Expect a miracle: This one is obviously most common among religious fanatics, and therefore gives Christianity a bad name. What kind of dipshit expects a miracle? If I was $100,000 in the hole, and suddenly Ray Charles came back from the dead, presented me with the money that I owed, and gave me directions to Jessica Alba’s house, do you think I would expect that kind of outcome? This “motto” of theirs is even more idiotic because it contradicts itself completely. If you expect something to happen, then by definition, it is no longer a miracle. An event can either be a miracle or an expected occurrence, not both.
My child is an honor student at *insert crappy elementary school name here*: Who cares what your kid achieved in grade school, or middle school for that matter? If you have a pulse and opposable thumbs, you shouldn’t be getting D’s in 4th grade. These stickers shouldn’t be available for anyone with less than a 3.8 GPA, and instead they should say, “My child won’t have to clear roadkill off the highway for a living."
Peace is patriotic: Does that mean the Revolutionary War was completely worthless? Did George Washington fight for nothing? Were we wrong in picking up guns to defend our freedom? Nice try, traitor.
Go vegan: Yeah, right. You got any other recommendations for me, like wearing tie-dyed shirts or buying the Grateful Dead box set? These self-righteous chumps have no idea what they’re talking about. If it’s the environment they care about, they have no business driving cars, because they do much more harm to your precious global ecosystem than eating a t-bone steak every now and then. If it’s animal rights that concern them, then why are they using a form of propaganda that was made from mass-produced paper, which most likely came from a large tree that supported all kinds of animal life? No matter which argument you have, it probably isn't valid because in order to truly help your cause, you'd have to give up a countless number of modern conveniences, including electricity, store-bought food, gas-burning vehicles, and indoor plumbing. There is no legitimate moral reason to give up meat, so get that damn tofu burger away from me.
I only look sweet and innocent: Or so you think. Who the hell do these women think they’re fooling? Anyone who has spent five minutes with you probably knows that you’re a bitch. Your sticker isn’t funny, it isn’t intelligent, it’s just annoying.
