The Mind's Little Inconsistentcies....
March 17, 2004
Alright, no need for a date or time on this. This current journal is being discontinued. Yes yes, I know it hasn't been updated for two and a half months. But that's besides the point.
Two people have *forced* me to get live journal. So there I am. Here's the link: http://www.livejournal.com/users/shaggydizbot101/. Enjoy.
===
January 4, 2004
Start: 00:07 (12:07 A.M.)
First off: happy new year.
Now that that's out of the way, let's get onto some pressing matters.
Today, I believed I saw a face I recognized from a couple years back at work. I had just started work when I looked over to the express lane and saw her there. For a moment, she looked over, and we gave each other a quick look in each other's eyes. I didn't see her face again, even when I looked back over numerous times when she was leaving.
Fuckin' weird ass shit there. Still, in case no one knows me personally, this was the only person that was so close to returning what I wanted to give them. The sad piece of shit called "college" started, and we never got to act upon our feelings. Distance ended up ending our friendship, and it was sometime this month, two years ago, that we spoke our last words together. I thought about her from time to time, but never enough to just go over to her house (oddly, where she lives is still locked in my memory... go figure) and say "hi".
Oh well though. That was the past, and unless she comes looking for me, I don't plan on making any visits over to her house any time soon.
Enough of that. On to more brighter things.
New Years was all right. I ended up staying home and having a couple beers with Drew. Ended up watching Punk'd till two in the morning. Pretty nifty how they changed the format this year by getting other people to punk other people. Note: I don't watch it much.
I really haven't thought of a New Year's resolution, and I really don't plan on one either. There are so many things to choose from, and after reading one of my sister's online journal entry's, I realize that there is no real reason to have one. I could say "well, I want to try and fall in love this year", but you really think that'll happen? I doubt it. I might just end up meeting someone out of the blue and do something with them, or I could just sit back and just continue life as it is. I could just not want a girlfriend right now, even though that is the top complaint I have that I ramble about to everyone. I'll probably still go on about it too.
Tough shit.
But I see myself right now not really caring about getting with someone. Sure, I could use some support, but I've been doing just all right for myself these past twenty-one years in two weeks time. It just doesn't really matter for now. Someday, I'll get with someone, but I find myself, for once, not really caring.
Hmm... it's odd seeing that from me. Eh... my New Year's resolution then. You got it out of me you fuckers. Happy?
Heh... oh well. I'll see how things go this year, and maybe something will happen to me that'll turn out good in the end.
End: 00:22 (12:22 A.M.)
===
December 23, 2003
Start: 00:46 (12:46 A.M.)
I've finally come close to deciding on what I'll be doing next year school wise. For the winter and spring, I'm going to continue working and build a decent savings account for myself. Sometime in the early spring or so, I'll be applying to a technical institute and hope to get certified in some sort of field, quite possibly computers or graphic design. Nothing set in stone yet, but this is what I'm looking at, and what I discussed with my dad.
I bowled my best game ever tonight. Ended with a 174 in the third game, and with my new bowling ball too. I unfortunately missed the damn high over by two friggin pins! Three weeks prior, I had missed it by one pin! It's my father's unfortunate luck that I got (he won a high over two weeks ago, so I guess my time is coming). Feeling somewhat grumpy, but whatever. I'll just have to bowl a 200 next week.
Now I'm really tired. Good night.
End: 00:52 (12:52 A.M.)
===
December 12, 2003
Start: 13:00 (1:00 P.M.)
Wow... been a month... well, that was just a blurb from something I saw in the store then.
Anyway, I'll make this particular point pretty quick. I have a crush that doesn't exactly live around here. A couple of people know, but oh well. No self loathing this time. I've already gone through that routine in my head, and I'm sure the people that still come to this site doesn't want to read about my self loathing for my lack of female companionship.
Moving along! Christmas is coming real soon. Yay.
I'm actually quite happy to see this holiday come around again. Just one of those nice, relaxing days where, in the morning, no one yells at each other for any particular reason. That's probably the only nice part of the day. We got the huge family thing afterwards over at one of our aunts houses, and her husband is having his extended family over.
I'll be sure to leave by five. By myself.
After that? Well, I got to get a hold of Paul, and see if I can actually go up to Rochester for a few days. Kind of hard nowadays since he's working a lot, and he actually has his cell phone turned off (his dad out in Illinois is constantly running up his phone bill with the long distance calls he makes). I only see this bum online, and only afer midnight too (recent work routine has me going from 4-12 or some shit). I must leave this place though. I've worked my ass off for the last four months or so.
I deserve a break, right? Right? Even if it's only for four or so days.
I'm going to stop writing for a little while, probably until after Christmas. I've been a nutcase when I'm writing, and a two week break won't cause any harm. Hell, I might actually get back into some of these stories that I've neglected. I'll probably write something from time to time in these two weeks, but who knows.
Definite change of scenery might help out a lot.
So yeah... nothing else for now. Just a little broad update of my happenings.
Everything is fine. Nothing is ruined. :P
End: 13:12 (1:12 P.M.)
===
November 9, 2003
Start: 22:00 (10:00 P.M.)
Only in America, you will see a young girl crying in a shopping cart with her fingers caught in the little plastic squares on the bottom of the cart, and the ignorant fucks that stop and stare every three seconds.
Thank you.
End: 22:01 (10:01 P.M.)
===
October 19, 2003
Start: 13:04 (1:04 P.M.)
It's nice to get out.
I think I said something to that extent some time during the summer, maybe during that one day down the shore back at the end of July. Anyway, the story from last night:
I'm just getting out of the bathroom (slightly after midnight, keeping aware of the time), and 3v1l br4t is standing there after having just gotten back from her friend's house. "We're going out to Michael's," she says.
"Michael's?"
"It's a diner, by Arcadia. Blazed Minion, Gonk (apparently neyneyney last night), Marlenah and Wittenberg are gonna be there."
"Fine, I'll get changed."
And off we went, to this really, really.... bad diner, to put it nicely. They had seven dollar mozzerella sticks that... looked like the microwavable kind (only six on the platter too). I got an omlette, which wasn't that bad. I guess my taste buds can't tell which omlettes I have nowadays are good or bad. I'll eat it anyway.
So after that, we went out and just sat around in the parking lot for about thirty minutes or something. At some point, Witty and I started this "Aflack!" thing (well, I did, but he came up with the plan), and we went and made a couple of prank calls. Witty got Bennett (both are Chris, btw), with the "Aflack!... oh" *click*, and I got Millertime pretty good. The phone rang about seven times, and when he picks it up, he goes "Hello?" and I just shout the word in the dumb duck voice and hung up the phone after that.
He got me back three minutes later.
But yeah... I guess the reason I decided to write about this is that my social life pretty much consists of work, Monday night bowling, and chatting on MSN every night.
I need something else to do.
I talked with Sam the other day (I wonder if she still reads this... I've barely updated this) just about stuff in our lives. She broke up with Drew 'bout ten days ago, and is pretty much living the single life. I'm not going to go into detail here (not really my place to), but just imagine something along the lines of "long distance relationship + two people in college life = ?" and you get some sort of answer.
Hey, I promised not to go into detail. You can smack me later Sam if you feel like it.
So yeah... one other thing. In about two weeks, there is a wedding reception coming up. One thing I don't believe I've ever mentioned, but my family (the whole family, not just the ones living in this house) are the craziest drunks you'll ever see at a wedding. I feel a major hangover coming from this one, and I'm the dumbass that's not opting to take off that following Sunday too.
Let's just pray that El Dickheado Managerio doesn't work on the 2nd. I'm gonna be too fucked up in the head to understand his dickheaded rantages.
One last thing! Promise!! Mars Volta concert on Tuesday at the Electric Factory! Anyone hitting that up from the Philly area, well... yeah, no one knows what I look like. Damn... should have added some sort of photograph on this webpage some time ago. Oh well... I'll make a good one soon.
I'll add the pictures from that upcoming wedding too. It's gonna be a halloween party as well. F4+ l33+ N1Nj4 5+R1K35!!
End: 13:24 (1:24 P.M.)
===
October 12, 2003
Start: 23:38 (11:38 P.M.)
Well... it's been a while. Might as well do a quick montage of the last few weeks.
DVDs: Metropolis - great mix of traditional animation and CGI; great story; near perfect.
DBZ Movie Eight: Broly, The Legendary Super Saiyan - story is all right, though the english dub is horrid; generic rock soundtrack with some underwhelming performances did this one in; mono-Japanese track available, which is good.
Noir, His and Her Circumstances - couple of series I'm currently watching, both of which are pretty good; nearly done HaHC (one disc remains to be released), just getting started with Noir.
CDs: A Perfect Circle, "Thirteen Step" - great album, 'nuff said.
Ill Niņo, "Confession" - solid sophmore effort; catchy songs, though not as powerful as the first album; been listening to it for a week straight.
Movies: Kill Bill Vol. 1 - brilliant.
Underworld - all right... could have been better; prequel and sequel could do it some good justice though.
Um... what else? Oh! Last night, while talking with Courtney and Mike on MSN, we started messing around with the audio feature. It's weird hearing voices of people from half way across the country (and over the border). It was cool though. Stayed up till 5:30 this morning (^^''''), but it was worth it. Not what I expected though.
