Helplessly Aware

By Charlie burton

Chapter 11

JUST over two weeks later and it was the beginning of July. Everyone was allowed a lie-in because there was a week break before their next show in Washington DC. It was nice and there was silence over the hotel until about eleven o’clock. At breakfast, Johnny announced that they’d been asked to do a special performance down in Disney World and that he’d accepted, knowing that all the boys would jump at the chance to see their families and go ‘home’.

Justin slept most of the flight on Grace’s lap while she chatted to JC. He was badly missing Tara and it upset her to see hear him so down, but he had a shred of anticipation that he might be able to get down to Miami to spend a day with her. Justin stirred a little, and Grace ran her fingers through his lush curls.

Grace and her mom were staying with Justin’s family for the two days they were in Florida, Justin insisting that Grace camp in his bedroom like they did when they were young. Lynn and Meg merely shook their heads and smiled, they wouldn’t stop them. Grace had been able to finish her drawing of JC, and she’d also completed the other fours, all of which Johnny had died of admiration at.

Disney World was bustling with all ages on July 4^th, and it was adorned with balloons, streamers, banners, flags and huge inflated Disney characters. It was a children’s dream world come true – Disney was definitely living up to its title of the ‘Magic Kingdom’.

The boys were all dressed up in costume with wild make-up, following the theme they’d taken for the TV Guide covers. Grace had been taking photos of them all morning, in the stages of getting ready and final ones. Justin and Chris had completely taken on their roles as their alter ego’s and were running around play acting and talking in funny voices, doing their own funky rendition of It’s Gonna Be Me.

“Boo!” JC cried, appearing from behind a trailer to put a fright into Grace.

“JC!” she screamed. Her heart hammered as she clutched her clipboard to her chest. “Sheesh!”

His laugh was like a mischievous kid and Grace couldn’t help but join in too and push him playfully. His blue eyes glittered from beneath a red baseball cap, and he was also wearing a sleeveless white top with metal beading around the neck and arms and black pants with misshapen stars printed on.

She exclaimed, “You’re MAD!” and walked past him.

“Hey, hey, hey!” he called wanting her to wait up for him. “What d’ya think of the make-up?” He tilted his head about and batted his eyelashes. There was a bright reddish-orange flame slashed down one cheekbone and the yellow outline of a star on the other cheek.

“Buuuutiful,” she cooed. “You’re gonna scare all the little kids though, mind you, you do without the make-up on.”

“Hey! I take offence to that,” JC flirted, grabbing her around the waist and tickling her.

“Okay! Okay! I give in.”

“Aah! I betta run before Johnny gives me the third degree on being tardy,” JC said, turning to disappear.

Grace called after him, “JC Chasez? Late? That’s a new one.”

“C’ya out there, Grace!”

“*NSync!” the loud speakers boomed after their brief build up to who was performing next. The fans were going wild by the second word, they knew their boys and their success, and they just wanted them.

“It’s gonna-be-me,” came Lance’s deep voice from behind the backdrop. There was an uproar from the crowd and Grace smiled from her exclusive position right close to the stage with the cameramen, her own in her hand poised.

Justin bounded onto the stage, mercury colored glitter shimmering on one eyelid and his white pants displayed bright flames up each leg. Grace smiled at the black bandana holding back his untamed curls.

“…I remember you told me, that it made you believe in no man, no cry…” Justin’s soulful voice crooned, his eyes flickering at Grace and a cheeky smile appearing.

Joey was hamming it up; the jet leather cowboy hat had definitely gone to his head as he bounced around. “…But I’m not like them…”

JC stepped forward, cracking his hips and executed every move flawlessly. “You’ve got no choice, babe, but to move on…” his voice had always captured Grace from the very first moment she’d heard him sing at Justin’ house back when she was barely fourteen. “…You can’t deny, so just tell me why.” There was always such passion in his voice and such emotion that he expressed, she still never understood how he could feel it every performance.

Screams continued as they guys bounced around on stage, Lance playing to the crowd for once in his blue crocodile-style skin jacket. Chris seemed to be having the most fun; a grin fixed on his face the whole way through, and with his silver mesh top rippling as he carried out the dance and short hair gelled into spikes he revealed a new side to himself.

“Guess what?” JC echoed.

“It’s gonna be me,” Justin growled, tapping his chest and flinging out his arms with his eyes concrete on the screaming crowd. The other four fell backwards and sprawled on the floor.

Grace worked overtime on the photos as they held the pose. Justin’s facial expression was one-in-a-million and she wasn’t going to miss capturing it. Finally the other four stood up, slapping each other on the back and hugging, standing momentarily for more photos.

The guys took a break while Britney Spears, LFO and Jordan Knight belted out their own performances. To the crowds great surprise and delight *NSync did an extra performance of Digital Get Down just when everyone thought the show was over. Even Grace didn’t know about it and she watched in awe as they put on possibly the best show of the song they’d ever done. With JC and Justin fronting it the audience went mad, ear-splitting screams shattering the air as girls jumped to catch a better glimpse of their favourite member. Far too many private jokes went on during the song, Justin grinning after passing a glance with Joey, but it was JC’s acting, precise movements and sexy looks that he threw around the stage and spectators that caused the loudest squeals.

During JC’s solo, “I lose my mind just when you’re speakin’…” he flicked his head to the side, “I see you on the screen I get to freakin’,” his eyes met with Grace’s and sparkled passionately. “So get down babe, and I’ll get down for you…” He snapped his hips in time to the beat, Justin echoing beside him.

“I get so excited when I’m watching girl,” he sung, jerking his body accurately as he’d learnt. “I can’t wait to see you touch your body girl,” he ran his hands up his chest and continued to watch Grace. “It’s just me and you,” he crooned, pointing into the audience exciting a wall of screams. “So we can do what we gotta do, yeah,” smoothly rippling his body with the rhythm.

