no matter how hard i try, no matter how hard i pretend, no matter how hard i try to distract myself, ill nvr get over it,sometimes i ask myself, whyt did i get into this things?then i thought, u were the only1 who made me feel truely happy,like ive known you for a hundred years, and u know i NEVER DID like girls after what that FUCKING BITCH did to me, i hated and ignored all thoses girls besides Kat, but since u came, you made me truely happy,you made me feel like there's something to look forward for every morning, i slept late just to talk to you, i woke up early just to see you online, u made me feel that way, when im in a really fucked up family and shit going on around me. i jsut love you so much, i kept on holding on to the phone everyday after scool,hoping that you would call,i didnt eat well, not untill you call,ur my only source of joy and i love you so much.
i cant sleep well, ive been dreaming of you for 6 days straight now, and each time waking up tearing about it, i dont know if guys are supposed to do that but, i guess im a gay after all in this kinda matters, i dont have anything to look forward now, everything else is a distraction for me from thinking deeply of you, but now, i just feel truely alone, i dont know why im waking up the next day, i dont know why i should be online, i dont see why i need a phone, i dont have anything to look forward to in school, i guess the only thing i look forward now is hangin out with plod, hatta, clement,azrii,spook, angela and the rest of the freerunners, they are the only one who can prevent me from thinking of all those times we spent together, especially angela, she made me feel that, she feels the same way as i do, or worst, but she still laughs and gay aroundwith all of us, and i just thought i should be like her, ive done a good job so far,even though u were still in my mind like u just told me 5minutes ago, but as soon as they are all gone, i fished up again,i feel really crap till my head hurts alot, i guess angela is strong with this kind of things, im jsut trying to be like her, im really thankful to hang out with they all, they just made me stop thinkin deeply of you for that moment. and i dont think any1 could do that, especially in school, everyone is so fucked, those irritants in class, i jsut hope i wont burst out at them, u've seen me in school, im so dead there, i dont know what else to do, i gave up hope.
that's because i really love you, and i want you so much, but i cant have you, but at the same time, i really care for you way more than i care for any1 else, i care for your hapiness, i just care for you too much, and you chose to be this way, i cant do anything about it but to hope that you'll come back. now, i just appreciate those guys whom i hang out at the beach with, and really thankful, i just hope what i feel will fade away, and leave you alone, if that'll make you feel happy. for now, i only can sit and think of you, hoping that you would call and said you feel the same way that i do, but i know that'll nvr happen for you've got back what u once had, a stable family, and friends. im jsut glad that you're happy, im scarred for life, and i jsut hope i at least give a truthful smile once again. since that day, i can see that there's alot of people who feels the same way as i do, just that they take things way better than i do. i jsut want to thank every1 who's been there to distract me, and gay around with.
ill nvr stop loving you