sleepless night and it's 3am in the morning, just friend myself a chicken burger , ate it with bread,i cant sleep, been watching animations and videos since 9pm.one of the animation made me feel even more useless, saying that life's a lie, the other, really had 'us' in it somehow,i couldnt stop thinkin of her, i just lay on my bed, watch the animation, listen to music, stare at the ceiling, leave mtv on in the hall, and i dont know what will happen to me in school tmr, i just couldnt find any hope in my life, the only hope i have is her, she's the one i love, i want, i care for, and i need.she's my source of motivation in life, i dont know what else to do, i lost hope in school, dont know what reason to give to teacher later on in school, life just suck, im having hard thoughts of killing myself now, im having thoughts of diein, death is freedon for me, it's like, it's the equation to all problems, if im gone, every1 else will have 1 less person to think of, azrii wont have to think of what skills i should do, my so called mom dont need to worry about money that much, my brother will have this computer all to his self, no1 will feel shit by my mean words, cuz i wont say any once i die, all the teachers will have one less student to chase, all my friends will be able to concentrate on their life better, every1 can get on with their life without me bugging them and holding them back, that's why i think i better off dead, cause, every1 will feel crap for a few days, but inside every1 will be happy later on, i dont know, life is just meneangless now, ive totally lost it, the joy of the world, it doesnt matter for me anymore, there's no joy for me nomore, every joy i show were nvr real, they are just to prevent ppl from shit, like when im with kat, i just had to pull out a smile and do the things i always to to her, gay ard and all, but since 'she' left me, everything now can be seen, no matter how hard i try, i jsut feel totally useless, i make others miserable, and ive lost motivation in every part in life, flips, study, parkour, or even just simply skippin a step while going down the stairs, if i dont go to school today, i'd better off dead
im gonna try to get some rest, if i can just stop thinkin of her, but the thing is, when i sleep, ill dream of her, and ill feel crap again,feli u have no idea how much i love you, i dont even have any idea how much i love you, cuz i cant explain it, i just hope you feel the same way back, that's the only thing that can give me hope to pick myself up again.
note: i dont know how to speel tear, as in, cry, it sounds more like tear, as in tearing a piece of paper, aahh what the hack , who cares, as long it can be read,i meant cryin when i say tearing, nights.