--Julie Brown, "Girl Fight Tonight"
Their voyage continued peacefully for another ten days. On the morning of the twelfth day, flyers were distributed to all the cabins warning of probable piracy. It explained pirates were commonly found in these regions and tended to board and loot commercial ships, and then it detailed how to react to a piracy situation, and included some Nani phrases to use (“Please spare me” and “Take the loose women and the wine”). Gourry found theirs pinned outside their door and examined it closely.
“Hey Lina, did you see this?” He asked, but found that Lina wasn’t there.
“She went up to sunbathe with Amelia again,” Zelgadis informed him, awakening uncharacteristically late. He had been up late trying to garner more information about the mysterious ship he claimed had been following them the entire trip. He noted how carefully they manipulated their course as to appear just on the horizon at all times. Last night, the ever so inconspicuous speck on the horizon had grown a little larger. A conflict drew upon them—he could feel it. Gourry handed him the flyer.
“I knew it! I bet that ship is filled with these pirates.”
Gourry scratched his head. “Maybe, but even if we agreed with you earlier, what could we do? Might as well enjoy the fun while it lasts, right?”
Zelgadis shrugged noncommittally. “Well at least I’m prepared for battle. The captain probably wanted us on the ship in case of this. Don’t you find it a little suspect how easy it was for Lina to find that incredible deal on the boat fare?”
“Well…”
“And don’t you think that Lina’s less than glowing reputation has spread by now? You know how she is, Gourry.”
“I suppose.”
“So it makes sense that we—well, she, was duped into coming along as insurance against a pirate attack.”
“Oh, I get it,” Gourry said. His moment of mental triumph was brief, however. “Boy is she gonna be pissed when she figures out that the Captain made her pay him to do a job.”
Captain Jim felt quite sure that his door wasn’t built to withstand the force Lina used to shove it open. Sure enough, it wasn’t—the wood split down the middle once it hit the opposite wall. He finished scribbling in his logbook before glancing up at her.
“Yes?” He asked calmly.
Lina raised the flyer crumpled in her fist and laid it out flat on his desk.
“I knew getting that discount fare was a little too easy,” she growled. “You know about me, don’t you?”
Luncheon James nodded casually. The flames in her eyes danced a little higher. He had a problem—a problem with pirates. Who better to fend off thieves of the high seas than the infamous bandit killer he’d heard rumor of so much on his recent travels? Rumor spread quickly of a girl capable of destroying a port town with a single spell. That sort of power would certainly be enough to take care of his little piracy issue.
“I may like blowing up a thief or two to let go of a little steam,” Lina started, her voice nearly boiling in anger. “But I am not paying somebody to take me out to sea so I can blast the hell out of a ship full of pirates! If I’m going to work, then I expect to get paid!”
Captain Jim rubbed his chin. “You’re hardly paying a quarter of the price the rest of the passengers are. In addition, I gave you a nice alibi so you could all fit into that discount room. Did you know that this ship has decency regulations it has to follow? I don’t know how things are where you come from, but if you and your blonde friend weren’t ‘honeymooners’ then you’d each have to pay for separate rooms—separate expensive rooms. I couldn’t put the four of you in the same room, no matter how cheap, without facing repercussions from my bosses. Not only do you get a room, you get meals, activities, and landside accommodations. Now wouldn’t you say that a few pirates are a small price to pay?”
Lina slammed her fist on the table. “You still deceived me, Luncheon James. I don’t like getting dragged into somebody else’s battles. If you really needed us to help you that much, you could have set us up in those more expensive rooms yourself. Pay me up front, or fight on your own!”
“Look, I had to sell this operation to the Nani sailor’s guild ten years ago. Since then I’ve been boarded and pillaged more times than I can count, and the number of passengers has dropped considerably.”
“Looked popular to me,” Lina growled.
“If it doesn’t turn a profit, then I get fired and I completely lose my father’s ship. If I get boarded one more time by those damn rebel pirates, I’m through.”
Lina didn’t have time to tell the Captain that he could take his dirty discount room and his stupid alibi and put it with all the rest of his bullshit, because Amelia crashed into the room, tripped, and fell on her face.
“Pirates, Miss Lina!”
Oh, great. Lina balled a fist and dug her nails into her palm. “I believe this sort of thing is the Captain’s problem,” she said coldly. Amelia’s eyes went wide, and began to well up with tears.
“But M-m-miss Lina! That’s so unjust!”
“Oh, I think it’s perfectly in line with what the Captain considers just.”
They could hear a voice through the walls, calling to the captain. It was hoarse, and unused to speaking their language, as he or she constantly fudged their words.
“Cap-tain! We come-uh to sink boat this time!”
Luncheon James looked at them with heavy eyes before getting to his feet. He cast a final sidelong glance at Lina, and slid through the broken doorway. Amelia looked on disapprovingly. If it wasn’t enough that she would be late getting home, now Miss Lina was going to just let a bunch of pirates sink the ship!
Sink the ship?
“Miss Lina! He said that they were going to sink the ship! You have to do something!”
