where were u a year ago today
year ago today eh... hummm should i go back and read... nope dont think so.. but i have a good idea of where i was.... this is one of those days i dont care who u are but u should have someone to say ya love.. or even show how much u care... do something for someone even if its a stranger or even someone whom u think dosent want to hear from ya... er why not eh... it shows how u really feel i guess.. even though some people wont believe it... just gota say to anyone who reads this i do care about yas all... some more than others but i do cherrish all my friends new friends and family more so than i have before... even little people that i had great contact with i care about alot also.... so on that note i guess i should take off get cleaned up and ready for another day of work...
cheers
god bless
pease out
Ry




PS happy V Day ....



A&K

where it starts
starts with a picture
then a hi
then a chat
then a touch and the heart starts to race
then a hug
then a kiss
then a snuggle night being close
then a deep conversation about hopes and dreams
then making dreams come true
then talking about the future
then making the future happen
........
ok where did i go wrong
all i have to say is ugggg... what is wrong with me... really though.. if something all falls into place is it something that should be worked on so much harder or not... or is it just a learning curve.... cause icant seam to wrap my head around it.... i cant just tell my self... its a learning experience.... everything just seams right about the situation.... where is all this crap commin from in this tiny usless head of mine.. all i do is use numbers and now this crap is comming out :S.. uggg.... i see things i read things all i do is get excited about people .. their achievements... their health... their familys.... but yet i cant do one darn thing to better my self.... i moved 5000 kms away to see if i could find my self.. .i cant... i feel like i am just in jail.. stuck in this house no way out... i know where my heart is.. PEI.. i know where i want my heart to be... enough said.... am i foolish here.... should i be where i want to be and just make due.. or is this what I am suposed to be doing.. sorting out shit that i cant sort out... its like plus 7 degs out and my head is so full of stuff right now.. home in the house alone... beautiful day.. no one to head outa this place with.. everything is to dam far to bother going to .... i just keep looking at those beautiful blue eyes and it makes everything seam ok.. even when i am almost to my lowest.... a good friend left today that well we bonded quite well... he wil always be in my heart to much in common and we understand each other on so many levels... on day we wil get to hang out again... and little kids... some just well get under your skin and some just do and u love it.. u love them and u miss them like crazy and dont know what to do about it.... another learning curve maybe or what.... well i dunno what is in store for me in the next few months.. some interesting things are commin up at work.. maybe workin in calgary for 6 weeks.. everything included i hope anyways... lodging and food.. which would be great to get away and see that city... and some of my other family that is down there....so well i must run get cleaned up ... and desided on what i am doing tonight.. figure something out...
cheers all
god bless
chow for now
Ry

The Power Of Music
WOW is all i can say... it is funny how music makes the world go round.. when u truly think about it music is the life blood to alot of things.. in oversea countrys they make their own music to entertain them selves in ours country we use music for lots of things people play music at weddings... at funerals for some people... amazing grase for some irish or scottish funerals... how amazing when u think of it how powerful it can be....a person can listen to a song and get completly freaked out and so dam made in one second... but then listen to the right song and things from the past get surfaced again and make a person very sad... its so dam powerful its amazing... how can just listening to music make a person feel so close to someone but then at the same sence make it feel like they are so far appart.... does music mean more to a person with their lives.. if they happen to hear songs that make them sad or happy should a person act on it... or should they take it as another step in life something to deal with .... could it also be signs.. if u think of a certain someone while this song plays and u want to talk to them or u want to pound them... what is it really.. i still cant believe it... i listen to some songs and they are my life true and true and make me think of all my past relationships.. then i listen to other and makes me think of one person one moment one place in time that i wished i had back or could have back again.. but i guess that is what music does creates memories and makes a person reflect back on them... to this day there is still some songs i cannot listen to as i know they bring so much hurt and heart ach back to the surface only cause it brings back so much memories of happyness but at the same time so much hurt cause those things are gone... someday i can listen to them.. and well how some songs bring up so much pain in a pissed off way that u cant bare to listen to it for fear or tearing someones head off.... its powerful... anyone can feel it... people dance to it... powerful... why cant people just say fuck off im listening to music and its going to make me a better person cause of it.. but that isnt it.. i think music is created for memories... u can look at a video but videos are way different than the memorys u portray in your head ... the ones in your head are much more vivid cause your mind created that moment.. burned it into your mind.. and music triggers it to come out... much more power ful than watchin a dam video....wel i am raving on about nothing here and i should head to bed.. thik about the things i thought about the things i did .. past present and future and try and deside on what i want to do with my life with others... do i want to take a bit step... take it slow... or just jump head first and see what comes outa it.. but one thing i do know as long as my heart is beating and long after music is going to create memories for everyones including me
signing off.
uncertain but happy
unhappy but curious
sure but undesided
lonely but content
peace out
god bless
cheers
Ry

