ERiN’s Poetry

-Some of this is cheesy. Some of this is morbid. Ok, so most of it is morbid. It may seem that some of these are about other people, but when I get inspired, it just flows out of me. That doesn’t necessarily mean it’s about that certain person. (although, some are) The ones written in 98 and around there, I don’t even remember who they were about, if about anyone. Something I’ve learned – immaturity brought feeling out of me and into words I never knew I had. I am not morbid. I do not walk around all depressed and I’m not strange. I’m usually acting crazy and silly…or maybe I have multiple personalities. Guess you’ll never know! So now that you understand me a little better, here’s the poetry.-


Fall Into You
6/97

Don’t tell me you want me
Don’t tell me you need me
Don’t say that you love me

Don’t say that you would be
A nobody with out me
Because I can see

Your eyes – so amazing
My cries – drive my crazy
Tell me why
You seem to be so good
Your arms – they look so strong
But I’m weak
There’s something wrong
Tell me why
You seem to be so good
I knew I would
Fall into you

Don’t tell me how you feel
I’ve seen the way you steal
You’ve taken everything from me
I don’t know where you’ve been
But you still reel me in
Why can’t I leave you alone?

Make me feel beautiful
Make me feel free
I gave my soul to you
Why can’t you do the same for me?
Your eyes are amazing
My cries drive me crazy
Tell me why
You seem to be so good
Your beautiful arms
They seem so strong
But I’m weak
There’s something wrong
Tell me why
You seem to be so good
I knew I would
Fall into you


I Can Live
9/97

I watch them go by
They look over their shoulder
I want to die
I’ve been lifting this bolder up so high
I have no place to go
Where I’ll end up I don’t know

I can live on my own
I can learn on my own
I will survive on my own
But I can’t do it all alone

Will I live this down?
My declined reputation
There’s love all around
Yet I sense hesitation
I need to be strong
I have no will anymore
Won’t somebody open the door

I’ve tried so hard
To make something out of my life
But I cannot be satisfied
Where’s the happiness
They once told me of
Was it all an awful lie?

They speak of a man
They call him the Savior
Will he understand
Disregard my behavior?
Could he really love
Somebody as careless as me
Who had to learn the hard way
And couldn’t see?

I can live on my own
I can learn on my own
I will survive on my own
But I’ll never be all alone
He will never leave me all alone.


Erase
10/97

It’s a lost cause
You and me
You led me to
The hanging tree
It’s a lost cause
This stupid game
I followed you down
To the devil’s terrain

I can’t get out of this misery
I can’t avoid empty space
A tragedy is all this is to me
How could you go and erase
Our love

Devotion is a lie
I have learned
Deception stole away
What I had earned
Romance is a joke
A lover’s game
You threw out adoration
Now I’m doing the same

Emptiness
Is all I’m feeling
A lost caress
Deserves good healing
How could you say you love me
When you don’t?
How could you swallow
My heart and soul?

I can’t get out of this misery
I can’t avoid empty space
A tragedy is all this is to me
How could you go and erase
Our love

Don’t erase me
Don’t erase me
If you feel me
Don’t erase me


Get Out
10/97

You slithered your way
Into my life
Your cold-hearted ways
Made me cry
I don’t have to take
This pain from you
Get out

You rip my heart out
With your sharp lies
You hypnotize me
With your eyes
Apathy is something
You can’t hide
Get out

Get ready to run
Get ready to hide
I’m gonna get ya
And you know why
A dirty dog
Doesn’t have nine lives
Get out

Get out of my life
Get out of my dreams
Get out
Get out
Get out


Goodbye
3/18/98

I never thought that one day
We’d end up this way
Your addiction
Pushed your love
So far away
All I ever hear
Is how you long
For me
But how do I believe
In something
I can’t touch
And I can’t see?
How am I supposed
To go on now
It doesn’t seem like you
Would miss me anyhow
So goodbye


Can’t Let Go
2/7/98

I see his face – a work of art.
I want his body, his soul, his heart.
I crave his presence.
His attention I yearn.
I desire his love and his sweet concern.
I taste his compassion.
I feel his safe touch.
This moment must last – oh I need it so much.

