Helplessly Aware

By Charlie burton

Chapter 16

CHRISTMAS finally arrived and after a dazzling show in Memphis – of all places – they all retreated to Lance’s new house in Mississippi, families included. It was a Bass Christmas special, which everyone was thoroughly enjoying. Grace sat in Lance’s bedroom, which she was also sharing with Justin and JC.

She held out the small roll of paper to JC. “That’s what confused me most.” It was one of the many things she’d found in the box her dad had left for her, they were just sentimental gifts her dad had picked up along his way and a couple of old photographs.

JC read it aloud, “To leave for nothing all thy sum of good; For nothing this wide universe I call, save thou, my rose; in it thou art my all.”

Grace wrinkled up her face as the words slipped harmoniously from his lips. “Call me the ‘dumb blond’, but I can’t understand it.”

“Or is it that you don’t want to understand it?” JC asked, his blue eyes searching her for the truth. He sighed, “Well, if you want my opinion on the interpretation, I’ll offer it.”

“Sure.” She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to know; JC would most likely have a very sensible and grounded response to it, an understanding of the words that no doubt would scare her.

“I think the important part is: For nothing this wide universe I call, save thou, my rose; in it thou art my all. I think he’s saying, there’s nothing in the universe apart from you that matters, in it you are everything.”

Grace raised her eyebrows dubiously, to which JC rolled his eyes irritated at her reaction. Why did she always hide from the truth?

“If you’re not goin’ to like my honest opinion, let’s just go have a ‘happy’ Christmas.”

“Let’s,” Grace replied, putting the shred of paper back in her notebook and wandering out into the hall.

“Stubborn woman,” JC muttered, following her.

Grace turned and blocked the hall. “Excuse me?”

“I said you’re a stubborn woman.”

“It’s a detestable trait, I know. That’s why I keep it up.”

“Detestable is the wrong word you’re looking for. Repugnant or vile suits you better,” he teased.

She simple flickered her eyelashes in the infuriating way she did and stuck her bottom lip out a little.

“But it’s also fairly attractive,” JC informed her, stooping down and tipping her over his shoulder in a fireman’s lift.

Grace screamed and tried to gather up her hair that covered her face so that she could see where JC was taking her. She beat her hands on his back but it wasn’t doing an ounce of good.

“It shows you’re a girl who knows what she wants and won’t settle for less, I like it.”

“JC! Let me down,” she laughed. The suspended wooden stairs creaked as JC wandered down while Grace still held tightly. The stairs led down to a wide, open den room where everyone was sat around chatting, a large Christmas tree decked with baubles that glittered and twinkled in the soft lights. A few people glanced up when they heard Grace’s cries and Justin, Lance, Chris and Joey laughed.

“No gettin’ jiggy with it in my bed!” Lance called.

Justin threw a Santa Claus hat at JC. “Here, have a hat Big Daddy.”

With one hand JC pulled on the hat and carried Grace through to the living room where he put her down on a thick angora rug. “Bring the mistletoe Joey!”

Grace shouted in protest as JC pinned her down, giggling as he tickled her in order to stop her getting free. Joey came running in with a bunch of mistletoe Lance had grabbed from the kitchen, Chris close behind screeching loudly.

“Oh dear, Grace,” Joey sighed, holding the sprig of fresh mistletoe over her. “Looks like we all get to kiss you!”

“NO!” she screamed. “Stop.”

JC, Chris, Lance and Joey all began to smother her in kisses, on her face, her neck, her arms, any bare patch of skin and anywhere that wasn’t bare either. She struggled but couldn’t stop laughing and they didn’t pause kissing her, not even when Justin arrived with a camera.

“Merry Christmas, Gracie!” Justin cried, diving down and landing a huge sloppy kiss on her cheek.

“Ew! Get off me, you’re all slobbering everywhere,” she whined playfully.

“Shall we let her go?” JC asked, all five grinning wickedly at each other.

“Nah,” Justin said. “She can be our love bunny all night long.” Grace whimpered loudly and pouted at them.

