long weekend.....canadian guy in an american town... watch out hahah
so lately i have been a bit on the cranky or down side sorry for that... but that is life iguess... one good thing is finally going to happen for me :).. im on my way to portland maine today.... waaaahoo i cant wait.... i get to see Mere :)... its going to be awsome to see her again and hang out.... check out her town... check for possiable jobs for this winter and stuff ..... i just cant wait.... gota endur a 8 hour drive to there though oh well its definately worth it :)...... on other notes.... the john st build is going well... for habitat.... few snags but that is expected... and now i was contacted about a montague build.... wow... lots to do.... not enough comunication... oh well.... jump in head first i say.... and sort out the crap.... dealin with a great bunch of people though :).... and i love it.... now there is this frisbee tournament next weekend that sounds like a blast.... if ican get a team in.... hopefully :)....
on that note gota go finish packing and take off for my road trip hahaha...finally have a bit of a smile and excitment inside of me :).... it feels awsome

cheers
and god bless to all :)
Ry

shit shit shit is all i ahve to say.. well then ME ARSEEEEEE
so here i sit.. hahaha no idea what the fuck i wrote in my last blog but apparently some people are gettin a laugh outa it.. some dayi might go back and read them all.. but for now i waont... as apparently i seamed drunk hahahaha... and tonight as well.. its 10 50 and i m drunk well on my fucken way... sittin here with a couple friends.. down as fuck but trying to keep my head up... hard to when half the dam world that u thought even gave a shit about u forgot about the only dau u care about your birthday.... one year left and ill be 30
and that is going to be my year if i am alone for one more... who knows where ill end up... might just books an unknown trip to some place i never been and see waht i can do for a month.. live how eer i can maybe i can really find my self..... but all i know is there is one person that could have and well.... yea its true woul have really put a good smile on my face yes yes its all true.... i think about this person alot.. yea ihave friends i met and possaible relatinshiops and shit like that.. but for not there is nothing more than to see the person that acutally says they love u say something to you on your b day first thin in the morning... hly shit i am smash... cant even see what i am wriging just hoping it is makin sence.. if not oh well... so its 10 52 AND I AM ALMOST ready to head out... see what happens and what ever the fuck... yea just finished litenin to lifehouse :(... oh the memories.... one only knows how much they bring back feelings..... there is one huge connection with these guys.... and here is the song....HANGING BY A MOMENT... that is how i felt 3 years ago when i seen that picture... hanging by a moment waiting for the moment..... for the time... the moment to say... i love you.... it came and went... is this life..... dammmmmmmmmmmmm
i cant even make sence of what i am writing.... fuck i gota get over this shit..... im drivin myself mad... people around me see it :(..... oh well imust sign off for now... go finish all my booze and TRY to have fun... just lord know i would love to talk to her... but then at the same time wish i could never see her beautiful smile that makes me go to mush in side ever again ... does this make sence to anyone :(..... oh well.... its my thought and dreams... one will never know how i am... one can only try and understand.... all i can do is explain and hope that someone can some what understand and give me an ear or a shoulder if need... on that note
BYe for now
Cheers for now
God bless
and good luck
Ry

sat night is for what... drinking and hanging with friends
so here it is sat night its 9 51 and i am sittin down with friends.. jen and rene... gettin drunk... really really really drunk... sittin here listening to john mayer... your body is a wonderland.... what does that mean.... is it mean something or just a plain fucken old bad memory :P:P.. hahahah lets see what this night holds for me.... what will happen... will i end up in jail or will i end up home... lets ee... what are my odds :P..... lots of booze..... and people... hummmmmmmm what will happen :P.....its a party night out at the fire hall.... going to be interesting... 3 bands... me drunk wound up solid.... going to rock.... what shal i wear... as someone told me once.. my defence atire... but i kindly said no its my summer party atire.... fuck off... hahahahaha...... but going to be fun.. nice evening... might entail a nice walk somewhere or sleeping in a ditch one never knows lolol......oh well.... i dont care... my life is goig someone and i do not know where.... all i know is i will prob be with good friends and family and we will see what happens .... all i know is i am going to e drunk with friends and family.... one never knows... some might say i am crazy some might say i am sane with a hint of fun ... who knows as i said before those who know me know me well those who dont can go fuck em selves.... and if u cant face me i guess your not worth to even be my friend... nothing i can do.. ihavent turned my back nor talked behind any of my friends... so to those who read this u understand me.. if u dont.. i gues su dont want ot have anythign to do with me... .. no worrys from my side... bye bye... chow for now

