wow sunday... then monday... fun fun
well.... another weekend shot all to hell.... lets see what was i up to well friday didnt feel like going out in s side... cause well... it SUCKS... and well.. she would prob be out.... so i just stuck around home... then i got up early :| 730 on sat... to prepare for the baby barn build for habitat for humanity.... it went good.. didnt have to many comittee members but it got done..... had a few of the public people interested in it .... so i guess its working be interesting when ya get 14 teams that dont know what they are doing to build these lol....what else... yea the big 2 week build is commin up also... middle of june... wow....not far away...hummm.... so last night sat i headed down to c town... crazy situation... chatted with someone... asked to go do coffee or drink.. and they acccepted :)... it was a really great evening :)... she is an awsome girl.... ill keep in touch for sure... have to make lots of new friends ya know... thats what keeps a person sane hhahhaha anyways today i am off to get mellissa ... dam girl is sleepin on the floor and i do have a truck to go get her bed.... WOMEN.... haha... so yea prob do fleamarket with her maybe vince..then go get the stuff.... prob go visit the other one and fill up my day since i HATE sundays alone .... so have to find something to do right :)... so i must sign out for now.... not to bad of a weekend i guess... but still lots to get over and deal with..
Chow for now
Ryan

wow.... :S
Mood:  crushed out
so.... i thought about something today.... dam i wasted 3 years of my life with someone that dosent want to be with me... whats up with that... dont know what is worse... wasting 3 years or wasting the rest of my life wondering.... what if ... and how come..... man things are tough sometimes :S... and to think i just found out something... DAM I WISH I WAS GOING WITH HER :(:(.... lifehouse is playing at the canada day festivities..... that is like our band :(..... amoungst other bands.... really wish something would go my way soon.... friday the 13 and nothing went right yet since i got up.... :(..... someone get me outa this house soon or i am going to crack and on top of everything.. the folks are moving everything outa the house.. now it looks empty as hell :(... not a great feeling to come home to.... all i need really is someone to come home to...... but dont see that any time soon in the future....oh well...all a person can do is pray....
chow

almost the weekend but what to do :S
sooo... its thursday.. already... one more day... pay day yay...so what shall i do :S.... weird request if anyone see me drivin down the road run into me.. maybe i might forget some shit that i keep thinkin about..... grrrrr..... so priority now is the truck.... made some progress already today er this evening.. headin out again though.. got the front break lines all bent and installed... now have to do the fuel lines and then i can work on droppin in the motor.. finally might hear the prick run..... still lots to do... more body work.. put on fenders and hood... fix moulding on top of window... put the rear end together PROPERLY ... uhhhggg
so that is my news... nothing more nothing less.... ill prob be hangin out in the garage tomorrow night if anyone wants to come out and hang out have a few drinks or something... just stop out if ya know where i life or give me a ring if u know the number... if not i sure as fuck arent posting it on here..... oh yea got soaked today... that was the shits...freeeeeeezzzzzin...... half day work.... dam.... oh well.... nothing much ya can do about that eh.... well i must go out and do more work on the truck so maybe just maybe i might have it on the road for a couple months before the snow flys... nice to go for a birthday cruise in it who knows where i might go.. if its running good maybe a NY trip.... we will have to see
gota run
Chow for now
Ryan

tired :|:|
so i discovered an old song i used to listen to when i was a bit pissed off and needed some reasuring music.... Zakk Wylde Hate Your Guts.. download it... quite funny hahaha.. anyways.. made some progress on Project Topless ... did some body work and started on the motor... so things are lookin up a bit... just cant friggen wait till i get it on the road.... it was SOOOOOOO much fun cruising around in it :)...
anyways
Chow for now
Ryan

yoo
Mood:  not sure
well today wasent to bad... not to bad of a day really.... so almost the weekend... dam im gettin busy... baby barn build on sat... install air exchanger on sunday maybe... bbq with friends sometime this weekend... wings and drinks with cuz's on fri... maybe its a good thing she left me..... er well... maybe not.. be nice could have done alot of that stuff with her...but what can ya do... guess ill just have to be a poster boy for Cyclone this summer hahahah... Thanks Denton.... gota love knowing the bar owners in town....
so i found a cool quote.... wanna see :).. here it is
"There is one moment in your life when you are with someone and you feel like the world has stopped and your life seems so perfect, make sure you never lose that person."
to bad that didnt work a month ago... funny how your life can almost stop when your extremely happy.. then in the blink of an eye.. feels like your life stoped again.. when u feel u lost everything.. how strange isnt it.....
must go eat now and work on the truck if i want to have it this summer....it will be my mobile therapy lol
cheers
Ryan

