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i came home early from school today, gave some stupid excuse that i was sick, and that fag in my house came to fetch me, cant believe he's still staying in my house.
school didnt turn out the way i expected, it turned out worst, i thought i could just act normal and talk to the others, but i did totally opposite, i came to school just in time for assembly. the stupid principal just had to screw my day up even more by giving stupid advises. selfmotivation, dicipline, interest, get out of school if you dont have selfmotivation blah blah blah blah blah, thnks alot asshole!!, now you've just made confirmed that im screwed up, i didnt bare to look at her when we're going up to class, i love her so damn much, but she dont feel the same way,life jsut sucks
during science class, we had a stupid openbook test, and, i still cant concentrate, my mind just kept on thinking of her, i dont know if im doing this to myself, but , ive lost motivation and hope and everythign else, i have nothing to look forward to in school now, everyone else is an ass, and everytime i look at her, my heart just aches even more, i mean, i really love her alot, i miss her, and i want her.teacher just had to screw my day up even more by saying somethin that i DONT WANT TO HEAR IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, which is, ' u've done well, keep it up' LIKE WTF!!!I HATE PPL WHO DOES THAT TO ME, now that she said that to me, i just felt even more shit, cuz i knew im totally screwed up in my studies, and she asked me to keep my 36/50 marks up, fuck her!!
at math class, i didnt understand a single shit, equation and all those shit, everytime when i look at the board, it felt like a million information was entering my head rapidly, i jsut could take it anymore, she've left me, and i dont have hope in myself anymore. before i even met her, the team was all i cared for, i thought of the team almost every second, cuz that's the only thing that makes me feel appreciated and they share the same interest as me, and it distracts me from all those shit that was happenenig in my screwed up house, and now, i dont know, i feel useless, even in the team, i cant stop thinkin of her,she's like, in my mind every second, i really miss her so damn much.
im supposed to meet my math teacher after school to do my test cuz i was absent on monday, buuuuuuuut WHO CARES?!!!IM AT HOME NOW AND SHE CANT DO NOTHING AOBUT IT!HOW DYA LIKE ME NOW?ASSHOLE!!,,,life is just totally screwed up for me, i dont feel the way like i used to feel, everything i do is just a distraction, not for interest, i cant be commited in anything even though i tried so hard to be. i cant stand school , home anymore, im always having a headache, i hope i die, i really do, i really hope that god would put me into a komma or somethin, or make me real stupid and totally imature, im jsut sick of thinkin, i cant be what ppl want me to be, all i just want is her to be beside me, i dont know why, everythign doesnt seem right without her, everythin i do just make others bleed, i cant catch up in studies, ive lost hope, i dont care what happens to me in school or anywhere, i jsut hope i die, when i climb, when i run, when i jump. This is how much i love her, i cant live without her, many of you ppl think that the ' i cant live without you' line is meaningless and they're jsut words, if you ask me, i think the same way too, or at least i used to think, now i know that i really mean it when i say that to her.all i can wish for now, is for her to come back, that'll totally make me the opposite of whta i am now.