ok i am back
so here i sit.. all fucken emotional about past bull shit :S... here is a song that is touchin me greatly at the moment :S.. linkin parks pushing me away.. read the lryics fucked up... makes a fucken guy wanna bawl... FUCK listen to me dammit... oh well read em.. think of em.. makes me think of every dam past relatinship...
cheers

"Pushing Me Away"

I've lied to you
The same way that I always do
This is the last smile
That I'll fake for the sake of being with you

(Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end
You'll soon find we're out of time left
To watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see your testing me pushes me away

I've tried like you
To do everything you wanted too
This is the last time
I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you

(Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown
Eventually break down)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(Everything has to end
You'll soon find we're out of time left
To watch it all unwind)
The sacrifice is never knowing

Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
(We're all out of time
This is how we find how it all unwinds)
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
(We're all out of time
This is how we find how it all unwinds)
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Why I never walked away
Why I played myself this way
Now I see you're testing me pushes me away
Pushes me away




does it make sence
ry

Sitting here lost lonely and licenced
so here is another episode of my ranting unfortunately... had a long talk with my mother... dammit... she makes me think sometimes.. first time in so long i feel supported by my family.. they think i should head west and make some money... who knows what might be out there ... but i am plain out scared to leave.. i like the Isle... but hate the ways :S.. and the unknown for work.. money... bills shit... only thing i been lookin for the past 5 years was my love... but i guess that isn't gong to happen.. nor pay the bills but its my fault always lookin for the one :(... guess i need to look at my life differently... do i need to live or do i need to find love to live... what is it... guess i might look a bit harder about heading west... or somewhere... but what shal i do with my shit... store it sell it... take it.. wtf... i know one thing i am NOT going to rid of is my convertible.. that is my pride and joy.. ill die inthat... maybe that is how i will go... out in a blase of nothing but burnt rubber and bent metal one only knows.... i dont know what i want these days.. been like that for awhile now .... shit... i gota find something... i feel i need to wander.. if i hadn't 20grand in debt i would fucken run... drive hide do what ever... well that is my thoughts for today... some imput would be cool from anyone who knows me... hell those who dont... comment anyways... i gota run.... chow...
piece out
god bless
and cheers
Ry

what do i have"i want to be your childs new daddy"... on my fucken forehead
ok what the fuck is going on... can i meet one fucken girl that might even be remotely interested in me that dosent have kids or what... holy shit im sick and tired of it... is there any good single with out kids... women out there... anywhere.... im just plain tired of it... hard to find em... everytime i find one something fucked up happens... not interested... bla bla... to busy bla bla... then a month later they are with some other fella... like wtf is up with that...guess ill just have to carry on like always... play the game.. how fucken stupid it is... and i hate it... dammit.... and to anyone who reads this.. "I am ready to settle down"... just need to find someone to do it with.. and we gota get along... yes iam having fun.. and playin the field but who doesnt till they meet the one that takes their breath away... if it ever happens and lasts.... so less than 3 months till the fat bastard arrives.. oh yay... going to be another sad fucken x mas for me .... maybe ill leave for sure this year.. head south for a couple weeks if i can get there... who knows... rather be with strangers than home alone really hell rather just be away from the house.. even if its 15 mins away... cant handle another x mas here... and going west isnt that much better :S.. unfortunately...yes i am a bit down lately... things on my mind... and i am gettin tired of being alone... really sucks... dont even have many friends really any more... guess its time to hit the black top alone for awhile again... and no its not me feeling sorry for my self... its just me ranting on about my shit... so what will this weekend hold for me.. prob nothing much... dammit i need a vehicle to get away... need a good halifax drunk really really soon... dammit.. i miss j man... we need a good tear together... soon maybe just soon.. shuttle it if i have to..
so gota run
ry

man oh man last night was bad... im sorry
jeese i was really fucked up last night..... head was pounding today... and a tired man i was... didnt get much sleep...dreamed about things i would never have.. shit like that... so on that note i am going to try my fucken hardest to stop saying shit about her... i have one last thing i am going to do... and i am going to do it on my own... she will either hate it or love it or just cherrish it for the rest of her life... no idea when it will be done but it will get done is all i have to say to both of them.... so there.... and yea jen your right... i beat my self up.. but gawd .... i hate being home... no wheres to go... well actually the price of fucken gas kills me... somethings gota give... need roomates in a bad way... so yea... maybe this weekend i might have some fun.. we will see.... so here i go signing out for now... till i feel like ranting again..
cheers
Ry