to be seen or not to be seen that is the question
i often wonder is it easier to forget and ignore and avoid than it is to turn your head and wonder and feel empty.... is that confusing.... or maybe turn your head in hopes of makin others feel differently about you...feel like you hate them or make them feel nothing towards you... or feel curious to the point of hoping someone would contact someone.... really isnt this all shit that we deal with every day...
called two faced....afraid....backstabbing....hurting....lonely....scared....could mean alot of shit...talk about it.... the world is a confusing place and no need to be sending people u know that think about ya signs that might make a person wonder for the worse or better... its a strange thing... i have developed something... i dont push anyone away if i can competely help it....i want to help so many people if i can.... i have to much hurt still to even want to put more people threw misery :(... i just want to look at the good in people.. and try to help my self help others.. on that note.... i care about SO many people that words cant even describe it... some more than others some differently than others.... those who know me know who i am talking about and how i feel about YOU.....
Cheers
Ry

is 5 pm to early to start drinking......
wow been sometime now since i rambled on about NOTHING.... or is it something... uhggg....
so nice day.... spent the whole friggen time of it alone roaming around... thinking about lots of shit :S... didnt get no wheres with it but just thought i guess get some shit outa my head..... so what did i do... humm headed down to cavendish for a sub from subway... yummy.. sat in the back of the truck and woofed that down... was good... checked out the shops on boardwalk... then left there... headed down to sandsspit and watched all the happy familys race around on the track and splash each other on the bumperboats that was cool... but still the same thoughts running threw my head.... then after all that touristy shit i headed down to thunder cove found a nice little quiet spot in a cove and layed down for like an hour.. it was cool... pease full... and all that jazzz.... left there headed to the grocery store and got stuff.... and some drinks... yea yea did ya not friggen read my heading... that is right.. why the hell not... might be a party to go to apparently some people i know will be there but not sure..... or just might drink and get stupid and bitch about stuff... so if i write something later ill prob be smash... but its all good...typical for me have some drinks then find something to do... i just cant get outa this slump lately... my mind is going mad... first of all HFH is being someone stressful on me.... wow a 4 week schedual build of a house.. and i only got plans a week before the ground is to be dug up... cant do it... but think its sorted out.. i have the power hahahah but some great people to work it out with.... hope to be long term friendships to come about of it.... next is... how do u pursue something u really want to but financially u just cant do it :S.. so much dam things going on.... meredith gave me my gift for my early b day... WOW.. holy shit WOW.. that is all i can say anyone whjo knows me and reads this is i am not to often stuck for words... but when that happened i was.... she sent me enough money to buy a friggen air conditioner.... like holy shit... who does this for someone they only spend like 3 days with.. yea there is alot of stuff going on but she is like 150 nautical leagues away from me :(.... gota do something about that maybe.... im not gettin any younger and well.... if it feels right pursue it is that how it goes.. or not.. :S.. so almost had a free trip down to visit her but something got buggered up.... didnt make it :(... maybe next time sooni hope.... and on that now... still cant figure out why i am single :S... i dont leave the toilette seat up.... i try and keep things clean and orderly.... i like to fix things and keep it maintained... im tall.. bla... dark.. no choice in that matter i work out side... dont have any money but something has to give soon right.... what is it... man oh man im gettin tired of this... and where does a guy find new friends on this hell hole of an island.. is it even possiable to find a group of friends u can trust or is it the island way to fuck people over that are in your life... huh huh answer me dammit...another friggen prob is my dam truck im going to burn that fucker.... oil pump going ... water pump gone.... brakes are messed up.... fuel pump is sketchy.... shit shit... and not one red cent to spend on it.... unfortuantely i scrounged up cash to buy some pop had enough booze around for tonight so no one can bitch me out for drinking ...... im saddened by the whole meredith thing.. she is dealin with some ex issues as well as i am still yea yea still ... fuck... still waiting for something to hit me on the head so i can forget its all i can do... cant come to terms cause nothing was resolved... just complicated more.... something keeps tellin me to move... get away... never hear nor need to see her again.... sounds drastic but hey...i guess i cant just pretend something isnt bothering me when it is.... that is me... im me.... you are you.... everyone i seam to meet says dont change.. if u did .... you wouldnt have made it to where u are now... wtf does that mean... where have i made it to... 29 this fucken month.... single.. livin in a house alone... own 3 trucks... licenced carpenter.... like wtf... no kids no bad habbits well that i know of.. no one told me yet... i dont smoke... dont do drugs... dont fight.... i say whats on my mind.... ok and where have i made it to.... yippppeeee..... :S...wow this little blog this evening is turning into a long ass bull shit story ... gawd.... so what else... hummmm lets see.. oh yea on top of that folks are puttin pressure on me to buy the house... mannnnnn..... i dont have my bills sorted out yet ... need roomate... or 3....
anyone wanna offer...dum dum dum..... i think that is bout all i have to say for now.. sober that is... give me a few hours and check back... might be a different story... might be just ranting and raving on about something in a fierce way.... fuck my spellin is bad but u know what im trying to say hahah......so i must sign off for now... have some drinks listen to tunes... and maybe work around the house.... oh yea... might be out if ya wanna come find me anyone... if not fuck ya den.... good band playing so check it out... cheers..
Ry

