weekend is here...
well well well been a few days since i ranted and roared... what is new... well.... almost died from the heat this past week.. gawd.... i cant handle that crap.... thinking of moving to the NWT hahaah not.... what else... humm oh yea good news friends of mine had their first child.. first of july :).. congrats derek and gisel..... what else.... been trying er waiting to hear back from HFH to see what is going on for the next build.... got windows to put in for cuz'z.. and a door for another job.... bla bla bla.... broke as ole hell..... BORED as hell.... enough.... so last night i desided to head out... should have stayed home... it was just OK.... seen people i havent seen in awhile.. seen people i didnt want to see for alot longer.... and just plain seen people i dont know haha... had a few but no where near smash as i usually get... just fricken tired from this heat... took everything outa me....but weekend is ok so far.....good news have this cutie of an american wanting to send me a early b day gift wtf is up with that she wont tell me what it is HAHAHA.... i gettin all excited now... dammit i want it... er how bout just you and a big bow "smile"... hehe.... now on to other things.... had plans for tonight.. they got fucked up... as usual.. so now me gots nuddin ta do :P..... hehe... maybe i should just go work on the truck... naaaa well... naaaa.. to lazy worked to friggen much this week..... maybe i can find someone to go camping.... i gota get out sometime.....so that is whats new with me.... not to much... still in the house alone... single... broke... bla bla bla... but looking for a roomie... anyone out there lookin for a place to crash for the winter :).... male or females ok....
so i must go laze around more ...
chow
Ry

28 degs on a sunday
so its 28 degs on a beautiful sunday afternoon :(.... and what am i doing.. writing a fucken blog... well this is my way to get shit out.... i need to find something to do ... dammit... i know what i want just cant seam to get it.... someone by my side that can look at me and take me how i am and cares for me as much as i do them.... this has to be the most difficult thing "life" has to offer i think... jobs are easy... there would be nothing better on a day like today is to just hang out with someone ya love.... but gawd is that ever difficult.... almost impossiable for me it seams....like a few friends told me.. what is wrong with you... why are u single.... i have a house well in the progress of it... tall blaaaaa... dark... blaaaaaaa.... and i hate using this word.. handsome apparently ......have a good job... no kids.... i dont smoke.... but still i am single wtf is up with that .... i tell them about my past experience they say what is she stupid... :S..i dunno what is it really.... is it all me.... i dont seam to think so.... most ladies i met get along with me :S.... guess there is an underlying thing there or some sort.. maybe afraid of something.. comittment.... one never knows.....one will never know i guess.... all I know is i am just sick and tired of doing shit alone... maybe its time to "move" on.... pack up my shit sell everything and dissapear.... the thoughts have crossed my mind.... not like anyone would wonder where i was anyways....cause that is just how it is....hard to find people that can be as honest as i am .... ones who can put an effort into a friendship....well enough bitching for a sunny day for me... i have to eat now and well... find something to do :S..... chow for now
Ry

hanging by a moment ............... "sigh" sniff sniff
desperate for changing
starving for truth
closer to where I started
chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

forgetting all I'm lacking
completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
you take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you

there's nothing else to lose
there's nothing else to find
there's nothing in the world
that could change my mind
there is nothing else
there is nothing else
there is nothing else

desperate for changing
starving for truth
closer to where I started
chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you
just hanging by a moment
hanging by a moment
hanging by a moment
hanging by a moment here with you

one step at a time and careful ya dont trip
Mood:  hug me
hi... whats up.... nothing eh or is there... lets see.... still struggling with this battle in my mind about you.... someday I hope to look back on it and say how stupid I was to put up with you... or something like that... or maybe not so harsh ..... one step... so july 16 eh roughly 2:21.... and why am I up... home alone sober... what a change... seams like forever I have no worries about work.. having to get up... be at a meeting of some sort.. or just meet up with a friend.... 2 step....so what happened..... well me and Mer are still chatting... great :).... cant seam to get her to come to PEI but ill keep on her.... what else... Barb is planning on comming to visit the isle since never been.. that will be cool.... other things.... workin on the truck still... makin some progress... water pump in... brackets on... pulleys on... might actually have it started this week if i stay on it :).. how cool would it be to have it for august and take a road trip somewhere... alone prob though :(.... but I think that is the best for me rigth now....so I wonder... how many people are going to lie and cheat on me... well I know of ONE... that prob did it twice haha....hope it makes her feel good....marry me have my children live with me... oh wait now.. I was thinking of someone else hahaha... and couldnt even do it to my face AGAIN haha... coward... at least I can say I face my fears head on... oh and about that... been introduced into the Habitat For Humanity Board OF Directors this week.. how fricken interesting this is going to be.... 3 step.... never did anything of this sort... has some pretty big responsibilities but oh well.. if I cant handle it guess ill just carry on... I feel so small sometimes :(....dosent matter how tall or big or strong u are..... how ya feel inside and in your mind is wayyyyyyyy different....so I just try to keep it going one step at a time and try not to trip up...or one never knows maybe someone will trip me up and want to be with me truly honestly and forever with out the stupid games in their head one never knows.... time will tell... but untill then .... I am lettin it loose and living like tomorrow is my last... cause to be honest.....I have a feeling about my self... but just ignoring it.... enough said....should get some sleep I guess... have to put in a door for the cuz's and what ever else... my time is free and available.... and might have company commin for tomorrow night... hopefuly... will be fun:)... been awhile since i just sat around with a friend and drank.. :)...
well here I go tring not to trip on my thoughts and dreams.... but walk threw reality
bye
Ry