Um... that's about it for now. I don't feel like rewriting the date on this. We'll stop five minutes before midnight.
End: 23:54 (11:54 P.M.)
===
September 24, 2003
Start: 22:33 (10:33 P.M.)
Stupid fucking prediction... grr...
It was one or two weeks ago when I told my sis about all this writing I've been doing, and at some point along the line, I was going to hit some sort of block. I can't remember the details, but I really don't know if I said anything about this being a minor one or a huge one.
I think it's somewhere in the middle.
Currently, I've written up to part eight of my DBZ story (P&P), and the next part is going to be decisively tricky. It's this somewhat long flashback sequence going over Videl's life up until a current point.
Now I'm not sure how to do this, or how much stuff I should get into it. The funny thing about it too was that I was going to write it as part nine and piss people off with it, cause I got this really evil cliffhanger to work off of. But then, I can't do much with it if I'm blocking on a certain part. I'm thinking about maybe just ignoring this part until later and just go on with part ten, making that part nine. I plan on revising and putting it all together, so if I decide to leave it out now, I can go ahead and write it out later on.
That's the truly marvelous thing about director's cut editions.
I don't think I'm blocking completely either, since I've start writing out the basics for a Battle Angel Alita fic. It's just a basic reimaging of the manga series, since I don't have any other bright ideas at the moment. I'm making it an album fiction though (Fear Factory's "Obsolete" is the soundtrack), so it should provide some meat to it. I pretty much just want to have fun with it, so we'll see how that goes. I won't be typing it up for a while (again, writing it out), since I've got a bunch of other stuff I want to complete. P&P is the major one, then after that, Psycho Ann's review special. I got to see what she's up to anyway, since she's been dead for the better part of a month now.
What else... I bought the ninth Battle Angel Alita book today. I can see where the creator just got worn out with continuing with it. I read that somewhere... I think in an Animerica... got to go double check that title. But yeah: the second half of that book was just a lot of ideas getting shoved around in hopes of tying it all up. It's an all right ending, but it was still rushed. Good thing he restarted it. It was actually the alternate ending that got me into the world of Battle Angel.
Hmm... that's all for now. If I think of anything else, I'll come back and write it.
End: 22:51 (10:51 P.M.)
===
September 9, 2003
Start: 13:02 (1:02 P.M.)
Teenage melodrama.
I ought to look up a definition for it, but I guess I'm too lazy to. Anyway, it's the thing I found out about once I got home from bowling last night. I can't exactly remember what happened, but I'll try to paraphrase as best as I can.
Note: Core = Core (for once), Joe = ex-bf, and Sam = Sam, since I haven't come up with an appropriate nickname for her yet.
All right... Joe accuses Core of being immature based on her journal writings, and goes to Sam about it. Sam talks (or argues, depending on standing viewpoints) to Joe, wondering why she got drug into this and how he should have gone straight to Core about her journal entries and her noted childishness. Also, there is a problem with Joe's logic: Sam always gets the last word. She cannot lose an argument no matter what (something I've experienced on numerous occasions).
Joe ends up hanging up on Sam. Discussion moves to internet, and although I didn't find out much about it (from what I gather though, it's more Joe bitching about his and Core's relationship), the CAPS key was used extensively (luckily, mine still works), and Joe ends up walking away again.
I guess I can add my two cents to the mix, though I don't know how much that'll help. I know not a great deal many people read this thing (Sam does, Core does, I think my ff.net buddies do, but I'm not sure), but oh well. Last week, Joe got a new girlfriend. She's blonde (no offense to those out there), she's loud and somewhat obnoxious, and has this over-the-top niceness to her. Of course, I've only seen her at work, so I really have no clue as to what she does outside of work. And, I'm sorry to say, she doesn't know what she's getting herself into. I remember talking to Joe, and he told me that she just came up to him and said "I think I like you". Fine, you can say that.
But really, those two have less in common than many other couples I've seen. They're both loud, have fun, and that's about it. Well... maybe they carry a certain lack of maturity, but who knows. Joe lacks it in spades really. That was the main problem I saw with him during his and Core's ten month relationship. I didn't try and step in though because I knew Core was actually happy for once.
But Joe doesn't know much about certain things. He can't just go tear a girl's heart in half, proceed to stomp on it, and then move along into another relationship. He's immature and insensitive, that's what it really comes down to. I know he doesn't read this, but if he does, I'm leaving this: you drag me in like you did Sam last night, I will not be a very nice person.
Ugh... I hate spacing out. I look away, thought about something, came back, and six minutes past. I guess I'm just collecting my thoughts. But oh well. Life goes on, I guess. Core refuses to see Joe again if he doesn't accept certain things with his character, which is quite understandable. I know I'm only taking my sister's words into account, but from what she said, she wanted to actually be friends with him again after this. Well, not after last night, but after the breakup. Might work down the road, but then, how can you like a person who is thicker than brick on the inside? How can you be friends with a person like that? I can't, but then, I'm like that a lot. I've been told I'm sensitive, but I'm also a fucking idiot. Just watch me screw up something really important, it has happened, and it will happen.
So yeah... Core, kick his ass someday. Well, don't, but just get over it as best you can. I know it'll take a while, but I'll be there, and so will everyone else. And Joe, if you ever read this, I'm sorry. I pity you, cause you really have a lot to learn. I really liked you once too. You made Core happy, and for that, I am grateful. But with all this shit coming out, I really don't know what to think of you anymore. You get yourself straight, and maybe this will all pass over smoothly someday.
I sadly doubt that though.
Half hour... shit. I got to go make my final pre-reads to the next part I'm posting online tonight. Hmm... I wonder what's taking Mike so long with that pre-read. Probably school, I guess. I got one pre-read done though, so that's good for now.
End: 13:30 (1:30 P.M.)
===
September 1, 2003
Start: 18:32 (6:32 P.M.)
Wow... been nearly a month since I've spoken. Might as well try and keep you guys captivated with my boring and mundane life...
I guess the biggest thing right now is Dance Dance Revolution. Core bought that a few weeks ago, and for the most part, it has been non-stop. I didn't get the chance to use it until I got back from Rochester (mini-vaca, pretty nice), but when I did, I somehow did surprisingly well.
See, you can fat, but you can also be nimble. Taking karate for nine years pays off a bit here.
Hmm... I wonder if I should get my Digi Charat hat. I got a picture of me wearing it somewhere... of course, whenever Core and I get that damn Otakon site up is when you'll see it. If not, then I'll do some editing myself and get that damn site up.
Like that's ever going to happen.
Today is Labor Day, and I worked today. Funny shit, huh?
There was something I wanted to mention a few weeks ago, but never got around to it. It's about that closet pedophile at work, and the shit that happened this time was funny. I wanted to write this little tale about it and link it in my journal. I should do that sometime soon. I know everyone will get a huge laugh out of it.
Smeagol's ears flap, by the way.
In case you're wondering, he's the new cat. We got him back in... March? I can't remember. He's got fuckin' huge ears though, so whenever he shakes his head, they clap together. Gotta be there to see it.
Wonder what that bastard is up to anyway...
I hate work. It seems that people don't know how to schedule properly. So of course, we're fucking understaffed today, and the PIC today didn't seem to understand that. Core was ready to slit her throat, or something to that extent (the hand gestures seemed to show a lot of things). On top of that, we had fuckin' film up the ying yang. It wasn't that bad I think (people didn't demand their film to be done in fuckin' twenty minutes), but it came steadily along. Nothing too much to fret about. Just hate being understaffed I guess.
Writing's coming along nicely, though I haven't done much of that in the past week. I think I'm gonna do that after I'm through with this. Either that, or I might try and get this girl out of her house. My friend Mario suggested that we meet, since she has no friends in the area (this is from what I understand: "Oreland = huge pile of shitless things"). We're still trying to set up some sort of meeting.
This dog in one of those ads at the top of the window is buggin' the shit out of me. Fuck... it's that fuckin' Lycos dog. Heheh... "Here Lycos! Go fetch the stick of fuckin' dynamite."
Eh... I'm bored, and I'm feeling sadistic. Those two things never mix.
Shouldn't this fuckin' window reset by now anyway? I mean, they usually do when I'm updating something for a while, but this has been going on for fifteen minutes now.
Fucking stupid dog...
I need to go party. I just remembered that: friend Paul (reason behind the Rochester trip was to drive his ass back down here) owes me money and b33r. He's a good kid, by the way. Lives in some kid's basement... wonder if he got his computer fixed. Bastards at UPS fucked up his cpu, monitor and printer during the shipping. He just bought that shit too, fucking ungrateful bastards.
I wonder what would have happened if he didn't get that warrenty on those parts...
Twenty minutes of rambling, huh? Eh... might as well do something else now.
End: 18:52 (6:52 P.M.)
===
August 10, 2003
Start: 18:46 (6:46 P.M.)
Nothing much tonight. We got back from Otakon a little while ago. Lots and lots of fun. I'll be writing a report of it later on in the week, when I stop getting screwed over on work.
