. Author’s Note: This story takes place near the end of Swan Song in fact a lot of dialogue is lifted from that episode. Basically, what if Pacey stayed in Capeside with Joey for the summer and so on and so forth. Italics are flashbacks from prior seasons. Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9| Part 10

She couldn't sleep in a strange bed, she never could. The ski trip with Pacey she lye awake staring at the wall the entire night her eyes endlessly scanning her surroundings, it had taken her three months in her dorm before she finally got a good night sleep. Lake Emendale she was an insomniac staring at the ceiling all night and jumping at every sound. When she started sleeping at Pacey's house senior year he had taken a picture of her room and made it into a poster hanging it across from her side of the bed. Even when she was seven and began Saturday Sleepovers at Dawson's house it was a tedious adjustment.

Her eyes focused on a CD case next to the bed, Natalie Flanagan, the name sounded familiar. References to began to seep back into her memory, Dawson telling her once that Flanagan was the voice of female rock, Charlie calling her over rated in the Boston area.

Dawson, her mind lingered there as she rolled over on the bed, Jen and Dawson had slept together on this bed numerous times, she realized. She cringed, Charlie and Jen had slept together on this bed for that matter. She thought for another moment, Pacey and Jen hadn't though. She rolled over, no Pacey and Jen had never had sex.

Look, if it makes you feel any better, we never actually slept together. I mean, not even close.

She shook her head, contemplating who had and hadn't had sex in Jennifer Lindley's bed was getting her nowhere.

She tossed over again, it smelt eerily like pancakes. She inhaled deeply; it smelt a lot like pancakes. Looking over at the windows she realized that Jen kept the blinds firmly shut, the morning sunlight etching dimly behind the barrier.

She looked over at the alarm clock, 9:30, no wonder the night seemed so long. Tripping down the steps she could hear Pacey's booming voice excitedly telling a story in the kitchen. 

"Hey sleepy head," he grinned at her entrance, "we were worried that Drue would beat you up."

"Don't worry I still have at least three hours," she joked pulling on the hem of her tee shirt playfully.

Jack sat at the kitchen counter wolfing down a pancake as if he hadn't eaten in three weeks, "Slow down cowboy, there's a thing called chewing," she said rubbing his back.

"Yes mom," Jack mumbled through a mouthful of pancakes.

"Speaking of parental figures where's Grams?"

Jack glanced around the kitchen for her presence, "Smalls," he said simlply.

"Those Ryan women sure do get around," Pacey joked.

"Pace, have you ever heard of Natalie Flanagan?" She asked abruptly.

"No, why?" He asked confused.

"No reason," she shrugged, definitely no sex with Jen she concluded.

"Isn't that some singer Jen likes?" Jack asked, the verdict was still out on their relations.

Pacey swung around the counter placing another plate of pancakes on the counter before tugging on the boxer shorts Joey was wearing, "I was wondering where those went."

"They've been MIA for over a year, I'm sure you've adjusted to life without them by now."

"I hate when girls take guys clothing like it belongs to them, do you know how many tee shirts Jen has stolen from me?" Jack pouted, the jurors were leaning towards guilty at this point.

"Jack, what color are Jen's sheets?" Joey asked consumed with curiosity on just how friendly the Jen and Jack dynamic was.

"I don't know, white?" Not guilty.

"So what's the itinerary for today, Mr. Witter?" Joey asked propping her elbows onto the counter.

"I'll be looking for a job, I don't know about you but somebody's got to make a source of income here."

"Grams will take care of it," Jack shrugged.

"Grams won't be around forever."

"Grams is immortal!" Jack snapped defensively.

Joey snickered, "I guess that's alright, I've got a load of summer reading left anyway."

"I don't have anything to do," Jack pouted. "This lack of responsibility is hard sometimes."

~*~

Pacey dug his hands deeply into his khaki shorts as he headed past Quincy Square. Boston had become his sense of hope for the future. His proof that he wasn't Capeside anymore. He had developed a life out here, had a well paying job a string of angst free relationships and an entire year to grow into himself, to develop a self-confidence that he had always lacked.

