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Jokes: Part
One
Doing Well Today!
Dear God,
I think you'd be proud of me! So far today I've done all right. I
haven't gossiped, lusted, lost my temper, haven't been greedy,
grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent. I'm very thankful for that.
In a few minutes, though, I'm going to get out of bed.
>From then on I'm probably going to need a LOT of help.
Amen.
The Cure
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's
office. After his
checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said,
"Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined
with
horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will
surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make
sure
he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner
prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores,
as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him,
it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly, make love
with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If
you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband
will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor
say?"
"He said you're going to die," she replied.
The Educated Parrot
This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot.
There he sees a parrot
with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to
it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.
"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string
he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German,"
replies the shop keeper.
"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious
shopper
inquires.
"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.
God Will Save Me...
There came a big flood, and the water around
Joe's house was rising
steadily..
Joe was standing on the porch, watching water rising all around him,
when a man in a boat came along. and called to Joe, "Get in the
boat and Ill get you out of here." Joe replied. "No thanks.
God will
save me."
Joe went into the house, and the water was starting to pour in. So,
he went up to the second floor.
As he looked out, another man in a boat came along, and he called to
Joe, "Get in the boat and I'll get you out of here."
Again, Joe replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water kept rising. So, Joe got out onto the roof.
A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Joe, "I'll
drop
you a rope. Grab onto it, and I'll get you out of here."
Again Joe replied, "No thanks. God will save me."
The water rose and rose, and soon nearly covered the whole house.
Joe fell in, and drowned.
When he arrived in Heaven, he saw God, and asked Him, "Why didn't
you save me from that terrible flood? Did I not show you my faith?"
With a loving but irritated tone God replied, "What more would
you have me do? I sent people in two boats and a helicopter?"
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