Gabrielle pressed her lips together, then licked them before turning her turmoiled gaze toward the fire once again. "I wish I could see him again." She wiped angrily at a tear sneaking down her cheek, bitterly remembering the visit she'd had in the tavern. It had made her heart stop to see him again, and she had realized a few things...but just when she was ready to admit them, the vision twisted into something horrible. As soon as her mind was clear, she knew that it wasn't Joxer at all, simply a trick of the Furies to get to Eve, which angered her deeply. Joxer would have never wanted to be used that way, and she hated the Furies for trying to taint his memory.

Xena sighed in the long silence, squeezing her a bit. "You will, one day. We'll be with him again, I know it." With that, the gruff warrior stood and mumbled something about having to check on Eve down at the river, knowing it wouldn't be long before tears overcame her too.

Just as the bard's small, slender hand shot out to reclaim the fire poker, a tentative voice called out, "G--Gabrielle? Is there a Gabrielle here?"

She looked up sharply, a hand on one sai as she smoothly moved to her feet. "Who's that?"

From the trees, a young man with a heavy-looking pack emerged. "Gee, um...excuse me, miss. My name is Gnaeus. I know it's late, and I didn't mean to disturb you. I just had to get rid of these, and since I heard that Gabrielle and Xena were back from their long absence, I..."

Gabrielle furrowed her brows, relaxing unconsciously as her eyes roved over his form, analyzing him as Xena had taught her. *Gnaeus. Just a messenger with a scroll bag. No weapons on him.* She took a step forward. "I'm Gabrielle."

Gnaeus smiled with relief, swinging his pack around so that he could rummage through it. "Great! These are for you. A little outdated, I'm afraid, but that's what happens when you disappear for twenty-five years, right?" His hand disappeared into the bag and reappeared with a handful of scrolls, tossing them at her feet. A few more handfuls were produced before he brushed his hands together and swung the bag back onto his shoulder.

Gabrielle blinked, shifting a few of the scrolls with a careful toe. "Gnaeus, what are these?"

The young man looked up at her. "Oh, just some undelivered letters. Like I said, some may be a little outdated, but I thought you'd want them anyway. My father has a policy: we never throw anything away until we find that the addressee has been dead for at least five years." He smiled and saluted her as he turned to go. "I've got to get back home. Gates close in an hour. I'm glad I finally found you!"

"Wait!" Gabrielle called out, stopping him with a hand on his arm. "Who are these from?"

Gnaeus shrugged. "Wouldn't know. I don't read other people's mail."

She sighed and nodded, handing him a dinar from her satchel. "Thank you, Gnaeus."

The boy grinned down at the dinar. "No problem." Taking off at a near-gallop, the young man was gone from her sight within minutes.

The warrior bard bent and scooped the heap of scrolls into her arms, careful not to drop any as she sat back down by the fire and placed them carefully around her. A bit of examination determined which came first, and she shook her head sadly at the mark that dated it. It had been just a week or two after she and Xena had been frozen. Slowly, she opened the scroll and her eyes widened at the sight of that familiar hand.

"Joxer," she whispered, tears brimming in her eyes. At that moment, she would have given Gnaeus the world. Choking back sobs, she clamped a hand over her mouth and began to read.

**Dearest [crossed out] Hi, Gabs,

Gods, I miss you so much. I'm a little worried, too. Not too worried, of course, because warriors don't sit around and worry. Can you write to me soon and tell me where you and Xena are? Octavius took Eve somewhere and I guess she's better off with him than she would be with me, but somehow I don't think that would sit right with Xena. As soon as you get this letter, I bet she'll race over to get her kid, and I can't wait to see the look on that Roman snob's face! Anyway, write back as soon as you can. I'll wait at the post office as long as possible, but I kinda have to go to the bushes, so I don't know how long that'll be.

Love, [crossed out] Your friend, Joxer**

It took a few minutes for Gabrielle's mixture of a smile and sob to fade, and she just sat there for a moment with the scroll in her lap. How long had he waited? Well, when Joxer had to go to the bushes, he *had to go to the bushes*, so it probably hadn't been more than five minutes. He had been so hopeful, so confident in her return. He'd written as if she and Xena had just gone for a little vacation. *Gods, he hadn't known it would be twenty-five years.* She exhaled slowly, set the scroll carefully aside, and picked up the next, dated a few weeks later.

**Dear Gabby,

Stupid Roman post office. I don't think they ever even delivered my last letter, because I know you would have written back. You always do. Anyway, I still haven't gotten Eve back from Octavius. Tell Xena to hurry up and get here, will ya? I don't like the way he's been raising her. She's getting kinda spoiled, not that she wasn't spoiled enough already...(um, don't let Xena read that part!) So, how's, um, whereever you are? Rome's okay. The weather's nice, anyway. I wish you were here to feel it. Oh, guess what? I got rid of my old outfit for the summer! Yep, that's right. I got this toga thingie that I wear when it's hot. It's so awesome, Gabby! You couldn't even find anything to make fun of me about. Autolycus says I look like a sissy, but Meg thinks it's sexy! Oh, by the way...I met up with Autolycus and Meg again--but you might've guessed that from the last line, huh? They were traveling together to pull off a heist. They want me to join them for the next one, but I said no. Gotta wait for you and Xena.