hummmm... the smoke has cleared and the fire is out... what next
ok so where do i go from here.... the smoke has cleared... the chaos i been into lately... and well the fire is a new lady i met.... she is awsome she fired me up... in the most wonderful way it has been so dam long since i felt "good". about my self and my being she made me smile a true genuine smile... it has been like well 6 months since i been like that... and prob around 3 years since i felt that crazy way.... she made me feel like a person that she wanted to be around.. that is such a nice feeling.... we spent sunday evening together under the nice evening sky at north cape... talked about tons of stuff... then spent the evening watching the sun set and the stars blanket the sky out in malpeque it was soooo wonderful ... and such a great feeling .... i dont think i have ever done that with anyone before... quite sad really.... but on a differnt note she is gone back home :(... 800 kms away down in Maine... why did i meet her.. was there a reason... is it fate is it foolishness.... only time will tell me these answers.. but i do know i will continues to know this person... either as a friend or maybe more.... so yea i finally had a real smile on my face been awhile.. but now that has sorta dwindled away... back home alone again and dealing with the battles that create the chaos in my head.... so i must sign out for now... somewhat humble and happy but not totally pleased ....
chow for now
Ry

WOW.. what a weekend.... where is my heart gone where is my life going
Mood:  hug me
wow... is all i can say... where do i begin....quick note... i gave up reading others horse shit and lies ... gets me totally no where... and nothing but more hurt...i need to stop fooling my self to think that miricales do happen in my love life...ok back to the weekend..... thrus... awsome... was out with a couple GREAT lovely young ladies i met from the USA.... had a fricken blast.... company came over fri... stuck around till sunday.. that was awsome to :).... sat night.. hummm lets see.... well.... hung out in s side a bit.. checked out on the house for the last day.... then off to c town.. cockroach motel.... drank a bunch.. met lots in the hotel.... headed to the concert... then issues arised...i am gettin really sick and tired of the fakeness some people can be... burry the hatchet... how about u kiss my ass... guess there is a reason i walked away from that shit the first time.... so i wasent all that drunk sat... but it was fine.. i got over the glance i had threw the crowd.... my heart had a smile but my head had a frown... but nothing else is new with that shit eh....company tried to get me over it but there was nothing anyone could do... they are thoughts that flow threw my head and something i need to "try" and deal with... oh yes i did see u .... and well... nothing more i wanted to do is be there with you as the words to the song rang out in my head

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl its only you and me


i couldnt have screams in my skull any louder for you .... nor could i explain how i felt... only you know how i feel.. only you know what i am trying to say...only you is who alot of this is meant for....but what is a fella to do ...all i can do is try and walk on... my life dosent get much easier... just when things are in totally happyness bliss... she leaves.... sunday evening was awsome... hung out with someone that was soooo unbelieveable.... sat down on the shore at North Cape... and just talked.... about life.... it was sooo nice.... everything was just feeling as if it had stoped in time and things were falling into where they should... then as everything good thing that happens to me... she is leavin today... hopefully not cause i would love to spend one more evening with her... talking.... one will never know...as my names goes... where is my heart gone where is my life going... it means lots of stuff.... every person i meet unknowningly they take a piece of me with them.. as i cherrish everyone i meet thurs evening was one... sat was another and sunday was a big part of me ... the tourture continues in my heart...thing game is not fun nore is it easy to play... but i "think" i am strong to play till the end... or untill someone wins over me and the game has stopped for the last time for that moment in my life...lord only knows... and one can only pray...so on that note I should carry on to my job.. make my money... continue with my life and hope that the things that are suposed to happen in my life fall into place really soon...
god bless
cheers
Ry

