1
Angelus and Victoria
Scruub are the parents of Bob and Moltar. Frederick and Jessica Kopfen are the
parents of Emily and Linda.
Bob went his own way to
Hartwick College in Oneonta, New York and he met Linda there. They started to
show signs of affection towards each other and finally, his roommate asked her
to go out with Bob. She agreed and they dated for about two years before
starting to get serious.
They got an apartment in
Upstate New York and they still dated until finally he got up the courage to
ask the question. He asked when they were on their 1102nd date with
a 24 karat gold ring with three diamonds on it. She accepted and they planned
to set the day for August 19th, 1989
Moltar also went off his
own rambling way. He went down to the University of California in Santa Barbara
and also found a girl, actually, his brother’s new girlfriend’s sister. He was
dating Emily for about one year and a half before she moved in with him in his
condo in San Francisco.
They too dated until
Moltar was ready to ask and the same outcomes occurred except that the ring
Moltar gave Emily was a 24 karat gold ring with green emeralds wrapped around
transparent diamonds. They also set the date for August 19th, 1989.
They found out that they
were both getting married at the same time and decided to have a double
wedding. The preparation was very hard and laborious. They had to get food and
drinks and other general stuff for 2341 people that everybody would like.
The DJ they got was also
their Rabbi so that wasn’t any real problem but getting him to stop playing
Weird Al’s Pretty Fly for a Rabbi was a bigger problem.
The ceremony was pretty
normal. The audience flooded in and they took their chairs. Then of course the
Rabbi said a few words and told them that this is a life long commitment and so
they better do this for the best. He told them to say their vows and so they
did. He finally asked them,
“Do you take this man to
be your husband?” “Do you take this woman to be your wife?” “Do you take this
man to be your husband?” “Do you take this woman to be your wife?”
That could have been
interesting because there was only a 12½% chance of everyone saying yes and
everyone being all happy. Well, it wasn’t interesting. They all said yes.
After that they
made-out, broke some glass, and then they went off the stage and went inside
and up the stairs. Everybody else just sat there, cherishing the moment.
After about five minutes
everybody flooded back inside and went to their marked tables. After that they
ate, and ate, and ate. Luckily, Angelus and Frederick knew how much these
people ate so he got the quantity of food upped to 4682 people.
There were cameras and
candles on everybody’s table so, naturally, people fought over them, but then
they realized that they were all just one family and one person could take a
picture and pass it on to the next without not knowing who the next person was.
Moltar, Bob, Emily, and Linda
were all upstairs filling out paperwork and nibbling and sipping every now and
then at some cheese and wine that Victoria and Jessica had brought up for them.
Meanwhile, downstairs DJ
Rabbot as the Rabbi liked to call himself was setting up his music and dance
equipment. There were a lot of worker drones setting up floor tiles so that it
would look like even more of an authentic dance floor. He had already set up 50
strobe lights and he was now setting up his turntables and mixers and finally
going on to set up about 20 speakers.
After all of the signing
paperwork was over, Moltar and the others went downstairs. The dance equipment
had just finished being set up as they arrived. Most of the people who were
finishing their dinners looked up at the brides and grooms. They clapped and
that made everybody who wasn’t looking up look up.
Everybody was
automatically done eating and the waiters and clean-up peoples came out of
their hidey-holes and went to clean up the tables. The people gathered in a
crowd near the couple as the couple were at the cake.
Before the cake cutting,
they had the best man, who happened to be Robert one of Moltar’s friends, say a
few words about the couples. He said some weird something about how he had
known them for a long time and they had always been really fun to hang out with
and that he hoped that they lived a long and healthy marriage together.
Then Moltar and Bob
lifted the butcher knives and cut a slice of cake in unison. The first two
pieces were given to Linda and Emily. Emily picked a tiny piece off and was
going towards her mouth but then she dropped it, in her dress. Moltar was right
on it. He reached barely into her dress, not far enough to touch anything, and
pulled it out and put it in his mouth.
A bunch of people laughed.
Victoria was shocked that her own son would reach into a woman’s dress and pull
out a piece of cake. Angelus was humored and decided that he taught Moltar
right in the way of ladies. Emily was very appreciative that he fished it out
instead of her having to. Moltar was very glad and I’m not gonna explain why.
The cake was cut into
slices and everybody was passed a piece. The party then went onto the dancing,
which took about an hour. There was of course the train, the limbo, and the
foxtrot. There was some tango and of course some modern music.
