Helplessly Aware

By Charlie burton

Chapter 8

AFTER sitting silently in their room for about five minutes, the apologized to each other and Grace allowed Alyx to take her to the party. He’d encouraged her into some of her favorite clothes – a pair of way too long black corduroy pants that clung to her hips, a low cut lilac knit top, her suede jacket and ankle boots – before pushing her out of the doors and into a cab.

The party was held further up the beach in a huge beachside house belonging to a friend of Alyx’s, a sophomore. By midnight the warm booze and cigarette smoke was beginning to get overpowering even in the spacious house, Grace had declined both from the beginning of the evening. Beer didn’t taste good to her taste buds and smoking had always repulsed her since she was little – the two just didn’t agree. She had grabbed one glass of a so-called-punch but she could taste vodka in it, for once she just shrugged it off. Now she was sat facing Alyx on a couch, it was slightly cramped because five people don’t fit that comfortably on a four-seater.

“So you look like you’re enjoying yourself just a fraction,” Alyx teased.

“Just a fraction,” she replied smiling. “I mean, lots of drunken jocks, girls flaunting off their breasts in revealing tops,” Grace began, looking around the room.

“Hey, you can’t talk,” Alyx laughed, grabbing an ice cube from his drink and dropping it down the front of her top.

Grace shrieked and leapt backwards, knocking into a thick-bodied guy who glowered at her.

“Watch it chick,” he growled.

“Ice cube, between the breasts,” Alyx informed him, that broke the frown and he grinned.

“Want me to get it out for you?” he asked Grace, raising his hand above her chest.

“No thanks,” Grace exclaimed, turning back to Alyx. “Jee thanks!”

“Keep still and stop squirming,” he insisted, running his hand up under her top, his fingers fumbling about for the ice cube that was quickly melting against her fiery skin. Glancing up at her he saw the corners of her mouth curling up, her eyes shy as she watched him from beneath her long lashes. Alyx removed the dripping ice cube and dropped it back into his glass to Grace’s disgust.

With a hand on her thigh he pulled her into his body as the burly guy behind her took up some more space on the couch.

“You’re wet,” he murmured, trailing his fingers over her firm stomach, they slid easily where the ice had left a snail trail of water.

The small smile didn’t leave her face and she didn’t say a word. Alyx put a hand on the back of her neck and pulled her down to his lips, kissing her powerfully.

When she felt him taste her lips with his tongue and try to deepen the kiss she pulled away. “I’m sorry Alyx, I’ve been giving you the wrong impression. Someone put too much vodka in the punch and it’s gone to my head. I didn’t want to lead you on.”

“How can you say that’s leading me on? It felt so good, so right,” he replied.

She swallowed and peeled her body from his as she realized how provocatively she’d been sprawled across him. It made her feel bad, almost sick, Alyx was her friend and she didn’t want things to go this far.

“Grace, don’t go, please?”

“I feel sick,” she mumbled, holding her stomach as she ran for the bathroom. Alyx closed his eyes and leant his head back against the couch in defeat.

“Guess you ain’t gettin’ lucky tonight,” the big guy beside him commented, briefly out of lip lock with his girlfriend – or partner for the night.

“It was only a very slim chance anyway,” Alyx lied, standing up and heading in the direction Grace had gone. There wasn’t even a slim chance, the fact that she hadn’t protested the moment his lips closed around him had surprised him enough. He wasn’t the guy to be, not for her. “Grace?” he called, knocking on the bathroom door.

* * *

A couple of months later and summer vacation hit, Grace relieved to be getting a break and being able to spend the whole summer with the boy who had spent his evening’s emailing her. It was unlike Justin, he wasn’t the biggest computer wiz kid, but his email skills were definitely improving.

Things with her and Alyx hadn’t been too bad after their kiss, the rest of the evening they were slumped in the bathroom talking and Grace’s stomach groaning as the vodka sloshed around in a nauseating way. He’d driven her to Los Angeles airport and waited until she’d boarded her flight to Houston where she was meeting up with the tour.

After the usual elated greeting from the entire tour team she’d been reunited with her five best friends, all of who were hyper and pleased to see her. Johnny had assigned her to write about the guys, the tour, and the live shows to accompany the photographs that were being collaborated into an official magazine. She’d also been given a camera to shoot some more personal shots of the guys because she spent the most time with them out of everyone.

“C’mon Joe, give it back?” Grace bleated.

His contagious laugh rolled through the air. “You sound like a lamb.”

“Thanks, the jokes on me. Now give it back.”

“Why can’t I read it? Soon it’s gonna be published to the millions of adoring fans, I’ll read it then anyway, why can’t I get a private viewing first? It’s about me.”

Grace glared at him, unable to come up with a cocky reply, with Joey it was impossible, his smile took away the words from your lips.

“Justin, Chris, Joey, Lance and JC are back to storm the world once again,” Joey began reading from her pad. “Okay, okay, you win. I won’t read anymore.” He handed it back and shrunk like a naughty child.

“Thank you.”

Joey leapt at her, hugging her tightly as he rolled her on the grass despite her screams.

“Joey! What the hell are you doing?” Grace cried, finding it hard not to laugh.

He paused and looked down at her. “You’re just so great, I can’t believe you write such nice things about us?”

“So you read more. I’m just over-exaggerating anyway,” she assured him. “It sells. No one wants to know about the ogre you really are, or if Justin smells.”

“I smell?” Justin enquired, wandering over to them. “And what are you doin’ Joe?”

“Hugging,” he replied cheekily.

“Right.” He averted his eyes back to Grace. “What’s this about me smelling, Gracie?”

“Nothing.”

“I’ll get her arms, you tickle her. You’re pinning her down with your body as it is,” Justin instructed, grabbing Grace’s arms above her head.

