[27 Feb 2006 |
Monday]
just an update
Current mood: happy
tra la la i have to get the car to jens so he can go to skewl... and
then i have to walk to work at 3 and then he is
coming to see me near the end of my shift. i will have to buy him wing zings for being so sweet
and thoughtful hehe. he must
really be bored to want to hang out with me at work. you have to admit... jens and i really don't see each
other a lot anymore... and when we do it's out of convenience rather than want
so i want to make it a point to go out once or twice
each month (when we get $$) and make it special so we don't have to bother each
other about never getting to "do anything" lol.
but i do love those lazy
days like this weekend... that was nice and needed. i wuv ewe jensie!
HARRY FREAKING POTTER IS COMING!!! WOOT!
yeah there is this thing on the
second (thursday) and i
want to go to it, possibly an advanced showing? anyone want to join me?
now i
will drive home and fantasize about ron weasley!
oh and fyi
i am considering a road trip to
[23 Feb 2006 |
Thursday]
debating debating [part
2]
Current mood:
discontent
i am
really confused as to whom i would like to date...
this stems from a conversation with emilaaay (lol) last night. she kept saying:
emily:
guess what?
me: what?
emily:
you should date my cousin
i laugh
but then i think... why not?
and then i think about other
people who i am on pretty much the same terms with...
we will call these guys; pieper, harry
potter and gravy. i want
people's opinions of who i should date or at least
consider for dating...
case # 1: pieper is in his mid
twenties, he worked at apac before they went under,
he has a house and loves music and we have a lot of the same tastes but
different enough to keep things interesting. he can get rather annoying and
exhibits certain homoerotic tendencies (he thinks boys are pretty and has
kissed them before) if you know me you know this is a no-no (that was a weird
sentence) and he is also very "knowledgeable" meaning he puts himself
out there as an educated person (which he is) but has a slightly skewed vision
of society, stoner mentalities if you will. and the
one word i can describe him as is, conspiritist.
case # 2: harry
potter shares many common interests with myself, we both like, you guessed it, harry potter. he has always liked
me regardless of how i have treated him and he is
sweet and giving. he has a full time job (manager) and
is just out of high school with future plans to go to college. but he is immature in some ways, firstly he is younger than
me and doesn't drive and still lives at home. he is
very nervous around me at times but becomes more outgoing, especially if there
is competition involved. he is nice and we can have a
conversation, mostly on the phone but a bit more is developing in person. the one word i can use to describe
him is, innocent. (he is the only virgin in this
debate)
case # 3: gravy has been my friend
for a very long time. we seem to send each other mixed
signals all the time. he is caring and understanding
but can be self-important and self-centered. he
doesn't really make an effort to call me and he is preoccupied with video
games. he is only twenty-two and already makes a lot
of money (that isn't terribly important to me) but it is impressive being he
already finished school and is buying his house, has a car and whatnot. he is cute but i am having a bit
of trouble with the older brother complex. he
expressed interest in me pre-jens but has yet to
exhibit any unmistakable signs post-jens. he is very intelligent but always has to be right. the one word that describes him is, friend.
what should i
do? did i miss any
contenders? am i crazy? i just need to see the pro and
cons of each guy so i don't count out someone who i could really care for on a more intimate level. at some point i have felt
sexual/love attraction towards them but it all seems to pass momentarily. i don't want to be with someone
because i am alone and i
don't want to just pick someone out of convenience or chance (flip a coin)
please give me any valuable insight
you may have or direct any blind dates (you think might actually work) my way.
until then this debate rages on....
debating debating [part
1]
Current mood: amused
we had a debate in sociology today over the death penalty, i am for it only for terrible murderers who have no remorse
and who planned it all out but i sat on the against
side because i think it is much more logical and i can argue it better right... well i
am glad i did because the for side was comprised of
dumb hicks, i mean they actually threw out religion
first you would think you would stick to your strong points, they kept clapping
and yelling and they were completely grounding all of their arguments in
feeling and emotion which is not the way to go about debating. my point (which
the porfessor had everyone right down) was that in
order for the death penalty to be a deterrent it must be swift and sure (most
inmates are on death row 9 1/2 years before they are executed) if we do kill
people i think it should be painful, like the old
days... seriously who would be afraid of a little lethal injection? stick them in a torture device and then they can understand
the pain they inflict on others. life in prison isn't the best solution either
but at least i am not some dumb uneducated hick that
argues "eye for an eye" i mean REALLY and
then they were talking about it and our side (jokingly i
think) threw out how Jesus would feel... i started
laughing it was the most energetic sociology class i've
been in. i wanted to slap this dumb bitch though, lol.
