Mandi Michelle is a pretty name, and Mandi is not short for Amanda. Like its owner, this name is unique and it likes being slightly off the norm. At first glance one might expect me to be Satan worshiper or a drug addict, along with these names I have often been called “freak” and “weird.” These shallow assumptions are made because of my purple hair or love for wearing lots of black and spikes, but if you really knew anything about me you would know that God is the most important thing in my life. Something that is a very huge factor in how I live was when my step-dad and my mother got a divorce; it led my mother to a mental breakdown. While my mom continues to struggle, the most important thing she has given me is maturity. The last aspect of my life that I don’t normally share with people other than my closest friends is my writing, I aspire to become a great poet and help people with my writing. To understand where I come from and who I am, all you have to do is read what I have to say; my mature actions and my words speak much louder than my appearance. In this essay I will share with you my religion, my mother, my writing, and why they define me.
My faith is a very important thing for me; it has helped me through very tough times, the toughest of which has been the mental breakdown of my mother. Her attempted suicide was triggered by the divorce of my step-father (whom I consider my real father). Some friends from our new church (which she and I had been attending for about a year came and took her to the hospital. I was left alone to care for my little brother Samuel all through the night; I was only twelve when I experience the single night that would forever change the view of my mother and the demons that surrounded our home that night. I was without a mother on my thirteenth birthday; she was locked away. I didn’t know where my stepfather was at that time; the only comfort I could find was in God and in the fact that everything was going to be all right. I still carry that faith that God will take care of me, knowing that gives me a totally different perspective on life.
My mother ties into almost every aspect of my life. Her sickness and distance has made me grow up faster than anyone should grow up. She has put me through many emotions; she has made me cry, made me scared, made me feel abandoned, and mostly angry. In addition to all of these negative things she has also given me a gift; I still love my mother, and by loving her I have discovered that I can love anyone. I am also mature beyond my few sixteen years. Throughout her drug use and continued addiction, she has taught me the importance of not using drugs to make my problems go away; I hope to succeed where my mother has failed me, and one day I want to help someone else who is going through similar problems.
My writing, no matter how bad it is, lets me escape my problems and express my feelings in a way talking about them never could. My goal in life is to become a poet and touch people with my words as I have been by many authors throughout my lifetime. Other people have comforted me and I want to have that same affect on someone else. My favorite poet of all time is Edgar Allan Poe, his scary stories have always appeared so vivid in my mind, and his poems give me a wonderful feeling, even if they are often cryptic and not something you would expect to put you in a good mood. I find I can lose myself in good writing, and I find myself lost when attempting to write good writing! I have tried creating a few short stories, and even started a novel with my best friend Samantha. I lose interest to quickly in longer pieces, I find the expressiveness of poetry much more intriguing and fulfilling.
Throughout many troubling circumstances with God on my side, I have learned that in writing it down, it helps me feel less afraid somehow. By expressing the hurt that my mother has given me, and the fear of becoming just like her I have become less angry, scared and sad. I am mature, but still not fully ready to take on all the responsibilities of being an adult. On the outside I look like a slightly weird, but typical teenager, and I guess to me, my life appears pretty typical. All you have to do to find the true Mandi Michelle is look a little deeper than my somewhat deceitful appearance.