"Misto!"
Mistoffelees jumped, spun around and allowed his front paws to start glowing bright blue, all in one graceful movement that didn't seem surprised at all. When he noticed who had come to visit him, he let the blue light fade away again.
"Hello, Etcetera," he said and gave her a polite nod before returning to his latest project. "What do you want?"
The young queen walked into his laboratory and looked at his various magical and/or technical gadgets with great interest. They were strewn all over the room, hung from the walls and ceiling, and they were all in various stages of completion.
Etcetera picked up a golden bracelet that had once belonged to a human (who had inconveniently enough lived in Victoria Grove and thus hadn't kept her treasure for very long) and now served as a magical gateway to a demon dimension, if you knew how to use it.
"Ohh, shiny," she purred and was about to see if it fit on her head when Mistoffelees saw what she was doing and gently forced the bracelet out of her paws.
"What do you want?" he asked again, a little firmer this time. "And may I please ask you not to touch anything in here? I'm not really sure what everything does."
Etcetera pouted momentarily, but smiled in the next moment. "I want you to give me superpowers so that I can be the Rumpus Cat's sidekick and live happily ever after with him and fight bad guys!"
Mistoffelees blinked, not entirely sure that he had heard her correctly. "What?"
"I want you to give me superpowers so that I can..."
"Yes, yes, I heard that part," replied the magical cat in annoyance. "I just wasn't sure I understood you." He paused and took a deep breath. He often found that was the proper way of dealing with Etcetera. "Why do you want superpowers?"
"I want them because then I can show Rumpus Cat that we share an interest, and then he'll understand that we are true loves and we'll get mated and have little super-kittens and we'll live happily forever and ever!"
She beamed at Mistoffelees, who was by now very sure that he had the mother of all headaches coming on.
"I thought you had a thing for Tugger?" he asked before he could stop himself.
Etcetera snorted. "Well yeah, he was an okay boyfriend for a while, but I had to break up with him. We just grew apart. It happens. He's not brave like Rumpus. So when can I get my powers? I'm ready now!"
Oh yes, there it was. The headache. Mistoffelees groaned silently.
"Etcetera, I can't give people superpowers," he said slowly. "Whatever made you think that I can?"
She shrugged and gestured towards his gadgets. "You have all these cool stuff, and you've got magical powers! You can totally do anything. It's only logical. Heeey..." She suddenly got a strange gleam in her eyes. "You don't happen to be Rumpus Cat, do you? He must be someone else when he's not all superhero-y! Is it you? It is, isn't it?"
The headache grew.
"No Etcie, I am not the Rumpus Cat, and I can't grant you superpowers in any way, and I really, really think you should go now. I'm not feeling well."
'And I might fry you if you insist on hanging around,' he added silently in his head.
Etcetera pouted again but allowed herself to be half-pushed, half-escorted out of the lab. On his way out Mistoffelees inconspicuously pressed a special red button that was connected to an alarm, leading directly into Pouncival's ear through a microchip. Mistoffelees had constructed that alarm in case the lab would ever be under attack, in which case the Rumpus Cat would show up as quickly and silently as he could to evaluate the situation.
The magical cat did not have to wait long. In just a few minutes he felt that the alarm had been answered, and that the superhero was present.
"Good, you're here," said Mistoffelees to the air. "Come out of the shadows, if you please."
"That alarm is strictly for emergencies," muttered the Rumpus Cat as his glowing eyes became visible. "Not something to just press whenever you feel like it."
"This is an emergency, Pounce! I... hold on." Mistoffelees went up to the door of the laboratory and sealed it shut. "There. Turn back to yourself now."
"What's up?" asked Pouncival half a minute later. "You okay, M.?"
The tuxedo tom waved a paw dismissively back and forth. "Yes, yes, yes, I'm fine, I just have a slight headache due to a visit from a frantic admirer of yours."
Pouncival blinked. "Etcetera?" he asked. "What did she want?"
"I'll tell you what she wanted. She wanted me to give her superpowers so that she could fight alongside you and you could be together 'forever and ever', I believe the term was. She's in love with you now!" Mistoffelees glared at the opposite tom. "She wants to be your trusty sidekick."
The superhero blinked again. "But I thought that Tugger..."
"She said she broke up with Tugger. I swear to you, that queen is living in her own private world of delusion."
"Oh. I saw Tugger not a moment ago. He did seem bummed out for some reason."
Mistoffelees looked at Pouncival, and Pouncival looked at Mistoffelees.
"You don't think Tugger actually likes having Etcie around, do you?" asked the hero cautiously.
The magician frowned. "I don't know. Tugger doesn't speak about her that way, but he does get a very smug look on his face whenever she screams because he's around. So maybe he actually does like her, in a player sort of way."
Pouncival sighed. "Okay, that's his business. So, what do we do about her new attraction to Rumpus? I don't need a bubbly sidekick with a crush on me. I've got you for that."
Mistoffelees glared at the smirking tom. "Not funny."
"Sorry, M."
"I'm sarcastic and witty, but I am not bubbly."
A second went past.
"Err, M., I think you sort of missed my whole point there somewhere..."
Mistoffelees ignored him. "In any case, I've got a plan. We don't know if this hero stuff is just a phase, as so many things are with Etcetera. We'll just watch over her and make sure she doesn't get in trouble."
"That means I am watching over her. Somehow I always end up getting the dirty job."
"That's because you're the hero and I'm the clever sidekick. Clever sidekicks rarely do anything to get their paws dirty. I am the one with the plans, in fact..." Mistoffelees paused and smiled to himself. "I think I have a better one right now."