anyway enough about my boring
day... or is it... muhaha.
i have to clean and grade papers
and finish my fiction paper (grr) and possibly study
some for soc and humanities... oh shit and read utopia lol,
or maybe not.... it is so bland... yuck.
this weekend will be fun though, i work sat night and sunday but fri is going to be great, movies, food, games, yayness.
i swear
if jens doesn't do those damn dishes JENS I SWEAR IF
YOU DON'T DO THOSE DISHES I WILL WAIL ON YOU, LOL.
(i'm not
kidding, seriously freaking do them lol)
my car is so sexy!!!! woot!
[21 Feb 2006 |
Tuesday]
go go go johnny, go!!
Current mood: busy
welp i am doing hw... bleh i have a crap load. i have to
finish my lit paper, read utopia, write a sociology paper on the death penalty,
study humanities (i have no idea what's going on) erm... oral communication is ok but i
have to work on that big group project for our meeting in a week and on top of
that i work today but not before going to get the
plates on my car and after that i am finishing all
the work i don't get done now. *gasp* and i need to go apply at the hotel across the street as they
are hiring and i need to find a new job. i am going to hopefully have a new
better job by the end of the month... well march anyway then i can work for a few months to save up a deposit to get the
hell out of here.
i am
doing ok i school actually. i
mean i think i just care
too much about making good grades i am getting an A
in sociology as of the test but i missed a quiz that
day we had that huge storm but i can make up some
extra credit by going to an event and writing a paper on it... that would make
up some points, when i have time that is. oh well.
i am done
with talking about school though... i am hungry lol i have to leave for lunch
soon if i want anything but i
am tempted to just wait until i am off of school to
pick something up.
bah i don't think jens will be home tonight anyway, i
don't really care i've got a lot to do but he is
going to flunk out of school if he never goes and never does his hw. i am a little worried about it but
its his own choice i can't do anything. but he can't just ignore me and expect to use my car... i don't mind if he uses it but he could at least be nice if
i am going to give him a ride. i ain't no ride bitch, i only give rides to friends and if i
am obligated, my mother.
oh well today i am just tired...
that's all and tonight i will try to relax a
little.... *sigh* after work... but then i have 3
days off so that will be nice. but THEN i work 4 days in a row again, it gets hard when they are
all at different times and crap at least i have my
car now though.
romance is put on a temporary (or
permanent) hiatus. i don't
even want to think about it.
word to your mother. word
[20 Feb 2006 |
Monday]
woot rides for
all!
Current mood:
enthralled
vroooom vrooooom!!! (what the hell is mandy smokin'? read the rest of
the blog to find out!!!)
my weekend was pretty ok. i worked friday night and we were
so dead... we were also dead saturday evening when i worked again and wouldn't you know i
freaking made maybe 25$ between the two days? it
wouldn't be so bad except we had a bunch of extra people on because of the dart
thing and it was supposed to be WAY busy and no it wasn't.. that
is until the one night i didn't work, fucking A they
all went home with 50-70 bucks and i made like not
even half that in two aggravating nights. i
am glad i decided not to work on sunday...
it was a very lazy day...
i am mad
that jens drank all my alcohol, bastard. you owe me pucker!! he is enjoying
his drink lately, maybe i shouldn't have bought him
that bottle of vodka, it was only 10 bucks though. maybe
we can drink this next weekend... friday we are going
out with abbe and thane and then i
wanted to watch movies with tim and emily... and then maybe drink? that
sounds fun. i want to go to
a matinee because the movie we are going to see just sucks, maybe i will slip into a different movie when we get there...
bah.
i came to
school an hour early to get the papers of my group members, at lease renee sent hers. i
feel like a dork now because mine is much more involved and the rest of my
group apparently didn't write one at all! but my next
class is canceled and i get my car today! woot! so i can call my dad to either pick me up early or to pick me
up at home. i can't wait to
get my car!
