. Author’s Note: I always wanted a soap opera style fic, where the relationships change constantly. Anyway it’s sort of based on some life experiences from when I was in high school and had my own Dawson, Pacey, Jack and Jen, in fact some of the PJ banter comes from some banter I shared with a friend of mine. It takes place in multiple points of views so between every break I’ll label the narrator. Summary: The beginning of junior year, this picks up after season 2. Some plots and season 3 story lines from the actual show will be used but only briefly and altered. Example: Andie still cheated on Pacey and Dawson is still being seduced by Eve.. Warning: Contains sexual content. Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15

Jen 

Dawson just stands there, staring. His eyes wide his hands clenched tightly around a sheet of paper the mysterious blonde, the femme fatal standing by his side. Dragging the bag of garbage down the steps I leave it by the porch heading over to them. Under normal circumstances I would wave hello and head back inside, but I sense guilt from Dawson, and I sense that it is directed towards me. 

“What’s this little shindig for?” I ask folding my arms over my chest, not properly dressed for the cool October night. 

“We’re having a private discussion here,” Eve, I believe her name is says rather snoodily as if it was her front yard she was standing on and I was invading her personal property. 

“Actually,” Dawson interrupts tightly, “this concerns Jen as well.” 

I can feel a burning sensation in my chest, you know that feeling you get when suddenly this realization washes over you that something isn’t right. It’s like a state of denial where you’re losing hope and all the pieces are finally coming into place. “What are you talking about?” 

“Well Eve here, I mean Emily Ryan has been searching for her long lost mother,” Dawson explains. Ryan. “And it turns out that this woman in question’s name happens to be Helen. Consequently, that name just so happens to mach the name of your mother, also one Miss Helen Ryan.” 

“What are you trying to say?” I ask shakily, the sudden onslaught of tears becoming noticeably present. 

“According to this birth certificate, Eve,” he says gesturing towards the skimpy blonde, “is your half sister.” 

“Where’d you get it?” 

“You’re attic.” 

“That’s impossible, Grams would have known, Grams would have told me,” I feel betrayed, like everything I’ve worked so hard to develop with Grams has been shattered. My trust is gone, my faith in everything fleeting I look over at the stranger across from me, the stranger that is connected to me through flesh and blood. “So I guess abandoning her children has become a sport.” 

She eyes me strangely, a new emotion transmitting through her once empty demeanor, where I’ve lost hope, she’s only gained, where I’ve lost faith she’s realized that anything is possible. “I had no idea I had a sister,” is all she can say. 

“Me either.” 

“So our mother left you too?” 

“Under different circumstances, yes,” I reply bitterly. 

She weaves her fingers together chewing at her lips as she searches for more words to continue this little family reunion. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but do you know where I can find her?” 

I look to the ground unsure if I want to help, but it isn’t she that I am mad at, it’s life in general and the curve balls it constantly hurls. “Upper East-Side, you can find her under Lindley.” 

She stares off at the creek as if she’s approaching a distant memory, “I always wanted a little sister, my adoptive parents only had me, so I was always alone.” 

I feel sympathy for her, and connected all at the same time, her life had changed just as drastically as mine, if not more. To think that the family that you’ve trusted has lied to you for all these years. “I know what you mean,” I offer. 

“I guess my journey continues,” she shrugs glancing over at Dawson who stands awkwardly between us. 

“Yeah,” I nod. 

“It was nice to meet you,” she addresses then as an afterthought, “sis.” 

The words ring strangely in my ears and I want to understand how my world just turned upside down. 

~*~ 

Pacey 

I arch my back stretching out my sleeping joints as she stirs above me, sometimes the morning comes too soon. “You’re drooling,” I mumble still unwilling to open my eyes as I feel her soft warm breath linger upon a pool of drool. 

“Shut up,” she groans wiping at my chest until it’s slickly lathered against my skin. 

“Dreaming about me again?” I prompt amusedly finally opening my eyes. 

“In your dreams,” she counters. 

“Funny because I did have a dream about you dreaming about me.” 

“Not funny,” she groans shifting onto my pillow and brushing her wild mop of hair from her face. 

I almost forget all about Andie and the events last night, the only images haunting my memory are of her, buried so deep inside of her that I forget where she ends and I begin. 

“I should get going,” she says making a move for her clothing pooled on the floor. 