That's about it. I'm tired. I want to catch up on reading. I want to stare at my Mass Production EVA. Later.
End: 18:48 (6:48 P.M.)
===
July 31, 2003
Start: 12:59 (12:59 P.M.)
It's always nice to just once in a while get up, get in the car, take six other people with you, and drive to some random beach. That's what we did yesterday. 3v1l br4t, my best bud (Drew), his girl (Sam), his brother (Paul), Steph (Steph), Joegolas' cousin (Justin), and myself went to Rehobeth (I can't spell) Beach in either Delaware or Maryland (it was probably Delaware, since dinner was tax free). It pretty much rained all day and we didn't go swimming at all. But then, I hate the sun. Feels great to just walk around on a gloomy day like that. We mostly played in the arcades located on the boardwalk. Female scene was all right, though most we noticed were in category two and three.
Brief explanation: "one" is girls that dress and are of age. "Two" is girls that dress and look the age, but they are jailbait. "Three" is girls that shouldn't be wearing what they're wearing.
My parents went down to Baltimore today as part of their day trip vacation plan this week. They're going to the aquarium (something that my dad is obviously pissed off about with us since we're gonna be at the con at all times). Gotta ask him how long of a drive it is later. Probably won't see him till Saturday if they end up going on another day trip tomorrow, but oh well. I'm pretty glad about them going places though. My mom never gets out of the house. They really should do that more often.
As should I, really. I need to go to random places from time to time. It'll be interesting where I'll end up. For now though, I'm just gonna sit back and relax. No writing, though maybe I'll do some drawing later. Don't want to fry my mind too bad. I'll probably start up everything again next week, after Greg's party this Saturday. Speaking of which... I gotta tell him that I'm coming...
End: 13:10 (1:10 P.M.)
===
July 21, 2003
Start: 02:42 (2:42 A.M.)
I wish to think that sometimes, I'm not a failer. For maybe one day in a week, or a month, I can not fail at anything.
Where do I want to go with this? I have no idea... I might as well start with what I can tell you. Earlier this evening, Core and Joe broke up (on their ten month anniversary no less). Things have been rocky for a little while and it boiled over to this moment. I won't elaborate, if you want, ask my sis if she can tell you, though I promise you that she won't. She's all right, from what she's said. I haven't seen her since she left to go to Joe's house to talk, and that was at shortly after ten.
I don't know if I mentioned this earlier, but I might as well say so now. Sometime early last summer (and long before that I believe), Core got into some sort of affair with a kid at work. I look back at it all the time, and I wonder to myself why I always turned the other cheek. This only lasted for about six months, but in six months, I really wanted to hurt this kid (the constant sucking up he did pissed me off to no end).
What didn't happen was that I failed to be a big brother to my sister.
After that, I forgot what happened then. There was my friend Greg that she hung out with for a few months (they were somehow on and off without ever being "on" except for a few short months). Those two didn't work, and in fact, Core severed ties with him after getting with Joe (they had only just a few short weeks ago reconciled... seven months I think).
Somewhere between those points though, Core became depressed. I did nothing. I didn't know what to do, nor how to fix it. Core was unhappy, and I was completely oblivious to it. Hell, when your best friend's girl friend claims right of kicking the first kid's ass over me, then something is really wrong.
What's even worse is that, while the self analysis of character was nice, it also brought out so many flaws in the character that was me.
Face it, I'm a failure in so many ways. I couldn't help my sister because I ignored the basics of the situation, and I can't even do anything for myself. I have no fucking clue as to do with myself. Fuck, I probably won't be going to school again until the spring, if that.
Yeah, I'm doing stuff for myself, like writing and drawing. But how far can a person go with a fucking hobby? I'm not good enough to make a career out of that. Yes, I take pride in what I do, but it's only so much that I can give it. And there is no fucking way I'm spending the rest of my fucking career in a supermarket, even if I'm now working behind the desk.
Everything has a step though. I talked to Core today before she took care of her business and I told her how I felt. She told me to forget about the past, but how can I? I've done shit, and there is so much to make up for. I've tried so much in these last 9-10 months, but it's only so much I can do, and so much more that hasn't been done. Do I want to be a pain? No. I just want to be there.
I wasn't. The truth is obvious.
I can do it now though. That I know. I can try and make up for all the stuff I screwed up on, and maybe I can claim right of ass kicking on the next asshole that comes around. I would love that. Core would love that. Everyone will be happy in the end.
Now, I know simple ass kicking doesn't make up for complete obliviousness. I'm not that single minded, in all of my obvious failings.
Just one step at a time, I guess? I dunno though. I fucking rambling now. Excuse me, but when it's this late, my mind tends to come undone, much like everyone else.
I'll finish by saying this: Core, you will eventually read this, and I'm saying this again. I'm sorry.
End: 02:59 (2:59 A.M.)
===
July 17, 2003
Start: 22:03 (10:03 P.M.)
Ugh... been a while, huh?
Neck hurts for starters. I saw Mudvayne last night at the Troc. Kick ass show, especially when two out of the three bands were pretty good. Octane were all right... when you take away the fact that the two guitarists' moves were lost somewhere in the 80s, and the lead single looks like he is in constant constipation. Sigh... the somewhat sad state of Philly bands. Don't believe me though, I've only seen three Philly bands play, and only one of them did I enjoy to an extent. Second band was from New York, call Blood Sample. They knew what they were doing. Came out, kicked ass, left us wanting more. Hmm.. perhaps more New Yorkers should come down to our place.
But, it was Mudvayne that rocked the show, and it was then that I really did a number on my neck. Boy... I need to get to more concerts, or else my head will fall off from all that excessive headbanging I do. That and I should get a hair cut, though headbanging is fun with longer hair. Don't ask me way.
Hmm... well, I went and saw three movies in the span of six days, so I should mention that briefly. Out of them, only Pirates of the Caribbean was really worthwhile. Fun filled, over the top, and somehow, it surprised me. I really didn't want to see it, but I did, and I enjoyed it a lot. Depp was the real star of it, playing a somewhat insane captain/pirate. Funny most of the time.
The other two movies... well, I'll start with the better one. Terminator 3... just the typical action fare. Without Cameron, it really suffered. The special effects weren't really special either (pardon the pun). The second one had much better effects. When a film relies mostly on it's computer generated effects, then you know something is wrong. It was entertaining to an extent though. The action scenes were good (the opening chase, while long, was the best one in the film), and the ending really took me by surprise (just see it, you might be surprised as well).
Continuing downhill, we have The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It wouldn't surprise me to say that it could be one of the worst films I've seen in a long time, maybe since Battlefield Earth. There were some good spots: the inner dialogue between Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was good, Connery (who is in the same Connery role that he always plays) as Quaterman was pretty good as well. The Invisible Man special effects were nifty, and I found myself liking the Jekyll/Hyde stop-motion camera transformation.
But for the life of me, when you have a plot so complicated beyond words, so many characters that lack even a basic personality (the big reveal with the villain was the worst of them all), and the majority of the special effects looking like they came from a B-movie budget... I have to hang my head in shame. Sorry, but even comic book movies can dissapoint me. Now I'll just have to decide if this or Bulletproof Monk was worse (and I enjoyed Monk to an extent).
Enough of that though. So what the hell have I been up to? Work and writing, and a huge amount of both. It's boggling sometimes what I try and come up with in writing, and what I have to put up with in work. It's a nice, if somewhat mind fucked balance.
Oy... I should draw sometime. I got a character design I got in mind (now how many times have I said that since I've started this journal of mine?), and eventually I'm gonna do it. I got a teaser I want to do as well, so I'll get around to that sometime soon... tonight doesn't sound too bad. At least I'll stop writing for once.
Oh! I'm going to Otakon!! Almost forgot about that.
And I finished Lain a few days ago. Weird. I liked it. Started Nadesico today, and I'm laughing really loud. I can't watch it at night in fear of waking everyone up... fuck it, their loss of sleep, not mine.
So yeah... I'll figure out something to do right now. I guess I'll update the site a bit before walking away and relaxing to some smooth melodies... if I ever do get my CD player up and running in my room again.
End: 22:24 (10:24 P.M.)
===
June 30, 2003
Start: 15:44 (3:44 P.M.)
Well, I finished up Haibane Renmei today. Incredibly good series. The animation wasn't the best I've seen, but the story line was one of the better ones I've seen in any series. Now to just get it into my sister's room so she can watch it.
I'll take a few days off from anime for now (been watching it nonstop since last Monday). I got Serial Experiment Lain to go through. That should be good, from what I hear.
I think that's all for today. I might try and do some fan fiction writing whenever I can. I'm pretty broke on ideas for now, and I got something I need to finish. Oh well... hopefully I can get some done this week. I got m4d work hours this week (thirty in the next five days... joy), so I'm not sure how much I can get done.
Bowling took a lot out of me last night. I might get myself some water now.
Emd: 15:48 (3:48 P.M.)
===
June 25, 2003
Start: 14:16 (2:16 P.M.)
Lots of anime! Anime! Anime! Anime!
Early this morning (three o'clock-ish) I finally finished Outlaw Star. I had borrowed that from Joegolas sometime back in April, didn't start watching it till May (at which time I only went through half of it) before spending the last two days going through the last twelve episodes.
