...you claim to be an internet expert but are a loyal AOL customer: Anyone smart enough to type in a url knows that AOL is painfully slow, has crappy service, spams you relentlessly, and offers nothing that better providers can give you for less money.
...you listen to Creed or Andrew WK: C'mon, who ever really gave a crap about their music?
...you refuse to drink because of your Christian faith: I'm tired of these "holier than thou" types who go on this huge moral power trip every time alcohol is mentioned. Drinking is by no means evil in and of itself. The only ways that booze can be bad is if the affinity becomes a dependency, or if it makes you violent. Otherwise, it's completely victimless, and therefore harmless. Need more proof, Reverend Falwell? How about the biblical evidence that Jesus himself turned water into wine and distributed wine at the last supper? If the God you worship is okay with a little alcohol now and then, who are you to contradict him?
...you own a guitar but don't know how to play it: What the hell is the use of having a musical instrument if it's just going to sit there in your house? Even if by some incredible feat of luck you get an autographed guitar from, say, Ace Frehley or Eddie Van Halen, you'd damn better learn to play it. It's just the right thing to do, even if you don't become as great as them.