Your friend, Joxer**

Gabrielle raised an eyebrow through the veil of blurs that clouded her vision and thought, *A toga? Joxer might not look too bad in a toga.* Then, that sinking feeling returned to her chest and she remembered that she'd never get the chance to see. She gulped quietly, took in a deep breath and reached for another scroll.

She read through quite a few that detailed Autolycus and Meg's repeated attempts to get Joxer to join them and become their partner in crime--and sometimes a few other quite interesting things--but Joxer never gave in. He always stated that he was waiting for her and Xena, and this knowledge made her smile despite the sadness. That was Joxer...he never gave up.

After reading about a lot of the same themes, Gabrielle began to wonder what had possessed Joxer to marry Meg, since she seemed awfully close with Autolycus. In fact, one scroll in particular detailed a drunken talk that Joxer and Meg had in which she proclaimed that she would never love a man as much as she loved "Mr. Stinky". As the young Amazon Queen tried to piece together what could have happened, she came upon a scroll that was dated seven years after the freezing.

**Dear Gabrielle,

It's been a long time. I'm still complaining to the postmaster here, but he says he can't give out information on the mail because it's against Roman law. I guess he's right. I mean, I don't want to break any laws or anything. Still, I know you must have a great reason for not writing back to me, 'cause if you were getting married or something, I'm sure I'd be getting an invite...right? Right. Of course. I am your best friend, after all, next to Xena.

Speaking of getting married, I...am. [many scratches and squiggles here as if he couldn't decide what to write] To Meg. It's not what you think, really. I mean, I don't love her, and I've never stopped [ink blotch from the quill sitting idle too long] loving you. I never will, Gabby, no matter what happens and even if you never come back. But I know you will, Gabrielle. I know you're alive and well somewhere, because I can feel you in my heart. You're warm and bright, and you're what keeps me going. I wish you were near so I could touch your face and feel you for real, but for now, this is enough.

It's just that Meg's been so lonely after Auto's death...it was awful. He was caught trying to steal a royal mask from this Amazon tribe that didn't know you or his history as your friend, and they didn't hesitate to execute him before he could use any of his fancy escape tricks. Poor Meg. She watched the whole thing from their prison, and the only reason she wasn't killed along with him was that she was a woman and suitable for recruiting.

She escaped and came straight to me, begging me to marry her so that the Amazons wouldn't force her to join the tribe. Apparently, they felt it was dishonorable to break up a "union of love." Ironic, isn't it? So, we're getting married next week, and it would mean a lot to me if you and Xena would be there. If not, that's okay too, 'cause I know you guys are busy doing whatever it is you're doing. See you soon, Gabby, and if it matters...I'll divorce Meg as soon as you're back, I promise, and go right back to traveling with you.

Your friend, Joxer**

As she contemplated this, Gabrielle sighed. Autolycus. She'd forgotten about him, and had half-expected to find him still spry and stealing at a ripe old age. Obviously, that wouldn't be happening, but at least now she knew. More importantly, she knew that Joxer hadn't lost his love for her and, as she had feared, been only too happy to move on down the line to Meg. Sure, it was selfish, but it had been bothering her since she walked into their tavern and found them married, with *children.* And how had that happened, if Joxer had only married Meg out of friendship and kindness? With furrowed brows, her reddened eyes searched through the pile of scrolls for the next one. Curiously, it was dated a full year later.

**Dearest Gabrielle,

Sorry that I haven't written in so long. Meg found out about it, and she doesn't like it. She doesn't think it's proper for her husband to be writing letters to the woman he's in love with , and she doesn't want the kids to know about you. They know about you anyway, though, because every day, I tell them about one of our adventures. It's great entertainment! The customers at the tavern even seem to like it. Sometimes when we're lucky, we can find a lookalike to play you in a little dinner show based on your scrolls. (I'll give those back to you just as soon as you come home, okay? Please don't be mad that I read 'em. They're the closest thing I've got to letters from you.) Meg plays Xena, of course, and I play myself. We usually pick random volunteers to play the gods and goddesses. Minya visits once in a while, and she seems to like playing Discord. Remember Minya? She's still got Xena's whip, y'know, but I'm not dumb enough to try to get it back. She's kinda scary.

Oh, wait, back up! You didn't know about the kids, or the tavern! Well, see, Meg was desperate for children, and so we had Virgil. I wanted her to be happy. We didn't do it the old-fashioned way, of course, 'cause she knows I'm still waiting for you and she can't have them the natural way in the first place. She still won't tell me why that is, but I'm hoping I'll get it out of her one day. Sometimes, I think there's still a lot I don't know about her. Oops, rambling again. Meg says I do that a lot. Well, anyway, we scrimped and saved until we had enough to buy a few diamonds for Aphrodite, and she couldn't say no to zapping us up a kid using some strands of our hair and a bunch of stuff that I didn't understand. Dite mainly did it because she likes Meg. She says that she reminds her of herself about four thousand years ago, and she'll give us more kids as soon as we're ready for them. Meg wants to stop at three. I don't even know how I'm gonna handle the one we've got!