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH MY HEAD
Mood:  irritated
what the fuck is up... last time this feeling came over me there was something up with her... WTF is this shit.. is this a sign for something god and i mean the one above... what is up..... last summer something came over me and it was around the time she had something happen... dammit i wish i could remember... but the discussion came up when we TALKED about everything in moncton... jeese... why am i wide awake.. fuck.. i so could just drive away right fucken now :(...what is it dammit.... grrrrrrrr 1 am and i am WIDE awake.... think think think.... what do i need.. what do i have to do to get her off my mind.... what is it.... i need something to occupy my mind.... fuck why can i just find something anything to get me away from all this shit.... i need stress about something else.... man on man am i ever fucked up right now............ jeese i hope the hell no one reads this shit.... just need to get some shit down... might just delete it all later....i dont even enjoy doing anything that i used to enjoy :S...... only thing that will make me happy or even did is to get off this dam island :S... is that a sign.. for me to leave.... if i only have 22grand in debt i prob would take the fuck off :S awwwww would this dam nightmare just stop :S...every dam time i close my eyes i see it.... red.....no in anger but in beauty.... i sit here looking at shit i own and i dont value anything i have nor see ..... i lost all interest in shit :S...how can u just sit there for hours looking at a person and know what they are thinking and feeling... and say... pffffft.... wrong one... i tell my self yea yea... her loss..... gdit.... how though... this is just one of those dam feelings that make ya think... wtf is wrong... she ok... am i ok... is someone hurt... is someone great... what is it....ok ........... must try and relax.... gota get some sleep... :S.... er well try...

look at me im a cat :(
well... so here it is.. i have this friend she takes care of me... only lets me in on info that she knows i wont get to sadened about :(... i herd something about a little furry friend that had to be sent off to a better place.... bless his soul... i miss that little crazy bastard... wish he made it threw it all... :(.... i just hope a certain little girl is doing ok about it... cause i know she loved him... as did i ... i miss them all... but on that note.. i really do hope everyone is well... things are looking up and falling into place... not taht i can say the same... but enough about that.. wish ya luck and maybe someday i can say hello again with out wanting to just yell and scream i love you.... but oh well... price to pay for fallin in love and losing the one i guess... so what is new with me...well was a board director for HFH but well.. guess plannin a 3 week schecual for a house just isnt in me.. to much stress and planning ... cant be done... so i had to leave... oh well.. i will just have to stick with the S Side comittee..... who know what will happen... might make a big move.. might not... i do have a few business ideas in my head right now.. just need to sort out the legal shit and see if i can get a ball rolling... that is all.... one never knows what might happen around the corner or behind that door.... one can only wish that happiness is there or maybe a true love.. one can only hope that someday that door will open on its own with no effort.... to great pleasure to have somone standing there.... e gad do i ever ramble....well imust go.. time to sleep... get up and work on the mansion... but do have to say.. i am finally gettin a bit of respect from a boss finally... only took 9 years.. so to everyone who might stumble across my little ranting and roaring...
God bless
and good nite
Cheers
Ry

look at me im a cat :(
well... so i have this friend.. she takes care of me... checks things out and only tells me stuff that wont hurt me to bad... i got some info that a little furry friend had to be put asleep :(.... the little crazy bastard... i loved him...talk about a kick in the stomache when i herd that i dont mean to cause shit with this... its just a thing to get shit out :S... suposed i could write it in a book but fuck it.. easier to put here go back and read later if i feel i can.... so yea herd other things.. best of luck with that... really i do ... just saddened things didnt work out.... so my job is going crazy i been doing some awfully strange things stone siding.. installing garage doors... making up pens for horses... but oh yea... the guy we are building the house for is an awsome fella... prob might take him up on trailrides sometime :).. might be fun.. if i can handle the sneezing...but that is the price to pay... so what i been up to.. hung out with Dave and Heather and their friend Cheryl... had a blast last weekend.. dranks lots and watched dave do the old black rum dance hahaha... funny as fuck.... what else... humm... got some pics backk tried to post them on the picture site but to much space was taken.. so gota post them on the other one some day... soon.... well i gota run... maybe go get a movie sit home alone :(... and watch it... bla bla.. what a boring life i lead...
Cheers
God Bless
and good nite
Ry

