well i dont know what is up with me.. my mind is playing some nasty tricks on me now... wtf is up with that... i go to the bar and i see someone.. dammit i think its her... i almost loose it... then find out its not.. no chance of it being her.. but jeese it scares me... happens every dam time i go out... but wow... sometimes i pray and wish it was her... call me crazy i guess... is it worth having so many people call me nuts or crazy for even wanting to think of being back with her again.. is this normal... i do not know any more.... like mom said i seams to be liking it out nere.. not so negative any more.. guess its the money... stressless so far.... but back to that thing.. wow... i misss so much of her.. the way she lookd at me when we did go out to a bar and no one new we were together... when she came in from shoveling the car out and her face all red and her hair messy.... these are the things i think about.. along with all the memories i had with her... back of trucks bedford highway... the pools at EYES.... moncton trip.. soooo much... ever last thing i miss about her..... so many things about the little one to.... i just hope these feelings will pass... i am absolutely usless to anyone until i can get over these feelings.. if i even will.....4 months and ill be 30 wow... no married.. no kids.... nothing has changed since highschool.... its really starting to bother me.... 4 years ago i thought i would be married settled down by now or what not..... but wow.. what a speed bump i hit... now with relationship stuf i am at my lowest... i cant even look at a nice woman and say wow... she is awsome.... dont get no feeling of hey i wanna see this girl again really soon.... just not there.... :S... it keeps going back to her... uggggggg...... welll i must run pack up my crap and head down to calgary for a party then work for bunch of weeks hopefully make some awsome cash.... so i am out here
peace out
god bless
Ry