It doesn't end there.
I got the second volume to His and Her Circumstances yesterday (3v1l br4t did really, but I just paid her). I got two more episodes of that, then it's on to Cowboy Bebop the movie.
It doesn't end there.
Today, I got two complete series in the mail: Haibane Renmei and Serial Experiment Lain. Both are thirteen episodes and will quench my anime thirst for the time being, until I borrow Nadesico from Joegolas.
Content at last... ^_^
End: 14:20 (2:20 P.M.)
===
June 23, 2003
Start: 00:32 (12:32 A.M.)
Been a while, I see. It's pretty late right now, though I may or may not be brief, depending on what I say.
Saturday was my sister's graduation party. It was a good party: lot's of alcohol and food, stupid drunkeness galore, and I get a free lesson on life from my dad at two in the morning (still rather drunk, mind you). The melodrama was cranked somewhat high, with most of it coming from the 3v1l one herself. It's interesting what a little White Russian and some really stupid people can do to an OCD.
I will say one thing, and I'm not going to mention it in exacting detail, cause I don't want the friggin world to know (yes, it's my domain, and my thoughts have ran free a lot, but this is a close-lipped matter). I did something somewhat regrettable earlier, in a sense that why I asked to do the thing I did was just out of my own needs. The person even said that I would regret it. I am now, though not really bad. Well... I'm fucking bullshitting myself. It's my own damn fault too, since I can't do one simple thing to get some comfort in my life. My friend Jon said something to me, and it nearly played out later on.
It fell into my fucking lap, and all I could do was just fight the fucking urge to just let go. I nearly lost it simply because of one person, and the lack of need I have in my life. It's fucking ridiculous.
Of course, it really wasn't all my fault. The person that ended up in this rather 'drunk' situation just had to go and say that I wouldn't do anything cause I'm her 'big brother' (figurative sense, keep in mind). Right there, things went in such a fucking tail spin that it made what I did earlier twice as bad.
All the while though, I just kept telling myself that I got no comfort in my life, and while I can enjoy what's been thrown onto me, I can't capitalize on it because it's wrong in every sense I can think of. There was a kid there on Saturday who asked me something about my state of happiness when it comes to not having a girlfriend. I told him two things: I'm happy because I don't worry about it, and I'm not happy when I see all this shit in front of me. I made mention of it here a while ago with my ex-college roommate and his girlfriend, when they were giggling and shit in front of me. That's me in my darkest, broodiest times.
Right now, I'm content. Sitting here, writing these words... I find myself content. I can go to bed and wake up tomorrow (or today... fuck), and just forget about everything that has happened these past few days. Like that'll fucking happen though.
Oh well... I got to draw a little. Got a new sketch up, which I really like. I needed to draw. I haven't drawn in two months. I kept on thinking that I was going to be all rusty and shit, but oh well. I guess trying to do some sort of fan art from a book helps out, since you can see what type of mistakes you're making.
I got my writing stuff to back on too. I'm finding myself trying out some really random shit as of late (mostly just angst, but it works). I might try a Battle Angel fic, if I can. I need to get a few more GN's before I even consider (that, or just rewatch the movie a few times over). It's strange... I started reading the alternate ending, and it's become one of my favorite animes/manga's. I really like the dude's art, and I have to sample some of his other work sometime in the future.
I keep on saying that I'm going to write out a little thing from what I did out in Illinois a few weeks ago... hasn't happened yet. Oh well... the trip in short: got their Tuesday night in Manteno; played games Tuesday night through Thursday night (I ended up buying four GN's over the trip, by the way); went to Chicago on Friday, stayed Friday night in really good hotel (needed to buy new wardrobe since we didn't know we were staying there until we got to the burbs); walked around Chicago Friday and Saturday (went to Sears Tower on Friday, pretty cool, elevator kept on popping ears); went to Cubs-Yankees game Sunday night (great game); came home Monday.
More details will be provided upon asking.
Damn... and I really said that I would keep this one short. Fucking hell... ah well. At least I can go to sleep on an empty mind and start thinking of a new journal.
End: 00:56 (12:56 A.M.)
===
June 10, 2003
Start: 22:06 (10:06 P.M.)
Well, I'm back from my trip to Chicago. I actually got back late last night, and I finally got the chance to get on and say something (and also to update my webpage somewhat). I will have a report on what I did in the near future, once I get everything together and write it out. It's nice to be back though.
End: 22:07 (10:07 P.M.)
===
May 23, 2003
Start: 01:03 (1:03 A.M.)
Sometimes, I question the world we live in. I present to you two examples that I've found on a random internet journal: this and this.
Fear it or not... it's all up to you.
End: 01:09 (1:09 A.M.)
===
May 17, 2003
Start: 23:43 (11:43 P.M.)
It's been a while again, huh? Damn... this is gonna sound more like an update with my life rather than some long complaint about things.
But then, I don't have much to complain about nowadays, huh?
Hmm... well, might as well mention a few things. For starters, the switching of bedrooms is now complete, as I have moved into my sister's room (effectively mine now) and 3v1l br4t moving into mine (effectively hers now). Eventually mine will get spruced up a bit, like hers. I have to find a picture somewhere, or a link, to show you what my sister has done to her room. Fantastic stuff.
June 3rd or 4th: that is the launch date Drew and I have set for Chicago. I still have to get into contact with Paul and inform him of this development, but other than that, it's looking good right now. I'm looking to get my truck inspected this week and have it ready for the long drive ahead.
Speaking of the drive, this will allow me to catch up on some drawing that I haven't been able to do for a while now. I don't think I've draw anything since April, as I have been busy with work, the end of school, and writing fan fiction. Hopefully I can crank some stuff out on the drive.
Fan fiction schedule looks like this: P&P:Ch0:Pt7 is coming up on the 23rd, while Pt8 is going to be done - hopefully - on the 31st. After that, Chapter Zero will be complete, and I'll be able to revise that some. Then it's off to getting 'Warm and Fuzzy' updated by the end of June. After that, P&P resumes, and my next project will hopefully be started then. I have another idea I want to try, mostly a song fic, but with one of the friggin most violent albums I have in my collection. Of course, with the songs being straight up hardcore, the story is going to be ultra violent. I just have to figure out how to drag it out for nine bloody chapters (long ones at that). 'Why' you ask? Recently, the ff.net author PsYChO alluded to me that I am one of the best writers of action sequences on the site. One way to make sure that I'm known for that is to write a friggin ultra bloody action sequence. Simple as that.
Oh yeah. Fuck. There, I got my curse in.
So that's what my summer of fan fiction is going to look like: one, maybe two updates of 'Warm and Fuzzy', maybe half of P&P:Ch1 complete, and a few chapters of my next project complete. Note now: I'm going to keep this story on this site for now and post it nowhere else. I want to see if I can garner a decent response from my few ff.net friends before making it completely public.
Ah yeah! Can't forget fan art. Might as well list that under the Chicago trip.
So yeah... this should be good. I'll be making money and doing the things that I never thought I could be doing. Life is great... no complaints.
End: 23:59 (11:59 P.M.)
===
May 5, 2003
Start: 20:02 (8:02 P.M.)
Well, come tomorrow, I will be officially home for the summer. I still have packing to do, but I might as well take the time now to update this, since I haven't done so in a few weeks now.
Back on Friday, I saw X2. Damn fine film. Should have been more Colossus though, but that's the fanboy talking in me. Next is the Matrix: Reloaded, the Incredible Hulk, and the Extroidinary League of Gentlemen.
Summer vacation, I hope, will go like this: Chicago to visit my friend Paul sometime in early June, and the shore to visit my bud Jeff for a few days of heavy intoxication. The Chicago trip I still have to finalize (I'll find out tomorrow whether Drew will be able to do this or not), but I hope to go there for about a week between the first week of June and my sister's graduation. This, not including the two hour drives I've made to the shore before and to several theme parks, would be my first ever road trip. This is more for myself, if anything. Call it one of those "self discovery" trips. Should be fun.
Trip to shore would be a few days or so, some time in late July, after Jeff turns 21. Millertime is already 21, but it's good to have two people there that are of age to buy beer.
Other than that, just work, writing and drawing. Should be fun, I hope.
End: 20:08 (8:08 P.M.)
===
April 18, 2003
Start: 23:27 (11:27 P.M.)
I hate it when I'm fucking right. I just do. It's a fucking curse... it really is. Well... I'm not right all the time. Hell, I like it when I'm wrong, since I am able to learn why I was wrong.
But this is one of those rare exceptions when I'm right. I should of fucking saw this happening. Fuck, I did too. But... just fuck it. Damn... I really need to find a bat now.
Oh, go to the March 16th entry to find out why I'm so pissed.
End: 23:29 (11:29 P.M.)
===
April 15, 2003
Start: 19:57 (7:57 P.M.)
I got bored once again. I am going to hurt Core soon for showing me this site...
Disney movie! What the HELL are you doing taking
this quiz, Goldilocks?! You're not a very
sexual person...in fact, you're probably a
virgin. You'd be better off trying your hand at
voice-overs for a Saturday morning cartoon.
