11-18-00 6:05PM
My last addition to this Diary was at 1:30 this morning. Needless to say, after my online commitment
to be more posative and have a brighter outlook, I went to bed and had a talk with the
Man upstairs. Much to my surprize (and others', I'm sure), I woke up to a blanket of beautiful
white snow this morning. Now I ask; what better day for a new beginning? The air has been
cleansed, the ground has been dressed in a fresh, new vibrant hugh. And what is the color of
purity? Yes, white. I'm no angel and never will be. But I know God heard my prayer last night.
My son and his girlfriend just went home. My husband and little dog are now taking a Sunday afternoon nap. We all had a wonderful dinner. My son came over earlier in the week and killed squirrel. I hadn't made squirrel gravy for him in years. He had asked his dad to ask me if I would make it for him "when I got time" so he could have it this Sunday. He is used to me not being here when he comes over. Sunday is his only regular day off & I usually work. He was really surprized when he called me at work & I told him I would be here. It was like an early Thanksgiving. I felt as though I had been away for a very long time & returned for a wonderful family reunion. We had cooked squirrel, gravy, my son made biscuits, and my husband baked a fresh ham & a pumpkin pie. I just wanted to return & share this wonderful day, as I am not a napper (I have a hard time just sleeping at night!).
I do, though, dread to see winter return. It would be
a wonderful time of year if not for greed. The ice makes the roads hazardous, and most places
of business refuse to close for fear of missing a dollar. They literally insist on risking the lives
of employees to stay open. As few people as venture out, I KNOW it must cost more than they
earn just to pay salaries & keep the lights on. But those decisions are usually made by someone
miles away from harms way. So they don't have to be wise choices.
When I was younger, I loved
driving in the snow! Now, it is not a fear of death, but a fear of pain & AGGRAVATION that
makes me want to avoid it when I can. Face it, after a wreck, you lose work and paychecks, can
NEVER get your auto fixed back right, and have a constant fight from insurance companies
which you pay every month to try to protect yourself from these losses. And how long does an
area stay frozen up any way? It's a huge risk to take, when if it happens to you, you are the only
loser. The only loss for employers is if the employee is laid up or killed and it throws them
shorthanded for a little while. I guess this is just one of those things where we have to weigh out
the options and all do what is best for us and our families. I suppose some folks get into financial
binds and simply CAN'T afford to not work for a day. And there are many who live close to their
jobs where this doesn't really pose a threat. I live out in the country where salt trucks are never
seen. When I was young, come to think of it, I lived where the roads were taken care of by the
county, so driving through a blizzard was a thrill...not a crapshoot. I DO miss that sometimes.
Oh well. Whine, whine. See ya!
12-01-00
Tis the season to be.....this is the part where I always get confused. I loved Christmas with all my
heart as a child. I liked it a lot as a young adult, too. Now, I'm kind of just tired of the hassle. I
think TOO much goes into the "shopping season" and not enough into the "love season". I have
a lot of people I care about, and they show so much mixed emotions it is scary. My husband
doesn't really like Christmas at all, my Mom loves it so much I am afraid she is getting TOO
excited, and I have already noticed my customers getting impatient (and some, downright nasty).
Now is this a celebration of the birth of Christ? The media is hyped up, speculating the people
to spend about $2000 per family. I seriously doubt that impresses Jesus much.
My store manager
put me in charge of decorating the store windows. I had a blast! It was fun. We have several huge
windows, so it allowed room for everything...Santa, reindeer,snowmen,etc. We put a big Merry
Christmas, a Happy New Year, a Feliz Navidad, etc. And since this all began with the birth of
Christ, appropriately at the center on the bottom, I included a manger scene. Over it, I wrote a
big Happy Birthday. One of our customers came in and said, "You're doing it up right, aint ya,
girl? Who's birthday?" When I replied, "Jesus", he looked puzzled and said "oh. Yeah!" It is
amazing how He seems to have gotten lost in the shuffle. It was obvious that this man knew
Him, as the palor of his face showed shame. But he is not unlike most of us. At all times of the
year, I stay too wrapped up in myself to give Him the thought He deserves...even Christmas
time. Just something to think about.