weekend is here...
well well well been a few days since i ranted and roared... what is new... well.... almost died from the heat this past week.. gawd.... i cant handle that crap.... thinking of moving to the NWT hahaah not.... what else... humm oh yea good news friends of mine had their first child.. first of july :).. congrats derek and gisel..... what else.... been trying er waiting to hear back from HFH to see what is going on for the next build.... got windows to put in for cuz'z.. and a door for another job.... bla bla bla.... broke as ole hell..... BORED as hell.... enough.... so last night i desided to head out... should have stayed home... it was just OK.... seen people i havent seen in awhile.. seen people i didnt want to see for alot longer.... and just plain seen people i dont know haha... had a few but no where near smash as i usually get... just fricken tired from this heat... took everything outa me....but weekend is ok so far.....good news have this cutie of an american wanting to send me a early b day gift wtf is up with that she wont tell me what it is HAHAHA.... i gettin all excited now... dammit i want it... er how bout just you and a big bow "smile"... hehe.... now on to other things.... had plans for tonight.. they got fucked up... as usual.. so now me gots nuddin ta do :P..... hehe... maybe i should just go work on the truck... naaaa well... naaaa.. to lazy worked to friggen much this week..... maybe i can find someone to go camping.... i gota get out sometime.....so that is whats new with me.... not to much... still in the house alone... single... broke... bla bla bla... but looking for a roomie... anyone out there lookin for a place to crash for the winter :).... male or females ok....
so i must go laze around more ...
chow
Ry

28 degs on a sunday
so its 28 degs on a beautiful sunday afternoon :(.... and what am i doing.. writing a fucken blog... well this is my way to get shit out.... i need to find something to do ... dammit... i know what i want just cant seam to get it.... someone by my side that can look at me and take me how i am and cares for me as much as i do them.... this has to be the most difficult thing "life" has to offer i think... jobs are easy... there would be nothing better on a day like today is to just hang out with someone ya love.... but gawd is that ever difficult.... almost impossiable for me it seams....like a few friends told me.. what is wrong with you... why are u single.... i have a house well in the progress of it... tall blaaaaa... dark... blaaaaaaa.... and i hate using this word.. handsome apparently ......have a good job... no kids.... i dont smoke.... but still i am single wtf is up with that .... i tell them about my past experience they say what is she stupid... :S..i dunno what is it really.... is it all me.... i dont seam to think so.... most ladies i met get along with me :S.... guess there is an underlying thing there or some sort.. maybe afraid of something.. comittment.... one never knows.....one will never know i guess.... all I know is i am just sick and tired of doing shit alone... maybe its time to "move" on.... pack up my shit sell everything and dissapear.... the thoughts have crossed my mind.... not like anyone would wonder where i was anyways....cause that is just how it is....hard to find people that can be as honest as i am .... ones who can put an effort into a friendship....well enough bitching for a sunny day for me... i have to eat now and well... find something to do :S..... chow for now
Ry