“No you shouldn’t,” I say pulling her by the arm back into bed. 

“Pacey, I’m already on parole with Bessie,” she pleads making no attempt to squirm out of my embrace. 

“Tell her you twisted your ankle and was stuck in a ditch all night.” 

“You’re really losing your creative edge,” she says leaning up to kiss me softly, lingeringly, perfectly. “So this is it,” she says softly. 

“Don’t talk like we’re never going to see each other again,” I groan upset that she’s ruining our moment. 

“I know it’s just…” she trails off. 

“What time is it?” I ask squirming around to get a view of my alarm clock. 

“12:30.” 

“I’ve got to go call Jen,” I groan making a move out of the bed. “I was going to schedule an impromptu movie afternoon over at McPhee Manor, want to come?” 

She sighs, “No I was going to cover studying hour afterwards, you know help her pick up her grades.” 

“Good plan,” I say with out realizing it kissing her on the forehead. 

“Good bye Pacey,” she mumbles her eyes emoting more emotions then I’m willing to comprehend. 

“I’ll see ya later Jo,” I say pulling on a tee-shirt as I head down stairs. 

~*~ 

Andie 

I feel like a moron, and now everybody is here babysitting, well if everybody meant Jen and Pacey while Jack calls up Dawson and tells him about the idiotic thing I did last night rallying up an even larger ‘Save Andie’ club. 

I feel myself turn a bright red whenever Jen eyes my bandages, she doesn’t say anything though, she pretends as if she hasn’t seen them, as if she doesn’t know I tried to kill myself last night. 

“So what’s up next?” Pacey asks standing nervously as he heads over to my TV. 

“It doesn’t matter,” I reply timidly as he files through the tapes. 

“Aha,” he exclaims triumphantly, “Dumbo it is McPhee.” 

“What’s wrong with you Jen?” I ask she seems quiet, distant. 

“I seemed to have my own traumatic adventures last night,” Jen says without catching her error. “I’m sorry,” she pleads cringing. 

“Please, don’t be I’ve had enough with people treating me like a porcelain doll that’s about to break,” I say eyeing Pacey. “So what are you dramas?” 

“Did I tell you about my sister?” 

“You’re sister?” I ask incredulously, “I didn’t know you had a sister!” 

“Neither did I, till last night, right Pacey?” 

He looks guilty hiding his head behind a pillow, “I’m guessing Dawson and or Jack told you about our little founding the other day.” 

“It’s okay, Eve already went down to New York to confront our mom about it, I’m just trying to find the right moment to confront Grams.” 

“That’s got to be weird,” I say with a sigh. “I don’t know what I would do if suddenly some stranger turned out to be related to me.” 

“It’s nothing new to me,” Jen shrugs trying not to look upset, “I mean my family has more secrets then the Kennedy’s.” The cartoon images begin to flicker on the screen and to avoid the building tension Jen blurts out, “What’s with Dumbo?” 

“We have emotional attachments you just wouldn’t understand, Lindley,” Pacey says leaning back against my headboard. 

“It’s about an elephant with big ears who can’t join the circus.” 

“No, it’s about the outcast who gives up hope who believes he isn’t wanted in the world until Timothy Q. Mouse comes along and gives him something to believe in,” he says connecting eyes with mine. My heart flutters, but it doesn’t feel right. 

Jen smiles knowingly at me and I blush in return shifting uncomfortably. The movie continues, and it still doesn’t feel right. 

“Andie,” Pacey says abruptly, “I’ve been thinking that maybe,” he trails off brushing his fingers through his hair, “wow this isn’t easy to say for so many egotistical reasons. I think you should call Marc.” 

My jaw nearly drops to the floor as I try to piece together his words, “Why would I do that?” 

“Well, he helped you a lot over the summer, maybe he’d be a good line of support.” 

I’m at a loss for words, this sudden step beyond pride a source of relief. Maybe Pacey has finally reached that point, beyond the anger and bitterness, where we can be friends again. “Thanks, Pace.” 

“This really doesn’t seem productive,” Joey says peeking into my room. 

“Joey,” I exclaim cheerfully breaking my eyes from Pacey. 

“Hey,” she replies with a slight wave, “I thought we could get ready for that Gatsby test on Monday.” 

“Good I could use a change in scenery,” I says shifting off the bed. It’s then she spot my bandages, and I feel so stupid again, like such an invalid. "Just let me go grab my book downstairs," I say snapping her from her reverie. 