just a couple songs that put a twist in my stomache thats all
Mood:  hug me
just a couple more songs that puts that weird feeling in my stomach....




Weapon by Matthew Good

Here by my side, an angel
Here by my side, the devil
Never turn your back on me
Never turn your back on me, again
Here by my side, it's Heaven

Here by my side, you are destruction
Here by my side, a new colour to paint the world
Never turn your back on it
Never turn your back on it, again
Here by my side, it's Heaven

Careful, be careful
Careful, be careful
This is where the world drops off
Where the world drops off
Careful, be careful
You breathe in and you breathe out
For it ain't so weird
How it makes you a weapon
And you give in
And you give out
For it ain't so weird
How it makes you a weapon
Never turn your back on it
Never turn your back on it again

Careful, be careful

Here by my side, it's Heaven





Train .... Ordinary Lyrics



Whose eyes am I behind
I don’t recognize anything that I see
Whose skin is this design
I don’t want this to be the way that you see me

I don’t understand anything anymore
In this world that I’m tired of
Is taking me right up these walls
That I climb up
To get to your story
It’s anything but ordinary

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I get nothing but left behind
Everybody seems to be getting what they need with mine
‘Cause your what I need so very but im anything but ordinary

Can you save me from this world of mine
Before I get myself arrested with this expectation
You are the one look what you’ve done
What have you done?
This is not some kind of joke
You’re just a kid
You weren’t ready for what you did

And when the world is on its knees with me its fine
And when I come to the rescue I do it for you time after time
Everybody seems to be getting what they need with mine
‘Cause you what I need so very but im anything but ordinary

I think im trying to save the world from you
You’ve been saving me too
We could just stay in and save each other

Im anything but ordinary
(ordinary)
Im anything but ordinary
(ordinary)