2005 year in review for Ryan
so where do i begin .. my year of 2005 in a whole... lets see.. ok.. back last year of this time... weird things had happened... well the new year started off weird... an old not to old but an old flame came around again.. we started talking... well how u call it baby steps... which turned into huge steps.. but it was all good... things went awsome.. better than before well ithought... future was looking up for us.. but i guess i was just wrong :S well that is what happens i guess.. people u love so much cant actually see how much u care... maybe some days she will relize how i feel about her... so after dealing wit that stuff i tried to move on best as i could... met a bunch of new great friends.. did some habitat stuff which was great... met some people threw that.. krista... she rocks.. and a bunch of her friends which rock also... in my travels i also met a bunch from up west.. made some awsome relationships ... :).. jody.. shannon.. char.. krista... mitchel.. jen.. and who ever else i met at the ole alberton arms... so that brings me to my drinking events.. i puked some.. danced some.. made an ass outa my self.. but what is new haha... so this past year summer was quite quiet... went to the canada festivities.. had fun with friends.. dawn... met some great people from the USA.. Meredith and Lisa.. great girls... wow i am jumping around here alot eh.. oh well this is my blog so get the fuck outa it lol... so yea... i worked on a million dollar home this past summer.. met the owners great bunch... and they took me down to Maine to visit meredith :D.. awsome 36 hour trip i had :D... now that takes me to what end of sept or so... what is new... well mom talked bout me buying the house which i want to.. tough when i owe like 25 grand.. what to do.. i was still workig with dave great guy... doing a warehouse.. ok so mom suggested me to head west.. head west young man head west haha.. so well i thought about it for a long time... lots of things on my mind this past summer... well... she was on my mind alot... not that i talked to anyone jsut tried to deal.. and well leaving ole PEI was a big step for me.. hardest thing i ever done.. leave all my new friends from east and west.. i new i was going to miss them all.. found some true honest friends .. been awhile since i could say that so i desided to leave.. pack up what i needed and leave the rest till when i go home.. big thing...never flew never lived away from PEi.. and well i was doing it alone uggg... so here i was jumping on a plane watchin my folks cry for the first time in like ever.. guess they were sad to see their baby boy leave ... not knowing if he will ever be back.. but i will.. sooner than later... and yea i was a litle choked to leave also.. big thing for me... but now i am here.. trying to make new friends which i have.. brad.. tracey... nicole... JP... Shawn.. greg... erin... alison... who ever gawd there is so many.. matt.. who ever i forgot dont get mad just tell me off haha.. anywho i am on the hunt for a car been since i got here back in well nove 27 or so.. been almost 2 months.. money is good.. just need to get it rolling in steady..but its all good... get some stuff paid down make friends.. and see some concerts... well who did i see.. Theory of a dead man... Tom green doing rap.. seen bryan adams and soon to see Nickelback.. and tones more on the go... that just about brings it up to date for my past year... some left out for personal reasons some left out cause it was borings but there was so much that happened in my life of 2005 i cant sum it all up in one blog.. dont want to bore everyone with it now do i .. haha.. well cheers for now.. goood nite god bless and keep checking back as i will update shortly
cheers
Ry