But that was over in May. His girlfriend was gone, bitter and bouncing back onto her feet with ease in her natural habitat of movie stars and casting directors. His job was a distant memory, a skill that he had developed and a profession he had enjoyed was never the same after Civilization.

He felt like he was floundering, that he was developing this void in his life that he longed to fulfill. Something was missing that hadn't been missing in a long time and he wondered what it was, why he felt so incomplete.

Strolling up to Liberty Hall he couldn't fight the temptation to seek out his former place of employment. To see how the restaurant was doing, how the new management had destroyed it.

The place still eerily held its same form of charm and class holding its trendy air with deep blues and purples. There were only a few customers enjoying a late lunch and one that he recognized as a regular during his run as a chef. 

He headed towards the kitchen his eyes drifting along the carpet and catching sight of the stain Audrey had made on her first week as a waitress of some sort of chicken marmalade Brecher. Had called it a badge of honor, Alex had called it a disgusting show of workmanship with insubordination towards authority.

"Pacey Witter," Danny's familiar voice called out from across the kitchen, "already turn in the clown suit?"

He grinned, "I see you've already traded in the bimbo of the week."

"There's only so long, right?" Brecher joked he said crossing the restaurant and embracing his young apprentice in a hug. "I've seen a lot of this world, but there are only so may things you can see before you realize that you have a life to settle into."

"Emily took you back?"

"Begging and pleading on my knees," he shook Pacey a bit, "on my knees begging her for hours, the works, I can't live without you there was never anybody else I loved as much as you everything."

"And she bought this?" Pacey cocked a brow.

"It was true, every word," he wrapped his arm around Pacey's shoulder. "When you find the one, they'll take you back no matter what. You'll stomp on each other's hearts you'll push the limits passed safe boundaries but you will never ever be able to say no when they ask for another go. And on that final try as many as there may be it will all be worth it."

Pacey nodded knowingly, "So what are you doing back here?"

"Business here was in the shitter so the new management offered me double my original salary, and being a logical man I am, I took it back without a second thought."

"Well I mean if you ever need an experienced chef," Pacey said cockily gesturing towards himself.

"First rule Witter," Danny stabbed a finger into his chest, "play hard to get, you sound desperate."

"What if I were?" He cocked a brow.

Danny grinned ruffling his hair, "Couldn't turn you down Witter, you're like family. I'll see you tomorrow, alright kid?"

~*~

Drue flipped through the channels, 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 15, 21, 2, 3, 4, 5… He narrowed his eyes examining the controller in his hand typing in the digits 55 receiving an exciting race of ants across the screen. “Hmm,” he brushed his fingers along his chin in contemplation. 38 was a jumbled screen filled with calls of static with a muffled Rachel Leigh Cook bitching about popularity, Drue rolled his eyes, She’s All That the only way it should be experienced. On his last attempt he typed 73 the television refused to cooperate, he tried again, but it couldn’t make it. “Hey Jack,” he called out.

Coming out of the kitchen with a bowl off Cocoa Puffs Jack nursed the spoon in his mouth as he sat down on the couch next to him, “Yeah?” He mumbled his tongue trapped under the silver utensil.

“When was the TV built?”

He contemplated this for a long moment, “Early 80’s I think.”

“The bitch only goes up to 64,” Drue said as he finished testing the higher digit numbers, “and all the good channels are above 64 McPhee, Cinemax is like 76 and Pay Per View is in at least the 90’s.”

“Sorry about that,” he said slopping another clump of cereal in his mouth.

“And how many channels do you have like ten?” He continued to whine.

“We don’t really watch that much television,” he shrugged.

“Yeah well I do and when I miss an episode of the Real World I go into with drawl.”

“You could always go home,” Jack suggested as Drue got off the couch wondering around the living room.

Finding what he was looking for he picked up the phone thinking for a moment before he searched the book case for the phone book, “Or I could call the cable company.”

Flipping through the pages he pinpointed the number he was searching for plugging in the numbers. “Vacation is over at the end of the month,” Jack argued.