I hope this will be the best Christmas ever in America. I don't expect any miracles, but I DO plan to get through it again this year. With my parents in WV and my son in NC, I imagine most of mine will be spent on the road. If I get to see my mom reveling in joy, that will be the best gift for me. She loves it so. I just pray that her health holds up. Well, I'm rambling. Take care. Chris
12-11-00
I finally had a weekend off. I spent it in WV with my mom. She was SO surprized! I worry about her a lot. She is 73 now, and has aged so much in the
last couple of years. She had a heart attack a couple yrs. ago that almost took her away from us.
She had had a stroke that the Dr.'s didn't know about, so when she was taken to the E.R. with
her heart, they gave her a clot buster shot, which can be fatal to anyone who has suffered a
stroke. With a lot of prayers, she pulled through, but her mind has not been the same since. Last
night, as we sat in her livingroom, she asked dad to take her home. He asked where she thought
she was, she looked at me and said, "why, I guess we're at Crystal's." Once we told her I had come
to visit her and she WAS home, she started laughing at herself. That is how she is. Many people
would become frustrated after all she's been through, but she keeps that beautiful sense of humor
of hers. I believe, though, that sometimes she DOES get so tired she gets homesick. I KNOW
she has a better place to go, but for selfish reasons, we all keep praying for more Christmas's
with her. She doesn't just make Christmas good for our family, she IS Christmas to us.
Better close for now. Back to work tommorrow. I don't know how many days in a row I have ahead of me to pay for this 3day weekend, but I AM thankful for it. This old neck is stiff as a poker again after that trip, so I think I'll grab a hot shower before bedtime.
12-20-00
We had our store Christmas party here
Sunday evening. I HOPE everyone enjoyed it. I really wasn't feeling well, but tried to keep a happy face. I am SO drained. I FINALLY went & got my lung xray yesterday...not good. I knew it wouldn't be, so I was trying to hold off until after Christmas. I simply couldn't go on. My doc called.
It seems I have pneumonia again & cracked a rib coughing so much. I knew the results of the xray wouldn't be pretty, but it could have been something worse. Pneumonia IS curable. She sent me home to bed until after Christmas. THIS does not make for a white Christmas. My whole body aches and I just couldn't fake it any longer. Sooo...here I am again...on my butt in front of this computer.
And a nice computer it is. The woman who built it just does not realize how talented she is. She is a REAL computer whiz. I have never even seen one to compare to this. I still can't hardly believe it is mine. IT HAS EVERYTHING.
Gotta get some rest. PLEASE say a prayer for me tonight. If I can make it through the rest of this year, I will be a VERY fortunate woman.
God bless you, and have a VERY Merry Christmas.
12-22-00
My husband is out finishing the Christmas shopping. I thank God for him. If it weren't for him,
there would be no Christmas here this year. I still feel crappy. I have always been the one to tell
everyone to keep a posative outlook, but mine is busted. Feel like I have taken the lion's share
of troubles lately. Something has to give soon, because God promised not to put more on us than
we can stand. I KNOW I can't handle much more. But that is what I thought a month ago, too.
A friend of mine told me last week that she intends to bring in the new year in a tub of hot water.
She said that at midnight, she is going under head & all to wash this past year off. I am not that
brave. I have already spent the whole year in over my head, and the way it has gone, I would be
afraid of drowning myself! So, I hope to bring it in with my loved ones...my husband, son, and
my son's girlfriend. If we can all be here to do that, after all has come to pass, I will feel VERY
blessed indeed.
12-23-00
This will more than likely be my last entry in here until after Christmas. I am still feeling really rough & my temp is 101 today.
I wanted to at least come back to share a Christmas poem with you.
I wrote this one years ago, and hope someone will get some good from it. I hope you all have
a wonderful Christmas. Chris
"The Birthday Present"
Christmas is here once again;
the very busiest season.
Everyone shuffles about.
But do we remember the reason?
All of the shoppers in all of the stores,
shoving others out of their way...
Is this the celebration of the birth of Christ?
Are they wishing each other a nice day?
Perhaps we all should just slow down,
and learn to enjoy the holiday spirit.
Wish a sad looking stranger a "Merry Christmas".
It may do him good just to hear it.
Remember; this is Jesus' birthday.
It would be the greatest gift to Him
if we would all just exchange kindnesses,
and let Love fill our hearts to the rim.