"No, I'll go get it," she dismiss, "be right back." 

"I was just leaving," Pacey exclaims hopping off the mattress. "McPhee," he says ruffling my hair, "Lindley," he nods at Jen. "I'll walk you downstairs, Potter," he says heading towards Joey, his hand brushing the small of her back to guide her out the door and it seems rather intimate but I don't make anything out of it. 

"So you and Pacey," Jen says when they are out of earshot. 

"Pacey and I are nothing but a distant memory," I refute. 

"Does he know that? He seemed awfully cozy today," Jen continues to pry. 

"I just feel like he feels obligated to help me because of what happened, like he's blaming it on himself," I sigh, my eyes drifting along the floor. 

"What do you mean?" She asks. 

"It just doesn't feel right." 

~*~ 

Joey 

"How is she?" I ask in a hushed voice as we head down the hall. 

"Pretty good actually, she's really ready to get better." 

"How about you?" I ask turning to look at him, "How are you doing?" 

"I've been better," he shrugs. "I told her to call Marc today." 

My eyes widen at his maturity his ability to think about others over himself, "That must have been tough." 

"Mainly weird." 

“I’m proud of you,” I smile warmly pulling him into a hug. 

“Hey guys,” Dawson says climbing up the stairs, “how’s Andie doing?” 

We break away as if we still have something to hide, “Better,” Pacey says patting him on the shoulder as he heads down the stairs. 

“Shall we?” Dawson asks gesturing towards the door. 

I shrug a small smile curving my lips, “We shall.”

“Look who I found,” I say nudging my head towards Dawson who stands behind me. 

“Hey!” Andie says excitedly as Jen begins to head out. 

“My shifts done,” she mumbles to me and I smirk. 

“Dawson’s in our English class, he should be more then happy to over analyze the workings of Fitzgerald for this afternoon.” 

“I resent that.” 

“So tell us oh wise one,” I begin plopping onto the bed, Dawson and I falling into our old teasing quips. 

“Gatsby seems like a perfectly logical guy, he loves Daisy and wants to recapture the best memories of his life.” 

“But that’s the thing, he’s trying to recapture it the way he remembers it, not the way it was. Daisy was obviously always spoiled and mentally unstable. Gatsby manipulates her until her breaking point when she kills Myrtle, and Gatsby’s impossible fantasies lead him to his.” 

“But it’s all coming from a pure place.” 

“It’s coming from a selfish place. The whole book is about the American dream and how it’s an intangible concept. It’s like Citizen Kane, he’s on a mission to get everything because that’s the way he interprets the dream but even when he has everything, all that he’s ever wanted is falling around him. His first marriage fails, his son dies, he and his best friend end up hating each other, and the love of his life leaves him because he doesn’t understand how to love when that’s all he ever wanted. ‘Rosebud’ his sleigh it represents the time in his life when he did know, when his mother was still teaching him. But then greed took over and consumed him.” I argue. 

“You know I’ve really missed your cynical outlook on life,” Dawson smirks. 

“Glad to be of service to you,” I reply grinning back. 

We finish studying until we’ve analyzed the book so deeply that we’ve managed to compare it to the fall of Rome. 

Dawson and I head downstairs a nostalgic feeling coming back that I’ve missed over the past six months. “Can I walk you home?” He asks a familiar twinkle in his eye. 

“Sure,” I shrug as we head down the lawn. 

“I’ve missed you,” he begins, “we haven’t talked in months it seems.” 

“We’ve had a rather bumpy road,” I agree. 

“It hasn’t been right though, you and I not talking.” 

“Some would agree,” I nod, “I mean we’re Dawson and Joey Capeside’s most notorious soul mates.” 

“See we have a fan base to maintain,” he jokes. 

“They must be so disappointed.” 

“We’ll have to fix that, you and me, movie night tonight just like the old days.” 

It seems like the best offer I’ve heard in days, the only thing that I understand is lying on Dawson’s bed Saturday night’s arguing endlessly over a random movie. I miss him, I miss his friendship and I’m going to fix that. “Well I haven’t watched ET in at least three months.” 

“That is a travesty I hope to reverse,” he exclaims feigning shock. 

“Alright, deal,” I say grinning widely. 

