Funny Quotes
I got these hilarious quotes from Hpottrlovr3! Thank you so much!
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Book 1-Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
"Hagrid, you live in a wooden house."
-Hermione
Pg. 255
"Bless him, [Norbert] he knows his mommy!"
-Hagrid
Pg. 235
"We're not stupid. We know we're Gred and Forge."
-Fred
Pg. 202
"Yes-Right-But there's no wood!"
-Hermione
"HAVE YOU GONE MAD? ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?"
-Ron
"Lucky you pay attention in Herbology, Hermione."
-Harry
"Yeah, and lucky Harry doesn't lose his head in a crisis-'There's no wood,' honestly."
-Ron
Pg. 278
Book 2-Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
"Why, have you outlined all Lockhart's lessons in little hearts?"
-Ron
Pg. 95
"D' you think we've got nothing better to do in Potions than listen to Snape?"
-Ron
Pg. 159
"Time to split up the dream team, I think."
-Snape
Pg. 191
"…Maybe he's [Snape] ill!"
-Ron
"Maybe he's left, because he's lost out to the Defense Against the Dark Arts job again!"
-Harry
"Or he might have been sacked! I mean, everyone hates him…"
-Ron
"Or maybe…he's waiting to hear why you two didn't arrive on the school train."
-Professor Snape
Pgs. 77-78
"So, the school train isn't good enough for the famous Harry Potter and his sidekick Weasley.
Wanted to arrive with a bang, did we, boys?"
Professor Snape
Pg. 78
"Can you believe our luck? Of all the trees we could have hit, we had to get the one that hits
back!"
-Ron
Pg. 76
"You've forgotten the magic word."
-Harry
"WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT SAYING THE 'M' WORD IN OUR HOUSE?"
-Uncle Vernon
Pg. 2
"Jiggery pokery! Hocus pocus - squiggly wiggly-"
-Harry
Pg. 9
"Your sons flew that car all the way to Harry's house and back last night!"
-Mrs. Weasley
"Did you really? Did it go all right?"
Mr. Weasley
Pg. 39
"Potter, you've got yourself a girlfriend!"
-Malfoy
Pg. 61
"Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley."
-Malfoy
Pg. 61
"Signed photos? You're giving out signed photos Potter?"
-Malfoy
Pg. 97
"Weasley would like a signed photo Potter. It'd be worth more than his family's whole house."
-Malfoy
Pg. 97
"You could have fried an egg on your face. You'd better hope Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, or
they'll start a Harry Potter fan club."
-Ron
Pg. 99
"You know what Harry? If he doesn't stop trying to save your life, he's going to kill you."
-Ron
Pg. 184
"Wouldn't it be great if they finished each other off?"
-Ron
Pg. 189
"Ooh, do you think he's all right?"
-Hermione
"Who cares?"
-Ron and Harry
Pg. 190
"D'you want to tell me what's wrong with stopping a massive snake biting off Justin's head?
What does it matter how I did it as long as Justin doesn't have to join the Headless Hunt?"
-Harry
Pg. 196
"Really Severus, I see no reason to stop the boy playing Quidditch. This cat wasn't hit over the head with a broomstick."
-Professor McGonagall
Pg. 194
"Oh, come on. We'll get you another autograph. Lockhart'll sign anything if it stands still long
enough."
-Ron
Pg. 164
"That's because he's a brainless git."
-Ron
"He is not a brainless git."
-Hermione
Pg. 164
"And the Slytherins don't need a spy, Oliver."
-George
"What makes you say that?"
-Oliver
"Because they're here in person."
-George
Pg. 110
"Good, aren't they? But perhaps the Gryffindor team will be able to raise some gold and get new
brooms, too. You could raffle off those Cleansweep Fives, I expect a museum would bid for them."
-Malfoy
Pg. 112
"At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent."
-Hermione
Pg. 112
"It's not funny. If you must know, when I was three, Fred turned my-my teddy bear into a great big
filthy spider because I broke his toy broomstick…You wouldn't like them either if you were holding
your bear and suddenly it had too many legs and. . ."
-Ron
Pg. 155
"That'd be a cheerful visit. Hello, Hagrid. Tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy
loose in the castle lately?"
-Ron
Pg. 250
"How many monsters d'you think this place can hold?"
-Ron
Pg. 250
"Because that's what Hermione does. When in doubt, go to the library."
-Ron
Pg. 255
"Let me at him. I don't care, I don't need my wand, I'm going to kill him with my bare hands-"
-Ron
Pg. 267
"Oh, no. Oh, no, oh, no, oh-"
-Ron
"Shut up, it'll hear you."
-Harry
"Hear me? It's already heard Fang!"