But then I see fear in his crystal blue eyes,
The monster inside no longer a disguise.
What have I done? What did I say?
Could his love for me be taken away?
Can I live on without touching his face?
Can I trust someone else in another embrace?

The safety in his arms
No more will I feel.
The joy I once had
Has now turned to steel.
There’s love in my mind but hate in my heart.
How can I love when I’m torn all apart?

I want to feel love again in my life.
But now I’m in agony, drowning in strife.
A cold, dark hole replaces my heart.
A constant sadness conceals a fresh start.
Today I am numb, depressed, and alone,
Dragging a broken heart full of stone.

I keep holding on in hopes of rebirth
For a love they say much more I am worth.
One day I will find him
And he’ll love me so.
Until that day comes,
I just can’t let go.


My Singing Grave
2/8/98

I sit and wait for one more chance:
“Hello” “I love you” – a second glance!
I wait for a man refilling with faults,
Aware of the heart he fondly assaults.

I sit and wait another day
For him to steal my heart away.
I transform my feelings into a song
And sing the lyrics all day long.

I vocalize with every breath
To make him see my coming death.
I die tonight of a broken heart
From one who refuses a love to start.

One day he’ll see the pain he caused
And recognize the life he paused.
For everything was put on hold
For a man unwilling to unfold.

I should’ve known it’d turn out this way,
Not having the slightest words to say.
And so my grave sings out to he
Of the death he purposely gave to me.


Why
2/8/98

I’m torn apart with every breath.
Inflicted pain within my chest.
A lover’s word
The newfound lie
The broken truth
And I ask why.

Who says we have to love or hate?
Or have emotion in any state?
We’d be better off and carry no pain
If emotion did not fall like rain.

But one must feel and one must hurt
No matter if we’re treated like dirt.
They’ll walk on us until we die.
They lie, They lie.
And I ask why.


Blissful Ignorance
2/8/98

His face – a sculpture of sheer perfection
To shatter the stone would be a disgrace.
To cease admiration would be like infection,
Spreading, destroying a beautiful place.

His countenance shines with a radiant light.
Attention forever I’ll have on his eyes.
No way could I ever forget such a sight
Like peering through clouds in the baby blue skies.

Could this creature love me
Of perfect stance?
Could I be so lucky
Be given the chance?
To wrap my arms around something so fine
To hold something precious and label it mine?

I now proclaim that my time has come
For the joy I’ve searched for has now begun.
But should this happiness ever mark time,
I’ll always remember him once being mine.


Love From a Friendship
2/9/98

I’ve found a love that has no end
Kindled from a caring friend.
He’ll always be the one for me
To depend on for eternity.

If ever we decide to meet
Anticipation stays discreet.
For keeping friendship is the key
For burdened hearts to be set free.

Who’s to say it can’t turn out
The way sometimes my heart does shout.
I want to love. I want to feel.
But love must come from something real.

A friendship keeps the love so true.
A friend is always part of you.
So if that’s all we’re meant to be,
My dear, sweet friend I’ll keep in me.


Longing
2/27/98

Lying here most every night
You’re in my thoughts but not in sight
I dream of the scent you always wear
I long for the soothing touch you bear.

Can I last a single night,
Swamped in anxiety, lost in fright?
I fear our feelings may stay discreet
And bypass a romance that’s, oh, so sweet.

I’ll put all my thoughts aside
In your precious face, my fears I’ll hide
For nothing can stop this growing force
In time our love will take it’s course.

It takes one glance – a single stare
To see if love is truly there.
When tears do fall, and smiles we make
Each other’s love we will intake.


