Now Playing: hope,,her,,team,kat,vespers.not myself
ive decided,,ive decided to start new again,,although there's no hope, it's better trying then not trying at all,,,,,my future,,,i want to help vespers,,i want her for life,,,even though i cant,,ill just be happy to see her,,,there's something in life where you can nvr get,,and i think love is what ill nvr get forever formyself,,,,ill nvr have love for myself,,,i only care for her,,and kat,,and the team and the freerunners,,,those are the ppl that showed me love,,,,love in many ways,,,,and i just spit it out at their face by being the me now,,,,im gonna start anew,,,in school that is,,,being in school makes me feel useless,,but not being in school at all,,makes me feel even more worst,,,express,,,that's the thing im aiming for,,i want to maintain in express stream,,,but it's ok if i cant,,,cause,,,the only reason i want to be in express is to lift my pride,,but pride is not important to me anymore,,,i jsut want to be better than what i am,,,i want to let go of all my ego,,,and ill try mybest to do that,,but i know,,along the way,,,ill have obbstecles,,ill have to face things,,i see life in diablo's view,,,everytime when you train up,,u get a new skill,,and everytime u nvr,,ur skill just stays there,,,and everytime you die,,u start over again,,,nto far from where you left,and everytime there's a quest for you to do, that's when you have a goal in ur life,,onec completed, u move on to the nx quest,,the monsters are every1 around you,,those are the ppl who hates you and want to bring you down,the camp area,,is ur loved ones,,you do quest for them,and not for urself,,and everytime you do,,u get reward,,just like in life,,life is jsut like that,,,it's like a game,,im gonna treat life as that now,,,and i thank all this to azrii,,he has taught me many things in life,,,he made me the person i am this second,,,feli taught me to love,,feli gave me love,,feli made mefeel what's like to be loved,,,but love,,,love from any1 else besides feli , kat and the team isnt important to me anymore,,,,i jsut dont give a damn,,,,i hate girls,,ill nvr stop hating them,,,wait,,,if i hate girls ,,im jsut being egoisticle,,,,ok,,i dont hate them,,,but i dont want to be anything more than just neutral frineds,,,,feli is the one i love,,she's my 1st and last true love,,and if i ever get together with any other girl,,,if you see me,,,beat me up to death,,because,,im not being faithful to that girl,,,im just replacing feli using that girl,,but im sure i wont,,cuz i im not what girls want,,girls will nvr lay their eyes on me,,,and im not that inhuman to use girls,,feli,,,it's because i love her,,,i love her heart,,,i dont know how she feels towards me,,,but then again,,it's not about me anymore,,,,it will nvr be about me anymore,,what ever i have , is for others,,not for myself,,,if i ever get interested in studies,,,it wont be for myself,,,but for my loved ones,,,not family,,,but for feli and kat,,i dont know about feli,,but kat made me feel that she cares,,,feli did the same too,,but i dont know if she cares now,,cuz i dont think ill ever have a place in her heart anymore,,,i hope i do,,,cuz if i do,,ill be better than what i am now,,,i just wanna have a bath,,and just start from scratch again,,just like diablo,,,still have the skills when you die,,but no more weapon and armour,,,weapon and armor is trust, and hope in life,,,and just like the game,,,ull have to find weapon and armour or buy them,,just like in life,,ill have to find hope and trust,,and earn it,,,,,the only thing i dont have is ,,patients,,,and time,,,those are the only thing i dont have,,,and trust from my family,,,trust from my family isnt important to me at all anymore,,,when i grow up,,,if my brother's financially stable when he grows up,,and can take care of my so called mother,,,,ill move overseas,,,having a friend there,,i hope azrii's going there,,,cuz maybe i can live in his house wheile i work and earn my new house,,,im gonna start grown up life when im old enough,,when im officially an adult,,,im out of singapore,,,but at the same time,,i want to bring feli along,,but i dont know if she's going overseas to study,,,she told me after secondary school,,she'll be going over seas to study,,,i dont know,,,i cant have her,,,but i just want the best for her,,,i just have to get it straight,,,that it's nvr about me,,,it's not what i want,,but what others want, and what i want for others,,,,,i want the team to be known at least before we grow up,,,i want kat to live a happy life,,succesful, stable and hopefully she'll find true love when she grows up,,that's her dream,,,,feli,,,i want her to be happy,,i want her to be herself,,,i dont want to give misery in her life anymore,,,i want the best for her,,in love, in life, in studies,,in everything,,in love,,i dont care if it's not me, i want her to be happy,,with or without me,,but ill pray it's me,,im not gonna let ppl know the real me,,,im gonna be the me i used to be,,,being that in school is hard,,but ill try,,,ill try,,,and if i want something really badly,,,ill earn'em,,,i dont want ppl to give it to me,,,london trip,,my cousin will be ginvin me 1.5k ,,,but he says he wants effort in studies,,,ill put in effort,,but dont know if i can do well,,,well,,,it's all talkin and typing down what ill do,,i jsut hope ill do'em all,,,i hope,,,gonna start with vespers.that's it,,,i love you feli,,,will nvr stop loving you,,cant stop,,and i will nvr find any interest in any1 else,,,and i dont
mind if u have interest in any1 else,,i dont expect to be loved anymore,,,,,i can only love,,,and care for,,,but i dont expect any of'em in return,,
gonna bathe,,,,and dont think ill be helping vespers out today,,,i need time,,,ill go tmr,,soo,,,see ya.