hanging by a moment ............... "sigh" sniff sniff
desperate for changing
starving for truth
closer to where I started
chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

forgetting all I'm lacking
completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
you take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you

there's nothing else to lose
there's nothing else to find
there's nothing in the world
that could change my mind
there is nothing else
there is nothing else
there is nothing else

desperate for changing
starving for truth
closer to where I started
chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you
just hanging by a moment
hanging by a moment
hanging by a moment
hanging by a moment here with you

one step at a time and careful ya dont trip
Mood:  hug me
hi... whats up.... nothing eh or is there... lets see.... still struggling with this battle in my mind about you.... someday I hope to look back on it and say how stupid I was to put up with you... or something like that... or maybe not so harsh ..... one step... so july 16 eh roughly 2:21.... and why am I up... home alone sober... what a change... seams like forever I have no worries about work.. having to get up... be at a meeting of some sort.. or just meet up with a friend.... 2 step....so what happened..... well me and Mer are still chatting... great :).... cant seam to get her to come to PEI but ill keep on her.... what else... Barb is planning on comming to visit the isle since never been.. that will be cool.... other things.... workin on the truck still... makin some progress... water pump in... brackets on... pulleys on... might actually have it started this week if i stay on it :).. how cool would it be to have it for august and take a road trip somewhere... alone prob though :(.... but I think that is the best for me rigth now....so I wonder... how many people are going to lie and cheat on me... well I know of ONE... that prob did it twice haha....hope it makes her feel good....marry me have my children live with me... oh wait now.. I was thinking of someone else hahaha... and couldnt even do it to my face AGAIN haha... coward... at least I can say I face my fears head on... oh and about that... been introduced into the Habitat For Humanity Board OF Directors this week.. how fricken interesting this is going to be.... 3 step.... never did anything of this sort... has some pretty big responsibilities but oh well.. if I cant handle it guess ill just carry on... I feel so small sometimes :(....dosent matter how tall or big or strong u are..... how ya feel inside and in your mind is wayyyyyyyy different....so I just try to keep it going one step at a time and try not to trip up...or one never knows maybe someone will trip me up and want to be with me truly honestly and forever with out the stupid games in their head one never knows.... time will tell... but untill then .... I am lettin it loose and living like tomorrow is my last... cause to be honest.....I have a feeling about my self... but just ignoring it.... enough said....should get some sleep I guess... have to put in a door for the cuz's and what ever else... my time is free and available.... and might have company commin for tomorrow night... hopefuly... will be fun:)... been awhile since i just sat around with a friend and drank.. :)...
well here I go tring not to trip on my thoughts and dreams.... but walk threw reality
bye
Ry

hummmm... the smoke has cleared and the fire is out... what next
ok so where do i go from here.... the smoke has cleared... the chaos i been into lately... and well the fire is a new lady i met.... she is awsome she fired me up... in the most wonderful way it has been so dam long since i felt "good". about my self and my being she made me smile a true genuine smile... it has been like well 6 months since i been like that... and prob around 3 years since i felt that crazy way.... she made me feel like a person that she wanted to be around.. that is such a nice feeling.... we spent sunday evening together under the nice evening sky at north cape... talked about tons of stuff... then spent the evening watching the sun set and the stars blanket the sky out in malpeque it was soooo wonderful ... and such a great feeling .... i dont think i have ever done that with anyone before... quite sad really.... but on a differnt note she is gone back home :(... 800 kms away down in Maine... why did i meet her.. was there a reason... is it fate is it foolishness.... only time will tell me these answers.. but i do know i will continues to know this person... either as a friend or maybe more.... so yea i finally had a real smile on my face been awhile.. but now that has sorta dwindled away... back home alone again and dealing with the battles that create the chaos in my head.... so i must sign out for now... somewhat humble and happy but not totally pleased ....
chow for now
Ry