What kind of porno would you star in?
brought to you by Quizilla
Haha!!! Come on: laugh at me or with me! This one is quite humorous, though quite frankly, something has to change...
You're A Hero!
You live to save the world! You are honest, true,
and always victorious! You may not always get
the girls/boys, but all you really want to do
is battle the bad guys.
What Type Of Anime Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Ah, a hero with a big shiny sword. Got to love that one.
You are a freeform writer. Individualistic with a
sense for the different and challenging, Walt
Whitman and his poetry lacking meter and rhyme
is just what the doctor ordered. You're quick
to write something that the rest of the world
doesn't accept as poetry, quick to separate
yourself from the average joe. An author with a
true sense of self, you have confidence in your
abilities and aren't afraid to show it. :) GO
YOU!
What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla
Hmm... do I really characterize myself as that? Oh well. Time to watch TV. Later.
End: 20:00 (8:00 P.M.)
===
April 14, 2003
Start: 12:17 (12:17 P.M.)
Okay, this is a bit late, but I just remembered. On Wednesday, Core and I collected our one thousandth comic. Of course, it doesn't include one-shots (something that Core set up, don't know why). It currently stands at 1001.
Or, one thousand one, if you think that was some strange form of l33t or binary function. Thank you.
End: 12:18 (12:18 P.M.)
Addendum: 12:58 (12:58 P.M.)
Okay, so I got bored. 3v1l br4t provided me with a solution:
You do that fanart stuff! Don't deny it!
You
are a particularly foul breed.
Why Will You Go To Hell?
brought to you by Quizilla
Oh yes... I find that particularly amusing.
End: 12:59 (12:59 P.M.)
===
April 7, 2003
Start: 23:35 (11:35 P.M.)
I love my sister. She is such a maniac. She's also obsessive when it comes to Joegolas. Well, not really. It's more like "marked territory" when it comes to him.
Stuff at work really. A couple new employees have shown an interest in poor Joegolas, both of them knowing that Core is going out with him. Keira told one of them, if not both of them, and 3v1l br4t has... reinforced that little fact. Note now that Core is no longer Core but 3v1l br4t for these reasons. It's a constant personality for her (kind of like multiple personalities, but this one is the most vocal) where she goes into Cynical Bitch mode and proceeds to create havoc through being incredibly blunt. She has personally told one of them to quit her "wicked deeds" in trying to get into her man's pants.
Mind you now, this has become an episode of Jenny Jones.
That was yesterday I think. Today, br4t and Joegolas go to the store while the girl is working. They're holding hands and the girl looks away, avoiding all eye contact.
Yes, Core is that scary.
But to further prove her Slut Theory (which I will discredit), I told her that she has been bagging for me a lot, and that yesterday she had asked me to come into the store today while she worked. For starters, I'm 25 miles away. No way in fucking hell I'm going back home unless it's for a very good reason. Second, she's fifteen. 'Nuff said. Now, in my experience, being nice doesn't mean that someone likes you (yes, I've fallen into that pitfall several times), but I think that either: 1) she is a slut and is just wanting some hardcore fucking, or 2) likes one person or another just because they do something nice. Yes, she has started working less than two weeks ago, and yes, I've helped her with some of the ropes. Hell, I let her have some of my pretzels during break (now that I think about it, maybe...). Nice Guy Syndrome. Someone has to have it.
I've neglected the second person, simply because she started working back on Friday. She has also expressed an interested in poor Joegolas. I don't know if Core has been blunt with her yet, but if she has, then oh well. She's teaching these girls to back the fuck off. Good for her. Like I said, she's marked her territory. Joegolas is off limits.
And I like the son of a bitch too. He's great to joke with, and what's truly important is that he has made Core happy. For that, I am really grateful.
But yeah. I love my sis. I guess that's the basic plot for this writing. Time to sleep though, cause I got shit to do tomorrow that I need to get up early for.
End: 23:50 (11:50 P.M.)
===
March 31, 2003
Start: 18:30 (6:30 P.M.)
Time.
An interesting paradox, wouldn't you say? Sometimes it's a good thing. Sometimes it's a bad thing. Right now, it's a little of both. But how to explain it? Quite hard, I do say. Sensitivity is a key here, and I can't properly explain things here, not in a public place.
So how do I say such a thing? If time would be a good thing, then for me right now, time is rather plentiful. If time would be a bad thing, then for me right now, several events have occurred that have proven unsatisfactory. I have found out things today that will test my drive and patience for an unknown length of time.
It's a good thing I found out too. I could have accidentally gone and been my exceedingly idiotic self again and prove once and for all how unsensitive the male species can be. But I can't let that happen. Now I am playing on neutral ground. Rules - if I can call them that - have changed.
I wonder if I can call this my true self. I doubt it, I think. Humor has kept me sane. I make people laugh, so I'm happy. I'd be a dull person if I weren't funny.
Ugh... a little help would be nice once in a while. And things would be good as well if they were handed to me in a basket. Who am I kidding though? I'm just a fat guy in rusted armor.
I think I'll draw that now. Either that, or write. I just want to think. I'll just be myself tonight, and let my mind wander.
End: 18:54 (6:54 P.M.)
Addendum: 23:40 (11:40 P.M.)
I tried tonight. Optimism is a key, I suppose. And for once, I'll take the 'bad at giving advice a good thing' as a complement.
End: 23:41 (11:41 P.M.)
===
March 27, 2003
Start: 22:00 (10:00 P.M.)
Two things. One: FLCL makes no sense. Two: I need to watch it when Marc isn't in the room. He doesn't shut up, and he always makes idiot comments on stuff he doesn't understand. Scratch that. He critizes anything. He states his own opinions on everything that I frankly don't want to hear every single minute.
Oh, and don't worry. I make idiot comments on stuff I don't understand as well. He just does it to an extent where I just want to take a rope and hang myself.
Thank you.
End: 22:02 (10:02 P.M.)
===
March 25, 2003
Start: 13:34 (1:34 P.M.)
A few things to mention I guess. I finished Trigun last night. I liked it. It was good and funny. Kero Neko kept messing with my head with every episode, which was good. I might get a Kero Neko plush doll just for the hell of it. Probably won't though.
From what I gather, I'm getting three disc's of Ghost in the Shell today. It's the Stand Alone Complex, which I figure is kind of like a TV series for the movie. I'll tell you about it when I get the chance.
Next up anime-wise though is FLCL. Joegolas lent it to me. Told me it makes no sense. I'll find out soon enough.
First concert of the year I went to was back on Saturday. The Snocore tour, as it's called. Not the greatest of shows (it being at the Electric Factory proves it), but it was all right. Opening two bands ranged from average to subpar (Dredg being average: music was good, singing was rather weak, Hot Water Music being subpar: didn't like them much). Sparta was good, I liked their performance. Glassjaw was good as well. Saw them the first time I saw the Deftones, so it was good to see them play again. I don't have any of their music at all, but I can say that their onstage performance was good. Overall, it was okay. It was nice going to a small venue again (three out of four concerts I went to last year was in a place larger than my house). Refreshing really.
That's pretty much all for now. I got nothing else to update. I'm chilling... I'm mellow. Things are all right I guess. That's a good thing too ^^
End: 13:47 (1:47 P.M.)
===
March 20, 2003
Start: 17:05 (5:05 P.M.)
Well, I finished Cowboy Bebop today. You happy Core?!? I finally finished it!!!
But now it's time for Trigun. Watched the first five episodes. Laughed my ass off. Pretty interesting to say the least. I'll watch more next week if I can.
End: 17:06 (5:06 P.M.)
===
March 18, 2003
Start: 12:26 (12:26 P.M.)
Today is going to be somewhat interesting. I'm meeting up with Kath over in Abington and making photocopies of her notes to give to Keira. And then I got a bunch of stuff to get done, mostly with German. Ugh. I wish I had more time. Seriously. Then again, I've been purposely wasting my time the last month or so... well, somewhat. I just wish I had more time. I want to continue writing both stories that I got going, but I seriously think that I won't be able to do much with them for another six weeks when this semester finishes. I've got 2000 words tops for one story and I've barely touched the last part of my second story.
Well, I could sacrifice drawing for once, but then again, why? I get so bored on this computer, and I can't read anything here because the fucking internet never resets itself (I'm stuck looking at stuff from Friday on ff.net). I got a character in mind that I want to try and sketch out soon. It's a redesign of a character I've done before. That first one looks horrid though, so hopefully I can get this one looking better. Hmm.... maybe I'll draw it sideways. I just have this nifty idea I want to do, and I'm hoping that I can do it.
What else... the weather is nice, that I can say. It reached 70 yesterday, and I'm out there baking in my jeans and black shirt. Sigh... I need to get in shape. And I need a hair cut too. Nothing too bad though, I'll get one like I did back last July (the last hair cut I got). It worked out pretty nicely: they took off a couple of inches and in three monthes time, my hair was back to it's usual fro length. That also leaves some pretty funny bed head. My rents always pokes fun at it, but who can't? I laugh at it too when I look in the mirror and see my hair sticking straight up. It's possible, trust me.