Drue grinned, “Hello I was wondering if I could get the 30 day free trial of your premium package.”

“You can’t do that,” he protested.

Holding the phone against his chest Drue said, “Jack think of all the variations of ESPN you’d be getting and an expansion on your homoshows past Will and Grace like Queer as Folk and Cagney and Lacey.”

“Fine,” Jack surrendered.

“That’s my boy,” Drue smirked drawing the receiver back to his ear, “credit card? Charge it to Paul Valentine…” he began pulling out his trusty card, “Hey Jack what’s the address?”

Joey came through the front door offering a small aquarium, “Hey Jack I got you a pet.”

“When I said I wanted responsibility I didn't have this in mind,” Jack said setting down his bowl and jumping over the couch to see what it was.

Drue joined them the phone still on his ear, “You got him a shell?”

"Should I be offended?" Squinting his eyes Jack cocked his head to get a better view of the aquarium's interior. Neon gravel lined the bottom with assortments of blues and greens, a little stone castle towered over the land in the corner of the tank, with a flat shell, sponge and a painfully fake plant rounded out the decorum. In the center sat a round shiny shell that was lime green, “What is it?”

Joey’s jaw dropped, “It’s a hermit crab.”

Drue laughed, “I sense no irony in that sentiment at all,” he said dryly.

“Well where is it?”

“He’s in the shell thing,” she explained shaking the tank a bit in hopes of waking it.

“Is that shell supposed to glow or something?” Drue furrowed his brows watching the shell roll across the gravel.

“It’s so he can see in the dark,” Joey said.

“Isn’t that some sort of animal cruelty?” He asked his ear still covered by the phone as his hand shielded the operator from their conversation.

“Yeah, I think he’s right,” Jack offered, “I’ve never seen any glow in the dark shells at the beach.”

“He can’t feel it, it’s a shell!” She argued.

“Are you sure he’s in there?” Jack asked watching the immobile green shell.

“Yes he’s in there, I picked him out down at the pier and he was moving!”

“Do you think it’s dead,” Drue suggested.

“He’s not dead, he’s sleeping,” she defended.

“You mean he’s dead already?” Jack asked, “But I just got him!”

Holding up the aquarium the three surveyed the small hermit crab waiting for him to move, “I think I’m going to name him Snapples.”

“That’s a stupid name,” Drue refuted.

“Sheldon?”

“That could work,” he nodded, the phone began to whine, as the voice on the other end spoke again, “no just the thirty days, yeah thanks, you too, bye.” He hung up the phone returning his gaze to the crab. “What does it do anyway?”

Joey shrugged, “I don’t know, crab stuff.”

“You know those shaped leashes with the imaginary dog attached to the other end are much more fascinating then this, I’m sure Jack would have had a great time with that too.”

Jack nodded, “Yeah, those things can do tricks, what does this thing do?”

“Play catatonic with brilliance?” Joey suggested.

“I think you killed him Potter,” Drue decided.

“He’s not dead!”

Pacey came through the door happily walking up to the three, “Hi honey, I’m home,” he said kissing Joey on the cheek from behind.

“Somebody’s in a good mood,” Jack said loosing interest in the glow in the dark shell and finding his soggy cereal much more fascinating.

“Tis a grand day McPhee,” Pacey explained becoming distracted by the tank. “Ooo, I didn’t know they made pet shells too.”

Joey narrowed her eyes setting the aquarium on the mantle, “It’s a hermit crab,” she argued.

“What’d you get laid or something?” Drue cocked a brow folding his arms over his chest.

Joey froze distracting herself with the surely dead hermit crab that lye motionless in the container desperate to remove her self form the conversation.

“Nope, better,” Pacey said gleefully, “I got my old job back.”

Jack smirked, “So Alex Pearl decided she likes little boys after all?”

“No,” Pacey shook his head, “she was fired a long time ago. The management called Brecher and begged him to come back and him being the money hound he is with a love for the culinary arts he took his job back, and I got mine.”

"So you're a chef again?" Joey asked rejoining the conversation.