~*~ 

Dawson 

"Joey, hey," I say running up to her and Pacey's adjoining locker.

"Hey," she replies glancing at me. 

"Halloween is upon us and I figured if we're helping to coordinate this little gathering we minus well attend." 

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" She questions tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, "I mean every dance we've gone to hasn't ended oh so pleasantly." 

"Well the three of us have to break the curse eventually, what do you say, Pace you in?" 

"I'm already going actually, taking Andie." 

"I'm sensing a little reunion," I say with a smirk, "are you two getting back together?" 

He eyes Joey wearily for some reason I don't quite comprehend before mumbling nearly inaudibly, "Not exactly." 

"Come on Jo, everyone else is going, you in?" I practically beg. 

She sighs, "Three conditions, it's purely platonic, you receive only three slow dances, and I refuse to wear a coordinating costume." 

My confidence deflates slightly at her mention as only friends because of the sudden overly friendly feelings that are washing over me that I have towards her. "Oh come on Indiana Jones and Marion Ravenwood?" I ask trying to cover my heartache. 

"No." 

"ET and Elliot?" 

"You were better off the first try." 

"I say the shark and Quint from Jaws, because Joey is the perfect candidate for sucking with the Jaws of life," Pacey offers wrapping his arms around our shoulders and offering Joey a wink. 

"Ha, ha, how about no," she replies dryly, even the banter I miss. 

"So what do you say Jo?" 

"Deal," she says with another sigh as the three of us head down the hall. 

~*~ 

Jack 

“School dances blow, why are we here?” Jen pouts smearing some blood over her little red riding costume. 

“We’re getting you out of the house,” I explain adjusting my wolf nose as we head into the school. “I know you don’t want to be there right now.” 

“I don’t want to be here either,” she adds. 

Taking a seat in a table in the corner the cafeteria is decorated like any other Halloween dance, the light dimmed to give a ‘spooky’ affect, fake spider webs spread across the walls, and far too much usage of the colors black and orange. 

“Jack,” she begins, “my life sucks, my family life is non existent, my love life includes a gay best friend, and my friends are more screwed up then I am.” 

“Aw it’ll be alright,” I say wrapping my arm around her shoulder. 

“I want a boyfriend, didn’t you say you’d find me a boyfriend?” 

“It’s more complicated then that,” I shrug. 

“Just whip one up, like in Weird Science, make mine look like Tom Cruise.” 

“Yes, because the technology is actually available to do that,” I reply sarcastically. 

Her eyes drift across the room melting on a lone figure standing next to a rather cute shorty. “Him, he’s the one,” Jen concludes. 

“That’s going to be your new boyfriend?” I ask eyeing him suspiciously, “Do you even know his name?” 

“That’s not important,” she says pulling me up behind her, “we’ll find out.” 

~*~ 

Jen 

“Hi, I was wondering,” I begin approaching the gorgeously tall specimen with sexy hazel eyes and short auburn hair. Jack stands behind me snickering; he’s a lousy source of support. “Actually, I wanted to let you know,” I correct myself extending my hand, “that my name is Jen.” 

“Jack,” my accomplice adds in behind me. 

“Are you new here, I’ve never seen you before,” I add in. 

“No I’ve been here,” he finally replies his voice so low and deep. “I think I’ve seen you around before, Lindley right?” 

“Yes,” I smile a little too giddily as his hand meets mine and my whole body turns to mush. 

“I’m CJ and this is my cousin David,” he says gesturing to his little friend but I’m already mesmerized. 

“Nice to meet you,” David adds in timidly. 

Maybe my life doesn’t suck that bad after all.

~*~ 

Dawson 

“So Joey can I get you anything?” I ask tilting my Indiana Jones cap. 

She being the defiant one is dressed as a black cat. She looks amazing, short black skirt, little cat ears, a scoop neck black shirt, fishnets and a complimenting pair of black shoes. “I’m good.” 

She seems distant, like something’s missing, “Do you want to sit down.” 

She nods, we sit. Pacey sits at the table wearing school clothes, his creativity sorely lacking. Andie is an angel. 

The four of us just sit there in an awkward silence, something has changed and it’s not Andie’s mental stability, there’s something different this tension that has never been there before. 

“Joey do you want to dance?” I ask extending my hand. 

She contorts her face in contemplation, “Why not.” 

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” I begin as we sway to some howling female draining through the speakers. 