Speaking of bed head, I really should go and take a shower now. I need to eat lunch and be out of here before rush hour starts. Blue Route rush starts at three, and I hate congested traffic. It would be better if I weren't so close to an interstate highway, but oh well. I was the one that decided to go to school here. No use complaining now I guess ^^;. Time to end this now though and get my day started. Later.
End: 12:38 (12:38 P.M.)
===
March 16, 2003
Start: 00:18 (12:18 A.M.)
I've thought of something. It has to do with work and an individual that works there.
Seriously, this guy needs help. I won't mention his name, but I'll tell you about him. He is what I would describe as a "closet" pedophile. The guy loves kids, and I mean, who doesn't? There are times though where he goes a bit too far in telling us about how he loves kids.
Then there are the times where he dresses up on certain holidays, simply to just get pictures with kids at the store. Seriously, he's dressed up as Santa Claus (three straight days mind you), as a snowman (or so I heard), Clifford on Valentine's Day (I just saw those pictures today, and quite frankly, all I can ask is, "What the fuck?"), and today.
Oh boy... I really do think today was the worst of them all. Today, in hopes of the upcoming St. Patrick's Day, he dressed as a leprechan.
A Fucking Leprechan.
Somebody please tell me what is wrong with this picture. Somebody please tell me what the fuck is wrong here: a 50-something who constantly talks about his new house, who constantly tells everyone he loves kids, who constantly gets on the manager's wang (and I'm serious), someone who loves retail.... dressing up as a fucking leprechan.
And I'm serious when I say this: if he comes in on Easter as the fucking Easter rabbit, I'm clubbing him. Grown men shouldn't do this, especially grown men with sick minds like that. You wonder what kind of bastards our managers are willing to hire just to get business going. You trade one closet pedophile for another. It's just wrong.
My thought for the evening. Good night.
End: 00:26 (12:26 A.M.)
===
March 15, 2003
Start: 11:25 (11:25 A.M.)
Hmm.... I want to say something, but what? I have no idea what to talk about.
Well, I had a midterm yesterday. A little tough, but I think I managed pretty well, hopefully. I'll be satisfied with a C.
I uploaded a few drawings yesterday. Some old, one new. Not my best work (especially the second one of my original character), but oh well. Just wanted to upload them.
Hmm... still don't know what to say. Well, I want to say this one thing, but I'd rather not. It isn't the greatest thing to say, so I'll let it be.
Need something to do... need something to do. Oh well. It's still the morning.
End: 11:37 (11:37 A.M.)
===
March 8, 2003
Start: 01:11 (1:11 A.M.)
Yeah, I promise to go to sleep after this. A little something I remembered though from earlier.
Around 4:15 or so, Keira's friend Kath instant messages me. She had remembered my screen name from a time she was over Keira's house, and so, we talked. I wish I saved it... oh, hopefully Kath did. Or didn't. That might be a bad thing, although I told her not to say anything about what we said (her and Keira usually e-mail online discussions they have with some random people, if you question why I'm worried). But yeah, I spilled it to Kath that I like Keira. She kind of knew, since she told me she has this uncanny ability to read the vibes given off of a person. She read mine perfectly. I forgot what it was, but she just nailed whatever I was feeling at that time. I think the last time I saw her was back with that Joe Millionaire finale (at least, the three of us hanging out together), and that was the night when I was thinking over stuff and realized that I should have talked to her. I had the perfect oppurtunity, but oh well. Can't redo the past.
But I told Kath that, and she wondered why I didn't approach her on the subject then. I forget why, but it didn't matter I guess. Cause now Kath knew. And she seriously tried to help me. She told me to just screw my major fear and just tell Keira. Oh, if it were that simple. It's what I fear the most, having to go to a girl, tell them I like them, and then get shot down. Realize this though, this one sad fact:
I don't believe that I have ever gone up to a girl and told them that I like them.
I've never had a girlfriend. I've came close once, but this was a year and a half ago. Close doesn't cut it, unfortunately.
Back to the present. Kath knows. What she will do with this information is out of my hands. Do I trust her not to tell Keira? Yeah. This is where my uncanny ability to trust people comes in. It's gotten me in trouble before, but I still do it. No one has recently gone against the trust I established with them, though I should be more careful. Trust can be a strange little oddity sometimes. I've mentioned before that with what these people sometimes tell me about their inner demons, and they must realize that they have to _trust_ a person to a certain extent to confess that they are really a depressed individual. They have a past, and they _trust_ a person enough that they go ahead and tell them about it. The worst thing to do is betray that trust though. And that's where I fall on dangerous ground. Yes, people know me quite well. I'm still inexperienced with situations though. I'm shy, and I keep away from major discussions happening. I don't make type of input to anything. I'm more of a one-on-one type of guy, since I can make discussion with one person instead of twenty.
Trust is a dangerous thing these days. Enough of that though.
Kath is an interesting person. I realize this. Then again, all people are interesting, from the exuberant to the incredibly dull. They always have something to bring to the table. Kath is an outgoing person. She's always happy, always cheery. She makes some bad decisions though, from what I've seen and heard. Still, she's a nice person. She might have to turn down her uptempo a bit cause she can usually carry a conversation with herself above the other people around her. And she is hot, so if you ever read this Kath, never doubt yourself about it. Doubt only causes you to tumble downward. It's kind of like what you told me about self-esteem earlier.
And I've realized something too. She is constantly comparing herself to Keira. This really isn't good. She told me herself that she's annoyed that Keira is hotter, and that Keira has a lot of guys liking her instead of her. She must realize this though: everyone has one person out there. They might not be there now, or in the next week or month, but they are there. They just have to take their time and search them out, no matter how long it takes. That is a key to happiness. I figure that Kath hasn't found the right person yet, but she will. I know she will. I'm not promising it, because a lot of promises are hard to keep, but I'll just say that I know, and leave it be.
So it all comes back to me. Have I found the _one_? Frankly, I wouldn't know. For now though, I have to get off of my lazy ass and tell her someday soon. I'll sleep on it, and maybe I'll have an answer or two for something or another.
End: 01:36 (1:36 A.M.)
===
March 5, 2003
Start: 22:01 (10:01 P.M.)
Today was good. It was refreshing to learn about oneself from someone else. Thank you Sam, even though I thanked you a lot before. It's here permamently if you ever stumble across this little page.
Hehe... today was also embarrassing, although it really didn't need to be. At lunch today at I-HOP, I accidentally spilled some water on Keira. Not much, just some from a glass cup that I knocked over when trying to pass them around from the waitress. It wasn't much, but man, did I make myself get red faced.
Sigh... oh, and Sam is giving me some help tomorrow. She didn't say exactly, but I got the hint. Best of luck, I hope.
Thanks again.
End: 22:11 (10:11 P.M.)
===
February 27, 2003
Start: 16:33 (4:33 P.M.)
Ah... it's great to be home. If only for a few hours anyway. No worries though, cause I'll be back here tomorrow, and then for an entire week!
That's right! Spring break, and I'm so excited! Why, you ask? Cause I can veg all I want. w00t!
Enough of that though. I got home today, and I saw the box which held my latest purchase, RahXephon. I went and watched the first eight episodes today. I do say, it is rather interesting. The first couple episodes confused me, and then half-way through the third, the hero with the person helping him gets transported outside of the city into the rest of the world.
Strange, huh? It's nice though. The plot is good, and the animation is pleasant to look at. The fight scenes are nicely done as well, although it would be nice to see the entire RahXephon move, instead of it's upper body. Ah... Evangelion spoiled me so.
So for now, the hero with his RahXephon is fighting on the good side of things, going against a bunch of stuff called 'Domeru' or something. I don't remember the spelling at this time. Oh, speaking of which, the subtitles are near perfect. The guy that did this knows how to speak English well enough to get the translation done right.
Sigh... I still have to finish Cowboy Bebop, and then I'm borrowing Trigun from Joegolas. Sigh... this is gonna be a fun break^^;;
End: 16:39 (4:39 P.M.)
===
February 24, 2003
Start: 23:42 (11:42 P.M.)
Sometimes... sometimes I think I'm getting nowhere. It's a mindset I have with a few things. A lack of driving force to do what I feel needs to be done. And I know I try too.
I think that may be it. I try, but I don't succeed. But, I also don't try because I lack motivation. Two large varying factors here. Both, unfortunately, led to the same conclusion. It might be a new failing for me. My greatest failing before is my ability to place a trust in a person and have them return it.
Fucking bastards. Yeah, it's happened to many people before. And yet...
I continue to trust people. I place my trust in people. I look at a person, and I study them for a while. And, if he or she is suitable, I place my trust in them. I tell them things that I normally wouldn't tell people.
I've given Keira that trust. I tell her some things that I tell my closest friends. But she herself is an enigma. She says herself that she can't trust people. And yet, it's like she is placing a certain amount of trust into me. She tells me a few things sometimes that she probably wouldn't normally tell people. I'm like a confidant, in a sense.
But sometimes... sometimes I wish to do more. It'd be nice for a change, to reach out and do more. Is it too much though? That is the question. What would happen if I do too much? Would I drive away the very person I would be striving to help?
It makes no sense to me.
I need an explanation...
