10-29-00
Been a while. I am feeling better and back to work now. I am surely not 100% yet.
As a matter of fact, I looked in the mirror today and thought how festive my face looks. perfect
for halloween; big dark circles around weak looking eyes; white skin and pale lips. I think I'd best
make myself put on a little make-up tommorrow. I never wear much make-up, but I really feel
that I need it right now to prevent frightening children! TEE!HEE!HEE! I'm sure I will be back to
my rosy self soon, but meanwhile.....maybe I'll buy a black pointy hat and just enjoy the holiday!
My job is normally pretty easy, but it's pretty rough on me right now. Maybe because I'm so stubborn
and try to act like all is well.
I believe that is half of what keeps us going. Kind of like making
yourself smile when you are unhappy. If you force it long enough, it becomes real. Soon, you
notice everyone around you smiling and realize LIFE is reason enough to smile. You soon forget
why you were unhappy. Well, that is my little tid-bit for today. To wrap up this corny little episode,
I'll just close with:
Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and the world laughs at you.
11-4-00
It is 10:45AM and I have to be at work at 12:30PM. I haven't been writing here much due to
lack of time. My husband is still out of work from his accident.
He just left to go visit his mother in WV. She is in the hospital from an asthma attack. She has
not been well for some time now. We almost lost her to pneumonia last year. It makes a lot
of people wonder why she continues to smoke. Not me. I, being a smoker, understand. Nicotene
is an addiction stronger & more dangerous than most. I remember buying cigarettes out of the
vending machine in middle school when I was only 12 years old. This drug is too easily accessed
once you are hooked, and the so-called tobacco war is just one more money scheme...much
like the steele-bashing a couple generations ago. It was not to stop alcoholism or to get drunk
drivers off the street. If so, thousands of lives each year wouldn't still be taken on our highways.
It was simply a big money maker that our government wanted to take over - and did. That is all
the tobacco war is, too. All the multi-million dollar lawsuits do not help addicts such as myself
to give up cigarettes, nor do they help pay for deterrants. They don't pay anything on my
mother-in-law's hospital bills either. They are simply the rich taking from the rich. If our government
weren't the only moonshiners, alcohol would have been outlawed years ago. How many lives
have been lost to people smoking pot and driving? Still, it is outlawed and alcohol is legal.
If marijuana were legalized, users would simply grow their own and nobody would prosper. As
it is, at least the system capitolizes when they catch people with it & fine them. Alcohol, on the other
hand, they can sell, fine people they catch driving with it, send them out to do it again, and again, and again. If we are unfortunate enough to lose our lives to one of these drivers, they simply blame the driver. Not the pusher (themselves) that sold the drug to him.
WOW! I AM oppinionated! For what it's worth. And knowing all this, I continue to play the game
and keep buying cigarettes, knowing what they do to my health; knowing they make me and
everything in my house stink, knowing they cause wrinkles around the lips. If that is not addiction,
I don't know what is. I have tried to quit MANY times. Oh well, maybe one day I'll gain a backbone.
Time to get ready for work. Gotta get in gear. Till next time.
11-8-00
I'll turn 39 tommorrow....close to the big 4-0. That' no biggy. We are only as old as we feel. I
must admit that there have been times this year that I've felt much older, but those are odd
circumstances. For the most part, I am still 25 and plan to be for many years to come. Not a
lot to say right now, so I'll let it go as is. SEEYA! Chris
11-11-00
I am more than a little frustrated. It started last night when I recieved my work schedule for
the week starting tommorrow. I was looking forward to finally getting a Sunday off, after having
worked the last four weekends. There it was again - closing tonight and right back to work at
10:30 in the morning. Most of the people I work with prefer day shift. I like to sleep late every
chance I get, so I volunteer to close nightly. But I haven't been to church in so long, I am
really starting to resent my job.
p> The only REAL solution I see, after 12 years in this field, is get out of retail. It
has changed SO much in the past 10 years, that I can't really take pride in my work anymore.
There is too much "extra crap" to have to deal with - too much polotics. I am from the old customer
service school. It doesn't have much rewards lately.
Stores aren't allowed to have enough staff to run sufficiantly. Downsize, downsize, downsize!!!
