She threw herself up in bed and her eyes snapped open. The dream she had just went through was horrible, but she was getting used to the nightmares now. She looked around her room; no one was there. No light shown through the window and she knew it was not yet morning. She slowly crawled out of her bed and cried out as her sweat-drenched clothes weighed her down. She made her way very slowly and cautiously to her bathroom and turned on the hot water, not even bothering to take off her T-shirt, she stepped into the shower and sunk down against the wall and let the water take over her body.

"So how are you feeling today?" He asked sitting down next to the small figure sitting silently in the lawn chair.
"It's cold." She said weakly. The past two weeks had taken a major toll on her.
"Why don't we go inside? It's absurd to be sitting near the pool on such a cold day." He stood up and reached for her hand.
"Paul?" She whispered taking his hand. "Am I gonna die?"
Taking a deep breath, Paul smiled. "No. You're not gonna die sweetie." He led her back into the house and sat her down in the chair facing the window. He than sat down across from her.
"Paul?" She looked up at him just enough to meet the gaze of his eyes, then went back to staring at her hands that lay on the table in front of her. "Do you think he got it?"

He winced at the sight of this poor girl. "Yes. I bet he did. He's probably so busy reading it over and over. He will call."
In all his years of doing this he had never gotten so personally attached to a patient. Who couldn't? This girl was unique. A past of horrible events, but a bright future, that is only if the past would fade away completely. He wasn't even sure of what the events were, or how horrible, in fact, they were.

"Paul?" She lifted her head slightly, her eyes meeting with his deep green eyes, that shown nothing but love and patience. "I want to talk about this. I want to talk about my past." Paul's face lit up, this is what he had been waiting for, for the past half a year. She had been in and out of clinics for the past ten years, not one doctor would pin point the exact reason for the eating disorders. Sure she had, had a bad relationship, but that wasn't the cause of all this, it just added onto it. No rapes, no abuse, basically she grew up in a loving family. Mother and father were home almost all the time, huge home, plenty of money and two brothers.
Paul shook his head. "Go right ahead." He flashed her a small smile. Even at 46 years old he didn't look a a day over 35 which came in handy with this certain patient. She was a sucker for a smile.

She sighed and took a deep breath, knowing this was going to take a while.
"When I was five my mom had to go back to work, because we were poor back then. My dad worked days so my mom worked nights.
    I remember her saying good night to my dad and brother while I laid in bed. I watched her walk down the stairs and get into her car and I remember crying because she never said good night to me or gave me a kiss or anything. I cried until I fell asleep. When I got up to go to school she was still at work and when I got home she was asleep. Everynight I would cry.
    One days almost 5 years later I stopped crying. I decided she didn't love me and didn't give a shit anymore. Then I started to turn more to music and I totally fell in love. Some of the lyrics were almost like a fairy tale, and that's what I wanted. I wanted to have the perfect life." Candice frowned as she took in a deep breath. He'll never understand this. "No one will."

"Try me." Paul said taking her hand and squeezing it tightly.
"I needed that feeling. The feeling of a perfect life. So I began to pretend. I pretended we were rich, that my mother loved me, that she stayed home and shopped all day with me, I pretended that my dad didn't yell about money or chores. I pretended I was dreaming.
    When dad began his business we moved into a huge home and my mom stopped working and we had lots of money. We got maids and cleaners and some of my dream had come true. It was too late, I was already too far gone.
    When I turned 12, I stopped eating. I didn't really even think about it, I would just take food into my room and throw it away. When they would make me eat I would just go throw it up in the shower. No big deal. Then I met Steven at age 13 and totally fell in love. He knew I was sick, there wasn't any way he couldn't have not known.
    We dated five years, after we broke up I found out I was just some bet. A fucking bet. Some of his friends bet that he couldn't fuck me. He took the bet and asked me out. I said yes..being the insecure person that I was at the time. After the first year I did sleep with him and I never did figure out why he stayed with me. I finally got it a year ago. He used me for popularity. I was one of the richest people in my school and it looked so good that he was dating me.
    On our third year anniversary everything started to go down hill. I took him to my lake and he decided that was the time to tell me he never really liked me, just wanted to sleep with me, then he grew feelings for me. I begged him to take me back, he got mad. He didn't like the idea of us being together anymore, he didn't want a relationship, but I needed it. After being together so long and me being so young. I just thought I couldn't live without him..I was so wrong." She closed her eyes trying to push the awful memories away. That's the funny thing about memories, they don't go away that easily. She laughed.

"I was a total fool. I didn't need him. I needed to be alone. I started to pull away from everyone. I stopped taking phone calls, I stopped everything that had anything to do with being social. I even stopped talking to Steve. He noticed and was worried, so he would call me once a week, he would come over, ask questions, fuck me, then yell at me for stuff. I got so scared. I wanted to break up with him, but I couldn't. I couldn't stand that separation.
    This went on for a long time. At least a year, then he went away to college and I got depressed. My mom finally noticed I was really thin and sick all the time. She would say things like are you and Steve fighting. She didn't even realize I wasn't eating. She just assumed I missed him. So I let her assume that. After about three months I found out I had been pregnant." Tears were now flowing steadily down her cheeks. "I killed the baby. I killed his baby. Our baby. This sent me into a deeper depression and I graduated. I went away to my two free years of Community College and stopped all conversations with the human race.
    One day I got a CD in the mail. Backstreet Boys. It was from my cousin. I began listening to it and I completely fell in love with their voices, the lyrics, everything. I stayed in my dorm room for a week listening to that CD. It made me feel good. The best I had ever felt in a long time. Then I met Nick.."