“About what?” She asks with an intrigued brow. 

“Well we’ve been sort of distant the past month and I don’t want that. You’re the only thing that’s made sense in my life.” 

“What are you trying to say, Dawson?” 

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about you and me, and I miss it, and I wonder what exactly went wrong, and all those questions have answers on how to fix it.” 

“It’s not that simple, Dawson,” she says with a guilty tone seeping through her voice. 

“It can be,” I plead. “Joey I love you, that’s all I’ve known, that’s all I’ll ever know.” 

“This isn’t like the movies Dawson,” she refutes, “you can’t ignore a girl for a month and a half and expect her not to move on to hold some juvenile crush on the hopes that someday you’ll change your mind. This isn’t a script where one side is dominating the process and choosing what they want to happen next. There are two sides to this script, and you can’t control or decide what I say next. Because you’ve broken my heart so many times even before we were together, and I don’t think I can handle that anymore.” 

“Joey I’ve changed, we’ve changed, we’re smarter and wiser and older we can handle it.” 

“No, Dawson, we can’t,” she shakes her head heading out the door, I exhale loudly heading back to the table and Andie is the only one left. 

~*~ 

Pacey 

"Hey," I say chasing Joey out into the parking lot willing her to stop as she briskly heads out into the darkness. "What's wrong?" I ask finally catching her arm. 

"Teen angst is a bitch Pacey, plain and simple. The most miniscule of conflicts get blown way out of proportion and I'm always left crying at the end of the night," she says her voice already heavy holding back the tears that are probably pounding at the corners of her eyes. 

"What did Dawson say to you?" 

"Nothing," she refutes protectively shielding her heart with her arms, "nothing that should leave me like this, nothing that should make me all emotional." 

"What is making you this way?" I ask timidly afraid that she'll swing my head off at any minute. 

"I don't know," she deflates leaning against the hood of the Witter Wagoneer, "I'm just so confused that's all." 

I gather her into my arms in an attempt to shield her from all of her pain. But she's right I can't carry the world on my shoulders, but I'm willing to try for her. 

I kiss her. 

She kisses me back. 

The world may have hope yet. 

But still there's something missing. 

"I've missed you," she mumbles between kisses. 

"It's been a torturous seven days," I groan back. 

The gap of emptiness is a little smaller. 

"Your creativity is sorely lacking," her hands graze over the ever so present material of my shirt as I hoist her onto the hood of the wagon. "What are you supposed to be anyway?" 

"Horny young school boy," I say settling between her legs placing scorching kisses down her neck. 

"But you're that everyday," she dismisses fiddling with the first few buttons of my shirt. I don't know how I survived a whole week without this. 

"More so when you're wearing fishnets," I add breaking away for the slightest moment before devouring her lips with mine. I can't get close enough to her and my attempts to climb onto the hood with her are becoming futile. 

People say stupid things when they're in love and the next thing to roll off my tongue may rank op there, "I'd tell you I think I'm in love with you," I began in a husky growl, "but I already know that I am." 

She stared at me bewildered for a moment before kissing me again, sure that is a positive reaction but not the answer most people would hope for. 

Everything is perfect…until… 

"What the fuck?" 

It seems we have an audience and in the front row center is none other then our commutative best friend Dawson Leery. Joey and I part my shirt by now falling completely open, both of our lips swollen, both our hair a matching sex-mused do, both our faces painted a million shades of guilty. I smile nervously. Probably not the best thing to do. 

"I came out here to make sure you were alright, but now I seen I'm interrupting on Pacey's own version of consoling." 

Our heads fall in unison; there are no words. 

"My best friend…" it seems he is at a loss for words too. "You were with Andie what? Two minutes ago?" 

"We broke up a long time ago," Joey and I mysteriously say at the same time. 

"Wow Pace, aren't we malicious, Andie cheats on you so you…" he trails off again, the disgust to extreme. "And to take advantage of Joey? You do realize that's all he wants," he says directing his attention to Joey. "But then again that's probably all you want too, what? Is this some sort of revenge for what happened with Eve, you get angry at me so you go after the guy who will hurt me the most?" 

"This isn't about you Dawson," I step in. 