End: 23:57 (11:57 P.M.)
===
February 23, 2003
Start: 23:38 (11:38 P.M.)
I finally finished watching Evangelion. I sat down tonight once I got back to the room and watch episodes 18-26. I do say though, episodes 25 and 26 make just about as much sense as the End of Evangelion movie. The 'alternate universe' sequence was funny though. Rei was cute as usual, even if she was completely out of character in the sequence. Hell, everyone was out of character. Beautiful though.
End: 23:41 (11:41 P.M.)
===
February 22, 2003
Start: 13:39 (1:39 P.M.)
I really wanted to write something back on Thursday night. Never got the chance to though. But now it's Saturday afternoon. A wet and rainy Saturday afternoon.
Not that I don't mind wet and rainy. Hell, I haven't seen straight up rain in months thanks to all of this snow. It's a welcome relief for someone that loves the snow^^
All right now, on with the life. I finished watching Chobits on Wednesday. Cute and funny, if I'm allowed to use those words. The last episode's subs sucked though since they were fast through the whole thing. I damn near gave up on reading them. On Tuesday I think RahXephon is coming in the mail. It's another one of those mecha dramas ala Evagelion. It should be interesting. I also bid on the third DVD of Project Arms.
Oh yeah, I've been a busy bee with this money I'm spending. It's a good thing that it is all income tax money I got back. Without it, I wouldn't be spending all this money. Money money money...
Ugh... and because of Chobits, I didn't do anything at all last week with drawing and writing. It was a shortened week though because of that snow. And now I've got so much to do with school and hobbies. I'm supposed to be posting the first part of my new story by the end of this week, and I haven't finished that first part yet. I haven't gotten anywhere on my teaser trailer too. I still can't draw the characters either.
Rahh! I need to smash something. That should help the pain. If not, then I don't know what will.
Time to draw though, if I can. Wish me luck^^;;
End: 13:59 (1:59 P.M.)
Addendum: 23:11 (11:11 P.M.)
I forgot to mention: I got my NINJ4 hoodie today. I ordered it back on Wednesday night, and I was really surprised to see it today. Of course, I wanted it to get here today for another reason anyway... Freddie is a 'player' according to Joegolas.
End: 23:22 (11:22 P.M.)
===
February 18, 2003
Start: 15:08 (3:08 P.M.)
Well, Joe Millionaire - the only reality dating show that I've willingly let myself watch - has ended last night, and yes, he did pick Zora (the whole world knew that already though), and yes, that twist was unexpected. It was rather anticlimatic though, since the whole presentation of it was pretty mellow (save for when Evan's face lit up like a child's when Zora said that she would go on with him).
I seriously think I'm going to end up on one of those shows someday. It'll be like, 'Who Want's to Marry a Fat Guy?', and it'll be on FOX, cause quite frankly, those shows are always on FOX. And it'll be entertaining to see me, the Fat Guy, try and win the hearts of twenty or so women, and the moment they see me, they'll be utterly repulsed. Haha! That'll be great. And then it'll be a huge ratings flop for FOX, since the show, starring me, will be a flop and a half.
Oh yeah... Sick and Sadistic I am.
So anyway, I was at Keira's house watching it. And I figure that you are wondering why I spend so much time over a girl's house that isn't even my girlfriend... I wonder that myself sometimes. Hmm... maybe I should have Kath last night if she knew anything. Too late now I guess.
Speaking of which, there was this little incident with Kath and some guy she was groping and groping back sometime last week, and the guy didn't consider it cheating for some reason (he has a girlfriend himself). That, my friends, gives the male species a bad name. I seriously wanted to tell them the vast minority of them don't act like that, but I didn't. It may have been personal experience that places me in the good group of guys (experience, what experience?), but I myself can't change their minds because of their own personal experiences.
I guess I have to try harder now. Best of luck to me, heh.
By the way, I read That Book again. It laughs even harder than before. Now where's my flame thrower?
End: 15:21 (3:21 P.M.)
===
February 14, 2003
Start: 23:42 (11:42 P.M.)
Well... at least I tried tonight. Better luck with this fuckin' holiday next year.
At least 3V1L BR4T had fun tonight, I think... Gotta ask her. I'm beat though.
End: 23:45 (11:45 P.M.)
===
February 13, 2003
Start: 19:32 (7:32 P.M.)
I'm twisted.
In my own little way of course. You see, Valentine's Day is tomorrow. I hate the damn day. Anyone who knows me well enough will understand why I do. To understand why I'm twisted is something rather contradictory to who I am in reference to this holiday.
I started releasing information today about a new story I'm writing. A romance story. Yeah... I don't know the slightest thing about romance.
Oh! And then, I start reading some Inuyasha fics, but they're _romance_ fics.
Oh yeah, I've completely lost it. But honestly, I don't like tomorrow. Tomorrow is a pain in my ass, and mostly because it's my fault. Ugh... I always blame myself. I'm guessing some of the people who lingers on here is ready to kill me cause I constantly go on about how I don't be more assertive to the opposite sex.
Enough of that though.
Today has proved to be interesting in that, drawing has eluded me, and has returned to me all within one hour. Basically, I'm trying to draw Gohan and Videl from Dragon Ball Z, and attempting to draw them has been, at best, stiffling. It wasn't until after I was done watching _two_ movies and look at various pictures online did a get a basic head design down. I did them in my style of drawing to get the hang of them in my hands. Sometime I'll try it in Toriyama's style, if I can pull that off. The drawing though is going to be a teaser image for my new fan fiction. I'm going to pencil and ink it - a first for me - while I have gotten the assistance of a fellow fan fiction author, Psycho-Ann, to do the colors for it. She is an excellent artist herself, and I really can't wait to see how this comes out.
Ugh... why did Marc even put this shit on. It's some stupid show on ABC where they're looking for the Hottest Person in America. Stupid shit. Fucking shallow ass people. They're the ones that piss me off so much, thinking that they are the shit because they look So Fucking Hot.
Oh well. Don't worry. I'm not insecure about it either, despite the fact that I'm a fat ass. No problem. Hell, I think I'll just laugh at them.
Hehe... and I thought only hot girls were brainless. These guys... I'm sorry, but they make blonde girls look smart.
I'll stop my horrible stereotypes now. Nights to you all. ^^
End: 20:12 (8:12 P.M.)
===
February 9, 2003
Start: 15:54 (3:54 P.M.)
Remind me sometime to smack Sean.
Then, remind me to have him take an Oath of Secrecy and Silence.
Why I'm going to smack him? Well, I told him I had an interesting night with Keira last night (more in a moment), and his mind just went into a bit of a Pervert Mode. I guess it's just the way us males usually think: Interesting Night = Lot's of Making Out, or something to that extent.
Then again, that won't happen to me for a long while.
All right, back to last night. Shortly after six, Keira gives me a call on Kath's cell. She told me to meet her at the Krispy Creme shop at Roosevelt Mall (she, at this time, is at Franklin Mills Mall). We had made plans the night before for me to try out Steve's Cheesesteak, located on Buselton and...I forget that street. I think it was St. Vincent. I used to live right by there though, and _never_had_Steve's_Cheesesteaks'_ before. The emphasis is on Keira's reaction to the statement.
So we went there, and I had a cheesesteak, cause people, cheesesteaks are my favorite meal. I'll smack you if you fail my pop quiz (if I'll ever do that). The verdict: damn good. One of the best cheesesteaks I've ever had. Of course, now I have to take Keira and Kath to Gino's sometime. Now they make a great cheesesteak.
But enough of that. On with the story. We all went back to Keira's house and contemplated what to do. We ended up renting 'Dude, Where's My Car?' because I haven't seen it before.
The verdict: funny ha!ha!ha!
After that, we ended up sitting in Keira's computer room and chilling there. Kath got picked up at eleven, so that left me and Keira alone.
I advice you: remove all hentai and perverted thoughts from your head at this moment. Thank you.
For the next hour, we ended up just talking about this and that. Nothing too much, just our usual chitchat. I enjoyed it, though I did some idiotic things that I always do. It wasn't too bad with those though. I liked it, and I think she liked talking too. No loss there, huh?
Well, there was the interruption of Millertime at one point, calling me and asking me to assist him in an attempt to steal a 'Beer Meister'. I politely declined.
So where does this leave me? Frankly, I don't know. There were moments, after recollection, where I could have shifted over to a part of the discussion where I could have told her that I like her. It would have gotten a lot off of my chest last night. But I didn't.
The thing that scares me most though is that I think that she knows that I like her.
Yeah...
See Sean, this is the part that you have to keep quiet about. The rules are simple: after reading this (if you do), you must never discuss this with anyone, except me, if you like.
Then again, I don't want to boss you around. Just keep silent, that's all.
I got to start my next drawings soon anyway. But first, I have to get back to school and do my German work.
Life sucks. Hells yeah.
End: 16:10 (4:10 P.M.)
===
February 4, 2003
Start: 22:50 (10:50 P.M.)
My sister is funny. Well, I guess I have to explain that. She has these wide array of obsessions that I find amusing. Her current main obsession is 'Lord of the Rings' (by main obsession, I mean that she changes it once every 3-4 months, if not sooner).