i met steve friday as well, i guess you could say there wasn't a lot of spark going on
with that but he is a really nice guy. maybe i am not completely ready to date someone yet, but i would like to go out on dates with people. maybe i am just shy, i have never really dated anyone, i
mean jens and i just kind
of got together and were too busy to do much other than see each other at my
house. and then we moved in and were practically
married, except the sex was great lol. anyway.
i think
he is feeling more comfortable with me and we are much more open. last night... well hell yesterday he slept, lol ALL DAY. but i knew he was tired. i
cuddled him a little but mostly left him to it, i
woke him up for work and he was really pleasant as though he really needed the
sleep. he doesn't mind hugging me or showing affection
most of the time, that is what i need right now. to realize that i don't have to be
dating someone so they will give me affection, i can
count on my friends to hug and support me and make me laugh. most
times with jens are just great. although
i know he doesn't tell me the whole truth and there
are things about us that need to be fixed or forgotten, i
also know that he is loyal, in his own way. he sticks
up for me and protects me, if he will admit it or not. i might get to go home and say a quick hello before
he leaves for school...
if not i
only work until 630ish, he never specified any plans with anyone but i hope he can hang out for a bit, i
really, really want some tacos lol. he is my taco-buddy!!
if anyone else wants to hang out i have my car now (well after school) and this week i work today, tomorrow (3pm-630ish) saturday
(11pm-5am) sunday (4pm-8ish) and monday
(3pm-630ish). so let me know if you are free, i have class in the a.m. so i am
in cf and then my afternoons and evenings are free
depending upon how much homework they load on me.
freaking thane woke me up last
night, its my own fault though, i was sleeping at 130
in the morning lol, how silly of me. actually that's fair because i
usually am awake still, but today i knew i would have to come early. i hope other people sent their papers... i should go i have to grade this
one before class.
love yall
[17 Feb 2006 |
Friday]
today
bleh. i have had a rough night. i don't know why. i had a dream that was so weird...
i think it should inspire some art work or a movie or
something.. i just can't
shake it. i actually had an
ok week though i am forever confused. *sigh* i only missed one class on thursday...
thankfully but the class i missed was sociology and
we had a quiz and activity so that sucks, you can't make that stuff up but oh
well. i got an A on the
first test so i think i
should be ok. anyway... i
just feel down, i am going to go out with jens after school hopefully. i just can't stop thinking. everything
should be better, everything should be wonderful for me. i lost it all and now i am
coming to terms with having to fight for it all back again. my
self-worth self-respect and self-love. i
just miss feeling like i am the one for someone. like how i feel when i am in love, that person is the reason i
have the strength to get out of bed, i want to be
better for them. most people think my reasoning is
wrong but that plainly means they have never been in love.
someone can be your whole world,
because it is them who makes you whole. without them
you have missing pieces, if they complete you then how are they not the most
important aspect of your life?
i don't
have to think logically i am a fiery aries with passion that cannot be subdued by anything in
this world. i love fiercely
with a wild abandon and when i say i've got you-- i never let go.
i have
had a recent epiphany... i would love to voice a
band. i don't sing the best
but i have a hell of a lot to say.
i will
let you all know if it gets better.
"liberta,
bellezza, verita e
amore"
[15 Feb 2006 |
Wednesday]
blogy blog
Current mood: dorky
blog blogy blog blog
yay!
i am at
the library doing homework (ha) well trying to start some at least. last night was fun work was so busy....
a girl thru up all over the table
and then all over the bathroom and they didn't even tip! bastards,
oh well. i made like 50
bucks (one guy left me a 25$ tip) he was older and with his family so it was
nice. i got a lot of
compliments on my serving yesterday so i guess i actually gave a crap for once...
but yeah then i went out with davey to a.j.'s and it was ok,
the food wasn't great but it was still fun, we went to rent a movie and
couldn't find one we both wanted to see so we went to walmart
for a while and then went home and watched the craft. all
in all a pretty uneventful valentine's day (damn) oh well i
shall have better luck next year.
bah. my
group project thingy is good, we just had our meeting and we are going to be on
the entertainment committee for the relay for life and so i
have a little homework to do before march 31.
i don't
know what i am doing tonight but it should involve jens, emily and craziness yay!
i think i get my sexy perfume from her today (yay)
and so then we will attract the men tehe.
i got a
freaking A on my humanities test! woot.
i got like the highest score in the class on the
multiple choice (94) and i got a 90 on the essay
which is one of the highest... i think the only score
above me was a 92ish.
i am
going to check my sociology score after this *cross fingers* please let me get
an A i studied my butt off.
oh well i
guess no romance blossomed for me and no man is going to get me flowers or
chocolates or expensive dinners (though i did get a
reasonably priced meal from davey) but i don't care.
that's right i
don't care. men are utterly worthless most of the
time. but i do miss the
penis. sadly.
i am
rambling ... do do do do.... rambling....
i love ya all sucka's hit yo bitch up!!
