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Jokes: Part Two

A woman walks into a convenience store. She walks straight to the manager and asks, "Do you have any small notebooks?"

 

"Sorry," says the manager. "We're all out."

 

The woman shrugs, and asks, "Well, do you have any mechanical pencils?"

 

"Nope, don't have that either," says the manager.

 

The woman feels her stomach rumbling and asks, "Do you have Doritos? Nachos?"

 

The manager shrugs, "Sorry."

 

"Hmmph. How about Chapstick?" says the woman.

 

"Nope. Don't have that."

 

"My God!" the woman shouts, "If you don't have anything, you should close the stinking store!"

 

The manager shrugs, "Don't have the key."

Thomas Mann or Fredric Mann?

An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture, the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the world-famous author.

"No," his friend said, "it's named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia."

"Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?"

"A check."

Real Husband?

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned.

Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no. He did not. In fact, he just walked in the front door."

Lucky Bet

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. "I think this one will really move said the broker, it's only $1 a share."

"Buy me 1000 shares." said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, "You were right, give me 5000 more shares."

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, "Get me 10,000 more shares said the client."

"Great!" said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, "Sell all my shares!"

The broker said, "To whom? You were the only one buying that stock."