For those of you who don't already know, Van Helsing is the latest retelling of the story of Dracula and the struggle against him. Only this time, other monsters, like Frankenstein, the Wolfman, and Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde have been drawn into this tired and worn out plot. And if Mary Shelley and Robert Louis Stevenson knew they would have their classic characters dragged into this 140 minute pile of crap, they probably would never have bothered with a writing career. Van Helsing has the worst dialogue since Attack of the Clones, and the fruitiest-looking Dracula ever. And let's not forget that the film's one redeeming factor, several big-breasted women constantly bending over in low-cut dresses, goes to waste by the time the plot is resolved. With the exception of Shuler Hensley (Frankenstein) and David Wenham (Van Helsing's hapless sidekick, Carl), everyone in the cast gives the worst performance of their career. Toss in mediocre special effects and a weak ending, and you have what just might be the worst movie of the year. If you're a Hugh Jackman fan, do yourself a favor and wait for X-Men 3. That way, you won't lose any respect for him unless you've already seen Kate and Leopold, in which case you probably don't respect him in the first place.
