To most people the Language Exchange is an implied activity that suggests swapping language practice in one language for language practice in another and on the surface that is what is implied and meant. It also suggests that there is an equal exchange of value.

However simple though this may seem, most ex-pats who have experienced such transactions can attest to the fact that such exchanges are mostly single language dominated and are of one-way benefit causing the ex-pat, usually, much disillusionment.

Why is it so?

Firstly, both parties entering into such an exchange rarely define the expectations of each party and the outcomes necessary to complete the exchange – call this a “needs analysis” or a ‘terms and conditions” statement.

Secondly, the value of the exchange is highly misunderstood and unequal right from the start. To explain this further, consider the following inequalities:

Inequality 1 - One person usually initiates a request for Language exchange. This person’s need for the exchange is usually higher and more personally driven and motivated than the person who finally agrees to the exchange.

Inequality 2 – The person who agrees to the exchange, in most cases is a native speaker AND (usually a qualified instructor or) teacher of their native language. The person making the request is usually a student of a second language and in most cases not a teacher of their own language or even teacher qualified.

Inequality 3 – Usually, both parties do not share the same level of language development in their chosen L2, thus the amount of time spent on the exchange is dominated mostly by the common language to both parties.

Inequality 4 – payment is usually negotiated as something  “in kind” whoever the value of such a payment, it is usually grossly undervalued when each party’s skills, knowledge, effort, time and input is taken into account. Any attempt at readjusting the imbalance usually results in the initiator moving on.

Thirdly, such language exchanges often take advantage of good will, connections, obligation, or implied (sometimes overt) offers of sexual favour. The taking of advantage is the issue here – utilising various ways and means for one party to greatly benefit at the other’s expense, be it time, energy, money, or desire.

In the face of such a situation then one could be quite justified in saying, “Hmmmm, you offer an interesting proposal…. Let me consider it and I’ll see what can be done…” as a way of saying, “no thanks I really like you but I’ve been taken for a ride too many times before, so I’m just not interested.” However, sometimes, be it politically, culturally, or socially incorrect, you have to bluntly state “The 3 P’s” right up front.

The 3 P’s, what on earth are those? Like any exchange, transaction, deal, agreement there are some fundamentally basic rules. These can be simplified to payment and exit options. In the case of Cross-cultural Language Exchange, the 3 P’s are:

Pay Up, Put Out, or Piss Off!

Now before you jump up and down, excited by your own sense of controversy, let me qualify these.

Firstly the order of the phrase is important. Change the first two parts and you completely change the exchange dynamic: some would argue that in “real life” such a change would reflect the reality of what actually goes on in language exchange – the contention here is Language Exchange involves both ex-pat women and men, with parties of the same and/or opposite sex, hence the order as stated above.

Secondly, Language Exchange IS a transaction. It is unequally balanced with the ex-pat party being the main provider of services within the exchange. Therefore payment of suitable and agreeably value is in order. This could involve cash, gifts, covering of expenses or some other payment of agreed value. To give examples of this, consider a professional mentor, discourse partner, corporate companion, or coach.

Thirdly, most persons seeking language exchange are either not in a position to pay, in a monetary sense for the exchange so they bring to the table their own skills, abilities and experiences. Sometimes, the person seeking the exchange has nothing else to offer beyond providing personal services which could range from translation duties, purchasing and house keeping, social escort, right through to intimate sexual liaison. To give examples of this, consider the “live in” (long-haired/bedroom) dictionary, the corporate consort, professional escort, the part time/casual girlfriend or boyfriend, or potential spouse.

Fourthly, one of the major conflicts that exist in Language Exchange is the unwillingness of the person seeking language exchange to complete the exchange. In other words once they get what they want they disappear, leaving the provider at a loose end either not having satisfactorily received anything in return, or receiving something not to their expectation or sense of equivalent value.

Language Exchange has existed in a variety of forms long before today’s problems and concerns. So too have strategies for managing such a transaction. The main one that concerns us, based on modern thinking, relates to obtaining fair and equitable value from the exchange.

Unfortunately, in most cases the person seeking a language exchange is a native of a country where an ex-pat is temporarily domiciled and the ex-pat is usually a teacher of their own native tongue as a second language. Thus the onus must fall on the ex-pat to manage the initial discussions that eventually allow for such an exchange to occur.

To this point the ex-pat needs to do the following:

1. They must clearly establish the needs of each party. These needs must be clearly understood by each party.
2. They must clearly establish the skill/expertise offered by each party. Where there is a clear imbalance in skills this must be considered in the discussions.
3. They must clearly establish the language levels of each party and identify the common language. Having done so, this needs to be factored into the discussion.
4. They must develop a clear and simple program that outlines specifically how much time will be devoted to each party’s language learning needs.
5. If an imbalance clearly exists additionally payment over and above the swap must be established and the form that payment may take.
6. They must be aware that some language exchange seekers are not willing to provide mutually agreeable exchange therefore they may need to say goodbye to the person, no matter how enthusiastic or attractive that person may appear to be.

Language Exchange can be a valuable way of improving cross-cultural relationships and interactions. It allows for experiencing and developing greater understanding of different cultures based on first hand experience. It has often been complicated by misunderstanding of the situation by both parties, as well as exploitation of one party by another. Keeping a careful eye on the 3 P’s: “Pay Up, Put Out or Piss Off!” can allow for persons to enter into a language exchange transaction in a more enlightened and informed manner. Thus, reducing the imbalances that are inherent in what is a seemingly simple exchange.

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Professional Development: Functioning in an Alien Society 101

*Originally posted on the TEFLChina Forum.