hump day
well lets see... i wake up... and THINK..... dammit..
so i though alot as i always say .... think think think... and i am starting to hate someone.... im a good fucken person...... i was accused of being dissrespectiful once.... bull fucken shit i say... go out with friends when your gone away is OK... havent met anyone yet that finds it offensive.... but.... go to the bar and basically get ditched by your gf... now WTF is up with that... that is ignorance i say..... i tried... TWICE... with nothing good come out of it :(.... fuck....what is a guy to do..... is it a woman nature to just lie and fuck with a guys head or what.... come back bawling and shit....were those sympathy tears or truely honest feelings tears.... that is the worst dam part of it....talk about kids and shit... livin together again... and poof... gone.....i think she has the major issues.... oh yea no stress... bs.... and the whole single mother and shit... pfffffft... like i am going to stand by and let her struggle with shit.. now fuck comeon.... always helped out always did :S... to what help did it to me... sweet fuck all....guess i should just start saying fuckem all....really dont know who i can trust any more :S.... when a miricle happens as it did in jan 2005 and then everything gets flushed down the toilette right when u thought u were on top of the world together....what the fuck do ya do :S....yea earlly morning... 5:45.... maybe a bit tired and cranky... but this is how i am feeling today.. might change might not.....but i know im a good person...... ALOT better and nicer than this time last year... if people cant see it or maybe they dont want to.... there isnt anything i can do ..... not going to beg and plead for acceptance... cause that just dosent work sociably...... how ever ya spell that.. dont have time to check it...but strange fucken thing is.. i know where my heart is... and i hate it....cant do anything fucken about it....
signing out a little aggravated
ME

Habitat night again
Mood:  smelly
well another night at habitat training.. and i am starting to relize something about my self... im a good person... and i have LOTS of patience... if your a trained professional and can teach someone who has no idea what they are doing... and not loose your steam ya gota be a darn strong person.... dam wish the hell other people could see that in me :S.... certain people just dont seam to want to give me the chance.... i can be a great friend.... bf... and well hope at sometime in my life maybe a husband to the "right" one..... what ever that means :S...i had a great time tonight teachin all those folks :).. its great... but there is still a thing that is eating me at the back of my mind ... wish i could shake it.... time i guess just time... as last time :S.....but still so darn hard to do.... well i must take off for now.. starting to almost burn out from work and stuff so time to head to bed.. alone again "sign"... to only be with her again :S... "sign".
night all
Ryan

yaa yaa dam day off :S...
Mood:  don't ask
so yea... a friggen day off that was totally unexpected... not impressed but what can ya do when your in construction and the client cant make up their minds right.. oh well got lots of running around to do.... sooooo how can a song effect a person so dam much :S... that is twice i had to shut off the radio cause Lifehouse's song came on :(...YOU AND ME.... wow... very hard to understand that one... sorta like some john mayer songs... stll cant even hear those... brings back to much :S... is this really fricken normal :S....man..... starting to think not... signs i say signs.... cause..well i think if it wasent.... nothing would effect a person... really....as lots of people know i have a pretty tough skin.. but there are just things that can break a person... i wont go into details but it really mess's with a persons mind :|....bla bla bla... gota stop this horse shit blabbing on... but hey it seams to be working ... gettin things out... just thinkin typing... and so on... well i must go ... run around get shit done... lots to do :S.... chow for now.....
Ryan

wow monday again
Mood:  not sure
well lets see what have i accomplished... is that spelled right who cares ya know what i mean... so i thought ALOT lately.... have found out that i am a good person.... yes everyone has faults im no better than the next person.... but really i dont understand how someone can look a person in the face tell them how they feel... shed a tear and well... take it all back :S... just puzzles me... is it the spring fever... is there something like that happening... like new flowers blooming.. so why not have a new beginning.. to the summer... really what is it... i dont understand it really.... CONFUSED.... i do everything i can in my power to make things good... but its never good enough... i dont understand :S......well tonight im off to another Habitat meeting ... funny this crazy thing is helping me out alot....and i like it :).... just wish i had someone i could hold and talk to at nights.. or even call on the phone.... is that to much to ask.. i think not... really i have never asked for anything .... just like to have someone by my side is all... oh well... i guess hoping to hear a phone ring and have a certain someone on the other end say lets try it again is something i can only dream about.... dreams are just thoughts that drive a person mad...right... oh well guess ill just keep a bit of hope like i always did.... no matter what happened... strange things already happened in my life... who knows... maybe something strange might happen again... for the good and perminant....
signing out
Ryan

man i gota get outa this rut
Mood:  hug me
Well another day another night...raining at that :(... so i thought ALOT lately... and i think i found out alot about my self..... i can go threw ALOT of shit and it dosent get to me.... am i a bad person for being able to ride the bumpy roads or is that a fault... i dont think ... is it....i can hit a bump and keep going.. one of those things in life called a problem... i deal with it the way i can and move on... its down the road behind me time to look ahead... is that wrong :S....someone what is your idea of it....im honest... if i say i love you i mean it.. if i say something bothers me i mean it.. nothing changes not even a stupid fight....i care about every i have ever met and i will continue to care about them even if i dont stay in contact with these people...i mean what i say and i back it up... yea yea im not the best person to lean on BUT i am learning.... need people to lean on to learn how to be a person that can be leaned on right....guess its time to try and find a new circle of friends some new people to walk the road of life with... make new adventures and memories...i know where my heart sits... and there isnt a darn thing i can do about it really... try to keep calm and carry on....well enough blabin on about this shit.. if it make sence so be it if it dosent :S.... best i can do is say.... wanna talk about it....
chow for now
Ryan