This is still the best boss I have worked for in retail. This is why it is time for me to learn
something new. I am just too old and tired to keep this up. And today was the slap in the face
I needed to let me know my dedication is on a one-way street. I have said of others for years;
you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well, looks like I'm the old dog now. I am the hard-head
at K-Mart when the line has 7-12 people in it, one open register, who asks for the manager.
Then, after dragging him from important (?) business, asks him if he has any cash register
knowledge or if he has a clue where his paychecks or benefits originate. By then, if he hasn't
seen fit to cooperate, I ask if he has ever put up stock. Because that is what he can do with
my items - on a nice day.
I realize companies have "downsized" so they can keep the profits on the corporate end all across America. This is why knowledgable help is almost impossible to find when we shop. This is why I said time to get out, instead of move on. In retail, I am AT the best place for me. But I'm not getting any younger. And, honestly, with three employees working at a time, 4 phonelines ringing, 7 people waiting for parts, ang 3 waiting to pay so they can leave, my old nerves just aren't up to it anymore. But change is so scary at 39yrs. old!!! What is even more scary is doing only half of what I am capable of doing to help a customer so I can help some of the other people waiting. STRESS!!!
Yes, time for a severe change. It is something I have no choice about. I guess it is TIME for me & my kind to get out. I am too young to retire and too stubborn to turn into an automated airhead. Back to school...the only logical solution. All I can do is stay with what I know, continue to do my best with what I have, and take classes on the side in another field away from retail.
Time to TRY to sleep. Goodnight; from the last dinosaur.
11-16-00
Guess I'm no good at staying angry. That has always made me a pushover. Well, I AM off this
coming Sunday. My boss scheduled himself in my place to make it happen. The schedule sent
down from corperate had me on again. It is SUPPOSED to be set up on a rotation which gives
everyone a full weekend off every 6 weeks. As most things, it is computerized and CAN'T see
that people quit, people take vacations, people have emergencies, etc. I prefer this co. over any,
but working in a store, I see this as their biggest flaw. It would be best for all if schedules for people
were made by people. Not only does this system keep the coverage off, it also wastes payroll on
someone spending hours (I've seen several take days) redoing it to fit the store needs. Everything
has flaws, but this is a BIG blooper. I have known scheduling to be a problem all the years I've
been here. I honestly think this is why. Doctors' appt.'s and family events can't be scheduled around
your work if you have no idea when you work or when you are off. This leads to absenteeism, at
the best. At it's worst, it leads to a loss of good employees. I, personally, hate factory work. But
I have often been tempted, just to get a regular schedule so I can be a part of my family again.
I hear many discuss that, and have seen many leave for it. It is easy to see where the problems
are on the bottom from standing on the bottom. THIS is why retail has a huge turnover. It is not
really the money or lack of. People just need stability. I DO. If there is a rare 2 or 3 days off in a
row, you generally work 8 or 9 in a row to make it up without overtime pay. It's not healthy that
way. Most corperate offices are closed each weekend, so anyone who can fix it doesn't even see
a problem. Promotions don't hold any appeal in this area, as we see our supervisors working all
hours, too...only more of them. Maybe one day, someone on top will get there from the bottom
and realize this needs to be addressed.
For now, it is time for me to get ready for work. Yes, I am very attached to those I work with and will be where I am as long as I stay in retail. But I DO intend to get myself back in school and earn a degree in another field. I need to do this for myself. Take care. CHRIS
11-18-00
I accept the facts - I am simply nuts! Gotta be. I have a husband who is home all the time, cooks
my supper every night, and has NEVER ever attempted to hit me (any man who did would surely
be laid to rest soon after). I have a job I enjoy, working with people I truly care about. I have a
wonderful son who works six days a week and has ALWAYS given his mother nothing but respect
and love. Now I ask - why do I get so manic? Because I'm nuts! Gotta be it. Not unlike a spoiled
brat.
God has TRULY been good to me. I have so much to be thankful for, and I fully intend to
start remembering that. Sometimes it takes a lot to wake a person up and bring them back to
reality. And sometimes, it just takes an honest conversation with a true friend.
Thanks, Jean,
for the beautiful yellow rose.
Life is
too short to not enjoy and tenderly grasp every moment we can.