Well, I was talking to her tonight, and she was in a slightly depressed mood because of her inability to draw blind line. I understand how she feels: blind line sucks, and I don't see the point. It won't help me draw any better in the end. Back on topic, she decides to delve into an obsession...
...And proceeds to quote the entire Gollum/Smeagol seqeunce where Smeagol tells Gollum to get lost.
Amazing in that, yes. It would of been weirder if she had done that entirely from memory. As such though, she typed it very, very fast. Highly amusing though. I was nearly brought to tears because of my laughter.
Recently though, Core (3V1L Br4T, my sister) had this strange little dream about a baby girl - her baby girl - named Gollum. She had wrote about it on her site, and I was really wondering if something was wrong with her.
But then again, I told her that I was going to draw the damn little M1N1 BR4T anyway. It'll be great. Just a little baby girl with a huge head and big eyes sitting happily on a cloud.
Yes, I said a cloud. I guess it would add to the inate cuteness of the damn thing. I told her that I would try to have a sketch of it done by the time I came home on Friday.
We'll see.
In other stuff, I actually saw a shirt of a word I have recently incorporated into my vocabulary: 'w00t!'. You should have seen my face. I was happy. I don't like the mustard color of the shirt though. Makes it look....ugly in a sense.
Hmm...thinking about drawings, I did this little sketch last night of Keiradriel (Keira's character for our little LotR spoof). Took a while to get a good one, but the one I have is pretty good, at least in my mind. It's Keiradriel standing there, singing. I gave her this sad look though. I'm confused as to why I did that though.
Don't worry though. The actually drawing of her will be happy, as she's going to be singing and dancing, and there will be three heads at the bottom (four, if you include the cat ears), and those heads will be in discussion about how good she is, and how she's actually holding that microphone (you'll know when you'll see it). Hopefully I can get it done in a couple of weeks and post it sometime soon.
I got to link up the first drawing sometime soon. Now that one was good.
Giddy Joegolas and Pissed-off Courtwyn...that's a great moment if I ever saw one.
End: 23:09 (11:09 P.M.)
===
February 2, 2003
Start: 22:13 (10:13 P.M.)
Well, there goes my good mood.
I'm talking to 3V1L BR4T right now, and she has a new reason for hating Our President Bush. She's getting less than half of her federal taxes back for her income tax return.
Of course, that is bad for me as well. I, while working only eleven months last year, still made more than her, but not by much. I'll be pissed off when I find out how much money I'll be getting back.
See, this is why I hate Our President Bush so much right now. He's a douche, plain and simple. I don't understand how, in a country of three hundred million people, that five to ten fucking people in Washington want to go to war against a country that I am pretty sure has committed numerous atrocites over the past decade. Of course, this is coming out of the jackass' mouth, so I guess I have to believe him.
But I don't fucking care. I don't want to go to war. Let the fucking U.N. handle this shit for all I care. It's just a fucking waste of taxpayer dollars.
And you know what? I really expect the whole world on top of us by next year, because that's how fucking ridiculous this is.
I just realized something too. With the fucking Republicans having the majority in Congress, it's inevitable. It's fucking inevitable. We're gonna go to war, and we're gonna win, but nothing will change. All because Our President Bush can't do shit about his domestic policy.
And for a moment, I think I'll feel a bit sorry for him, since he's the president and all. But then, I'm not. I don't support this war. No one supports this war. And I don't want my money paying for a fucking bullshit war.
All right...that's out of my system. I did mention that I was in a good mood before all of this, and I was. Last night was pretty interesting. I went to the mall with Keira and her friend Kath.
And by the end of the night, I wanted to hang myself.
Okay, so not really by the end of the night. It was just until we dropped off Kath. Holy shit does she talk a lot. I'm sitting here, trying to get a good conversation going with Keira, and Kath just won't shut up.
We ended up going to some of the big clothing stores and the girls were looking for prom dresses. I swear to you that this was the most inane experience in a long time for me. I had no problem with Keira. She had looked at some pretty respectable dresses, mostly black and white stuff.
All Kath looked at was PINK. Fucking PINK and frilly.
I was driven to the brink of insanity then. Oh yeah, losing one's sanity is a pleasurable experience.
Other than that though, it was all right. Kath talked a lot, Keira kept me mildly amused through the whole thing, and I learned about my relationship problems through a book.
A fucking book of all places.
And I really didn't want to, but I did. The girls picked it out (they ended up buying it), and it was just sitting there.
So I picked it up and went straight to the relationships section.
It was just a list of things that explains certain situations and how one person would feel like at that time. It gave some useful tips too. But as I was reading it, it became clear that this book was laughing in my face, in a way. It was saying to me that, 'Hey, loser, get off you ass and tell this chick that you like her'.
Okay, it felt like that to me at least. Still, the book was, somehow, pretty useful. I'll just have to ask Keira when she has the book from Kath to read it again.
Ugh, why am I resorting to a fucking book anyway? Fucking bullshit stuff about how I'm a Fucking Coward. Oh well. I guess that got me into an even more pissed off mood now.
Well, not really. I bought 'The Hobbit' and 'The Fellowship of the Ring' last night with the money I got from my aunt for my birthday (two weeks late, mind you). I'll try and get started on them soon.
Fuck, this has ran too long. This journal thing is proving quite useful though.
End: 22:36 (10:36 P.M.)
===
January 30, 2003
Start: 20:21 (8:21 P.M.)
It's finally come out.
After three long months of waiting, it has finally been released.
The first issue of Ghost in the Shell 2: Man-Machine Interface is out.
Okay, so you ask about my getting excited about a simple comic. Mind you, I've been waiting for this since last August when I learned about this, and when I also bought the collected edition of the original series. Despite the first issue being $3.99, I was excited. So here we are, a mere three months late, and I'm happy.
And it shows through definitely in this first issue. Okay, so I really don't get half of what is going on (a lot of nonsense of cyber talk and the like), but man, does it look good. It's all in color, and for good reason. Shirow has mixed together his pencil art (much better since the original release of the first story) and some real nifty computer art that looks great to the eye. There really is no confusion, although he crams a lot of art onto the pages. Good stuff though. The story is good as soon as you get past the wordiness of it all, and it sets up for more down the line.
I just completed this family history project for my history class. I learned some pretty interesting stuff about my family's history, some I knew, and some I didn't know. It's really interesting about my parents background, and how it changes when I go to tell my kids about it.
And why I even bother to say that, I don't know. It's that little curveball that has been eluding me most of my teenage life.
I don't care right now though. Sure, my roomate has his girlfriend here (at which time I'm probably at my most brooding point). But I don't care. I'm kind of happy for once. Saturday night should be fun, if I get to do what I want to do.
Happy! Happy! Happy! ^_^
End: 20:35 (8:35 P.M.)
===
January 28, 2003
Start: 00:06 (12:06 A.M.)
Well, I've decided to start a journal. Why now? I guess it is because of my recent...grumblings of my inner self which I need to get off my chest.
I just hope that some parties never read this.
I have a certain fear of facing people with knowledge that I deem...dangerous. It isn't dangerous knowledge, per say. It's knowledge (or my current inner thoughts) that would not go well in other people's hands.
I guess I'll start with the one thing that would fit into that category: love. Love is an oddity to me. An oddity in which I really haven't met before. Oh sure, I got parently love and sibling love.
I'm unhappy though. I'm unhappy with the fact that I don't have a companion. I'm unhappy with the fact that I don't have someone that I can truly love. It's my own damn fault too.
I'll try not to complain too much though. If this does seem like I'm bitching to the world, then I apologize now. It just sucks to be me now.
A friend of mine recently said that I'm not assertive enough when it comes to finding a girlfriend. She's damn right too. I'm too shy and withdrawn to make a move.
I'm also a coward, if that makes more sense.
There is someone right now though that I have my eye on. I really wish I can tell her too. I nearly did last night. We were talking online, and through that talking we learned more about ourselves than what we really wanted to...namely, a dark side to ourselves. I could easily say that I'm depressed right now, at this current moment. And it's strange too: I'm a sophmore in college. Usually college depression hits during the freshman year. I just happen to get it now, and it hit me pretty bad too.
I had nearly lost it. I had recovered enough, and then my sister's birthday came. In all honesty, I would have stayed in the rut that I was in for a much longer period of time if that hadn't come up.
But then I learned about what my friend is going through. I really hate to say this too, but she has it worse than me. I know she has more hiding within herself. I'm not one to pry though. I try not to anyway. She has this shell though that hides that deeper demon. She has this great smile that she always has, and she likes to pick fights too (mocks fights in reality). She's really funny too, something that I really like about people, and her especially.
Oh god...I wish I could tell her. But I can't. That is where my fear lies at: risking a great friendship for a one time chance of happiness. But I won't though. I'd be selfish to say that I can make her happy. She said so herself that people truly can't be perfectly happy.
Kind of like right now. I'm not happy, though I wish to be. Someday I will though, whether it be her or someone else. I'm twenty now, and yet I'm talking like my life is ending tomorrow.
Don't want to jinx myself now, do I?
Nope...I guess not.
End: 00:28 (12:28 A.M.)