Now Playing: screwed
life just sucks dont it, i really lost hope in everything now, i went a carpark rooftop after going to esso delifrance to get a couple of curry puff and ate it at seng kang park while talking to clement. it was about 12am+, i didnt know what to do, as soon as clement hung up the phone, i started thing again, i thought of everything, i went to a carpark rooftop, which had a great view of a mini river in the dark, the moon was perfact, and there's stars, i jsut stared at the moon, thinking of everything that had ever happened to me since i was young, my family was screwed up ever since i was born, then i started reflecting when i was p3 in malaysia, and all of those shits, but, that didnt affect me alot, when i thought of her, i just think and think and think while watching the moon slowly travelling behind the buildings, everything that we ever done together, will nvr happen again, every kiis that she gave me, ill nvr get them again, she's the only thing i love the most, more than friends, more than family, what the hell, i dont even like my family, , i really love her, i reall thought we could last, but we didnt, i just layed down, staring at the sky, the moon, the stars, till the sky turned bright, i just lost hope in everything, didnt go to school for 3days now, dotn know what will i do when i go to sch tmr, who cares. she have hurt me so damn bad, i nvr thought i would be like this, i thought ill just be disapointed for a while and be happy all over again, now i know, that ill nvr be cheered anymore, i jsut suck, climbed the 17storey builiding again, it sucks, went home at bout 8am, as soon as i opened the door, my freaking mom started shoutin again, i couldnt be less bothered, i just layed on my bed, letting her shout and hit me, but as soon as she mentioned 'her' name, i shouted, took my hp from her hand and pushed her out of the door, i dont know what ive become, should i jsut die and stop causing all this shit?i dont know, i jsut dont want to cause anymore shit in others life, life's screwed up, then when i went to sleep, i remembered this clearly, i dreamt that
she came to my house to hang out, i just kept quiet, she was sittin on my bed fidling the computer, i was lying behind her, didnt know what to do, then she layed beside me, i looked at her, then kissed her in the lips, didnt think she would like it, but she kissed me back, after that, i held her hands and asked her if we could be back together but see each other lesser this time, she said, yes, followed by a'i love u' and a kiss,
how i wish it was for real, i woke up tearing again, i really love her so damn much, and she just want to be friends, and pretend nothing had ever happen, i cant do that, i can only do that if ive lost interest in her, but i havent lost interest in her, and nvr will, now that ive lost her, i cant move on, i hope i could, but every motivation in life has just disappeared, even during pk jams, they all were pking and all, i didnt do much, didnt have the motivation and kept telling too tired, but i did a few things to disguise it, all that i can do now is have a little hope, hope that she would come back, even though there's no hope in it, i mean, y would she wanna be back together, she loves her life this way, not with me, cuz all i ever did is screw up her life,
i want her, real badly, im lost, i just hope i can pick myself up, but, there's to look forward to, now that shes gone, now i really wish damn hard that i would just die and stop causing shit