On a Pedestal
3/6/98

I lift him above
All other men.
My stubborn heart
Allowing him in.
There’s never a day
I don’t see his face.
Although he resides
In a far away place.

Our bodies together
I visualize.
Imaginary gazing
In his beautiful eyes.

It’s all I do.
It’s all I feel.
He’s all I see.
He’s all that’s real.

I want nothing else
From Superficial Earth.
Nothing compares
To what he is worth.
So I open my arms
To the man of my dreams,
Hoping he’ll sooth
My heart’s tragic scream.


The Real Me
3/6/98

A troubled speck
In the universe.
Her malignant emotions
Have grown even worse.

Through a thousand tears
She smiles at the world.
Through a thousand fears
She’s the bravest girl.

She looks from inside
And sees a disgrace,
What they interpret
As a powerful face.

You shouldn’t believe
Everything that you see.
You’ll never ever
Know the real me.


When Trust Leaves
3/6/98

A former feeling
Reappears.
Misguided opinions
Through countless years.

Love has drifted
Far far away.
The feeling has shifted
To an icy delay.

Where has it gone?
To whom did it flee?
We wait for the dawn
No longer we see.

The darkness engulfs us.
The pain is extreme.
Once known as trust,
Now only a dream.


Someone Relate
3/8/98

Midnight disaster
Blackened glee
Life flew right past her
Wounded knee
Reaching and grasping
Nothing in hand
Searching and longing
I don’t understand

Nothing is now
Nothing was then
The future extinct
No choice but descend

What is my name
Which is my face
Who is my soul
Where is my place

How long will this last
How soon will it end
Until I see trust
I’ll be no one’s friend

A dark hole of sludge
A damp decrepit place
Slowly replacing
My aimless space
Motivation is gone
Admiration flew away
The will to live
Is light years away
Depression, Anxiety
Predominate mates.
Continuous dying
Till someone relates.


A Child’s Cry
3/26/98

Trapped in the dark – unable to see
Can’t leave a mark – a no one I’ll be
As long as I’m here
In this ongoing race
There will always be tears
Rolling down my face.

She makes my life
A living hell
In burning strife
Forever I dwell
No privacy she gives
No love does she send
No will to forgive
No rules does she bend

Disappointment to her
Is all she does see
So today and forever
I’m down on my knees
Hoping for someone
To have a kind word
To give me direction
Where encouragement is heard

Nothing I say
Is worth a dime
I must get away
While I still have time
To a world where I’m more
Than some awful disgrace
Where I look into eyes
Of an approving face


She’ll Never Change
5/11/98

She’ll search with no where to roam
You’re there yet she’s all alone
She sees but we scratched out her eyes
She stings her lovers with lies

She yells for help but cannot speak
Has no feeling but reaches her peak
She constantly walks without touching the ground
Her buried soul – no where to be found

I’m ripped apart
Sewn to this disguise
I see nothing
But the saline in my eyes
I prowl in the night
And sleep in the day
My sense of composure
Has gone astray

She is the sun with freezing rays
Remembers nothing – a purple haze
She swallows her men one by one
Breaths emotionless liquid into her lungs
And she’ll never change.


I Beg to Be Released
5/30/98
(published)

I beg to be released
I plead for sprouting wings
To send my thrashed soul
From constant morbid rings

My spider legs are crawling, crawling
Wounded moth – I’m falling, falling
Sliding slowly down
The spinning cylinder of death
My grasping claws
Are scratching, scratching
Relinquished eggs
Are hatching, hatching
I’m screaming for you
With my solid stare

No fruit to drip the juice
That takes the bitterness away
No fingertips to sooth
My lonely, aching skin all day
The mud is slipping
Through the cracks
All oxygen has ceased
My breath of love and life are gone
I beg to be released.