“Probably a bluff. I’m not taking care of whatever mess he’s gotten himself into.” Outside, there was cannon fire followed by the screams of the passengers and muffled cheers from the pirates. The possibility of being shipwrecked yet again suddenly felt very real, and Lina changed her mind. “Okay on second thought, I think I’ll fight a little. Cover me while I go change my clothes,” she instructed in a near panic.
“Change your clothes! How can you change your clothes while we’re under attack?”
“I can’t fight in a bikini! What if the top comes off?”
Now if Gourry were there, he would have said something to the effect of “no one would notice,” but fortunately for him, he wasn’t. Amelia just nodded and headed out to the deck, which was clear with the exception of Zelgadis, Gourry, and the Captain. She passed Robin West on her way, and he grabbed her by the shoulders.
“Do well, my student,” he said on the verge of tears. “You can show these villains true justice!”
“But, Mr. West, why aren’t up there with Captain James?”
Robin looked around anxiously, and stuttered “I-I need to uh, protect the rest of my students! It is an instructor’s just duty! Go, child: I believe you are ready!”
Now while Amelia had been known to be fanatical and naďve, but after spending two years off and on the road with Lina Inverse and cynic extraordinaire, Zelgadis Greywords, she developed her own bullshit detector. However, she retained her royal charm and very diplomatically smiled and said that she’d do her best before charging onto the sunny deck.
“Where’s Lina,” Zelgadis yelled. “I can’t hold this shield in front of the ship effectively by myself.”
“She’s coming,” Amelia cried back and hastily struck a pose. “There’s justice to be done,” she told herself confidently. Daddy would be so proud.
The captain stood defiantly on the bow of the Blue Heaven. The other ship was smaller, sleeker, faster, and better armed. He wasn’t a fighter—hell, he wasn’t even meant to be a freighter. Luncheon James was a wanderer by trade. Maybe if he were a tougher man, then he wouldn’t have lost as much as he had over the course of his life. He spared Lina his sob story of the job that had lost him his boat, his woman, and his daughter—he could see that she wasn’t the type to be swayed by that sort of thing. Besides, he'd rather not think about it at all.
A young woman with dark skin and darker hair took her place at the bow of the pirate ship. Zelgadis immediately recognized her as the dancing girl who attacked them at the beginning of the voyage. No longer clad in a tacky dance costume, she now wore a polished blue carapace made from tortoise shells. Beneath it, the sleeves of a white tunic protruded and flapped loudly in the wind; a thick leather glove covered her left hand, and all she wore below the waist was a loincloth and a knife, which was strapped to her left thigh. She raised the sword in her right hand and issued a challenge in a voice more used to speaking common language than those of her shipmates.
“Captain Luncheon James! This time I, Iolana of the Manu Tribe, will exact retribution on you and your employers. No longer will you be allowed to live—your punishment lies at the bottom of the sea!”
Amelia quickly countered with her own speech: “Pirates are thieves of the sea,” she started, posing. “Disrupting a peaceful voyage of love and friendship is the work of evil! And I, Amelia Wil Tesla de Seyruun will not allow that as an Ally of Justice!” Drawing upon all her lessons from Aerobics of Justice, she posed one final time, accompanied unexpectedly by a miraculous flash of light.
Zelgadis refused to believe what he saw. He blinked, rubbed his eyes, and blinked again. Amelia stood on the prow of the ship now clad in a completely different outfit than the one he had seen her in not more than five seconds ago. Though still dressed in white, the hyperactive princess now sported a flounced skirt, ribbons, rosy pink armor, and a golden tiara.
“What the hell happened to your clothes?”
Amelia looked at herself, confused. “Wha…? I don’t know! It just happened!”
Gourry drew his sword and with a great air of importance said: “Her frenzy of justice has transformed her into White Peaceman, Swan Mei Den.”
“Well why didn’t you change, Mr. Gourry?”
“Oh, my heart was never really in it.”
“Excuse me,” Iolana yelled. “Are we going to have a battle or not?”
“We’re waiting for our sorceress,” Zelgadis called back. “She shouldn’t be too long!”
Iolana considered it, running a finger over the fresh scar that the red-haired girl had given her almost two weeks ago. Despite all the treatment that she had given the wound, it refused to mend properly. Revenge of the personal sort was certainly in order. “Very well,” she decided. “You may wait for your sorceress friend.”
Soon enough Lina charged onto the deck, fully clothed and ready to fight. With a fiery gleam in her eye, she took her place. She also recognized Iolana as the dancer-assassin from earlier and grinned smugly. This time she couldn’t surprise her with a petty lighting spell.
“Hey,” she called. “Why don’t I give you a stripe to match on your other cheek, eh?”
Cannons thundered in response. Amelia and Zelgadis countered with a double Windy Shield, but protecting the entire ship from cannon-fire in such a manner would be nearly impossible for much longer, and Zelgadis wasn’t about to go blocking them with his head again. Lina immediately formulated a plan.
“Zel, Amelia, drop the shield quickly when I say so. I’ll clear a path, and then Gourry and I will board the ship. I want some of that pirate booty,” she grinned. If Luncheon James wasn’t going to pay her, then someone would. The pirates fired again, and scrambled to re-load. “Now!”