Grace was sat quietly outside the trailers waiting for them to change. A couple of times she’d nearly resorted to tearing her hair out from the way her mind had been straying since the way JC had watched her during their last song.

It’s a Goddamn song, Grace! See, a song! It doesn’t mean anything. No, she still couldn’t erase the way his eyes had studied her as he sang, the way his body moved so fluently to the music. She let out an exasperated growl.

“You okay?” Justin asked, stepping out of the trailed.

Her eyes darted up to meet his and she fumbled with her words. “Uh-yeah, I was just thinking about…stuff,” she stuttered.

“Right. So, what d’ya think of our performance?” he enquired, deciding not to push her on whatever had been on her mind.

The performance… Grace thought …JC’s… “It was great! I love the ending for It’s Gonna Be Me, works every time.”

Justin smiled, he enjoyed that bit too, you could read it on his face. “You still up to go mosey around the park?”

“Ready for moseying,” Grace replied.

He pulled out his dark shades to cover his eyes and with the baseball cap that covered his curls you could barely tell it was ‘Justin Timberlake’.

“I thought JC was coming with us?” she enquired as Justin took her hand.

“Me too, he wanted to call Tara’s house and see if he could arrange a time for them to meet.”

“Ah-ha, duty calls.”

“Mmmm,” Justin sighed.

Tara checked her face in the restroom mirror. Perfect, she thought. Her hair was held neatly in place with a few silver slides and she wore a pair of khaki hot pants. Since the photos of her and JC’s kiss had been plastered across the music press she’d got some much – what she called ‘deserved’ – attention from the paparazzi. She’d been interviewed by a couple of teeny bopper magazines that she’d never heard of before, magazines like Teen People and Cosmo Girl had been more cautious about spreading news of ‘JC Chasez’s’ new girlfriend.

She sighed contentedly, boy she loved the limelight and interest people took of her now. Tara double-checked her make-up before strutting outside.

Someone grabbed her around the waist and she squealed loudly, “Brendan!”

The golden haired model laughed and released her, kissing her cheek. “I can’t believe you let me take you to Disney World.”

“I was the biggest Snow White fan when I was young,” she replied.

He pushed some hair out of her face and scowled towards yells and clapping.

“So…?” Tara cooed.

“…So?” Brendan flirted back.

“Oh come on, what do you want to do?”

“Well that wouldn’t be allowed somewhere so public as that, so I guess we’re gonna have to make do with the sights.” Brendan raised his eyebrows and wrapped his arms around her as they slowly sauntered along.

Tara smiled slyly. “How about we find somewhere more private?” she asked.

“Look, Justin, I’m serious! Come here,” Grace growled, waving him over. Justin rolled his eyes falsely and jogged over, it had better be more important than the snow cone he was in line to buy.

“What?” he grumbled.

Grace poked him playfully. “Correct me if I’m seeing things, but isn’t that Tara over there?”

Justin’s eyes followed the direction in which Grace was nodding. The girl was tall, dark haired and wearing what looked like her underwear. “Yeah, that’s her. Unless of course she has a twin.”

“Be serious!” Grace whispered. “Who’s the guy with her?”

“Its little boy blue,” Justin teased, seeing what could be considered the mirror image of ‘male perfection’.

“Quit the commentary Curly.”

There was a moment silence. “Uh…can I comment now?”

“What?!” Grace cried, Justin clamping a hand over her mouth. Tara and ‘little boy blue’ had just connected in an intimate kiss.

“This is like out of Wild Things,” Justin gasped. “The bitch!” he added, finally realizing what was going on. “We’ve gotta tell JC. Man, I never thought she’d be bad news!”

“Justin, wait up!” Grace called, grabbing a hold of Justin and pulling him back to her. “You can’t just tell JC like that.”

He crumpled up his face at her.

“Oh hey dude, your girl’s sticking her tongue down another guys throat behind your back,” she imitated Justin’s voice. “I-don’t-think-so!”

Justin placed his hands on his hips and stared at her. “And what do you suppose we do? Leave him in the dark about his girlfriend cheating on him?”

Grace battled herself inside, she wanted to walk over to Tara and demand an explanation, and she wanted to hide. JC deserved to know – from Tara, not from her and Justin. It was their word against hers, he didn’t deserve their version, he needed her to tell him.

“Grace?”

“Justin, we can’t tell him. We’ve gotta let her be the one to break things off with him. You know he won’t want to believe us if we tell him his girlfriend is cheating on him.” Tears stung her eyes for reasons she couldn’t begin to imagine. Glancing back over to Tara she saw them still kissing and it hurt her deep inside, like someone pulled out her stomach and was slowly twisting it.

Justin let out a growl and turned away, bending the peak on his baseball cap down and pacing.

Grace wiped her hand across her face as she frantically tried to think of what to do. Suddenly she began walking towards Tara and ‘little boy blue’, not directly at them but past them. It was an off-the-wall idea that she didn’t believe would have any effect, but anything was worth a try to at least prize the two saliva swapping people apart.

Tara did notice the familiar figure hurrying past, it was Grace who spent her life with *NSync. She pulled away and grasped Brendan’s hand.

“Time to exit,” she insisted, dragging him after her.

When Grace looked back she saw Tara and the guy disappearing off. Her lashes brushed her cheeks and large tears fell from her eyes. Through the blur she saw Justin heading over to her, and she panicked. Darting into the women’s restrooms she hid in a stall like a trembling child, her back against the wall and her breasts shuddering as the tears ran down her neck. How could Tara do this to JC? His heart was lying bare and she’d taken a sledgehammer to it.

“Tell him,” Grace murmured, tasting the salt on her lips.

* * *