[14 Feb 2006 |
Tuesday]
finally getting the credit i
deserve!!
Current mood: amused
i was
bored and decided to google my name... and guess
what?
i was the
first thing on the list and it was my award winning sayings from astronomy
class: you can read them here.
they are for remembering the
spectral sequence OBAFGKMLT
mine won and were:
• over behind a fence gangly kids mock little testicles
• ordinarily beans are fantastic - gas keeps men lonely
tonight
• our brainy astronomy freak gets kookie
many late Tuesdays
woot!
but then, but THEN i yahoo'd my name (i love the sound of that) and i
was the first four things!!
1. Classic
Upward Bound (CUB) :: Quarterly Newsletter :: Third
Quarter 2004
... Deanna Culpepper -
2. WCFCourier.com
| The
... Making their WCP debut are Mandy Fauser,
a freshman at UNI, as the lady with baby, and Amber Haley as the milkmaid ...
3. WCFCourier.com
| The
... Goettsch, Sarah Murphy, Bethany Heathcott,
Jessica Owen and Gail Gallagher. Mandy Fauser
is running lights for the show ...
4. OBAFGKM -
Best sayings
... Autumn 2005 Semester. Mandy Fauser - Grand Prize Winner ..
i am so kewl i can't stand it. my valentine's day is now 300 times better! and also davey has been roped into
taking me out hehe.
the main point of this blog...
I FREAKING RULE!!!
and now i kill you!
Current mood:
freaking great (dripping of sarcasm)
i loathe
you oh hellish day of valentines. thankfully i choose to celebrate the massacre you were named for
rather than the blasted excuse for a holiday you are now.
i hate
valentines day, along with summer and my freaking birthday. something
always is wrong or i always get hurt and end up
alone. (always)
so yeah this year i have another festering sore to add to this atrocity of a
holiday, tomorrow is the would-be 2nd anniversary of yours truly.
i just
wish jens would be my friend and stop worrying about
how he is with me. there is nothing wrong with
cuddling or showing me affection or interest. i mean its not like he's going to switch back. i just ask for a little
understanding i mean for god's sake in one year my
life turned around 180 degrees. now i am in school, have a job, have all these personal
troubles and now there is no one there to support me and love me. it makes a HUGE difference. i guess i am upset because i know jens can be loving and
caring and affectionate and i am sick of feeling like
so unworthy of his love. no matter what type of love
it may be.
i am
living my life full of regrets at the moment, mostly about the jens thing, but more and more lately about kyle. i
never seem to see wonderful things standing right in front of me until they are
gone. i just need someone.
but i don't want anyone's pity,
for them to love me because they feel bad for me (that's what happened last
time) i don't want to ruin someone or some
relationship just so i don't have to be alone. i want to meet someone when i am happy, not to meet someone to make me happy. but i do need someone, why not my
friends?
and now for a little poetic
brooding.
"stop rubbing my face in
everything i've done
i live
with it too, each day just like you do.
i'm tired
of running away from every attacker
they jump on me from every corner.
maybe i
am paranoid, but someone once said,
that doesn't mean they really
aren't after you.
i've got
every reason
to eat that barrel, swallow that
poison.
but living this is punishment
enough
i need
not go through another hell
i am
there."
ok now i
am surprisingly happier. just think mandy one day.....
you will write an amazing novel or
book series and have a beautiful home with a wonderful man and travel anywhere
you wish and have anything you like and everyone will love you and understand
you. people will read you and they will feel better... certain people will die
horrific deaths and you will abolish this crap-load-of-shit of a holiday and
create a new holiday to celebrate the all-knowing goat lords and then you will
wake up in the cupboard under the stairs and realize it was all a dream and
your scar is burning... AHHHHHHHH.
