Tugger really isn’t that great. All the queens think so but I know better. In fact, I’m way better in the bed. There’s no doubt about it; every queen knows about Amazing Admetus.
What? I didn’t come with the nickname! It was the queens!
Okay, I know Tugger has a nice voice and all, but do you really think he was the one who learned that hip shake on his own? Please! You remember seeing me shaking my hips in the background, right? I’m the one who taught him!
In fact, if it wasn’t for me, Tugger would be nowhere! Sure, everyone thinks he’s the better romancer, the better lover, the better sex tom!
Me? I know better!
I don’t enjoy bragging, but I’m the one who taught all the toms the hot moves. Not only did I teach Tugger but I helped Alonzo get Cassandra. I mean, you saw how I danced with her during the Ball. Me and her; we go way back.
Now, Alonzo had always eyeballed Cassie but he had never once said anything to her! He always got tongue tied when she walked by. It was a really sad sight, too. He’d just stand there, his mouth open with drool coming out! I was embarrassed to be seen with him! It was like the whole world didn’t even exist to him.
Thankfully, I helped him grow out of it. As I said before, Me and Cassandra have a history. I told her about Alonzo and his ‘problem.’ She told me she had noticed him staring (who wouldn’t) and that she wasn’t particularly interested in him but she agreed to go on one date with him because she owed me one. Now, you can’t get those two to stop touching each other! It’s slightly embarrassing.
Not only did I help Alonzo with his love life but I also helped a certain tiger tom with his. Mungojerrie has been one of my best friends for a long time and I couldn’t stand to see him so heartbroken. He had fallen for one of the hottest queens in the yard. And no, it’s not Rumpelteazer. Why does everyone think it’s her?
Anyways, Mungojerrie had his eyes on Tantomile. I thought he had made a really good choice. However, there was one slight problem; Coricopat. Everyone within the Junkyard and beyond knew that no one got near Tantomile unless he said it was alright. Also, it was well known that Coricopat hadn’t forgotten Mungo’s famous ‘Catnip Incident.’ (I don’t think anyone would.)
So here comes the male part of the infamous duo on his knees, begging me for help. It was rather sad; I can’t stand to see a grown tom cry. I agreed I would help him and he was forever grateful. I knew this was going to be a tough one. Coricopat was no dummy; no pulling the wool over his eyes. It was going to take all of my cunning to pull this one off.
After much thinking, I came up with a plan. I asked one of my friends, Growltiger, for a favor. He agreed, saying it was the least he could do after I set him up with Griddlebone. (Another story, for another time.) Basically, all he had to do was pretend to attack Tantomile. Mungojerrie would wait for his cue and then, he’d swoop in to save her. Instantly, he would be a hero and Tantomile would love him.
Naturally, it worked like a charm. After that, Coricopat accepted the fact that his sister was in love with Mungo yet there were a couple times when he’d whine. I told him if he didn’t shut up, Exotica would find where he kept his Playboys. (What? Cats can enjoy the human body as well!)
Like I said, I don’t enjoy bragging, but I will come clean about one thing. You know Tugger’s so called fan club? Excuse me while I laugh! (HA!) Those kits only went wild for him during the Ball because I asked them! Those girls are my fans! They can’t get enough of the Amazing Admetus! Etty was a problem though. She told me that I was the only tom she had eyes for. It was flattering I’ll admit but I did make a promise to Tugger. So I told my young fan that she’d get a date with yours truly. It worked like a charm!
Now everyone knows about Demeter right? I mean, who doesn’t? You got this whole love triangle thing going on with her, Munkustrap and Macavity. Boy, what a mess that turned out to be! Macavity hates me now. I mean, it wasn’t really my fault even though he did ask for my help!
So the plan was pretty simple; Macavity wanted one night alone with Demeter and that was it! Nothing more! I told him to go with the direct approach; ask her out. However, I think he took my advice in the wrong way, so to speak. When I said ‘ask her out’ he translated that as ‘try and kidnap her during the Jellicle Ball after I took away Old Deuteronomy.’ Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened there. Demeter was so freaked out, she wouldn’t even let Macavity apologize!
So there you have it. The truth in black and white. I really can’t believe those toms thought I’d stay quiet! Me? Quiet? Please!
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What? They are you laughing? What’s so funny? WHAT!?