The boys apologized in the end and put it down reoccurring adolescent hormones going haywire. Whatever, Grace had thought, but not without a smile. However slobbery they were she still loved them, even Joey who had almost taken a chunk out of her neck. Most people had headed to bed, but the six of them were still lounging around by the Christmas tree, Joey eagerly eyeing up the presents like a young kid. Ruben and Billy were half asleep on the floor after drinking too much of grandma’s Bass’s warm punch.

“Aw wow,” Lance cooed, Grace kneading her fingers into his tense shoulders. “This girl, boy can she give a good massage.”

“To your satisfaction?” Grace asked in an upper-class voice.

“Oooh baby, it’s fine,” Lance moaned. “If sex with you is this good your sleeping in my bed tonight.”

Grace dug her fingers in harder at the comment.

“Ow-ow-ow,” Lance squealed. “I was just being truthful.”

“Hmm,” she replied.

JC crawled next to Lance and sat down. “My turn. Poofoo’s gettin’ too much pleasure.”

Lance pulled a face at JC as he moved out of the way, Grace beginning to massage her fingers into his muscle and up his neck. “Oooh!” JC moaned. “God man, why didn’t you let everyone in on this sooner?”

Grace rolled her eyes. “Can you guys find some girls to get some with, because it’s like having sex-starved Neanderthals around?”

“You’re saying we’re big and hairy?”

“And smell? I don’t smell,” Joey added.

“Sex-starved is the operative word. Starved,” she said. JC moaned as her fingers cured something inside his shoulders. Everyone stared at him in surprise.

JC noticed everyone was watching him. “I-I wasn’t moaning about the whole sex thing.” No one’s eyes said ‘I believe you’. “It’s true!” he protested.

“Besides, we want a six-some with you, that’s why we’re starved,” Joey cried.

“Er-this is the part where I go find some more of those yummy sugar cookies,” Chris said in his serious manner. Small conversations started back up, and JC leant his head back to gaze at Grace for a moment, grinning sheepishly.

“I did the groaning thing at the wrong time, huh?”

Grace crinkled up her nose and nodded.

“Oh well, it felt so good so I let my ancient instincts take over,” he garbled, reaching back one hand and rubbing his fingers down her thigh.

“How much of that punch did you drink?” Grace enquired, looking down at his fingers that were caressing her. It felt good, she wouldn’t deny herself that, but it was out of character for him.

“A drop.”

“Sure.” Soon after, JC collapsed to the floor in exhaustion and fell asleep on his back, Grace using his chest to rest on, but the gentle warmth of the crackling fire sending her to sleep to.

“Do we actually have a reason yet as to why they’re not together?” Joey asked, pointing at JC and Grace.

“Because they haven’t discovered that the person they need to be with is right in front of them – or in JC’s case on top of him. Some teen shit like that, the stuff they shoulda figured out junior year of High school,” Chris mused.

* * *

The Christmas Day meal was beyond divine and the Bass family had everyone’s taste buds excited. The lunch lasted over three hours because once everyone had finished, no one could move for fear of their stomachs bursting. It was most definitely worth it though, the cooking was supreme and there was plenty to go around – Lance had inherited a lot of his organization skills from his parents and grandparents. They took a trip to the stables afterwards to where Lance had two beautiful steeds with glossy manes and shrill whinny’s that greeted them as they approached.

Grace ran her fingers over the silky warm coat of a palomino filly, her nostrils flared as she studied Grace with inquisitive eyes and she nuzzled her nose into the palm of JC’s hand, licking his fingers.

“She’s so pretty,” Grace murmured as Lance told some of the other guests about the bay stallion in the stall beside them. She and JC were alone.

“Uh-huh.” He patted the delicate neck of the high spirit horse, watching Grace unbeknownst to her. She looked stunning in the golden afternoon light, pieces of her hair were swept up and pinned with slides that glittered and her cheeks were touched with a rosy blush. The knotted feeling inside told his brain how much he wanted to hold her in his arms, to feel her body against his own and to smell the rich scent her hair always carried.