I am threw with the lies
so its sat again..... 2 weeks been since the habitat build was started... :).... how cool.. and i think we actually got it finished... have to go check on mario to see today for a bit..... dedication tomorrow cant wait.. going to be a tear jerker :P.... so relized that no matter what some people say to u ... most of it is just lies... bla bla bla... not much wonder i am at a place in my life where i am... i cant be fake... i dont do things just to make others like me... if u know me u knwo me well... and not much else matter.... but as for liars and people who are fake... well.... not much i can do i guess...i am threw with your lies and bull shit towards me :S..... on a different note... been a pretty darn good weekend... on yea apparently lifehouse did play you and me... prob a good thing i didnt hear it... was in the can i think or just acting up as usual...had fun ... danced with the american girls... hope they come visit soon... they were awsome... or even better yet they put up with me in their home town for a weekend :)....one never knows... tonight what is on the ajenda.... hummm dawn is here... we going down to c town to party hardy... colleen and steve might be comming along.. and anyone else who might want to join in....we are at the cockroach motel lol... if u know my cell call and i will explain so its 10 47 and i feel a bit sick... gd colds... come at the worst time... dammit... but oh well i am going to carry on.... like i always do and always said... healthy...food... roof.... not going to let that cold get me down... cause ya never know when ya might end up dead...the way i look at it... time is NOT on my side.... turning 29 soon and not gettin any younger.... so... i gota stop this shit... blabing on about nothing HAHAA...so i am going to sign off for now... find something do eat... go check out on the house and carry on....
cheers and god bless
good day good evening and good nite..
piece out
Ry

Happy Canada Day
Mood:  happy
so its july first.... what is in store for this month ok lets recap... been workin like mad on the habitat house... but its pretty well done.. heading in soon to do a bit... but not much after the night i had..... went and see LIFEHOUSE.... awsome... but very dissapointed they never played their recient hit You And ME.... aw well.... so on that note... funny how certain song can tug at a person heart no matter the situation.... i went to the concert to see some good performers and friends plus in the back of my mind to see if the "powers to be" are going to do anything for my life... cause i know there was ONE person in that crowd that knows what those songs mean to both of us... i felt it but cant say how the other felt... time will tell.. either heal all or take a turn for the better one never knows really.... so right now at this moment i been runnin on like 2 hours sleep... lots of drinking.. and dancing and partying with new found friends.... God Bless America :D.... man you just never know who ya will meet anywhere.... opertunities is what i call it... something is going to take a big change in my life soon i can just feel it... dont know what dont know how... or when just feel it all a person can do is hope for the best.... so if anyone is reading this i will be posting some new pics shortly from my recient adventures they will be explained in the main page of my site :).. check em out....so back to this weekend.. what is in store now... well i seen off my new friend... and well one is still around for another week.... have a visitor commin over today... 1040 to be exact.. .hanging out have some drinks on sat.. its going to be fun.. lots of dancing and stuff... cant wait... i sooooo need this in my life... friends might do the tourist thing today since she never been on the Isle before... we will see... oh yea the dedication is on sunday that is going to be cool... :)... i cant wait.. but then again i am going to miss this project like crazy... its sooo much fun :).. great people doing an awsome thing for a great family :).... but on that note i must run and go install some door knobs LOL.... cheers and god bless to everyone :).. and happy canada day :)
Ry.... aka junior

imcomplete :S story of my life :S
just a few lines of a well known song... story of my life lately :S....



Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can’t find no rest
Where I’m going is anybody’s guess

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby
It’s written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go
I don’t wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)

I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you
I’m awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete

Incomplete

sunday aahhhhhhhhhh
Mood:  a-ok
so the end of another week weekend.. bla bla.... what have i been up to lets see... hummm work 730 - 5 at my job... then leave go to the habitat house from 6 - 9 every day.... im starting to burn out.... work sat at the house... e gad.. dont know how i am still standing... so that is that....ugg... this weekend was pretty fun.... headed out to the college of piping again like last year... was pretty darn fun... met up with rowan and liz.. rocked heritage for a bit.... then roamed around to the hotel and s side a bit.... great times great friends and even greater drinks hahaha... still really sick of this shit... doing stuff alone or trying to find things to do.... nice to have someone to just call up and say hey wanna go do something... and really enjoy their company.... hard to say but that is something hard to do and find... :(.... on a different note... habitat house is half way threw its 2 week build.. i think we will have time.... oh yea forgot.. got the dam piece of shit bay truck back finally.... 450 later... grrrrrrr..... ok i need a roomate anyone interested still... let me know..... or hell wanna get married HAHAHA.... fuck i wonder how much i going to say that this summer :P... already proposed to one girl... lol... well just to keep her in the country :P... but i would do something like that for a friend :) and got an invite to NZ but will i ever get 2500$ to even fricken make it there :S... really cant see it.... but one never knows..... so i must scram now... find something to do... bla bla bla same ole shit on a sunday... i hate em alone.... here i go....... ps oh yea to a certain someone if ya ever read my shit... i miss ya like mad still :(.... and wish it was different... maybe the twisted roads we take on our seperate journys will make us reunite again.....
cheers
Ry... junior.... uncle Ryan....what ever ya wanna call me haha