12-27-00
I DID make it back alive, although I had some serious doubts whether I would or not. I made
it through Christmas day with my husband & the kids without complaining TOO much, but finally
had to give in and go to the ER that night. The doc said he was amazed that my oxygen level was
good enough to let me come home, as my right lung was FULL of pneumonia. HE gave me some
strong antibiotics and I am feeling better now. He gave me the same ones that I had called my
HMO doc & tried to get them to call in for me when I first got this mess back in Oct.! He wouldn't
do THAT. He had to SEE me (charge for a visit). Once he did, THOSE antibiotics weren't sufficiant.
I would have to take a NEW, stronger antibiotic to cure pneumonia (HMO guinie pig). After four
visits to their office, two months of struggling for breath, coughing until my back & chest are so
sore, they are untouchable, I have finally seen a REAL doctor who (without my request) prescribed
exactly what I tried to get two months, 4 visits, and SEVERAL lost wages and medical expenses ago.
I am SO glad that as of 1-1-01, i and my co-workers will no longer have this HMO. This will inevitably
make for a better work environment as well (less illness absenteeism). There was a time when if
illness struck me, I could run to my Doc's office on my lunchbreak, get a good old fashioned shot
in the behind & a prescription, and scoot on back to work, not missing an hour. This was the Pre-HMO
Era. I think maybe corperate America is FINALLY seeing what is happening to us & them and
doing something about it. At least my Co. is. I am greatful for that. This was a HUGE concern I
had about staying with this co., and one thing that made me leave it a couple years ago. Now
it seems that is finally being taken care of. It was truly one of only two reasons I debated whether to return
or not, and have considered even leaving again (of course the other reason being scheduling).
My mother is the reason I started this. A few months ago while visiting her, she gave me a
gift that no amount of money could ever buy from me. It was a journal that she had written back
in 1986-87. I have cried many times while reading it. Mom has always been a very smart woman,
but I never realized HOW smart and thoughtful until reading her thoughts. It was like REALLY
finally getting to know her, woman to woman. I was SO glad she gave it to me. It is so personal,
and something that does NOT need to be in dad's posession if she should go home before him.
They have always loved each other very much, but when 2 people live together, there are times
we get on each other's nerves. I, personally, have had moments in here when I have been less than kind toward
my husband, although I HAVEN'T written every anger, bearing this in mind.
Time to get off here. Still not fully powered yet and getting tired easy.
LATER! Chris
12-30-00
Looking like I am going to survive this year after all. I must say, it has been the roughest of my 39 years. About a week ago, I had serious doubts if I would be here or not. I guess God isn't finished with me here yet. I THANK GOD FOR THAT! I didn't FEEL finished here yet, either. But it was out of my hands. Goes to show, we never know.
It is a beautiful, but cold, day here. The doc said I can't go back to work until next Thursday; and then only if I get a good chest xray. I am feeling much better now and getting restless - cabin fever. So I rode out to town with my husband last night to pick up a pizza. He warmed his truck up for me and that DID get me out of the house a little while. I gripe and complain when things are good about having too much to do, then at times like this, I want it all back. I'm living proof that you really can't please a woman. Guess I just like to stay at the heart of things. But if we were easy to please, men would have no incentive toward improvement. Right? What if we were willing to settle with the way things were 20 years ago? A lot of good things would have never come to pass. At least that's what we want to believe.
I really don't have a big New Year celebration planned. Guess I'll keep it quiet & simple this year. As a family custom, my husband ordered a basket of fresh oysters. He and my son enjoy grilling them out each year. YUCK!!! I can't even be bold enough to try them because they smell so bad. My son's girlfriend & I will have something else that WE consider good. Last year she made a DELICIOUS chicken cassirole. She is a wonderful cook and a very special young woman - the answer to any mother's prayers. I love her as a daughter. She and my son are a very special young couple that I don't thank God for often enough.
One of my co-workers, that I call Poppy, now has pneumonia. I really feel for him so much. This thing has been so hard on me, I don't see how he can handle it, with his age and health problems. I have grown to love him & his wife a lot. He is constantly in my prayers, as I am not sure where his relationship with Jesus stands. I do know he is a wonderful man with a good heart. I just haven't ever heard him say that he has talked to Jesus & developed a personal relationship with him. That worries me. But then, we never know someone else's heart, do we? Seems so many people tend to think you have to have a clean record & be perfect to ever see heaven. Heaven would be empty if that were true. Maybe that was the way it was before Jesus came; I'm not sure. But I am sure He came and took care of all that.
WELL! Aint I preachy?!! Not really. Just concerned about people I love. Guess I've said enough for this time. So y'all take care.
Let's get to the next page & next subject!