Lina immediately sent a flurry of fireballs flaming toward the attacking ship. Terrified pirates scrambled to get out of the way or douse the flames. Lina punched a fist in the air and congratulated herself. This would be fun.
“Raywing!” She rose into the air, and extended an arm to Gourry. “Ready to fly? I promise not to drop you.”
“I know,” Gourry said with a grin. “Let’s get them!” With that, Lina grabbed Gourry by the shoulders and hoisted him above the deck and toward the pirate ship, where a dozen riled pirates drew their swords threateningly. Gourry landed fighting, and easily cut down the least experienced of them. Lina used the proximity of the enemy to her advantage and cast valis rod. With three flicks of her wrist, she dispatched two of them with the whip of light. Seeing her chance, Lina charged through the mess of stinky sailors and toward the lower decks of the ship where their stolen booty surely lay. However just as she reached the door, Iolana leapt in front of her, sword in hand. Lina’s instincts served her well, and she feinted in time for Iolana’s blade to strike where she once stood. Lina leapt back, trying to open the distance between them in order to cast a fireball or two, but the girl had speed to match the intense anger flashing in her eyes. She swung again, barely missing Lina once more.
All those dinnertime brawls weren’t for naught—Lina knew how to fight just fine without magic at close range, if needed. She drew her dagger, but not without wishing that she hadn’t sold her rapier after meeting Gourry. Iolana rushed at her again, and Lina blocked with the dagger. Her opponent pressed forward, trying to break Lina’s defense. Gritting her teeth, Lina groaned, and used all her strength to push forward and call out: “Diem Wing!” Iolana found herself thrown back by the force of the spell. She had never run up against a magic user before—spells other than lighting were largely unheard of to her—but she didn’t feel overwhelmed or panicked. Her crew, however, obviously had no idea how to handle the redhead’s magic, and were falling easily to the swordsman. Greatly annoyed, Iolana scolded them loudly in their native language:
“< Fools! Don’t be thrown by this witch! Take out the light-haired one and prepare to board James’ ship. They have other sorcerers blocking our attacks. Go! >” With that, she turned her head to the sky, raised her gloved hand, and whistled.
Lina readied her own hands and chanted “Source of all power, crimson power burn—“
--THOCK! Something hit the back of Lina’s head at high speed. She scrambled to regain her balance and peered into the sky. Above her, a bird winged its way higher into the air, angling itself in line with the sun. Lina squinted and cursed. A bird? Of all the stupid things to attack her with! Lina prepared to cook herself an early chicken dinner with a flare arrow.
“Lina! Look out!” Gourry cried as he leapt into the path of Iolana, who used Lina’s distraction to charge. This was a considerable feat, as three or four desperate pirates clung to his arms and legs in an attempt to detain him. One grizzled sailor found his way to the helm and steered toward the Blue Heaven.
Back on the ship, Zelgadis noticed the change in course of the pirate vessel.
“They’re getting closer! They’re going to try and board and take us on one-on-one. Amelia, get ready.”
Amelia nodded, and took a fighting stance. Come on Miss Lina, she thought. I know you can defeat these guys faster than this!
In fact, Lina thought the very same thing, and ground her teeth at the fact that though most of the pirates were in one place, they also completely surrounded Gourry. Mega-Brand, therefore, was out of the question at the moment. Constant torment by the falcon did little to help things, either. Whenever either she or Gourry had an advantage, that damn bird would appear from nowhere to smack them in the head with it’s balled talons, and would then disappear in line with the sun as quickly as it came. Lina squeezed the bridge of her nose and her patience—such as it were—broke.
“I’ll get Amelia to heal you, Gourry,” Lina called out. “Your sacrifice won’t be in vain!”
“My what?!” Gourry replied in a panic, hurling a pirate over the edge and into the sea.
“Flare Arrow!”
A spectacularly dangerous array of what looked like fiery snakes slid through the air, hitting the knot of tribal pirates—and Gourry. They scattered, yowling and swatting at their flaming clothes, or in some unfortunate cases, their burning flesh.
“Okay Gourry now you take care of the swordslady and I’ll go get me some treasure,” Lina chirped satisfactorily.
“Lina!” Gourry called out to her in warning—what, was he actually angry that he got caught in the crossfire this time? He lurched forward, shoving her to one side. Now that was unlike him, Gourry would never intentionally hurt her—but then she saw that she had not noticed the falcon in its speedy stoop, and it caught Gourry in the head. It hit his skull with a heavy, hollow sound, and Gourry staggered uneasily and tried tomaintain his balance. Suddenly his eyes went half-lidded, and he murmured: “Save me some chicken, Lina” before passing out cold.
Lina’s eyes flashed dangerously. Her flare arrows had caught the boat on fire, and it had begun to spread rapidly. The smoke rose in the air, blotting the sun—well, at least that took care of the falcon. Unfortunately that meant she had only a short while to finish off the captain, get the loot and rescue the guy before the whole thing went down in flames.
“Now that,” she said slowly, picking up Gourry’s fallen blade, “was uncalled for. I think I will give you that matching stripe for your cheek.”