Scarred by a Cheater
8/10/98

A broken heart now lies unpatched
A loving companion again unmatched
The hatred is swarming
Tired eyes mourning
Nothing can save me
I’m trapped in distress

No one can help me
I’m too far behind
No where you’ll find me
The roads don’t unwind
I’m lost in confusion
Been buried alive
My thoughts are exhausting
I’ve lost all my pride

You think you are happy
You think it’s all grand
Till one day your lover
Is stroking her hand
All promises broken
The love song is dead
The future we had
Is now left unsaid

Why give my heart
Away to another?
They hurt me so
And I never recover
I’m completely empty
I have nothing left
I lacked self-control
And allowed his theft

Is anyone out there?
Does anyone care?
When I offer my love
They refuse to share
I’m done playing games
I’ve traveled this road
No more will I carry
This back-breaking load

Don’t seep through my dreams
Don’t drip through the cracks
Of my life you so selfishly
Shoved in the back.
You’re nothing to me
You do not exist
What I thought was continuous
I now can resist.


Death in His Eyes
8/18/98

You scheming cheater
Malignant wife beater
Drowning in your ever-flowing
River of disgust

Your eyes proclaim your cowardice
Disguised through attitude
You swallow souls with sudden rage
As if they were your food

I cannot let you rule me
I will not let you win
Allowing you into my heart
Was nothing but a sin

Immaturity –
Your dominant role
Immortality –
Your predominate soul

You don’t speak truth
But only breath lies
I’m no longer serene
I’ve witnessed, I’ve seen

Your face is a ghost
What conniving eyes
You are nothing
But death in disguise


You
6/4/00

I sit and fancy all the charm
That seeps from inside you
A stir of sparkling reverence
Flutters all around you
Haunting my world
With breathless thought
My heart throbs for you
The penetration through
My timid spirit now is you
You gently kiss my soul
With every sentiment you give
Your face suspended
In my thoughts
Has found a place to live
I’m fascinated by this connection
And what it’s coming to
Your presence melting into me
Is all I long from you


Yield To Me
7/2/00

Hard to resist
the smooth, sultry touch
Hard to exist
when I long for so much

Soak into me
Let it rise
I'll overflow
looking in your eyes

Fill me up
Get me addicted
Watch only me
To the rest be restricted

Don't drift away
Just let it be
It tastes so good
So yield to me.


Tingle
8/21/00

It feels so good
being close to you,
holding you,
absorbing you.

I breath you in.
You're in my lungs.
I can feel your energy
swimming inside me.

Don't let it stop.
I won't let it stop.
I need this.
I crave it,
But I can't conceive it.
I can't understand
how I'm here to
receive it.

Luck discovered
my emptiness
and smothered it
with that electric kiss.

When we're locked together
there is nothing else.
No place.
No time.
It has all disappeared.

All that matters
is that I feel your touch
And accept the warm tingle
that reflects off of you.

It's alluring this rush.
This feeling that I must
swallow to carry it
wherever I go.

It will not end.
It only grows.
My feelings for you
cannot decompose.

Stay where you are
and hold me close.
Just don't stop this
or ever let go.




Sinking
9/10/00

I'm sinking into the sand.
I'm reaching just for one hand.
So I can feel you,
So I'll be near you.

I'm sinking into the sea.
I'm reaching for
The sun so I'll be
Where it's warmer.

Nobody hears what I can hear.
Nobody sees what I can see.
You cannot know the things
I have to know to be me.

Nobody feels the way I feel.
Nobody touches how I touch.
You cannot know me
When I cannot know myself.

I'm sinking into the ground.
I grasp at faces all around.
My burdens are my very own.
I am surrounded and alone.

I'm sinking into the words.
I know to you I am absurd.
I cannot hear you.
Your lips aren't even trembling.

Nobody hears what I can hear.
Nobody sees what I can see.
You cannot recognize
The scars that take my place.

I want to feel the way you feel.
I want to touch the way you touch.
I want to think the way you think,
But all I seem to do is sink.

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