The Logical Explanation
By: Jesfrealo
Disclaimer: I don’t own them…and I’m sure as heck not
making any money off of them.
Author’s
Note: Well, I draw from some personal experience on this one. More humor. and foolishness in the ATF. Enjoy, and remember to review!
Author’s
Note #2: Some housekeeping on October 1,
2004.
“What in tarnation do ya think he’s doin’?”
“I don’t
believe I could venture a guess, Mr. Tanner.”
“Wonder if’n the others have noticed,” Vin
Tanner commented as he glanced at their colleagues.
“If they
had, you can rest assured that they would not be quietly carrying out their
duties, as they are.”
“So what yer sayin’ is they haven’t
noticed?”
“Yes, Mr.
Tanner, that is correct.”
“Why didn’t
ya just say that in the first place, Ez?”
“Mr.
Tanner, I believe we’re wondering slightly off of the subject…”
“Oh, yeah,
well, I don’t know what ta do, ceptin’
I’d really like to know what in hell he’s doin’,” Vin shook his head as the two men tried to look like they
were doing their work when they were really studying the odd behaviors of their
leader through the glass panes on both sides of his closed office door.
“Well, Mr.
Tanner, the only way to find out what our Mr. Larabee
is doing is endeavor to study his behaviors further.”
“You mean
we ought to keep watchin’ ‘im?”
“Yes, Mr.
Tanner,” Ezra said beginning to get a little frustrated at the constant
translations.
“I don’t
understand why just once and a while ya couldn’t talk
in English…”
“This time
you are not only off the subject but entirely wrong in general…”
“Shut-up Ez, we’re supposed to be watchin’
Chris an’ if he hears us an’ figures out what we’ve been doin’
we’re dead,” Vin hissed.
“Do you
really believe he would notice, I mean, he looks…fairly…um…busy?”
“Yeah, but
you know Chris, I mean he always knows what’s goin’
on and ever’ once in a while, when he don’t he figures it out real fast.”
“Yes,” Ezra
conceded, “I suppose you are correct.”
“Ez,” Vin
said with a mischievous grin on his face, “Did you just admit I was right, and
you were wrong?”
“No, Mr.
Tanner, I was merely agreeing with both our statements…”
“Ez, that ain’t possible, it’s one
or the other and you said that mine was right.”
“Mr.
Tanner…”
“Hey, fellas, what’s all the racket?”
Buck Wilmington called over to the two observers.
Vin got a big grin on his face as he said, “Well, Bucklin, why
don’t ya take a gander at our favorite cowboy.”
“What?”
Buck asked sounding utterly confused.
“I believe
Mr. Tanner is attempting to coax you into looking in on our illustrious
leader,” This time Ezra translated.
“Oh,” Buck
commented before leaning slightly in his chair to see into Larabee’s
office.
As he did this
the rest of the men did as well and the sight that greeted their eyes was one
which none them would soon forget.
There, right in his office, was Chris Larabee
periodically shaking his head, standing up and shaking his whole body, waving
his hands and arms in the air and following some invisible miscreant around the
room with his eyes all the while obviously calculating how to cause its demise.
The six men
watched somewhat mesmerized as their fearful leader danced and shook around his
office for some unknown reason. They
watched him slowly sit down again all the while looking around as if daring
whatever was bothering him to continue plaguing him. They watched as the man slowly allowed his
guard to drop, if only slightly. They
watched as the man looked around once more then finally, feeling like he’d won
not only the battle but the entire war with this unknown force, he looked down
and began doing his paper work as if nothing had happened.
Minutes
passed, and still Larabee sat in relative peace doing
his paper work without the slightest sign of disturbance. Despite this calm,
six men still watched. They knew that
that couldn’t be the end of it. No one
does what their leader had been doing then stops just as abruptly as if nothing
had happened. However, as they continued
to watch their now peacefully working leader they couldn’t place what in the
world could have been driving the man to act like he had.
