Now Playing: she means to me way more than i thought she would
i cant believe,,,,i cant believe how much she mean to me,,,it's 3am now,,and i just realised that ive been lying on the floor in the hall, living mtv on,, staring
at the ceiling,,and just thinking, i cant explain what i was thinking,,but i was tearing away all the time,,,she made me feel that she wants me to go to school and all cuz she wants to see me,,and she wants to get back together and all,,,but truthfully,,i just know,,she thinks that im like that because she left me,,,i guess that's true,,but i wouldve been like that long time ago even if i nvr met her,,she prevented me from being like that,,,,she just want to get back not because she misses me like the way i miss her,,not because she wants to see me like the way i want to see her,,not because she feels the way i feel whenever we're together, holding hands and all,,but she just want to get together because that'll make me happy, but,,i dont think ill ever be happy if she's with me and it's all a lie,,,i cant help thinking of it,,ive lost interest in any1 else,,i cant even admirer any1, i stopped thinkin of the girl that i had a crush on ever since i knew her,,,all the girl is the same to me besides her,,she glows in my eyes,,,i even make belief that she's beside me lieing down and falling asleep together,,,
i nvr want to get into a relationship,,,i nvr did like the idea,,i thought it's all fake,,i thought it's what every1 do just fer fun,,i thought it was a teenage thing,,,but,,i nvr thought of why ppl get married,,i nvr ever thought that love could be this strong,,,married ppl gave up their whole life,,,they gave up being together often with friends, family,,, jsut to live together with some1 they truely love,,,i guess my feelings for her is like that,,,,i dont know how she feels towards me anymore,,,, i just hope that she feels the same way towards me,,,all i want to do is to see her,,i want to look at her beautiful brown eyes,,i want to hold her soft hands,,,i want to touch her soft sweet hair,,i want to see her face,,,and i want to determine if she feels the same way as i do,,,i dont want to tell her what's going on with me anymore,,,cuz i dont want to make her feel crap,,, i dont want to hurt ppl anymore,,i dont mind if ppl hurt me,,i get that all the time everyday,,with my friends,,my family,,and all,,but i dont care about
me anymore,,im always hurt,,but it's better than hurting others,,especially her,,,if things get so bad,,,and i cant seem to find my life meaningfull,,i think id rather end it,,i hope im saying this out of depression,,,cause,,im afraid that i'll one day do that,,,cause,,not just the 1st time,,but everytime,,every time when climb a building,,when i reach at the last storey,,i just thought,,what if i let go of the railing,,and just fall,,my curiousily was so damn strong,,and i was so determined to do it,,but everytime i think of that,,something just come up to me,,i mean,,the feeling is just so strange,,and i just find myself climbing in the builing,,,
and i hope that feeling will nvr fade,,cuz if it does,,ill one day let go,,and just go away from earth,,from her,,from my friends,,from my family,,from the ones i love,,,from the one i hate,,from the ppl that ive always giving trouble to, from the onec ive hurt,,,
i cant sleep now,,,and im hungry,,,very hungry,,my stomach's making those funny noises,,,i dont know what to eat,,,there's nothin,,,,i hope i starve and die,,,or the acids in my stomach burn me inside out,,,i hope that's posible,,im off to the kitchen now,,to find food,,see ya