what a weekend... travel travel travel.. snif snif snif
so lets see what have i been up to.... oh yea traveled a fucken shit load lately.... awsome weekend.... and it didnt entail the rolling stones... ill go on that a bit later lol.... so last week no wait 2 weeks ago the guy we are building the huge ass house for asked me if iw anted to take a trip to maine... i said fuck yea.. get to visit with meredith :).. awsome... so yea i did it... we left on thrus 12 noon... lo and be hold im fucken alergic to either horses or hay... who new sniffled and sneezed the whole way down fuck.. oh well.. arrived in windsor around 9.... met up with Mere... and gave her a huge hug... she actually squeaked lol... haha.... and then another hour drive to her place.. oh yea trip to windsor took like 8 hours... dammmmm..... but was fun... so got to her place around 10 relaxed and met her friends and roomie... awsome... what a nice friggen place she has.. nice and quiet... so plans for my 36 hour visit with mere... we got up... well i did around 7 haha... rest rolled outa bed like 10.... go figure... me drive alot then up early haha... fuck it... so yea had breaky.. was good :).. choch chip pancakes.. i helped hehe... pancake king :)... then me and mere took off... went and looked at some old fort ruins talk about awsome.. what a nice place.. i cant remember what it was called maybe mere will post a comment and tell me what it was lol... but it was awsome.. we hung out... totally enjoyed each others company.. i have pics and will post in site later :).... then after that we headed into wall mart in search for some sox... we were going ROCKCLIMBING .... talk about fucken awsome... i soooooo wanna start a buisness here on the ISle doing that shit.. im adicted..... love it... and made 5 for 5 climbs... and mere beat her little wall that kept kickin her ass... she did it... way to go mere... :D... proud of ya... then after all that dam excitment we oh yea took pics... will post later.... headed out for dinner with chris and loraine... the soon to be wed couple that rock... they better come visit me dammit.... ate at this place called the lost bear... cool shit.. good food... expensive as fuck drinks though :P..haha.... oh well... then we headed to Old Port.... guess its down town.. took in some of the night life... and i was sober.. yea sober i repeat sober :D.... it was awsome.... seen this wicked ass band king memphis... talked ith them... fucken rocked the place... so i had to buy a cd... gunna try and promote them to get to PEI.. play somewhere... :D.... so we hung out.. me mere and chris and loraine... to fun... went into a funny little sex shop called condominum haha funny... so after all that crazy ness headed back to meres for an orgy blahahahah yea right.. no we sat around chatted a bit... were all pooped from all the climbing.. and well my 36 hours was almost up :(... we headed to bed.... content and happy :)... so i had to drag meres ass outa bed at like 7 to get ready to take me back to windsor... for 9... she needs 2 hours to wake up haha... and an hour drive... included in there... so i drove go figure but it was nice to drive the subi again :)...a frigen car that fits me lol.... other than a hummer .... so that was my trip in a whole... well.. another 8 hour drive home sniffling and sneezing but it was well worth it :).. now i know what is down there and i will be back :)... longer next time... one never knows what my happen in my life.. but i know i have made at least one new best friend :)... hugs till ya squeek :)..... wink wink
so on that note i should bitch a bit haha... wouldnt be right if i didnt.... hummm lets see.... i read stupid shit all the time... one thing i read lately is something that made me discover how much someone can lie and pretend to be something they are not... u live with someone for like months u are around them for like a long dam time and they still lie to your fucken face... one gd thing i am not is a liar.... if i open my mouth it is the truith... i dont sugar coat things... if i say i like to do somehitng or dont that is how it goes.... i guess ya live and ya learn.. that somepeople who say they hate fake people alot of the time is just plain fake them selves.... oh yea the rolling stones... i never wanted to go ever... no interest at all... maybe the hip or maroon 5... but that is it.... oh well... told someone once that they said they wouldnt be going... guess that was lies to... but why do i care... or do i really.... just cant get this fucken memory outa my head :(.... i have moment.... driving down the road... glimpsing something i shouldnt.... and it all comes back... in a wave... like nothing ever happens... makes me wanna turn around drive to a little house and say HI.... but... in reality.... im stupid.... and will never learn... till the day i die.....i just hope that i can find that love i once had again with another mate.... cause it was the best feeling.... made everything ok.... made the stress pass.... made me feel healthy... made me feel whole.... someday... just maybe someday i will be lucky enough to feel that again... untill that day there will always be a part of me just floating around out there in this crazy universe waiting for the right person to find it and call me hers.... so that is my ranting.... now i must go deal with more crap.... this habitat thing is somewhat taking a tole on my patience somdays.... but oh well its a learning experience... so on that note...
for those who new me well.... I loved you..
i like you
i cherrish you
i appreciate you
i miss u .
and not much changed on how i felt about u
to the people that dont know me well
i hope you like me
i hope u can trust me
i hope u can be my friend
i hope u can appreciate me
i hope to hear from you
and that is about it:)
cheers
god bless
and good nite
Ry

long weekend.....canadian guy in an american town... watch out hahah
so lately i have been a bit on the cranky or down side sorry for that... but that is life iguess... one good thing is finally going to happen for me :).. im on my way to portland maine today.... waaaahoo i cant wait.... i get to see Mere :)... its going to be awsome to see her again and hang out.... check out her town... check for possiable jobs for this winter and stuff ..... i just cant wait.... gota endur a 8 hour drive to there though oh well its definately worth it :)...... on other notes.... the john st build is going well... for habitat.... few snags but that is expected... and now i was contacted about a montague build.... wow... lots to do.... not enough comunication... oh well.... jump in head first i say.... and sort out the crap.... dealin with a great bunch of people though :).... and i love it.... now there is this frisbee tournament next weekend that sounds like a blast.... if ican get a team in.... hopefully :)....
on that note gota go finish packing and take off for my road trip hahaha...finally have a bit of a smile and excitment inside of me :).... it feels awsome

cheers
and god bless to all :)
Ry