I was with a colleague. We were inspecting some ruins. It was a large complex of stone buildings, Mayan in design and decoration. People had mapped out the extent of the complex and cleared away most of the vegetation, but the work was incomplete. The whole eastern seaboard side was missing, literally, all the way across to a sinuous and snaky, stone lined ridge.

Elements of the size of this city sized complex were hinted at in drawings and wall illustrations but essential details still needed to be sketched in. We were part of a multinational working group, invited to survey the remaining vacant areas and to document our findings.

We started at the north east entrance to the complex and walked towards the southernmost part of the ridge, which wound its way along the western shoreline and up towards a solitary peak in the north-eastern corner. It took us several hours of hard walking just to get to the start of the ridge.

Looking west from this place revealed nothing, just small Spartan expanses of darkly coloured sandy beach that hugged the ridge and an eroding cliff face. We began to trace the ridge and soon noticed that the path became more “Great Wall” like with each passing foot fall.

With the sun riding high we trudged onwards along this narrow stony path lined in places by steeply receding, constructed, stone walls as it ducked and weaved sharply around on itself. It was clear from the condition of the stone that wheels were not welcome here. Everything must have been carried in, for the pathway was so steep, in places, narrow and windy, that small foot-sized steps had been cut into the rock, accompanied by hand sized grip holes on either side. So we climbed, even as the sun had begun to sink into the west, and climbed until we reached the peak. What a sight to greet us!

Longitudinally oriented, a moderately decorated step pyramid stood prominent at the east end of a narrow, low building flanked court, facing a large north-south wall at the western end The wall covered in glyphs and carvings which hinted at music, dance and distant communications via magical messages passed through the air; for some reason we felt that there was something behind that wall, behind what seemed like a door, but would not yield to open.

We traced ourselves under and away from the wall, moving along and down the steep Cliffside until we found a smallish gap in the almost sheer wall. After much hacking, pulling and cursing at gashed knuckles we discovered in this creeper filled abyss some steep ladder-like steps which exited onto a jagged platform. A stone spit jutted out towards the sea from the centre of an incredibly smooth, carved stone wall, at the end of this spit a shallow, gently concaved basin of white rock, big enough to hold several people.

Sitting in the basin we marvelled at the wall, the sound of sea birds in the distance was pure and smooth, and we looked out to the sea. I spilt my water bottle, even as the sun began to pale into redder tones, and the sounds became even more distinct. Incredible! The basin was somehow focussing the sound, somehow able to fine tune it with the addition of water.

We walked back to the wall and on closer inspection discovered a small door, half broken, at its base. Peering through, we could see a low tunnel running back into the wall. We began to crawl through and soon found ourselves in a strangely shaped room. On the west side the backside of the curved wall that faced the sea, on the east separated by several meters ran the opposite wall, like some kind of  north-south tangent to a stone parabola, and covered in pictogram and carvings – great cities of the past? There were three of them, one at zero degrees, the other two, on either side at approximately thirty degrees. Lines traced a carved channel towards the curved wall, intersecting at a guess at the white stone basin, outside. Surrounding the cities, carvings hinted of people sitting at this focal point and singing. In my mind, I could hear the polyphonic, tonal song of healers chants.

Suddenly, tremors shook the wall, rocks began to fall, a great and terrible rending and screeching of stone on stone, tore through the air and the great curved wall peeled away from the side of the cliff. Stunned and with our backs to the eastern wall, we watched as this mighty dish tumbled and crashed into the rocks and sea below. Our position was precarious, and now with the rapidly fading, dusky light we needed to find a way off this retched spot. Soon we found a lever and the door that was noticed in the wall, earlier in the day swung open leading us back into the complex.

It was a communications complex! A Mayan Radio shack; A place for meditation and healing with sound. Imagine! If you will, two parabolic dishes perfectly aligned to hear each other over a distance. Would they truly roach out, across the sea, or just to another place on the eastern edge? An edge swallowed by the sea. The answer to this we may never know. The sea in its ravenous hunger, had begun to devour the sun and the cold to rapidly rise. We pitched our tents and made a small fire against the night and watched the cold red glow die in the west.

To most people the Language Exchange is an implied activity that suggests swapping language practice in one language for language practice in another and on the surface that is what is implied and meant. It also suggests that there is an equal exchange of value.

However simple though this may seem, most ex-pats who have experienced such transactions can attest to the fact that such exchanges are mostly single language dominated and are of one-way benefit causing the ex-pat, usually, much disillusionment.

Why is it so?

Firstly, both parties entering into such an exchange rarely define the expectations of each party and the outcomes necessary to complete the exchange – call this a “needs analysis” or a ‘terms and conditions” statement.

Secondly, the value of the exchange is highly misunderstood and unequal right from the start. To explain this further, consider the following inequalities:

Inequality 1 - One person usually initiates a request for Language exchange. This person’s need for the exchange is usually higher and more personally driven and motivated than the person who finally agrees to the exchange.

