Author: Jesfrealo

Disclaimer: You know I don’t own ‘em.

Author’s Note: Well, what can I say, my stress level is slowly rising as is the amount of insanity thrown into these little humorous stories I write. This story has really important references to Duck Tales and some of my other stories.

"What???! You’re kidding me right. Old guys who drink too much beer and sit on the couch all day watching soap operas, and talk shows while stuffing their faces with every imaginable substance, even if everybody else wouldn’t consider it edible get this. And now you’re telling me that I have it. No, I don’t think so, you’ve made some mistake!" Chris Larabee spoke to the doctor indignantly.

"Agent Larabee, I haven’t made any mistake. Perhaps-"

"Perhaps nothing, Doc. You’re taking my blood pressure again and this time it’ll be fine. Maybe you should go get your eyes checked or something. You’re bound to start diagnosing people with things nobodies heard of," He finished with a huff.

"Alright, Agent Larabee, I’ll take it again, but I really think that you-"

"Uh-uh Doctor, you keep your eyes on the gauge. Don’t want you messing up again."

"Okay," Dr. Monroe answered with more then a little skepticism in his voice. However he decided not to voice his opinions currently because he knew Agent Larabee’s record and he liked his head just fine where it was.

"Well, Mr. Larabee, I’m afraid itt’s still high. But there’s nothing to worry about. It’s perfectly treatable and-"

"And nothing. You’re a liability disaster, Monroe. Honestly, who ever heard of a doctor who couldn’t even take someone’s blood pressure without screwing up."

"Mr. Larabee, it more then likely has nothing to do with your physical self. Have you been under a lot of stress?"

With that Chris laughed outright. Was he under a lot of stress? It was laughable. It was a duh question. He was the leader of team seven and that was all that had to be said on the subject. After all the crap he had to put up with on a daily basis what could one expect. Chris did more disaster control then the people in the aftermath of a tornado. Hell, team seven was a tornado. Most of the time it was like being surrounded by a heard of small, immature children. And now he also had a pet duck because of them, not that he didn’t love little Iyed. He did, of course he would never admit it unless guns being put to his head were involved, even then he wasn’t so sure he’d like to admit that he loved his little duck. A moment ago he had called Monroe a liability disaster. Who was he kidding? Monroe wasn’t the liability disaster, his team was. After all the damage and messes they’d caused he was just a little bit surprised that they were still allowed to have an office in the ATF building.

"Agent Larabee, are you listening?" Dr. Monroe questioned the now silent man.

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Chris said still floating in the thought of all the stress he was under.

"So are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Under a lot of stress?"

"Dr.," Chris began trying to think of a way to accurately describe the amount of stress he was under so that the Doctor could achieve the slightest inkling of understanding of the kind of stress he was currently under. "You know that I’m the leader of team seven?"

"Of course, you and your men are getting quite famous. You’re the best team the ATF has ever seen." Sounding quite in awe of team seven.

"Well, Doc, you ever heard other stuff about team seven, like all the dumb stunts they pull," Chris asked the doctor.

"Well, yes, but I never believed them I mean you guys are the real deal. Amazing officers. I couldn’t imagine a group such as yours doing the things in those stories. I mean," He said with a laugh as he tried to imagine it, "grown men filling cars with rotting fish, covering offices in molasses, gluing people to chairs, gluing your own tongue to your own finger, having sex in judge Travis’ office and then trying to deny while you and the woman are in your birthday suits, fighting over who got ownership of a duck. Imagine, grown men fighting over a duck!"

"What’s wrong with ducks?" Chris asked indignantly, he couldn’t care less what that dumb doctor thought of his men. But there are some lines you just don’t cross and one of them is messing with a man’s duck. "I’ll have you know that Iyed is an absolute darling," Chris spoke irately.

"Who’s Iy..ed?" The doctor asked, bewildered and struggling over the strange sounding name.

"My duck!!" Chris shouted indignant.

"You mean it’s true? All of it?" The doctor asked, knowing that Chris Larabee was not a man that you mess with and now he’d not only insulted the man’s team but he’d insulted the man and his duck.

"Yes, it’s all true," Chris said with a huff.

"I’m so sorry, Mr. Larabee, I didn’t mean to insult your men, I’d never dream…"

"I don’t care what you say about them! They’re morons. Sure they’re a great team. But now that you know all those things plus many others that you didn’t mention are true think about all the trouble they get into that I have to deal with. Am I under stress? You tell me, Sherlock." Chris got up off the table, not wanting to stay a moment longer with someone so obviously inept.

"Wait, Mr. Larabee, if you want to continue working, hell with that blood pressure, if you want to continue living you better come back in here. We’ve got to figure out some way to lower that blood pressure!"

Chris paused a moment before realizing that no matter how inept in this case he should listen to the doctor. "Okay, I’ll let you treat me under one condition…"

"What’s that?"

"You have to apologize to Iyed."

"Excuse me, who’s Iyed?"

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU, MY DUCK!!" Chris said feeling his anger bubble over. First this bastard insults his duck and now he doesn’t even have to courtesy to remember her name! Of all the nerve of that son of a bitch!

"You want me to apologize to a duck?!"

"DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?" That bastard didn’t even see a reason to apologize!

"Mr. Larabee I do apologize for insulting you but I do not intend to apologize to a duck!"

Oh, that BASTARD!!! "OH YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Chris seethed as he reached into his shoulder holster and removed his gun. "YOU ARE GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO IYED. IN FACT YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT IN THE MAIN AREA OF THE ATF BUILDING AT ITS BUSIEST. YOU’RE GOING TO APOLOGIZE TO IYED FOR INSULTING HER. THEN YOU’LL KISS HER, IF SHE’LL HAVE YOU!!"

"Mr. Larabee you won’t take me out of here at gun point it’s illegal…" The doctor stammered hardly hearing the enraged man’s word simply staring down the barrel of his gun. "I mean you wouldn’t shoot me, would you?"

"Oh, I don’t know doc. I’m a man under a lot of stress. Who knows what I capable of? Hell, if I kill you I could probably get off on temporary insanity. Don’t you think? Any doctor would say so, right?"

"I’ll do anything you want, just don’t hurt me…please..."

"Anything?"

"Anything, just don’t kill me…"

~*~

"I am quite sure I’ve never seen anything quite like this before," Ezra Standish leisurely commented.

"Doubt we’ll ever see anythin’ like this agin’" Vin Tanner commented with something of a cocky smile on his face.

They continued to watch their normally placid, serious leader stare at the ATF doctor who they all knew he had forced into submission to apologizing in the main corridor of the building to Iyed for insulting her, and being stupid, with some threat of extreme bodily harm. Then Chris’ quiet menacing command sound and the entire audience that had mounted to most everyone in the thirty-story building had eyes glued to the scene unfolding before them.

"Kiss her," It was a simple command, spoke with such threatening, menacing tone of voice that anyone would have been a fool to not obey. So the good doctor puckered up…

P.S. Dr. Monroe quit the ATF after attempting to kiss Iyed only to have the duck grad his lips and hold on until the entire ATF building was nearly positive that no one would ever see those lips again. Meanwhile Judge Travis was forced to hold Chris in his office for five hours to try and find the appropriate punishment for attacking someone using your pet duck as a weapon. Meanwhile Mary Travis (who happened to be in the building day) continued a knew saga in her newspaper, which she entitled The Real Team Seven The headline this week: Men of Honor…and they Ducks they Love.

Hope you enjoyed this story!! And remember, REVIEW!!!!!!!!