Slash of the Titans

“So, Broggy,” Dorry said as he pushed himself into a sitting position. “What was that? Our 30,000th draw?”

“I think you’re right!” Broggy said, slowly getting up. “Gabababababababa!”

“Gyehgyehgyehgyehgyeh!” Dorry laughed. As he looked at his smiling friend, though, he felt a small pang in his heart. Well, it was actually a pretty big pang, considering the size of giant’s hearts, but that’s beside the point.

“Either way,” Broggy said, “we should celebrate this occasion, don’t you think? Come over to my place tonight.”

“Why?” Dorry asked, rising to his feet. “What’s so much better about your place? Why not mine?”

Broggy grinned wider. “You remember that last group of pirates that died here?”

“Yeah?”

“They left all their beer at my place.”

“Well then.” Dorry grasped Broggy’s outstretched hand and shook it firmly. He was about to let go, but the instant their eyes met, he found he couldn’t. Instead, he stared, frozen, as a wave of heat flowed through his body, so intense that several trees near his feet caught on fire. He desperately hoped Broggy didn’t notice the deep blush he was sure was staining his face.

He held Broggy’s eyes for a moment more before the other giant looked away, also blushing. Dorry stared at his friend, mind and heart racing. What was Broggy thinking? Could that blush mean--could it mean--

“My place it is,” Broggy said, letting go of Dorry’s hand. Dorry nodded, still in a daze. Did Broggy love him too? Or had he only sensed Dorry’s own attraction and been embarrassed to face it?

“I’ll see you tonight, then,” Dorry forced himself to say. Broggy blinked and cocked his head to the side.

“Ah, Dorry... it is tonight already,” he said. Dorry looked to the west, and sure enough the sun was setting, painting the sky a beautiful spectrum of pastels. Looking back at his friend, Dorry thought Broggy looked even better in that light.

“Oh, OK,” Dorry said, rubbing the back of his head self-consciously. “Shall we go then?”

“Sure,” Broggy replied, then lumbered off in the direction of his home. Dorry followed slightly behind, trying desperately to keep his eyes off Broggy’s bottom. If only he could tell Broggy! If only he could hold the other giant in his arms and tell him how very much he cared for him!

Alas, it was not to be. It wasn’t that he was afraid Broggy would hate him forever or anything like that--Broggy was Broggy, after all, the most good-natured giant he knew, and anyway forever was a long time for giants. He just didn’t want things to get awkward. Who knew how long they’d be on this island together before one of them won their battle?

Before long, they were at Broggy’s place. Dorry sat down on the ground and took the barrel of beer Broggy offered him, popping the top off with no effort at all. He downed it in one gulp, causing Broggy to look at him with concern.

“Hey, Dorry?” he said cautiously. “We do have all night, you know.”

“I know,” Dorry said, grabbing another beer and downing it as he had the first. All he wanted was to forget. Forget everything. “But...”

“But... what?”

“But... I’m gonna beat you!” Dorry said with forced cheerfulness. “At the end of the night, I’ll have more barrels by my side than you will in ten years!”

“Oh yeah?” Broggy asked, downing the barrel in his hand and reaching for another.

“Yeah!”

Approximately 120 barrels of beer later, Dorry was drunk. Drunk as a skunk. Drunk as a punk. Drunk as a green-haired swordsman in a funk. Drunk as a... he ran out of words that rhymed with drunk, and couldn’t remember the other word for it--inebrewhat? He was also pretty sure he couldn’t rhyme it, so he didn’t try. Instead, he looked at Broggy, who was snoozing against his shoulder.

“They’re probably really big, once you get up close,” Broggy said abruptly. Dorry started. It was only the belief that his friend was asleep that gave Dorry the courage to wrap his arm around Broggy’s shoulders and hold him close. “The stars, I mean.”

“Not as big as us, though, eh, Broggy?” Dorry managed to squeak out.

“Gabababababababa!” Broggy laughed.

Even though the heat shooting through his body was driving him into distraction, Dorry joined in with a “Gyehgyehgyeh!”

After the laughter had died down, Broggy pulled away from Dorry and grinned at him. “Good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor, my friend,” he said. “You’ve been awfully quiet tonight.”

“It’s nothing,” Dorry answered, blushing and looking away. “I’ve just had something on my mind, that’s all.”

“Is that so?” Broggy said. He reached out and gently turned Dorry’s head to look into his eyes again. “Whatever it is, you know you can tell me, right?”

Dorry stared into his friend’s eyes. How bad could it be? So what if Broggy didn’t like it? He was drunk, right? If Broggy thought he was weird for having... feelings for him, he’d just claim inebrewhation.

“Broggy... when I was young I... I always wanted a friend like you.” Broggy nodded and Dorry continued. “So when I met you, I was... I was so happy.”

“I was happy to meet you too, Dorry. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.”

“That’s what I’ve been thinking about, Broggy.”

“What, Dorry?”

Dorry looked away. “Have you ever wanted to be... more than friends?” After a moment, he peeked at Broggy out of the corner of his eye.

“Dorry...” Broggy said softly. “Do you know how long I’ve waited for you to ask me that?”

“Broggy?”

“Dorry!”

“Broggy!”

“Dorry!”

Broggy threw himself into Dorry’s arms, and Dorry held him for a moment, quietly savoring the feel of his friend’s meaty chest against his own. Then Broggy pulled away and looked him in the eye.

“Dorry, I want to, uh, consummate our love!”

Dorry’s heart leapt in happiness. At last, his every wish fulfilled!

“All right!” he said. “On your knees, and drop your pants!” Broggy stared at him quizzically. “What?” Dorry asked, confused.

“Shouldn’t I be the one saying that?” Broggy asked. Dorry blinked.

“Ah, no. I confessed first, so I’m on top,” Dorry answered.

“But your beard!” Broggy insisted. Dorry looked down at his long, silky beard and mentally compared it with Broggy’s short, bristly one.

“What about it?” he asked.

“Your beard’s longer and prettier than mine,” Broggy reasoned. “That means you’re the bottom.”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

The volcano erupted, and the giants leapt to their feet, snatching their weapons up from the ground.

“If you want me to bottom,” Dorry threatened, “you’ll have to win the honor in battle!”

And they’ve been fighting ever since.

Broggy took a nice long drag out from his smoke and offered it to Dorry. Dorry waved it off, saying, “Nah, man, I got my own.” He held up his smoke proudly and took a drag from it.

“Hey Dorry,” Broggy said. “Can you remember why we’re fighting in the first place?”

Dorry thought about it. “Nah. Hey, I’m gettin’ the munchies. Let’s kill ourselves a dinosaur.”

“Sounds good to me, man.”

“Gyehgyehgyehgyehgyeh! Dude.”

“Gababababababababa! Dude.”