Dave's Dominion Deli
Delectable Dining for Discriminating Dipshits,
Dagos, Dickheads, Dorks, Dildos, Dykes, Drunks, Druggies and the Dregs of Society
(Because Food Tastes Better with Alliteration)
Location
Dave's Dominion Deli is tucked away in the historic Oregon Hill Strip Mall, fitting snuggly between the Law Barn and Peaker's Porn Palace.
Critical Praise
"One of the area's finest eateries, no matter what the Board of Health and Sanitation may tell you."
-Punchline, Shitty Little Newspaper
"It's great. I come for the streudel."
-Mike Damone, Independent Concert Promoter
"I drive all the way from Cleveland everyday just for a plate of Hot Crotch and Sassafras, washed down with the coldest Pabst I've ever found."
-"Buggy" T. Bugswell, Noted Machinist
"Obviously, the food is good. Otherwise, I would've bombed the place by now."
-Rahnsidhh R. M'Balz, Middle-Eastern Terrorist
"The exquisite cuisine and bonhomie of the staff and the few regulars not passed out behind the bar nearly make up for the salmonella."
-Tom Sietsema, Washington Post Magazine
"Condemned."
-Ray Walston, Henrico County Board of Zoning and Building Compliance
"Goddamned good chili, but still condemned."
-Ray Walston, Henrico County Board of Zoning and Building Compliance
In-House Entertainment
Cecil and the Poindexters...Sept. 8
Yo-Yo Ma's Southern Rock Spectacle...Sept.9-10
Remembering 9/11: An Evening With Carrot Top...Sept.11
Herschel Feinstein and the Monsters of Klezmer...Sept.12
Fred Willard Walks Around Making Absurd Observations...Sept.13-17
The Cast of "Zits A-Poppin'" (fresh from Off-Off-Off Broadway)...Sept.18
Two of the Guys from Whitesnake...Sept.19
Randolph Mantooth Reads the Poetry of Ted Hughes...Sept.20
Dave's Mom's Heavy Metal Birthday Extravaganza...Sept.21
The Icecapades...Sept.22
Closed for Fumigation...Sept.23-Oct.1
MENU
Soups/Starters
Borscht.....$3.50
Italian Greaseball Soup.....5.00
Communion Wafers.....4.25
Tureen of Ptomaine.....7.75
Sauteed Peyote Buttons.....10.00
Creamed Weasel.....5.35
Hot and Sour Hornets Nest.....3.50
Fried Mushrooms.....4.50
Special Mushrooms.....15.00
Beverages
Ice Cold brand beer.....1.25
Pabst Blue Ribbon.....5.15
King Cobra.....2.75
Busch.....8.00
Budweiser.....37.65
Iron City.....Not Available Due to Federal Health Codes
(for full beer selection, ask sober waitress for list)
Rock and Rye (comes w/7 Carlings).....15.25
Tap Water.....2.00
Other Water.....0.25
"Make" Water (the Chef's Special).....2.25
Tea (Iced or Hot).....0.75
Tampon Tea.....0.15
Really Fucking Far-Out Tea.....5.00
The Other Dave's Eyewash.....3.15
Douche/Enema Backwash Wines.....2.50
Milk.....0.35
Cow's Milk.....1.00
Dishwasher's Discovery brand coffee......075
I Can't Believe It's Not Coffee.....4.75
The "Drumtini" (a refreshing cocktail of Worsteshire sauce and Natural Light).....12.25
Entrees
Filet of Stoat.....15.50
Shitcongahbooga (an Amazonian delight).....1.25
Udder of Haggis.....11.00
Chopped Nuts in "Cream" Sauce.....7.50
Prime Monkey Rib.....(w/choice of potato).....17.95
Lobster and Toad Pot.....13.25
Seal Tongue Sandwich.....9.75
Butt Nuggets.....5.00
Hot and Sour Teats.....7.75
Hot Crotch and Sassafras.....11.25
Ligaments in Light Syrup.....10.35
Chicken-fried Bat Wings (w/hot spunk sauce; serves 20).....8.50
Bucket o' Starlings.....2.50
Eye of Newt (comes w/asparagus).....14.00
Smegma-Onion-and-Broccoli Soufle.....9.35
Aged Roadkill.....15.25
Catch of the Day (freshly washed up from the James River).....11.35
Mountain Oysters on the Half-Sack.....14.50
Chopped Liver.....12.00
Chopped Scrotum.....12.15
Bruised Sternum.....13.25
Desserts
Meatsicle.....2.50
Armpit Torte.....3.50
Dave's Mom's Homemade Pie o' the Day(w/D-Con).....0.75
Dave's Mom's Homemade Pie o' the Day(w/o D-Con).....2.50
Fudge Knot.....4.75
Fromunda Cheese Cake(slice).....5.00
Shit Fly Pie(slice).....4.50
Hair Pie.....35.00/hr
Eye Custard(suppliers vary).....ask for price list
Fresh Dingleberries and Whipped Cream.....4.35
Ear Wax Flambe.....5.75
The Knowledge That You've Wasted a Significant Portion of Your Life Reading This.....6.15
