Can It Hurt More?
by Kalliroscope
Author's Note: Okay, this story is dark and sad and horrible, but I'm rather proud of it, and I don't like Cassandra any more. But if you have any critisicm or comments other than "It's too sad!", then please feel free to send them to me at LutraPearl@aol.com. And this story is dedicated, by the way, to anyone who decides to make a Get Rid Of Cassandra Foundation. ;) As well as to TigerLily, my cyber-sister. :)
Demeter stretched out in the sunlight, basking in the warmth that radiated from the golden orb glowing in the sky. "Today," she murmured, "is the perfect day for a catnap." Yawning, she settled down for just that. Her nap, however, was short-lived as Etcetera trotted up -- and not even bouncing, which was odd for the hyper little kitten. "Demi?" she said. "Deut'tronomy and Munku want you. At the Tire." Then she left. Demeter shrugged, and decided to see what they wanted first, and then continue her nap. As it happened, that nap would have to be postponed a rather long time....
"But..but..I never! Munkustrap, you can't believe that I would be in league with Macavity?!" The silver tom shrugged, keeping his face and voice carefully neutral. "I'm just telling you what Mungojerrie told me. That he saw you at Macavity's den, talking to the Fiend." Demeter shook her head, eyes wide with disbelief and horror at the very idea that she would work for the tom she hated and feared more than anything. Looking first to Old Deuteronomy, sad and tired, and then to her mate, she said "I never would do such a thing! Munku, you know how much I hate Macavity! Try, just try, to imagine me working for him!" Munkustrap kept his eyes on his paws, and remained silent. Demeter backed away slightly. "I would never do such a thing! Never! Never!"
A brief trial, of sorts, was held not long afterward. They decided unanimously that Demeter was guilty of being in league with Macavity, and her punishment was: Banishment from the tribe and Junkyard, just as Grizabella had been banished for similar crimes. Demeter left the Junkyard, but had no idea where to go... she had never had a human home, and now didn't know how to find one. She didn't know what she would do without the Junkyard, and the Jellicles. Somehow, amidst her tears and disbelief, she found herself at Macavity's den.
The ginger tom smiled, staring into space, not focusing on the queen who stood before him. "Demeter, I find it hard to believe that you, of all cats, were accused of working for me. It's impossible. Particuarly when you think of how the Jellicles claimed to be your friends, and your family. Perhaps now you will see that whatever else I may be -- a killer, perhaps, and a kitnapper -- I am not a hypocrite. The Jellicles, on the other paw...." He leaned forward. "Demeter. They accused you of working for me. Would you like to make that lie a truth?" Demeter choked back sobs, not looking into Macavity's sunken eyes. "I can't...I can't betray them..." she whispered. Macavity shook his head. "Demeter, my dear, it is they who have betrayed you."
Three and a half weeks later, Demeter returned to Macavity's lair, bringing with her a diamond ring and two strings of pearls which she had stolen from a human house. Macavity smiled over the loot, and while dangling the ring on his claw, he spoke to her. "Demi, you've proved to be an able thief, and loyal to me. I know you fear me, but that is a logical emotion, considering that I did kitnap you when you were young. I apologize for that, by the way. But now the chance has come up for you to do some...more important work." He placed the ring on the ground. "We need to kidnap one of the Jellicles. It's the only way we'll get anything done with those hyprocritical pollicles." Demeter didn't respond to his insults of her former tribe. "You, I'm afraid, won't work, considering that they banished you. All you need to do, my dear, is tell me how to slip past the guards and into the Junkyard." Demeter looked up finally, fear in her golden eyes. "I can't! Macavity, I steal for you, but don't ask me to betray them!" Macavity watched her for a moment, then said "I've told you before. They have betrayed you. Now, I promise you; no one will die if I can help it. I don't want to kill anyone, just kidnap one of the kittens, maybe an elderly queen. All you need to do is to tell me how to get in. You needn't come with us if you don't want to. You can stay entirely out of this matter. Just tell me...." Demeter, eyes on the ground, on the strings of pearls, said softly "There's a sewage pipe...two blocks from here...it leads into a pipe that goes into the Junkyard...it's not normally very dirty, the kittens sometimes use it to play in...but they don't post a guard over it, because no-body else knows about it." Macavity smiled triumphantly. "There. You see? Was that so hard?" When he had left, Demeter allowed herself to cry. "What have I done?" she whispered.