First of all, Etcetera went to Jellylorum and Jennyanydots to pick up her red cape, which the two old queens had cross-stitched a large yellow F on. Etcetera's new superhero name was going to be "Fracas Queen," and she wanted a cape since she didn't feel like dyeing bits of her fur to get the same kind of mark as the Rumpus Cat had.
Then Etcetera went around the junkyard, trying to just be superhero-y and cool, for about six minutes. It soon got boring though, since it wasn't much fun to be a superhero if you never saw anything exciting. So Etcetera went to back to Jelly and Jenny to ask if they had something that needed Fracas Queen's help.
"You can be a sweetheart and help me with supper," suggested Jennyanydots kindly and offered her a ladle. "I'm sure it'll be a super supper then."
Etcetera sighed deeply. "Thanks Jenny, but that's not really hero work. I mean, anyone can make supper. I want to do something cool and incredible, so Rumpus Cat notices me."
"Well then I don't understand what you're hanging around the junkyard for," said Jellylorum and took the ladle from Jenny. "The Rumpus Cat never comes around here unless something bad happens. He is probably out there right now, helping someone who's actually in trouble. You should do that too, if you want to be a hero."
Etcetera hurried to her feet eagerly. "Yeah! That's what I'll do! I'll go out and be very brave and do something very good, and Rumpus Cat will see it! That's great! Thanks!"
And she was out and away.
"Be back in time for supper!" Jenny called after her, but it was doubtful that Etcetera heard it.
The tiny kitten shook with terror and cowered before the two larger cats. They had her pressed against the wall of an alley that ended nowhere, and she didn't have a place to run. All she could do was curl up into a ball, make herself as small as possible, and pray that help would come.
"Leave me alone," she whimpered feebly.
"You hear that, Kit?" one of the cats asked his friend. "The little kitten wants us to leave her alone."
"Such a teeny tiny kitten thinks she can stand a chance against the two of us, Merv?" laughed Kit nastily. "She thinks she'll last for more than two minutes?"
"I don't know, Kit, but it sure sounds like it. You think we shall show her a thing or two about what real cats do?"
"Yes Merv, I think we shall."
"Hey!" a voice called out from behind. "Why don't you fight someone your own size?"
Kit and Merv turned around. At the opening of the alley stood an imposing figure, its front paws crossed over its chest and cape billowing out behind it. Kit and Merv just stared at it for a while before Kit said something.
"Who the Heaviside are you?"
The figure struck a dramatic pose. "I am Fracas Queen! I am the saviour of the weak, the helper of the helpless, the scourge of the evil that plagues this town! I am the one who is going to defeat you today!"
"Is that so?" said Merv without flinching. "Well then, little queen, don't let me keep you."
He hissed and advanced on the figure, who with a closer look turned into a suddenly very nervous-looking Etcetera in a cape.
'O-kay, maybe I didn't think this through,' she thought. 'Bother.'
As it turned out, she didn't need to fight. A black-furred paw came shooting out of apparently nowhere, and Merv walked straight into it. He passed out with a very surprised look on his face.
Out of the shadows came Rumpus Cat, and he didn't look very happy. He glared at Kit, who suddenly seemed to realise that he had very important business to attend to elsewhere. Far, far away. He took off without a single glance on his fallen comrade.
Rumpus Cat went up to the still shivering kitten. "Are you okay?" he asked kindly.
Green eyes met his out of a tear-streamed face, and the kitten nodded. "Yessir."
Rumpus Cat smiled. "I'm Rumpus Cat. What's your name?"
"'S Wiscus, sir," mumbled the kitten.
The hero frowned. "You have a tribe or a human where you can go?"
"Yessir. 'Ve got a human family, sir. Jus' down the street."
"Good. Then hurry back home and make sure you get a treat for being so brave today."
"Thank you, Mr. Rumpus Cat, sir."
Wiscus scurried away, and as she stood up, Etcetera saw that she didn't have a tail. She only had a little stump where one should be.
"A Manx," sighed Rumpus Cat. "No wonder those two were picking on her." He looked around at Etcetera. "You shouldn't be here."
Etcetera, who had been sort of paralysed up until now, smiled brightly. "I found you! Good! Because I've been thinking that, you know, maybe you would like to go out on a date with me sometime or something."
"I... don't think that's a possibility, Etcetera," said Rumpus Cat slowly. "I'm sorry, but you really shouldn't be out here alone."
"I'm not alone! You're here too!"
"Yes, but I'm not going to hang around. I have work to do, as you might understand."
Etcetera pouted. "You're just jealous because I'm a better superhero than you."
Rumpus Cat stared at her. "What?" he asked, giving up.
"I was just about to take that cat out, and you ruined it!"
"You were about to get yourself torn into pieces. This is a dangerous alley. It's not a place for kittens."
"I'm not a kitten!"
"You're certainly acting like one. You don't have any powers whatsoever, and you decide to play superhero when strength is what keeps you alive?" He glared at her. "It's not a game out here. It's real, and it's dangerous, and you're not strong enough. Go home."
She looked at him for a moment, eyes brimming with tears, and then she turned around and ran away.
Rumpus Cat sighed. "Did I really have to be so hard on her?" he asked Mistoffelees, who materialized out of thin air next to him.
"I'm afraid so. She needed some reality, and she has a tendency not to listen when you speak nicely to her."
The two toms looked at the fleeing queen. They could hear her despairing sobs loud and clear.
"She's not running home," said Rumpus Cat. "The junkyard is the other way."
Mistoffelees nodded. "I figured she would. Come on now. Plan Lion King is in full motion."