“Do ya think he’s gone insane?” JD asked quietly, not to
mention very seriously.
“I don’t
know JD,” Josiah commented before adding in his own theory, “Perhaps our
brother is chasing away some demons.”
“Aw, I
think I’ve got to go with JD on the one, I think old Chris has finally fallen a
few sandwiches short of a full picnic, if you get my drift,” Buck commented
conspiratorially.
“Now y’all
stop this talk, I’m sure there’s some reasonable explanation for Chris’…strange
behavior…” Nathan reasoned but as soon as the words left his lips everyone in
the room froze at the tremendous bang that came from Chris Larabee’s
office. All the men leaned slightly to
see into the office and they quickly realized that they couldn’t see
Chris. The men immediately went towards
Chris’ office, Nathan arriving first.
The other men watched as the healer slowly turned the knob not knowing
what to expect from their volatile leader especially after the show he’d put on
for them not long ago.
“Chris,”
Nathan called quietly into the room as he slowly, caustiously
walked in.
“Nathan,”
Chris breathed out in an extremely frustrated tone, though he was still out of
sight for all the men including Nathan.
There was a pause as Nathan attempted to deduce what was doing on,
however Chris was in no mood to wait and broke the somewhat awkward silence
quickly by suddenly springing up from behind his desk like a madman, wielding a
bright green flyswatter like a sword.
“Get out of the way, Nathan! I’ve almost got the little shit,” Chris
spoke as he pushed Nathan aside while walking around the room scanning for his
pray.
“Chris what
are you doing?” JD now came to the doorway and asked quietly hoping not to set
the man off.
“What does
it look like I’m doing, JD?” Chris asked irritably.
“Looking
for a fly?” JD ventured a guess.
“No, JD,”
Chris breathed out sound incredibly pissed.
“I’m looking for the psycho bug that’s been attacking me all
morning. See, just before Nathan came in
I had the kamikaze little bastard but when I went to kill it, I swung back to
far and my chair tipped over…” Chris said all this while continuing to walk
around the room looking for said “psycho bug”.
He did it all not even realizing how badly he’d incriminated himself to
his men until he heard Vin Tanner’s soft laughter,
the only man who would dare laugh at Chris Larabee,
at least the only one who would do it by himself. However in light of Tanner’s laughing the
others immediately saw the hilarity of the situation and joined in.
Before the
now even more enraged leader could reply, Nathan Jackson did, “See, I told you guys
there was a reasonable explanation. He
was trying to keep ‘psycho bug’ at bay,” He managed to get it all out before
breaking into more laughter, as tears began to spill over.
Chris,
infuriated by the laughter, replied angrily to the one who’d started it, “What
do think you’re laughing at Tanner?”
“You,
Cowboy,” The quiet Texan replied simply.
“I don’t
see how I’m so damn funny,” Chris growled out facing his desk and preparing to
corner the main object of his ire.
“Let me
illustrate for you, Mr. Larabee. We’ve watched you wave your arms…”
“And shake
your head,” Buck interrupted.
“And sorta wiggle around,” JD piped up.
“Then there
was the whole thing you just told us…”
“About
falling outa the chair,”
“Yeah, I
kin just picture it in m’ head,” Vin
finished before all the men began to laugh at their normally vicious, not to
mention fearsome, leader.
Chris
turned quietly away from the desk, bright green flyswatter still in hand, as he
went to face Tanner, who had joined JD in the doorway. When his eyes met the sharpshooters said in a
stern and serious, “Just wait till a psycho bug attacks one of your sorry
asses, then we’ll see what’s so damn funny.”
Just then
they heard the little buzz, and the psycho bug landed on Tanner’s forehead. Chris moved quickly taking aim and…splat.
“Aw, Chris,
I got bug guts on m’ head, what’d ya go an’ do that fer?” Vin
said horrified as he attempted to wipe the splattered guts from his forehead.
THE END
Review? Please! jesfrealo@yahoo.com