Inequality 2 – The person who agrees to the exchange, in most cases is a native speaker AND (usually a qualified instructor or) teacher of their native language. The person making the request is usually a student of a second language and in most cases not a teacher of their own language or even teacher qualified.

Inequality 3 – Usually, both parties do not share the same level of language development in their chosen L2, thus the amount of time spent on the exchange is dominated mostly by the common language to both parties.

Inequality 4 – payment is usually negotiated as something  “in kind” whoever the value of such a payment, it is usually grossly undervalued when each party’s skills, knowledge, effort, time and input is taken into account. Any attempt at readjusting the imbalance usually results in the initiator moving on.

Thirdly, such language exchanges often take advantage of good will, connections, obligation, or implied (sometimes overt) offers of sexual favour. The taking of advantage is the issue here – utilising various ways and means for one party to greatly benefit at the other’s expense, be it time, energy, money, or desire.

In the face of such a situation then one could be quite justified in saying, “Hmmmm, you offer an interesting proposal…. Let me consider it and I’ll see what can be done…” as a way of saying, “no thanks I really like you but I’ve been taken for a ride too many times before, so I’m just not interested.” However, sometimes, be it politically, culturally, or socially incorrect, you have to bluntly state “The 3 P’s” right up front.

The 3 P’s, what on earth are those? Like any exchange, transaction, deal, agreement there are some fundamentally basic rules. These can be simplified to payment and exit options. In the case of Cross-cultural Language Exchange, the 3 P’s are:

Pay Up, Put Out, or Piss Off!

Now before you jump up and down, excited by your own sense of controversy, let me qualify these.

Firstly the order of the phrase is important. Change the first two parts and you completely change the exchange dynamic: some would argue that in “real life” such a change would reflect the reality of what actually goes on in language exchange – the contention here is Language Exchange involves both ex-pat women and men, with parties of the same and/or opposite sex, hence the order as stated above.

Secondly, Language Exchange IS a transaction. It is unequally balanced with the ex-pat party being the main provider of services within the exchange. Therefore payment of suitable and agreeably value is in order. This could involve cash, gifts, covering of expenses or some other payment of agreed value. To give examples of this, consider a professional mentor, discourse partner, corporate companion, or coach.

Thirdly, most persons seeking language exchange are either not in a position to pay, in a monetary sense for the exchange so they bring to the table their own skills, abilities and experiences. Sometimes, the person seeking the exchange has nothing else to offer beyond providing personal services which could range from translation duties, purchasing and house keeping, social escort, right through to intimate sexual liaison. To give examples of this, consider the “live in” (long-haired/bedroom) dictionary, the corporate consort, professional escort, the part time/casual girlfriend or boyfriend, or potential spouse.

Fourthly, one of the major conflicts that exist in Language Exchange is the unwillingness of the person seeking language exchange to complete the exchange. In other words once they get what they want they disappear, leaving the provider at a loose end either not having satisfactorily received anything in return, or receiving something not to their expectation or sense of equivalent value.

Language Exchange has existed in a variety of forms long before today’s problems and concerns. So too have strategies for managing such a transaction. The main one that concerns us, based on modern thinking, relates to obtaining fair and equitable value from the exchange.

Unfortunately, in most cases the person seeking a language exchange is a native of a country where an ex-pat is temporarily domiciled and the ex-pat is usually a teacher of their own native tongue as a second language. Thus the onus must fall on the ex-pat to manage the initial discussions that eventually allow for such an exchange to occur.

To this point the ex-pat needs to do the following:

1. They must clearly establish the needs of each party. These needs must be clearly understood by each party.
2. They must clearly establish the skill/expertise offered by each party. Where there is a clear imbalance in skills this must be considered in the discussions.
3. They must clearly establish the language levels of each party and identify the common language. Having done so, this needs to be factored into the discussion.
4. They must develop a clear and simple program that outlines specifically how much time will be devoted to each party’s language learning needs.
5. If an imbalance clearly exists additionally payment over and above the swap must be established and the form that payment may take.
6. They must be aware that some language exchange seekers are not willing to provide mutually agreeable exchange therefore they may need to say goodbye to the person, no matter how enthusiastic or attractive that person may appear to be.

Language Exchange can be a valuable way of improving cross-cultural relationships and interactions. It allows for experiencing and developing greater understanding of different cultures based on first hand experience. It has often been complicated by misunderstanding of the situation by both parties, as well as exploitation of one party by another. Keeping a careful eye on the 3 P’s: “Pay Up, Put Out or Piss Off!” can allow for persons to enter into a language exchange transaction in a more enlightened and informed manner. Thus, reducing the imbalances that are inherent in what is a seemingly simple exchange.

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Professional Development: Functioning in an Alien Society 101

*Originally posted on the TEFLChina Forum.