its been a year
well its been a year.. since i talked to someone for the first time and things changed... wow time flys... what is this year going to hold for me... let see what i been up to now... so new years turned out to be pretty good.. started a forum on a web site and well some locals invited me out... so i as anyone who knows me jumped at the chance to party with new people so they arranged a drive for me.. saved me a ticket.. it was asome.. met the driver brad.. he rocks.. what a great guy.. now we are going to head out next weekend to play pool.. cant wait.. socialize again so we headed to Spruce Grove and partied at some local bar there.. prob close to 100 folks were there met a shit load.. cant remember many names but some... tracey.. alison. michelle.. cindy.. brad... dakoda... hung... tim... crap to many to remember... nicole.. but anyways.. it was nice... had a bunch to drink.. met lots... and got a drive back to JP place.. where i was house sitting.. fun fun.. better than sittin home alone and doing nothing eh... so this week... what did i do.. well tried to plan coffee dates with some people but nothing happened :(.. that really sucks... but then wed brad called me and we headed down to Do Littles for some wings.. great spot i like to go again.. when i get a car ugggggg.. car.... it was great to get out... met a bunch more people... along with another guy from NS... maritimers rock haha... then someone else drove me home cause i was way to tired to stick around and 5 am come quick... so that was wednesday.. now today sat... last night i headed out with a friend and her friend.. it was a nice spot but i was looking for a quiet place to chat with her.. get to know her.. but that didnt happen.. to loud and didnt get to talk.. oh well... another one bites the dust... so that takes me to my prob today still having the issues of people making an oppinio of me with out even giving a chance to get to know me.. people know nothing about me.. if ya read my blog great u know what i been up to.. but on a relationship level ya know nothing... finding it difficult meeting people i can trust.. someone i can call and talk to .... and just spend time with... instead of being alone.. i done that far to much when i was back on PEI i dont need that out here really... sometimes i sorta wish i was just in a camp do nthing but work sleep work sleep... that would just drive me crazy... also... but i opted for the city life... just need a car now....so now i am sittin home alone.. bored.. might go for a walk to boston pizza after to see who is around.. nothing else better to do really just hope things start to turn around soon or i am not going to do so well :S...
well gota go for now
cheers
Ry

happy new year i guess
well lets see.. its dec 31... then end to another year... fun fun.... i am waitin to get picked up so this will be short.. to everyone who reads this happy new year.. ill write more later on... its going to be exciting tonight i tell u... and to a certain someone i hope u are doing well.... and things are good for u.... i wish u the best of luck.. and maybe we can talk soon.... my prayers are with u ... get well soon..... and to everyone else.. drink up and get drunk hahahha... cheers ill update this shortly.. maybe tomorrow after my interesting evening out hahaha... if anyone has my new cel number feel free to call me tonight :)... lord knowsill be calling some of you haha.. if u dont call my old PEI cell there is a msg on there with my new number..... good luck.. god bless.. cheers
and good nite
Ry

friday evening in edmonton
Mood:  chatty
well alot of weird things happen... to me to people around me.. like what the hell.... are these signs.. ihave talked about this weird ass shit before.....like ya know how twins know how the other is feeling and shit... u herd about this strange thing... well... is it possible for just normal people to feel this way about others ... people that have made a huge impression on them... mentally... and emotionally.. like is there a proved fact of this.. cause i keep getting this weird shit happening.... another instance happened reciently... i wont go into details but u know who u are.... very strange.... does it mean something... like really what is it.... humm... guess this is something i should investigate... OK so here goes.. what have i been up to... well.. house sitting a dam cat from hell... she upsets the dam garbage... runs around with the toilette paper and well never new of a cat to lick so darn much she will even lick my stinky dirty feet... like WTF.. she is a devil cat... uggg.... but it is nice to sleep in a real bed that fits me... but that is no longer on Monday :S... back to the cuz place for late nights of hearing the little one scream and being in a place where i feel i am always in the way... but i gotta try and make it threw this.. maybe even head out and room with someone new.. might be a good way to meet some new people... oh and about that.. haven't met to many... the guys from work are awesome.. we/they all get along great it seams... joking around.. enjoying each others company.... its nice... so i gotta get a vehicle.. NEED to get one to get around the city.. nice to have JPs rig to drive but that is coming to an end also on Monday :(... oh well.. but got a lead on a cheep car... might go look at it tomorrow... OK so i must run shower up and do all that fun crap... but if someone happens to come across this ... i hope your doing well... u know what i mean... and my prayers are with u .... and about new years.. have no plans of yet... it might end up just sitting around the house drinking alone... but watch out anyone that knows me... i just might be calling u ... 12 my time is like 3 your time remember that hahahaha... happy new years... hehe
god bless
drink up
cheers
Ry

6:45 am December 25
well its that time of year again.... wishing i was back home really but nope i am just sitting here alone in this apt... but going to head over to jeff and traceys soon hopefully they will be done of their stuff...i really dont enjoy this time of year.... i did 2 years ago.... waiting for a certain little one to get up... it was so dam nice to have that.... one thing i wish i did have right now.... been thinking about all those past things like crazy lately.. no idea why but ihave :(.... i miss them both like mad.... wish there was something i could do.... yea yea everyone that is going to read this is going to say get over her it time to move on bla bla bla.. yea yea i tell my self that... its hard to when u meet someone and can be your total self and they totally understand u ... very strange feeling but the best feeling non the less... well enough about that.. if that certaing 2 people happen to come across this.. i do wish ya a merry x mas and the 2 that we had together will always be in my heart..... and to anyone else that i know ...it is hard for me to think positive when i am far from home and want to be there but merry x mas to all u that i love also.. u all know who u are.... well i should go lay down again for a bit then head over to the cuz's and finish this day off there and try and make it threw the rest of this time of year....
god bless
cheers
and Merry Xmas from the big city
Ry

