btw, this really doesn't follow canon.  But I DID get inspired by this from the fruitcake scene in the movie. Let's just say Norman still wants to get back at MJ for dumping Harry. lol
 
 

Fruitcake

by Jen (padme_76@yahoo.com)
 
 

It was Christmas in New York.  The bright morning sun glittered on the skyscrapers in lower Manhattan.  Mary Jane Watson was out and about, taking a stroll along the shops on the street, when she remembered something.

She was getting a surprise package from Harry's dad.  And he had spent all week keeping her in suspense.

"Ooo..today's the day!" she chirped to herself. Even though it was a gift from Osborn....she still liked getting presents.

She turned around and headed for the post office. She practically ran into the parcel claim office and started looking for her package that was to arrive that day. Soon she found a large brown box addressed to her. "Heh heh..." She giggled to herself.  She loved this time of year.  The snow, the presents, the eggnog, sitting around the tree, the presents, spending time with the ones you loved....

Did I mention the presents? ^_^

Excitedly, she opened her package on the spot.

It was a fruitcake.  O_o

MJ squealed in delight. "Yay! I got my fruitcake!"

The man in the parcel claim looked at her oddly for being happy about fruitcake. He shrugged and went back to work.

---------

Harry's apartment was a slum.  That was the only way to describe it.

Of course, he had help in making it the pigsty it was today.  Peter sat with him on the couch, playing Star Wars Racer Revenge on PS2. There was uneaten pizza sitting in a box on the floor, and soda cans strewn about the room.

Their concentration was broken by the sound of a knock at the door.  Harry groaned.

"Door, Parker," Harry ordered, not moving from his spot.  He was too engrossed in the game (and too lazy) to answer the door.

Peter just gave Harry a withering look and grumbled all the way to the door (which was only about 6 feet away).

It was MJ.

All of a sudden, Peter's day had gotten better at the sight of his girlfriend.

"Hey.  What brings you here, MJ?" He let her in.....and heard her gasp in shock.

"Oh...my god in heaven," MJ gaped at the mess the two men had created.  The pizza box leftovers in the corner had already begun to develop their own society....

Harry didn't take his eyes off the screen, his fingers flying as he continued to play. He barely registered MJ's presence. "Oh....hi MJ," he mumbled.  "Dammit! Why can't you die?!!"

She laughed.  "Uh...hi, Harry.  I just brought this to share with my two favorite guys in the world!" She indicated the ordinary looking box she was carrying.

Peter looked at the box wearily.  "What's in the box?"

MJ walked over to the coffee table and dropped her package. With a loud bang, the coffee table broke in two.

"What the hell??" Peter exclaimed.

"It's my fruitcake!"

The two men stared at her....at each other, and gave MJ a blank look.

"Mr. Osborn sent it."

At the mention of Harry's father, Peter shuddered.  Harry groaned.

"It's really good!  I tried a little."

Harry was skeptical. "Sure... Good fruitcake?..."

"From Mr. Osborn?" added Peter.  "... whatever... "

"What?  He said it's his wife's recipe.  It's yummy!"

Harry smirked. "Yeah, right.  Last time dad tried to bake....let's just say we had to remodel the kitchen."

Peter snickered.  MJ put her hands on her hips and stared at Harry.  "Oh, cut it out. It couldn't have been THAT bad."

Harry nodded. "Oh yes it was!  I never saw so many fire engines in my life!"  MJ just shook her head in annoyance.

Peter tried to pick up the fruitcake. He couldn't lift it off the ground. And he was Spider-Man, for god's sakes! "This cake is the devil! The devil, I tell you!"

Harry raised an eyebrow. "Right. You weren't planning on eating that...were you, MJ?"

MJ just rolled her green eyes. "Well, duh. What else am I supposed to do with it?"

"Use it as a paperweight?"

"A doorstop, maybe..." Peter joked.

MJ frowned as she took a small bite of the fruitcake. She smacked her lips and looked at the two guys. "Please..?"

"No!!" Harry was doing a great job at refusing.

"Pleeeeeease..?"  She was beginning to sound REALLY annoying.  (no offense to MJ fans out there...^_^)

"NO!!"

MJ finally resorted to her secret weapon.  She gave Harry the sad-puppy-eyed look and pouted at him. She looked pitiful.  Harry groaned in defeat.

"Awww... all right. Don't start bawling on me..."  He sliced a small piece and stared at it fearfully.

"I'll call the dentist..."  Peter smirked at his roommate.

"Shut up." Harry gingerly took a bite, and fell back on the couch, shuddering.

MJ flashed a look of annoyance at Harry. "Oh, quit it!"

Harry squinted at MJ as he swallowed. "Yum?"

They glanced at Peter.  Suddenly, the young man shook his head in defiance. "Ack! No freakin' way!"