::wakes up with key imprints on her
forehead::
and i
still have to go to work today :::WAAAAHHHH::
[13 Feb 2006 |
Monday]
weasley is our
king!
i found
this website http://www.weasleyisourking.net/ and it is basically a vote for
your favorite celeb. its british but it is funny cuz rupert grint fans (ron weasley) want him to win! so do me a favor and vote for the sexiest red head ever lol.
what's in a name?
Current mood: okay
yeah this weekend was fun. i am so tired though... i should never drink two nights in a row. friday jens
had to work so i hung out with sami
and emily and some guy erm...
albert and his friend greg.
emily met albert on yahoo personals lol. it seems to have worked he wasn't a crazy killer... that we
know of yet but yeah. jensie's party was good i got to see jason *hugs* i missed him so much and i met emily's boyfriend who i actually
went to school with and we hung out pretty much all day. i ended up going to elephant man with them rather
than to osty's play. what
can i say it was cheaper and i
thought it was damn good.
sorry osty
by the way there was some drama unfolding but i
didn't want to drag it to the show plus i plainly
don't like paul. i was friendly all day and even attempted to join in
their activities and i really just didn't feel like
playing third wheel to jens and his new mistress.
i suppose snide remarks like that
are why people don't like me *tear drop* ::evil laugh:: but that's what makes
me, me! and outrageous! woot!
i had a
freaking blast... til sunday...
sunday was an accumulation of hangovers and such but i get to look forward to it again on saturday.
woo whoo. i don't even like drinking i just hate not being drunk LOL.
it was nice to see sami though, how that she is (hehe
love ya sam) but yeah i have some homework i have to
attend to today (good thing i got the day off) but
you can call me i will be more than happy to
procrastinate for a few mins! huge
sociology exam tomorrow (crap) lol i have started studying but i
fear it will not be enough.
this is mandy
(not amanda ya freaking
a-holes I SWEAR TO GOF) lol... goblet of fire?? last night at work these people asked me my name when i plainly have a large
nametag over my breast and then and THEN after i say
my name is MANDY they call me AMANDA. my name is not amanda i hate that name i hat e it! and they proceeded to say my name everytime i passed them or got
something for them and they even hollered at me WHILE i
was giving derek and brent
a rant about how i hate being called amanda. freaking derek lol he started calling me
that so i called him derka derka lol.
anyway long story short i wanted to kill them... but the best thing was i had to smile and all and pretend like i
was so grateful that they called me by my name. oh my
gosh people are idiots.
i don't
see anyone else assuming someone's name is short for something. if your waiter is jim you don't
call him james, if it's shaniquitalia
you don't ask her if it's short for anything its their own FREAKING NAME
PEOPLE. i don't care if i call myself asshole.. if that's
what i want to be called you better call me that!
the absolute best thing is i get called "
god i
hate happy crap. my life is happy crap, a lot of
freaking happy crap and bullshit.
and so...
i dance
*giggle*
dance mutha
fucka dance woot!!!
[06 Feb 2006 |
Monday]
my hero
Current mood:
depressed
i am
starting my speech (again for the 3rd time) because i
have reconsidered what i should do. i am going to write my personal
speech on kyle. i
was afraid that i couldnt'
make it through if i started talking about him but i think i have to. i will let you know if i can deliver it, i think eveyone needs to pay tribute to those who impact their
lives. kyle definetly impacted mine and i am
so proud that he sacrificed himself so someone else could live. kyle timothy cummins
will always be my hero because he was selfless and lived for his family and
friends. this summer i want
to go visit kyle before i
leave for
kyle
timothy cummins gone but not forgotten
(missed and loved)
"I'll be coming home, wait for me"
[02 Feb 2006 |
Thursday]
$$it ain't always free!!
Current mood: blah
i forgot to bring $$ for lunch...
ho hum i am actually hungry but oh wells i work directly after school and so i
should be able to pick up a bite to eat at work... i
can't wait to get my car though... at least then i
won't have to carry around my work clothes all day hehe.
jens, emily and i hung out last night
it was fun. i was so tired
though i totally passed out when we were watching willy wonka but hey i made it through mambo italiano..
hehe funny movie. jens and i
bought some movies last night, so ease the boredome i guess but yeah i bought new
shoes and we had pizza (so not too bad of an evening)
i don't wanna work tonight **grr** its
with ryan **crying** feel sorry for me lol.
i am
going to eat your soul *chomp* mmm minty.