“Lance? What’s her name?” Grace called.

“Creed. And this is Taz, I couldn’t resist.”

“As long as he rides better than the Tasmanian devil then you’ll be fine.” She could just picture Lance on a bucking bronco – not really. Creed chewed on wisps of hay, frisking her head up and down and snorting loudly, the silver mane caught the suns rays and glistened.

“You wanna go for a walk?” JC asked timidly.

“Yeah,” she replied, they began to head towards the lake and Grace studied the ground in silence.

“Good Christmas?”

“To certain extents. Minus my dad dying, it was pretty good.”

“I-I’m sorry, I forgot about that,” JC stammered.

His concern for her made her feel wanted and like she could just move on with life, however many mistakes she’d made in the past. “Do you ever wish things had been different with Tara? That you were still together?”

“I used to, at first I was just bitter about it and wanted to believe I was better off alone. I don’t ever think about still being with her, I wouldn’t want that. Her personality, we just didn’t mesh and it’s for the better that we broke up, because otherwise we’d have both ended up a lot unhappier.”

“When she called up and you went to see her, didn’t it make you want to be back with her and have everything back the way it was?” Grace didn’t know where it was all coming from, but she wasn’t holding back. The thought of JC cradling Tara in his arms and kissing her created a feeling of envy deep inside.

“Surprisingly, I didn’t.” JC loosened his leather jacket and dug his hands into the pockets. “When I saw her she embraced me with this huge hug and it all felt wrong. It was like my body was there but my mind and heart were somewhere completely different.” He stopped and thought about what he was saying, it sounded utterly ludicrous and he sounded like a rundown psychic.

Grace sensed him questioning himself. “Don’t doubt what you’re saying, what you said – it’s like all the things I can never say. When I don’t speak my mind.”

“I’ve seen you get like that, you get all agitated because your blocking in what you need to get across. How ‘bout you say exactly what’s on your mind right now? The first thing that comes to mind.”

She crumpled up her face in thought, JC friendly poking her to encourage her to think less and speak more. “Rain.”

“Rain? And?”

“Sex,” she purred loudly, “I’m thinking about sex in the rain. There you go, I said it.”

JC stumbled backwards and tripped on a tree root that arched out of the dirt path and he fell down on his butt. Grace stared at him in surprise and he didn’t blink once.

“Did I say the wrong thing?” she queried, offering a hand to pull him up to his feet again.

“Uh- I just wasn’t expecting ‘sex’ to come after rain, I was more along the lines of umbrellas, puddles, mud, that kind of thing,” he flirted.

She picked up on tone and it made her skin prickle and blood tingle with exhilaration. “Well I’m sorry, my mind works in bizarre and unconventional ways,” she replied, pushing him playfully.

“I like that. Impulsive and spontaneous.”

“What about licking honey from the stomach of the girl of your dreams, Chasez, impulsive enough? That only applies to you of course, I don’t have a dream girl.”

Her bare tummy with honey drizzled all over it flashed before him, he could almost taste it’s saccharine as his tongue ran across her skin or maybe it was the fantasy that was so syrupy and unreal.

“Zoned out?” she asked.

He spoke his mind this time. “Dreaming.”

“The best way to travel is by imagination.”

“And you possibly have the most ingenious imagination,” JC commented.

“It’s created from inspiring people,” she flirted back, looking at him slyly.

“Have you drunk alcohol today?”

“I never drink alcohol, people get me high,” she grinned.

A melody began to play in her head, one that she treasured. “You ask way too much, oh, when you say that I can look but do not touch,” Grace began to sing lightly. “Drunk with desire, I’ve opened up my soul.” She twirled around with her arms outstretched, laughing and gazing at the sky. “I have dreamed of this-”

JC cut in, “Your body next to mine, drowning in every kiss.”

She stopped twirling and watched him, a smile spreading into his face. “I love that song,” she cooed.

“Fantastic lyrics.”