He ran screaming from the room. MJ grabbed a slice of fruitcake and followed Peter into his room. Harry was laughing as he heard screams of "Eat it, damn you!" and "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Then a loud gulp.

MJ walked back into the living area, with a satisified smile.

"Evil wench," Harry smirked.

MJ shrugged.  "Hey, I did my share of giving some Christmas spirit.  If I have to force it down my boyfriend's throat, then so be it."

Peter dragged himself back into the living room, coughing and gagging. "I've got a walnut stuck in my throat. Ack!"

-----------

The next day......

Norman Osborn stepped into Harry's apartment and stared in utter amazement.

He had planned to visit his son to tell him to clean the place up. To his surprise, it's spotless. What the hell happened here?

Just then, he smelled something awesome coming from the kitchen... Hmm...does Parker cook? he wondered.  He wandered into the kitchen area and found a surprising sight.

Harry was in the kitchen, with an apron on...apparently cooking dinner.  Italian garlic bread? ....spinach lasanga....with antipasto?!

What the ---

Harry spotted his father and smiled.  "Oh, hey Dad! Would you like some stuffed mushrooms?"

Not many people in the world could shock Norman Osborn.  His son had just succeeded, though...^_^

"Wha?"  Norman's son couldn't cook if his life depended on it.  But strangely enough....everything seemed edible.

"If you wait 10 minutes, my cookies will be finished!" Harry said brightly.

Norman was still getting used to the fact that his son was wearing a pink, frilly apron.  "Cookies?"

Harry smiled  "Chocolate chip!"

Norman suddenly grabbed Harry and started shaking him furiously. "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY SON???"

All the shaking made iced tea come out of Harry's nose. He blinked. "Oh, dear! If you excuse me, I've got to change!"

Why is he speaking like that?!

I think you're son has finally cracked....like father, like son, the Goblin chuckled.

Norman watched Harry exit and frowned in confusion. A few minutes later, he returned.... Norman's jaw hit the floor. Harry was wearing........Peter's old wrestling shirt (the red one with the black spider on it).

"What the hell!!??" He could tolerate Harry wearing the pink apron....but not that! Ugh...reminds me of the annoying little bug....

"Oh, you noticed! Peter gave it to me in exchange for my old shirts."  He sniffed. "There's no accounting for taste."

"WHAT?"  Suddenly, Osborn knew which shirts they were.

Norman dashed to Peter's room. He found the normally studious young man lounging on his couch, watching Sex Court and smoking an unfiltered cigarette. Norman was horrified to see his 'adopted son' dressed in leather pants and a Green Goblin t-shirt.

"Whaddaya want, Old Man?" Peter sneered.

Huh? Old Man?!  "What is going on here?"  Norman was beginning to develop a massive headache.

"What does it look like?" he growled in irritation.  He puffed smoke in Norman's face, making the CEO cough.

Norman opened his mouth to say what all authority figures say to rebellious college kids, but was suddenly knocked over by a guy delivering a pizza. Norman dusted himself off in time to see Peter wandering out of the complex, eating pizza.

Something strange is going on, and I'm going to find out what!

Then, he heard a roar of engines. Norman hurried outside and saw Peter taking off in HIS Bentley, eating pizza.
"HARRY, GET BACK HERE!" he roared, leaning over the railing.

Harry walked up behind him and frowned in puzzlement. "But Dad, I'm right here!"

"Oh...sorry, force of habit. PARKER, YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!!"  He looked on in sheer shock as Peter flipped him off, speeding away in Osborn's car. "What the fuck?!"

Harry gasped. "Oh, such language! I've been traumatized for life!" He started to wander back inside. "Oh! My carrot cake!"

Jen was walking her dog as she happened to witness the "carjacking" and wandered over to see what the fuss is about.

"Seriously! What are those two on?" Norman asked no one in particular.

Jen thought for a moment...and snickered. "Looks like they've been eating your fruitcake."

Norman flashed her a dirty look. "Oh really? Thank you SO much for critiquing my culinary skills!"

She held up her hands in defense. "Hey, I was just making an observation. But....you DID make some the other day, didn't you?  I remember you saying you were going to send somebody some cake...."

Norman's eyes narrowed as he realized who the culprit was.  Nevermind that HE was the one who started the whole mess in the first place....^_^

--------

The next day......

If you were standing outside Harry's apartment, you'd hear the shouts of an angry young man.

No, it wasn't Harry....Peter was yelling at Harry for more beer. O_o

But that's not all....

Harry was occupied for the moment, baking cake and muffins, cooking jambalaya, and making iced cappuccinos. When he had a spare moment, he tossed over a beer.

MJ was eating a roasted cornish game hen with relish. "Wow, Harry, you're a really good cook!" she spoke with her mouth full.

Harry beamed  "Why, thank you!"

Peter just grunted in response.  "Idiot."

At that moment, Norman Osborn stormed into the apartment and angrily pointed at MJ. "What have you done to my sons??"

