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ive lost hope, i couldnt even bare showing my feelings to kat, i had to pretend hard, i dont know what to do with my life nomore, even when with azrii and clement, i couldnt stop thinking and be distracted about itand i was too fished up that i just had to burst in front of them, all i ever wanted is distraction, but azrii just had to go on talking about life and all and that just made me feel even more useless,that's why i like to hang out with angela and all, she feels the exact same way as i do, more worst that is,and i feel good at least cracking a fake smile while knowing that some1 is doing the same,, i cannot pretend anymore, i cant pretend like i used to, be happy just to balance the surrounding, i cant laugh,i cant do anything right, and i dont know how i can be when im with kat, i guess i love her so much that i dont want to hurt her by showing what im feeling, my true feelings, i had to act normal, and im glad god gave me strenght to do it, but truely , ive lost hope, i dont know what im living for, im screwed up in studies, my stupid cousin shahid just had to come over and talk to me bout the london trip money, he made me feel even more useless, cuz, i dont know, he said all those fucked up things that made it way easier for me, i dont know, i hope that i still have hope in life, i want her, that's the only thing that'll make me feel at least have hope and hope to start over in life, didnt go to school today, dont want to, cuz i dont want to end up whacking the hell out of some irritants in class, or pushin a teacher like the way i used to, or simply burst out diring class, math class, i cant take information anymore, i feel damn useless, all those songs doesnt help, nothing helps anymore,
i just hope that some miricals would come and god would send some1 to help me, it's funny, i wished hard for this, and it came true, she came, she's like my angle, and i love her so much, i dont want to let her go, but i guess everything doesnt last forever,
i dont know what else to say, life is screwed up, she's the one i love, and the only 1 ill only love, she's my hope, she's my happiness, she's the reason why i wake up every morning and sleep every night,,she gave me me strenght when i felt that hope is gone, she's made me look on the bright side of life, she's the only bright side of my life, but now, ive realised that there's no such thing as bright side of life for me, everything that ive ever do is having a brightside of life out of some1 else darkness and unhappiness,,,,ive lost hope, i love her,, i love her so damn much, my thoughts are so tempting, i just dont want to end life like that, but at the same time, there's nothin fer me to live fer, , it's funny, im only 16, and im already like this, what if im older? it's just a matter of time, i hope it's soon.im just trying to get through everyday in life, with nothing to look forward to, there's nothing for me in life, my future is already screwed,
i dont have a future, that's what every1's telling me in a way, i really wish god could end me life for other's happiness.. i dont know, i nvr did read my post, im just typing what ever that's in my mind, and i dont wish to read back, cuz i know, if i did, i would delete it all, what's the point of this blog anyways? no1 i know is gonna read it, no1 cares, it's just for their entertainment, and im glad that my crapped up life occupies their time with entertainment, im having a head ache right now, im gonna drink some coffie, and rot at home, isnt that right SHAHID?IM ROTTING AT HOME, I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE, AND IM JUST WASTING MY TIME WITH ALL THOSE SHIT
IM DOING NOW, WELL GUESS WHAT, IVE LOST HOPE IN FLIPS
AND PARKOUR TOO,ARE U HAPPY?FREAK
nights