~*~

She couldn't sleep again, the nights seemed to get longer and she got more and more tired but sleep never took her she was stuck in a limbo of consciousness and dream world striving to pass this level.

Rolling out of bed she headed towards the kitchen with a sudden craving for a glass of ginger ale and a cookie. When she was young and couldn't sleep her mother would always give her a glass of warm ginger ale and her father would sneak her a cookie, it was memories like these that kept her parents memory safe. 

Passing Pacey's sleeping lump on the couch she wondered through the dark kitchen steadying her self on the counter as she headed towards the pantry.

"And you know better then anyone that sometimes you just wake up in the morning and all of a sudden you see someone in a different light," Pacey said tossing some of the lettuce in the salad bowl, the dinner he had planned already a nightmare. She however had grown distracted at her duties of chopping the tomato to decorate it. "And I would honestly hate to think of how different my life would be if possibilities like that didn't exist."

She flashed her patented half smirk as she stepped cautiously across the shadowed room.

You are not allowed to tell me how much I get to care about you

Digging through the pantry she jumped at the sound of footsteps. She was a skittish kitten. "Oh I'm sorry to give you a fright, dear," Grams said stepping quietly through the kitchen. "I guess I was just having a craving myself."

Joey smiled offering the tin of cookies she retrieved, "Why don't you go set those on the table and I'll go get some milk," Grams said nudging towards the kitchen table.

"What's wrong, child?" Grams asked noticing Joey's sullen expression as she set down a glass in front of her.

"Nothing," Joey shrugged dipping her cookie, "I was wondering, when you knew that Mr. Ryan was it?"

Grams smiled reminiscently, "A lot of coaxing and soul searching I'd say."

Propping her head on her head she asked, “What do you mean by that?”

“Well when I first met Jennifer’s grandfather I thought I had already stopped my search. I had just met this wonderful boy who made me smile, who seemed absolutely perfect. Then I met Charles and he turned my entire world upside down. We had a torrid love affair but he had developed a horrible drinking problem. I tried to help him I tried to accept it but that’s the worst thing you could do, some problems have to be fixed internally so I gave him an ultimatum. I left him until he could clean up his act and one year later he came to my door on his knee and proposed, and I never looked back.”

Joey smiled, “But wasn’t it hard with all the memories of pain you caused each other the first time around?”

Grams shook her head, “Love is a strange thing, it’s when you can accept the bad memories and build on the good. It’s those memories that keep you strong when your loved one is gone because you learn more about yourself. Because the experience is long and challenging but you grow more wise and resilient.” She paused, “And every single moment is worth it.”

Joey bowed her head trying to hide her smile, “It’s getting late dear,” Grams said standing from her seat. “We should get to sleep before the sun rises.”

“I’m just going to clean up,” Joey gestured towards the table.

Grams dropped a kiss on her forehead, “Good luck finding him, Josephine.”

“Thank you Misses Ryan,” she smirked again watching her walk past the hall.

Packing away the tin of cookie back into the pantry she cautiously made her way back to the living room nearly jumping when she heard a snort of breath from the couch. Remembering Pacey was hibernating there she cocked her head to spot him. 

You know you love someone when you can spend the entire night just sitting by the fire, watching him sleep.

She glanced over at the fire place enjoying its own slumber in the corner taking its long summer’s nap. Pacey rolled over again tossing around the blanket. Memories of sharing a bed with him came flooding back and she could nearly feel the pain in her side from the time he kicked her in his sleep.

She rounded the sofa picking up the blanket and throwing it back over his body, his steady breathing the only sound filling the silent house. She became mesmerized with the steady rise and fall of his chest, the way his nose twitched every so often when he was sleeping on his back, the way his eyelashes dusted over his cheek bones. Suddenly she wished that she had watched him sleep more often.

He contained this innocence in his slumber; this adolescent charisma that had drawn her to him in the first place yet his mature features were what she had fallen in love with. Brushing her hand across his cheek she placed a kiss on his forehead, his lips twitching into a slight smile.

“Goodnight Pace,” she whispered before heading back up to her bed.