MJ stared in confusion. "Huh? Peter's not your son!"

Osborn shrugged. "Okay, well....I wish he was." MJ just stared stupidly at Norman. He was about to go into Goblin mode, and shook his head in irritation. "Nevermind that! What did you do, MJ?!?!"

"Me?" She said innocently.

"Dad," Harry said worriedly, "Can you please tone down the anger? You know what stress does to your blood pressure..."

"Oh, shut up!!"

Harry sniffled and ran into the kitchen.

Norman rounded on MJ. "Why did you feed them the fruitcake I gave YOU?!!"

MJ giggled nervously. "Uh...Xmas spirit of sharing? Stuff...like....that...." she trailed off, apparently frightened by the look in his eyes.

Peter growled from the living room."Hey, shut up! I'm trying to watch wrestling!"

MJ blinked. "The fruitcake? You mean this is caused by the fruitcake?"

Norman sneered. "Yes!  I was hoping you'd die from the sugar shock...but apparently it had some unwanted side effects..."

MJ's eyes flashed in anger. "And you wanted ME to eat it?!  Augh!!  You evil bastard!!" She slapped him on the arm....HARD.

"OW!! Little brat!!"

Peter was getting really pissed off at the others, who were making too much noise. "SHUT UP!"

"Aie! My soufflé!" Harry cried unhappily from the kitchen.

That was it.  Peter got up, trembling in sheer anger and growled at the others. "What part of "shut up" don't you shit-for-brains idiots understand? I'm outta here. Gonna meet some friends and trash the town!"

Harry shook his head. "Oh! Now, Peter, you know that's not legal..."

Peter flipped everyone off and left...but not before taking a large black trashbag with him.

Harry gasped as he remembered his favorite show was on.  "Oh no! I'm missing Judge Judy!"

Norman watched Harry run upstairs, with his mouth still open in shock.  "Actually....seeing Parker like this is kind of ....invigorating," he slowly grinned.

MJ narrowed her green eyes at Osborn. "No it is not! This has to end. Now!"

Norman pouted. "Aww...does it have to? I mean...I am disappointed that YOU didn't eat any of it..."

MJ frowned. "But I did. By the way, it was yummy," she grinned.

Norman blinked in surprise. "What?  You ate some....and you aren't--"

MJ smiled. "Nope.  Maybe it's because I didn't eat as much as they did."

"Damn," he grumbled.

MJ just shrugged as she turned on the TV.  The twosome stared in utter disbelief at what they saw.

A glider looking suspiciously like Osborn's was hovering over Empire State University, and the rider was throwing bombs at various buildings.  MJ turned up the volume.

"Reports are that the Green Goblin has just bombed the university library....we'll have more coverage as it becomes available..."

Norman stared at the TV screen, then at MJ.  He sighed.  "Okay, okay...you're right. Besides, Parker's ruining my reputation as a supervillian."

"I thought you liked blowing stuff up."

"Yeah....but I hate copycats moving into my territory.  And Parker's not even doing it right...I wouldn't start by blowing up a
library.  It's rather dull," he grumbled.

MJ rolled her eyes. "Oh sure..."

"I'm open to suggestions."

MJ thought for a moment.....and smiled suddenly. "Oh, Harry," she called sweetly.  "Won't you try some of this nice fruitcake?"
 

(The next day)
 

"Oh, great plan," Norman commented sarcastically. He grumbled as Harry rushed by with his father's trident, chasing the pizza deliveryboy.

"Oh, I'll tip ya, alright!" Harry growled menacingly.

And Peter wasn't any better.  He was huddled in the corner, holding on to his "blankie".  O_o

MJ snapped her fingers. "Wait, I got another idea... "
 

(The next day )
 

"Now, Peter, having sex on the kitchen table is just not hygenic!" Harry reasoned.

"Bravo, Sherlock," Norman frowned at MJ.

"Wait a minute..." she thought of ANOTHER idea.
 

(The next day)
 

"BLANKIE!!!" Peter whimpered, clutching his blankie.

Harry grabbed the blanket, whipped out his zippo, dunked the blanket in gasoline and set it on fire.

*WHOOSH!*

"BWANKIE! NOOOOO!"

"Heh. Fire!!"
 

(The following week)
 

Thankfully...the fruitcake's weird side effects wore off.

It only had to take a week for that to happen....O_o

MJ was still furious with Norman, and Peter was horrified by the entire incident.  He swore off fruitcake for as long as he lived.

As for Harry.....well.....

Norman walked back to Harry's apartment, happy the whole ordeal was over. He opened the door and was confronted by Harry ......wearing the frilly pink apron and holding out a tray.

"Mini-quiche, Daddy?"
 

THE END

------
 

Author's Note:  I have a warped sense of humor.  I know. lol 

~ Jen
padme_76@yahoo.com
 
 

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