“No!” she cried. “Joey no! Justin!” Joey tickled her and she wriggled beneath him, twisting her hands in Justin’s tenacious grasp.

“Okay, leave the girl alone,” JC demanded, pushing Joey free of her and lunging for Justin.

Grace sat up and the two guys struggled on the grass playfully. She brushed herself down and picked up the pad and pen, wondering what was up with JC. She’d only arrived just before lunch and now it was late afternoon, but over Spring Break he’d been quiet and thoughtful, now he was bubbly and grinning.

“What’s up with you?” she asked, Justin and JC finally releasing each other and lying out stretched.

“He’s got a gurlfriend,” Joey announced.

Grace felt like someone had sprinkled chilli behind her eyes and she could feel the stormy blue oceans trembling. “Wow, that’s not like you. Shall I include this in my writing?” She bit her tongue, she knew her voice sounded bitter and it scared her as to why she felt like she did.

“Oh, no, don’t do that!” JC replied grinning.

Obviously, the tone had floated clean over his head, but she knew Justin had heard it.

“It’s nothing set in stone at the moment,” JC continued. “Just in the makings. She’s coming on part of the tour with us actually.”

“Cool,” was all she could reply. Glancing at her watch she escaped his sincere blue eyes and excused herself to go see her mom.

* * *

A couple of nights later and JC was bouncing around – Tara was arriving from Florida to stay with them for a week or so, she hadn’t decided how long yet. Grace had got over her initial ‘shock’ of hearing about JC’s girlfriend and was looking forward to having a girl her age on tour with them for a while.

“Tara!” JC cried, embracing her as she dropped her bags and ran into his arms in the hotel lobby.

Lance caught Justin and Grace’s faces, they read ‘way too movie style,’ and it made him smile. It was he supposed.

Tall, dark haired, brown eyed, slim, and stunning. She read JC all over her from looks alone, and Grace imagined that her personality must compare. There was a pang of jealously deep inside her, a wish that she could have been as pretty as Tara.

JC took her hand and walked her over to where Grace was stood by Justin, her normal place whenever they were hanging about. “Tara, this is Grace, Grace this is Tara,” he introduced.

“Hi, I’m so glad to have another girl my age on tour with us,” Grace burbled, smiling.

“Yeah. I’ve heard lots about you,” Tara replied.

Corny. Clichéd. Cheesy, Justin noted, wrinkling up his face secretly.

“So, you’re Justin’s best friend?”

Grace glanced at him, his golden curls glittering with gel. “That’s me.”

“I really need to take a rest, my feet are killing me,” Tara groaned, picking up a silver vanity case.

Grace looked down at Tara’s feet, which were slipped neatly into a pair of high heels. Can’t be comfortable, Grace thought. “Shall I show her to her room?”

“That would be great, we’ll bring up the luggage,” JC said, looking at the other guys.

Tara and Grace headed towards the elevator, briefly introducing her to Wes and Todd. In the elevator the air was slightly awkward, Tara didn’t seem the chatty sort, well not on first meetings. Grace realized it must be pretty intimidating meeting all these new people, especially so many of them with stars sparkling in their eyes.

“How was the flight?” Grace asked.

“Dull. Boring. Nauseating. The normal. No cute waiters,” Tara said bluntly. Her straight dark hair shone with lustre.

Oh, Grace gulped. She considered commenting how the Game Boys and movies were usually pretty good on flights, but Tara wasn’t coming across as though she wanted to talk. Grace pushed it back, and gave it her best shot, “The games and movies are pretty good. Watch any good movies?”

Tara smoothed her skirt out. “Down To You, but I’ve seen it about twice already. The food is so gross, even first class. I dread to think what economy food is like.”

“I haven’t seen that movie, is it good?”

“You haven’t seen Down To You? It’s a great chick flick, and Freddie Prinze Junior, please, give me more!” Tara’s face glowed at the mention of his name.

“The last movie I saw was Center Stage,” Grace replied.

“Ew, they so couldn’t act.”

“The dancing was amazing though,” Grace continued, trying to save the movie from a brutal shredding.

“I supposed so,” Tara mused. The elevator pinged and the doors slid open, both girls stepping out and walking down the hall, Grace aware that Tara was taking in her surroundings with her piercing eyes.

“This is your room,” Grace said, handing Tara the key to run through the electronic box. She strode into the room, soaking up everything in the room in one long look. Grace found herself cowering by the door, slapping herself for being so quiet around someone who was settling into a new environment.

Tara saw the red rose that stood solitarily in its crystal vase beside her bed, a white card beneath it with love JC scribbled across it. “How sweet,” she cooed. Placing the vanity case on the dresser and turning to face Grace. “I guess it’s all right.”

All right? Grace was slightly taken aback, as though she owned the hotel that had just been given the Royal all right.

“Howz everything going?” JC asked, staggering through the doorway with a huge suitcase, followed by Justin dragging an equally large case. Joey held a long black zip-up suit bag, which contained her dresses, and she quickly took it from him and laid it on the bed.

Everyone left JC and Tara in peace in her room, Joey and Chris heading back to their large room that they shared. Justin, Grace and Lance headed back down to find Johnny.

“Sheesh, she’s not very chatty,” Grace said as they stepped into the elevator, seeming to let out her first breath since she’d been left alone with Tara.

“We’ve only met her a couple of times, she attended parties and shows, none of us know too much about her,” Lance explained.

“Looks wise, she’s exactly what I see JC going for.”

“Pretty stunning,” Lance replied.

“Modelling,” Justin added.

“I had a feeling she might be. The clothes, hair, make-up, you name it, it all seemed to spell ‘model’,” Grace nodded.

* * *