Grace giggled intoxicated by the fresh air and the tempting rhythm that rumbled through her body. “It’s Christmas!” she cried out, her voice echoing around them, and she flung her arms around JC and hugged him.

“Grace!” he screamed in laughter as he tripped again and they both tumbled to the ground. She laid next to him in the fallen leaves both heavy with amusement, an arm over his stomach where she’d been hugging him. All around them was noiseless and their eyes fell back on each other, JC’s body sighing one elbow propping him up on his side.

She saw his eyes studying her and she murmured playfully, “Look but don’t touch.”

JC wasn’t about to let her win, so without releasing his eyes from her he said softly, “Too late for warnings, I’m already gone. I surrender to what I can’t control.” He slowly leant towards her, “Drunk with desire.” JC growled and seized the tender skin around her collarbone with his teeth and pulled mischievously but carefully. Grace yelped as his lips and breath tickled her, their faces nuzzled close as she tried to free herself from his wet lips.

“If I have a love-bite I’m going to kill you,” Grace gasped, wiping the saliva from her neck. “You’re just drunk.”

With desire, JC thought. He hadn’t consumed even a drop of alcohol so far today.

“No explanation?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Guilty as charged.”

Grace had excused herself to the bathroom the moment they got back to the house, but luckily there was nothing to show for their good-natured tussle except maybe a few faint teeth marks that only brought a smile to her face.

With everyone sat around in the living room chatting and chewing on some home baked cookies – there wasn’t much in the Bass household that wasn’t home baked – JC found the game Twister in a closet and insisted that somebody played it with him. Joey was in charge of the wheel and JC, Lance, Grace, and Lance’s sister Stacy were nominated to play.

There was a roar of laughter from Joey, “Right leg green.”

“What?!” Lance exclaimed. “When I’m Stretch Armstrong maybe!”

“Just don’t move JC,” Grace cried, shuffling her foot along the plastic mat towards the green spot.

“Moving, moving, moving!” JC teased, wobbling about to unstable her.

“That’s cheating,” she whined.

“Quit the lovers-tiff,” Stacy demanded, stretching out her leg to an empty circle.

JC was holding his balance perfectly; maybe there were a few upsides to the complicated moves that Darrin set for them. “No lovers part.”

“I’m sure.”

“Hurry up and spin the wheel, Joey!” Grace cried, every limb seeming to shake, legs twisted through JC’s, arms entangled with Lance and butt hovering above the floor.

“Left hand red.”

“Likely,” Stacy said, getting down to the intense business of figuring out how she could dislocate her left elbow in order for it to do a ninety-degree turn. She sighed and let her arms bend, discharging her from the game.

“Um-there’s about to be an interesting collapse of the Twin Towers here,” Lance commented as he grinned at Grace. JC was facing over the mat, spread diagonally across Grace’s body, and she was looking at the ceiling and unable to move because JC was in her way.

“I can’t move if you don’t,” she informed him.

“Ditto!” JC cried. “Ladies first.”

“That’s right, let me move first so I lose – I-don’t-think-so!”

“How about after three both move at the same time?” Lance suggested, clearly not comfortable in his twisted position.

“One.”

“Two.”

Lance added, “Three,” and both JC and Grace dived for the spot they needed. It was a collision course for disaster and Lance couldn’t bear to watch, closing his eyes as JC buckled when Grace tried to reposition herself. When Lance looked again they were both sprawled out on the plastic mat and giggling hysterically. “I win.”

“Now you really do have to move first,” Grace laughed, JC’s firm chest lain crossways over hers.

“And if I don’t?” he asked with innocent eyes.

“You crush me with your big oaf of a body.”

“Don’t lie.”

“Do you know how to be less irritating?”

“You have this effect on me, Gracie. I can’t help it.”

“He likes a woman under him,” Joey whispered before bolting out of the conversation as quickly as he’d added his bit.

JC bent down and whispered in her ear, “What Joey doesn’t know, is I actually prefer a woman over me.”

Grace couldn’t help but laugh, the deep sexy voice that he put on provoked a smile and he helped her to sit up.