Now Playing: i miss her, FELI!!IF UR READING THIS SOMEHOW,, I LOVE YOU!!!and now you know how much u mean to me,,and i hope i mean the same w
4 am ,,and i find myself leaving mtv on in the hall and staring at the ceiling while lying down on my bed thinking of her again,,and tearing again,,,im obsessed over her,,,strong affections,,,why does human feel this way?why must human love?cant they just have sex and reproducee and get married to any1 once they feel it's the right age without having any affection for the opposite sex,,,,i guess it's part of human survival huh,,,,everytime i see her,,my heart skips a beat,,,everytime i see her,,my palm sweat,,everytime when i with her,,,i forget the world and i dont know what's going on around me,,,,,i have such strong affection and love for her,,,,and i dont think she feels the same way anymore,,,,,,,i thought i would nvr be jealous if any guys are around her,,,but i did felt it,,i felt jealous,,,but i knew that showing my jealousy is just plain old stupid,,,,come to think of it,,,i think every1 feels jealous when they're loved once is with another guy or girl joking and having fun,,,that's when brain comes in,,,understanding,,,and all of that,,,i think ppl who doesnt feel at least a little jealousy when their loved ones is having fun with others of the opposite sex,,,doenst love the so called' loved ones' . cause,,it's plain old human instict,,,i mean,,,it's like,,u really like something,,and some1 else has it,,even for that moment,,,u would feel jealous now wouldnt you?,,,im not making this jealousy a big thing,,,but just to get the msg across,,that i am jealous when she's with others,,,and i did tell her,,but i also tell her taht i dont mind,,i mean,,i am jealous,,but that's when trust comes in,,,i trust her,,,and i love her,,,,but seriously,,i dont think she loves me anymore,,,no more affection for me,,,nomore love,,,just that,,,i cant live without her,,and i dont think time will make me forget stuff,,,MY GOD,,8 YEARS OF FAMILY CRAP,,,AND I STILL CANT FORGET THE VERY 1ST DAY OF CHAOS IN THE HOUSE,,,,and i hate them,,,but still i cant foeget,,,,and this,,i love,,i love and ill always love,,how can i forget?it's like,,,when ever im alone,,ill start thinking of her,,,and whereever i go and what ever i watch,,,i see and imagine that the things i saw was her,,,it's like,,i apply her in everything now,,,,cant stop thinkin about her,,well,,,3hours before school officially starts for me,,,and crap,,and chaos,,,and punnishments,,,and humiliations,,and all of many other negative shits,,secondary school isnt like primary school anymore,,,so carefree and yet get good marks overall,,,so easy to get distracted from all those shit i faced in my family,,,family-liked friends,,,romel, rey, and farhan,,,all of them are foreigners,,just like me,,philiphine, indonasia and brunai respectively,,,,,,my age group,,,,but it's like,,,i was distracted in the day,,,and always feeling shit about myself in the night,,,and ive just realised that i was like taht ever since i became cautious of myself,,,,and now,,im always trying to be distracted in the day,,and feeling shit in the night,,,GODDDDD,,,PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS PLS DO SOMETHING TO MY LIFE!!!!PLS !!!THE LEAST U COULD DO IS TO END IT!!!OR YOU COULD MAKE MYLIFE BETER THAN WHAT IT IS,,,,ORR,,,,jsut give me her heart,,,because,,,always,,,,when im always thinking about all those shit that had happened in my life,,id think of her,,then all of my troubles jsut fades away,,knowing that im loved,,but know,,,she said that we're together,,but i dont know if she loves me anymore,,,cuz,,,she's the one who wants us to jsut be friends,,,and then,,she wanna patch up again,,,cuz she thinks im feeling like shit again because of her,,and she thinks that getting into this relationship again would make me feel happy,,,getting into this relatinship is one,,but having her heart is another,,,i want her heart,,,she have my heart,,,im not sure if i have her heart,,,i want her heart,,,,,it's like,,,im sending signals to her,,,but she aint doing the same to me anymore,,,,ohh godd,,what's happenin to me,,,i cant stop tearing,,,,,,,,,later on in school,,it's gonna be shit,,i hope they wont bring me down even more,,i odnt know how ill be in school,,i jsut hope that ill be the same old me,,,and guess whhhhhatttt!!!!sudently,,i want cigareetes,,,argghhhhh,,,,,cigarettess!!!!but nah,,,i aint a smoker,,dont want to be,,dont plan to be,,but just gay around when im with frineds,,,my friends arent bad company,,,they're friendly,,,funny,,very very very fun to hang out with,,share the same interest,,and jsut carefree,,,and,,,they make me feel that i shouldnt spoil the mood,,by feeling shit and jsut keeping quiet,,,im tryin my best to do that,,,and i did,,even on the phone,,,i talked to kat as per normal,,,,thnks so much god,,for giving me this strength back,,,to pretend,,,
nights then,,update it after schooooooool..
Posted by fingers
at 4:31 AM WST
Updated: Friday, 4 March 2005 4:41 AM WST
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Updated: Friday, 4 March 2005 4:41 AM WST
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