just a drop in the bucket
Mood:  sad
so it has been almost 3 weeks now .... am i am not liking it here what so ever... i need a vehicle of somesort... so what have i been up to... let see... NOTHING much really... seen theory of a dead man last monday... and last night sat night we went out to the trap and gill... wow.. sounded like fun.... NOT.... so i drank a bunch .. then we got a cab down.. great im out in the city... starting to like it.. then trac and jeff wanted to leave... booooo.... so i desided to stay and hitch a ride with toby... great... get to hang out longer... then she goes for a smoke... 2 am comes... wheres toby.... lovely... talked to her BF... and she left... NICEEEEE..... then i asked if i could hitch a rid with him.... ok... then all 6 of us head to the car... A FUCKEN ECHO... nice... so i turned around and started to head into the night of the city.... i felt just as small as a drop in a bucket.... wasent really scared... just sorta told my self... FUCK IT ALL... i walked and walked tried to find a cab... nothing... what a fucken city.. no gd cabs around.. then i found a cop.. asked him.. so he pointed me in the direction... and asked him for a location of ahotel.. i was going to cause at 330 i was starting to freeze my ass off.... lovely... so i started to walk.. to where i had no fucken clue.... just keeping my head up and being aware of what is around me.. then i see someone... fucken rob.. one of the guys on the crew that i met at the dinner.. and his bro was there ken... so i talked to them.. and awsome enough ken let me crash on his couch then rob gave me adrive up close to where i am staying... gota love newfies.... there are actually people around that will help... bout the only gd thing that went good for me... then i came back home(er place to stay)... as my home is in PEI i know that now... and walked in.. no one even fucken asked where i was what happened.. i could have been fucken killed for fuck sakes... alone in the gd city... NICE... so i am gettin pretty fucken discuraged of this whole adventure.. i need a car or something... i gota be able to just get out... soon..... or i am heading home filing bankruptcy and live like a poor man......i am finding it hard finding things to do... all i do is think.. not fucken good for me.... i think bout everything and everyone lately.... i know what i want.... but i know i cant have that........ i dont think ill ever have that really... :S... sad but true.... so its 430 and i am about ready to just go to bed... funny for me eh... i never sleep in the afternoon :(.... but what do u do when u have no life what so ever.... try and no go crazy i guess.... well i am going for now... to do what i dont know..... but for anyone who reads this.. imiss everyone... and wish iwas back on ole PEI ... even though it is boring at least i do have a few good friends back there and some family that gives a fuck.... so how am i doing.. not good.. just so people know... next 2 weeks is going to be the hardest for me in my life unless something changes drastically....
well gota run
cheers
Ry

2 weeks away from home
Mood:  not sure
so where do i begin... been 2 weeks that i have been in Edmonton now.. interesting.. very emotional at times for me... missing everyong back home... time change makes it hard to talk to people and stuff... and the fact that everyone is so dam far away is hard... but i am determined to stick it out for a bit... so what i been up to.. ok been to the west ed mall a few times... roamed around a few other malls... been using the transit.. not to far but far enough might do a city tour someday if ican find a companion to come along for company... and went to a concert last night Theory Of A Dead man played.. they fucken rocked.. plus i have a bunch to drink... as usual hahah.. good times had by all... Hurst opened up for them.. they are pretty darn good.... what other concerts am i going to hit... who knows.. nickelback is commin up in Jan 22 that is GOING TO FUCKEN ROCK.. cant wait for that one.. but gunna try and hit some other bands before hand if i can... so that is pretty much it... just working.. roaming around a bit sometimes.. nothing to special.... and the count down begins for x mas oh joy oh bliss... still not going to be the same as it was 2 years ago... but what can ya do eh.. but cherrish the memories... this weekend we are heading out to the trap and gill this is going to be my really big druk in edmonton i can just feel it... hehe.. newfie bar check it out if u can... also anyone who checks this out...
The Bear its the local radion station and its funny as fuck.. there is alink in there where u can listen to it live where ever u are.. to funny... any who i gota run find something to do.. fun fun :S....
good nite
good morning
god bless
cheers
Ry