We opened the tavern so that we could make some money to support our family. And guess what? It's all about you and Xena! It's a tribute. I've been collecting artwork, scrolls, and anything else of yours that I can find. I even have all the old outfits that you got tired of. A few Amazons tried to buy your ceremonial (did I spell that right? hope so. at least I know how to spell your name, right?) Amazon Queen outfit, but I told them that it was priceless. Meg got mad, but she knew better than to push it.

Virgil's our son. He's so cute, Gabby. I know you'd like him, 'cause he's smart like you. He's only a few months old, but he can crawl, and I could almost swear that he understands me sometimes. You'll get to meet him soon, I'm sure. Sometimes I take him to the Roman palace to play with Eve, but they always turn me away. I haven't seen her for a long time. I hear that she's getting warrior training. You'd better tell Xena to hurry back and stop it before she turns into some kind of monster. I know they work her pretty hard. Come visit us soon!

Your friend, Joxer**

Gabrielle sighed quietly as she read all this, a bit overwhelmed as she processed the information. She couldn't help a smirk at the thought of Minya dressed as Discord, and found herself glad she hadn't been there to see that.

*Thank heaven for small favors.* It hurt to read about the slow evolution of their daughter into a war machine, but Joxer's earnestness and pride in Virgil overshadowed that. She couldn't help wishing that it had been her to bear that wonderful child and help Joxer raise him. Not knowing if she could take anymore of this bittersweet blessing, the bard wiped her eyes and carefully avoided the last scroll ...until she noticed that it was dated the day of their return.

**My dearest Gabrielle,

I feel sort of silly writing this, since I just said good night to you five minutes ago, but I'm so used to talking to you on parchment that it's hard to get my feelings out without it anymore. You know, I stopped writing for a while because Meg got fed up, and I figured that maybe I was bugging you anyway. It's kind of a relief to know that you weren't just ignoring me for all those years---not that I'm saying I'm glad you were frozen! I'm just glad that you and Xena turned out to be okay and not dead or anything. I have to tell you the truth...when I saw you walk into the tavern today, my mind went crazy. First I thought I was seeing an angel, then I thought I'd gone crazy, then I thought it was some kind of joke...and then I thought I was going to cry. I'm glad I didn't, 'cause it would've been kinda embarrassing.

I can't say this to you in person, but you're as beautiful as I remembered. The second our eyes met, everything I've ever felt for you came rushing back to me. I only wish that I wasn't so darn old so that I'd have even the slightest chance with you. I'm not going to kid myself...a young, vibrant woman like you would never want a decrepit corpse like me. If I could turn back time, I'd [the paper is smudged here and there with a few water marks]...well, it doesn't matter, because that isn't going to happen. Gabrielle, I'm so glad that you came back. I'm so glad you didn't leave me.

There's so much more to tell you that I don't know where to begin, but all that matters to me is that I still love you. I want you to know that. I always have, Gabrielle, and I always will, even though I'm stuck with Meg for now. Do you remember when you and Xena went into the future and found each other in another life? Well, sometimes, I like to dream that one day, you, Xena and I will find each other again. I won't be old, and you won't be stuck with a crazed warrior daughter to stop. One day, nothing will get in the way, Gabrielle, and we can finally walk off into the sunset...the three of us, righting wrongs and singing songs, being mighty all day long. Hey, I actually remember that! You probably don't, but that's okay. I annoyed you two with it enough for a thousand lifetimes.

The last thing I need to tell you before I finish your last letter is that you and Xena saved me. Thank you for loving me and welcoming me into your families and your hearts...you're the only ones who ever did that, and I'll never forget it. We had some great times.

Well, my eyes aren't what they used to be, and it's getting kinda dark in here, so I think I'll end this now. I love you, Gabby...and good night.

Love always, Joxer**

By this time, Gabrielle was sobbing and sniffling into her handkerchief again, but through the tears came a soft smile. He'd never forgotten her, and he'd never lost his love. She ached to turn back time and wrap her arms around the would-be warrior, just holding him forever and telling him over and over how much she loved him. She knew it now.

*But the dead can hear our thoughts.*

She knew that he understood, and the knowledge dried her tears and brightened her smile as she watched Xena emerge from the forest, that nearly-stoic facade betraying the fact that she'd been crying. The warrior glanced to the bard and her pile of scrolls, and her brows furrowed as she watched Gabrielle carefully slide a fresh scroll from her satchel, along with a quill and inkwell.

"What are you doing?" she asked softly.

The bard just smiled gently, pushed the read scrolls in Xena's direction and replied, "Just writing back to an old friend."

**FIN**