-Ron
Pg. 273
Book 3 - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
"My dad didn't strut, and neither do I."
-Harry
"What about those biting books, eh? The assistant almost cried when we said we wanted two!"
-Ron
"Yeah, we'll call you, if we ever need someone mental!"
-Ron
I assure you, that if you die, you need not turn it in."
-Professor McGonagall
Pg. 109
"Hold on! You haven't told us where the maniac's escaped from! What use is that? Lunatic could be coming up the street right now!"
-Uncle Vernon
Pg. 17
"We told Marge you attend St. Brutus's Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys."
-Uncle Vernon
Pg. 19
"She deserved it! She deserved what she got! You stay away from me!"
-Harry
Pg. 30
"I'm going. I've had enough."
-Harry
Pg. 30
"What were you doing down there?"
-Stan
"Fell over."
-Harry
" 'Choo fall over for?"
-Stan
"I didn't do it on purpose."
-Harry
Pg. 34
"Probably 'cause it's you, isn't it? Famous Harry Potter and all that. I'd hate to see what the Ministry
do to me if I blew up an aunt. Mind you, they'd have to dig me up first, because mum would have
killed me."
-Ron
Pg. 57
"What are you taking Muggle Studies for? You're Muggle-born! Your mum and dad are Muggles!
You know all about Muggles!"
-Ron
Pg. 57
"You bought that monster?"
-Ron
Pg. 60
"Would we get a reward if we caught him? It'd be good to get some more money-"
-Ron
"Don't be ridiculous, Ron. Black's not going to be caught by a 13 year old wizard."
-Mr. Weasley
Pg. 61
"What do we want to be prefects for? It'd take all the fun out of life."
-George
Pg. 62
"We tried to shut him up in a pyramid, but mum spotted us."
-George
Pg. 63
"It's because of you, Perce. And they'll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them-"
-George
"For Humongus Bighead."
-Fred
Pg. 63
"Why would I go looking for someone who wants to kill me?"
-Harry
Pg. 73
"I know how to use a fellytone now-"
-Ron
Pg. 431
"HARRY, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE GENTLEMAN!"…"KNOCK HER OFF HER BROOM IF YOU HAVE TO!"
-Oliver Wood
Pg. 261
"Oh Ron, don't talk rubbish. Black's already murdered a whole bunch of people in the middle of a
crowded street. Do you really think he's going to worry about attacking Harry just because we're
there?"
-Hermione
"Yeah, we'll call you, if we ever need someone mental."
-Ron
Pg. 101
"Oh, tremendously funny! Really witty, giving us books that try and rip our hands off!"
-Malfoy
Pg. 113
"What would it have been for you? A piece of homework you only got 9 out of 10?"
-Ron
Pg. 140
"Oy! Presents!"
-Ron
Pg. 222
"I doubt it will make much difference, unless a mad axe-man is waiting outside the doors to slaughter
the first one into the entrance hall."
-Professor McGonagall
Pg. 230
Book 4-Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
"We're not thundering. We're walking. Sorry if we've disturbed the top-secret workings of the Ministry of
Magic."
-Ron
Pg. 55
"That'll change the world, that report will. Front page of the Daily Prophet, I expect, cauldron leaks."
-Ron
Pg. 56
"Enjoying it? I don't think he'd come home if Dad didn't make him. He's obsessed. Just don't get him on the subject of his boss. According to Mr. Crouch…as I was saying to Mr. Crouch…Mr. Crouch is of
the opinion…Mr. Crouch was telling me…They'll be announcing their engagement any day now."
-Ron
Pg. 57
"Yeah, someone might slip dragon dung in it again, eh Perce?"
-Fred
"That was a sample of fertilizer from Norway! It was nothing personal!"
-Percy
"It was. We sent it."
-Fred
Pg. 64
"Anyone can speak Troll. All you have to do is point and grunt."
-Fred
Pg. 89
"Yeah, well Dad collects plugs, doesn't he? Birds of a feather…"
-Fred
Pg. 161
"But Hogwarts is hidden. Everyone knows that…well, anyone who's read Hogwarts, a History."
-Hermione
"Just you, then…"
-Ron
Pg. 166
"Ah, think of the possibilities. It would have been so easy to push Malfoy off a glacier and make it look
like an accident…Shame his mother likes him…"
-Ron
Pg. 167
"Er, is this the new stand on elf-rights? You're going to make yourself puke instead?"
-Ron
Pg. 198
"You know your mother Malfoy? That expression she's got, like she's got dung under her nose? Has
she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?"
-Harry
Pg. 204
"Because I want to fix that in my memory forever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret…"
-Ron
Pg. 207
"And you think we want to walk around wearing badges saying 'spew', do you?"
-Ron
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