Demeter decided to follow Macavity. She knew another way, also, of getting into the Junkyard that she hadn't told Macavity; through a manhole, down through the pipes a ways, and up -- you'd come out underneath the rusty old car. Macavity took with him three rats, as back-up, he claimed, and set out. Demeter followed him. They were nearing the first sewage pipe, when one of the rats whispered hoarsely "Now, our instructions, sir, is to stab th' silver tabby? Tha's it, right sir?" Macavity rolled his eyes, unaware that, a few feet behind him and in the shadows, Demeter had just gasped involuntarily. "Yes, you foolish rodent, stab the silver tom and LEAVE." They continued, but Demeter waited for a few seconds and dashed in the opposite direction, towards the main entrance to the Junkyard, where a guard should be posted. With her luck, it turned out to be Alonzo, one of the most pigheaded toms there was. Demeter ran up to him, and Alonzo looked angry to see her. "What in the name of the Everlasting Cat are you doing here, Demeter!" he hissed. Demeter explained. "I'm here to warn you that Macavity, with three rats, is coming to kill Munkustrap, right now, through the pipe!" Alonzo rolled his eyes. "How would he know about the pipe? And why would you tell me this? You're a traitor, and you're probably just trying to get rid of me so Macavity can come in through here." Demeter swallowed. This was the hard part, but Munkustrap was in danger. "I told him how to get in," she whispered. "And I was never in league with him...until I was banished. Then I started stealing for him. Then I told him how to get in. I didn't know he was going to kill Munkustrap!" Tears were starting to fall now. "Alonzo, I would never do anything to hurt Munkustrap in any way. I love him with all of my being...." Alonzo stared at her suspiciously for a moment. Then he nodded. "I believe you. Wait here." He turned and ran towards the main 'Yard, yelling "Macavity!"
Fortunately, the three rats that Macavity had selected were not very useful in an out-and-out fight. He had chosen them for their skill at silent murders, but when it came to battling a score or so of angry Jellicles, they were forced to beat a hasty retreat. Demeter remained at the Junkyard, fighting for neither side, until Macavity and his rats were gone. Then all the Jellicles turned to her. "What made you think you could come back here?" said Cassandra, somewhat snobbily. Demeter held back her tears and said bravely "I don't know, maybe just sheer lunacy. For some strange and perhaps idiotic reason, I decided I didn't want to stand by and wait for Macavity to kill Munkustrap." She looked in the silver tom's direction; but he averted his eyes, as though he didn't want to look at her. Demeter lowered her eyes to the ground. "Maybe it was sheer lunacy. But I have saved all of you, now, and by the Everlasting Cat, can't you believe me that I was never in league with Macavity? Until my banishment, anyway." "Yes," continued Cassandra. "And then you betrayed the Jellicles! Why should we take you back?" A murmur ran through the crowd of cats. Apparently, they agreed with her reasoning, although Bombalurina, to Demeter's happiness, seemed uncomfortable. Cassandra smiled slyly. "Unless, of course, you have a good reason?" Demeter sighed, her tears spent, and turned to leave. "I guess not," Cassandra said triumphantly. "Good-bye, Demeter!"
Demeter didn't dare to return to Macavity. He would know that it was she who had betrayed him, and if he ever found her....Demeter didn't care to think of the various ways he might kill her by. She couldn't return to him, but she couldn't return to the Jellicles either, and she still had not found a human to take her in. So she wandered from place to place, staying in a cardboard box one night, and in an abandoned warehouse the next. She stole food from trash cans, and lived most of the rest of her life in misery, hiding from Macavity's minions. The Jellicles never came to the areas she spent her time in. Then one night, a long time later, when her fur was grey and ragged, she looked up at the moon; and realized, with growing apprehension and sorrow, that this was the night of the Jellicle Ball....
The Jellicle Ball was being danced. Spirits ran high, and the music was more intoxicating than catnip. As the cats slowed for a brief pause, Demeter entered. It had been a long time since the queen had seen the Junkyard, and she took in every sight hungrily, sadly. The kittens were all grown up; Jemima, Tumblebrutus, Pouncival, Etcetera, and Electra. Bombalurina had three small kittens beside her, and as Demeter came in, she pulled them protectively to her, and turned away. The sign of distrust from the queen who had been like a sister hurt more than the years of solitude. Gus seemed to have passed away, but Old Deuteronomy still reigned; a bit greyer, perhaps. Demeter limped forward, managing to keep tears from spilling. But then she saw Munkustrap. His fur was a bit greyer, but other than that, he was just the same as ever. The same pride and strength in his eyes and bearing. As Demeter approached, he made as if to bar her way, just as he had done those years ago when Grizabella had been the hated and feared one, when Munkustrap had been protecting Demeter. Demeter felt the held-back tears streak down her face. Munkustrap turned away and stalked off - to where Cassandra stood. Cassandra held a kitten in her arms; a kitten whose silver and black stripes showed his father's identity. Demeter knew that even if she had been allowed back to the Junkyard, she could never be a Jellicle again. Slowly, she limped off, out of the Junkyard, giving up entirely all hopes for the life she'd had before. As she left for the final time, she whispered, "Well, at least it can't hurt more than this."