After the dancing which
seemed to take forever for the kids, the goodbyes began. The couples stood two
on each side of the huge gothic double doors and waved and said “Bye! Thanks a
lot for coming! We really enjoyed seeing you again!” Yeah right.
When everybody was in
the cars, the driving away began. It looked like a funeral procession because a
lot of people were in limos with Greenisle flags on them. Finally, everybody
was gone, safe at home or lost somewhere, looking at a road map while talking
on a cellphone with their fuzzy-socked toes on the wheel and drinking coffee.
Moltar and company finally went on to their extra stretch limos and the driver
rode them slowly home.
When they were at their
house, they decided to just stay at Moltar and Bob’s house, they slumped down
on the couch and just stayed there for about 15 minutes before talking. It was
mostly just talk about how they were so glad that they got married and how
great the wedding was until Emily asked the question, “So, where are you guys
going for your honeymoon?” They thought about that for a couple minutes and
finally, Bob suggested they all go down to Utah because one of his cousins
lives there and knows all the “in” places. After a minute of contemplation all
agreed upon the idea.
In Utah, Linda and
Moltar were spending the day together to get to know each other. They had
talked a lot and became friends early that day. They were driving out to Mono
Lake when they got a flat near a synagogue.
Moltar and Linda ran
inside the gogue to get out of the rain and find a phone. They couldn’t find
one so they just sat down on a bench and started talking softly. After a while
of complete boredom and this next bit was out of complete boredom or so my father,
Moltar, tells me, they were bored, duh. Suddenly, Moltar grabbed her and
frenched her. She then pushed him away only to find herself grabbing him back
and making-out with him.
They were kind of
confused because they were both married but it felt, right. There was one
person still in the building and that was the rabbi. Moltar asked him if he
could marry them and he said that it would be a couple hours of preparation but
he possibly could.
Moltar then remembered
the flat tire and realized that he had one in his trunk, smart one. Linda and
Moltar went back outside and as Moltar fixed the tire, Linda called the best
and quickest bridal/groom store in Mono after finding Moltar’s cellphone. The
car was fixed and they drove off to the store.
Moltar just grabbed the
most expensive tux there was and Linda took a really fancy dress from the
racks. They paid in cash and then went to the nearby florist shop. After they
had their flowers picked out, Linda called all of her relatives and friends and
so did Moltar. They looked kind of strange, since they had to wear their fire
suits on Earth so they were wearing their formal clothes over protective fire
suits.
Everyone they called
came to the church as soon as possible with the exception of the people they
didn’t call. It was very much like a real wedding although their parents were
kind of confused and some other people were too, like their own wives/husbands.
First, there was the
people flooding in to their seats. Then, the little flower peoples came and
choked everybody with pollen and the result was most of the people turned kind
of reddish and started sneezing a lot. The ring bearers came up and gave the
rings to Moltar and Linda. The Rabbi then asked them,
“Do you take this man to
be your husband? Do you take this woman to be your wife?” They both said yes.
He told them to kiss and so they did. The rabbi put the glass down and Moltar
stepped on it resulting in a not-so-loud and not-so-big explosion of glass
not-so-shrappy shrapnel. They were both now bound to another person for life,
again.
After the wedding Moltar
went over to Emily and asked her how she felt about a new brother-in-law. She
was shocked. “Hey, I was wondering, why did you just marry your wife’s sister
without divorcing the first wife or even telling her?” She said flatly.
Moltar’s face turned
much redder. There was a long awkward pause and then Moltar said, “Oh, yeah.
About that, see, I just, uhh…married your sister. I kind of, uhh…well, forgot
about-I’ll shut up now.”
She then said, “Egh, Oh
well. I really like you and care about you a lot but I don’t think that married
life for us would be so smooth. I always did have my eye on Bob though…”
They ended up getting a
divorce and so did Bob and Linda. The only thing was that they were both
married to two people. Linda and Moltar both wanted kids already so, that
night…*THIS WHOLE SECTION TAKEN OUT FOR NAUGHTINESS AND PREPETUAL
WRONGNESS*…thus began Squabby’s creation.
Squabby was born a
little early, before the divorce for both of them. So, guess what? Squabby is
now his own cousin and he pretty much has an infinite number of cousins because
he is the cousined and the cousiner, which keeps just firing back at him.
Moltar and Linda decided
not to have any kids after that.