"What you think Joey actually cares about you?" He asks turning back on me, his voice like deadly venom. "Why do you think she wanted to keep it a secret, she's ashamed of it, what do you think would happen if you tried to hold her hand in the hallway? She'd pull it away. Because you mean nothing to her then a way to make her feel special, to feel like she's worth something because I wouldn't sleep with her. And you took advantage of that because that's all you want, sex, and since Andie wasn't an available source anything you accepted that with arms wide open." 

"It wasn't like that." 

"What's going on?" Andie says stepping through the crowds. She eyes both Joey and I, the expression on Dawson's face and puts the pieces together rather quickly, "Oh." 

"Andie, wait," I say attempting to follow her. 

"No, this is no big deal there's nothing wrong with this situation, I don't need to be involved," she says quickly still in some sort of shock as she pushes her way back out of this tense gathering. 

"See Joey," Dawson continues, "look where you fall in his list of priorities." 

"It's not like that," I plea to Joey whose face is so filled with confusion I wonder is she's listening. 

"I can't even look at you two anymore," Dawson scoffs backing away. The assholes of our grade snicker and clap a few 'woos' filling the crisp bitter air. 

Dawson's words ring through my ears, the expression on Andie's face branded in my memory, and now I wonder even more what's going on between Joey and I. I'm pissed, plain and simple. "The show's over, you can all fuck off now," I yell and Joey flinches from my tone. 

"Pacey," she whimpers. 

"How much is what he said true?" Is all I can ask. 

"I don't know, how much was it?" 

"Do you honestly think I was using you? Using you for some sexual satisfaction feeding off your virgin appeal? Were declarations of love not enough for you?" 

"People say a lot of things in the heat of the moment," she replies weakly.

“I don’t believe this,” I shake my head in disgust, “I guess he was right,” I say stalking off away from her, not caring that we’re already at my car, I just need to walk. 

~*~

Joey 

The hallway seems longer then it has ever before and for the first time in a long time I'm not paranoid in thinking that everybody is talking about me. Certainly it's not everyday that Joey Potter and Pacey Witter are spotted trying to fuck on top of his station wagon at the Halloween dance, not every day do Dawson and Andie spot them breaking Andie's already fragile heart and bruising Dawson's already enormous ego. 

I haven't tried to talk to any of them, haven't been sure of what to say, haven't been sure what it is that I want to. I brush by another few students spotting Dawson at his locker eyeing me harshly before turning back to his combination. Andie is the next student to brush past me giving me an 'out of the way bitch' look before dramatically heading down the hall my eyes following her before turning my attention back to Dawson who aggressively pushes his locker door open. 

Further up the hall, the familiar spot that I visit every morning, lunch, and post-school gathering Pacey stands at his own locker both men in plain sight, both pissed at me, and I stand her alone, the villainous like in every other love triangle that has ever existed. 

Pausing in the center of the hall my time gap for decisions is closing drastically. Everything that I've none so well a foreign concept. The only thoughts that haunt my mind is the future and all the what ifs? 

Passing through the length of the hall I sigh heavily reaching my own locker flipping around the dial with practiced ease. 

"Joey," Pacey says casually. 

"Pacey," I mirror back. 

"So how was your weekend, spend it groveling at Dawson's feet?" 

"As much groveling as you did to Andie," I reply a bitter edge lacing through that I hadn't expected. 

"I didn't talk to Andie," he suddenly says as if he has something to prove something to be sorry about. 

"Me either," I mumble back finally snapping the door open. 

His brows crease, he's confused, "I haven't talked to you either," he says in an attempt to continue the conversation. 

"No, you haven't," I reply weakly, painfully. 

"It's been a strange week." 

"It's been a strange two months," I correct burrowing through the dark compounds. 

I look over my shoulder to see Dawson watching me, watching us, and Pacey catches this as well, "I better get to class," he mumbles. 

Then everything clicks, I have this epiphany, Pacey loves me, I know this, I knew it before he told me, but what I realize now is that I love him back, in a way that I've always dreamed about loving another man. Dawson was my first love, a learning process in which you screw up and learn the mistakes you shouldn't make in the future. But Pacey is my first mature love, the one that you can see lasting for years, and maybe that's what I was afraid of. 

"Pacey wait," I say catching his hand. 

He stares down at it, bewildered and doesn’t even have a chance to compose himself before my lips are pushed against his my tongue seeking entrance, my hands seeking contact. He returns it and suddenly everything is okay, because he's the only thing I need.