Yes! To this article. Yes! To solicited sex. YES! To a million bazillion other things.

A friend of mine, the very, very sick man who runs this website (he's dying of gonorrhea, herpes, and a dozen other sexually transmitted diseases from coming within 50 feet of the local high school to attend college) told me about an ad for home loans, something I need quite badly for the home I would like to purchase in beautiful Maui, and it sparked an insightful thought: The Maximum PC forum users are full of obnoxious pricks who like to chew people out for using the forums as a means of acquiring information. An example of this is a one user (*cough*LOGIK*cough) giving quite an arrogant response to a one friend of mine who dared to ask the forums what in the hell the System Volume Information folder was on his D:\ drive after installing Windows XP. The ever-knowledgeable Logik pointed out that there is this fancy, old fashioned internet device called a search engine… apparently it helps you find information on the internet… who would've thought something so advanced could come of a petty race of humans compared to the mighty, queen-of-everything Logik. He claimed that anyone who had asked about something completely foreign to themselves in a forum, wanting to get helpful information about a topic so completely off in a tangent to the side that it aroused concern, should piss-off and never post again, resorting themselves to using search engines to find everything they need (but search engines feel are sooooo shallow and don't even care about my feelings; and I can't help but having a metal taste in my mouth afterwards…)

^- this is me hitting one of them with a sports car I stole from an old man down the street. It is yellow…hey, that reminds me of a time in Tijuana when I… did something almost legal… alright fine, I don't have a sports car down the street, but there is an old man who shouts crazy Italian shit early in the morning; think 11 A.M…. jesus, the guy is nuts.

After this rude response to the question at hand, other members began to join in, backing the "ever-responsive" Logik. As more and more people came into the small circus of a forum question, repeating points made by Logik and adding a few little jewels of their own, the list kept adding up of people who obviously used the forums and obviously raised the question: What did they use them for? Since they completely agreed with Logik, they obviously thought that asking relevant questions was "out-of-the-question" so maybe I can shed some light on what I found hiding under the cruel surface of the Maximum PC forums… the evils that lie within.

-Big-Mega-Mystery-Unraveled-Part One-
Whilst looking through some of the older forums, I saw something left behind from what was once a dating service forum topic. Forum members preformed an A/S/L type ritual, whined about their girlfriends, and then "hooked" up with one another. This was odd because of the fact they were all guys. Why were they all guys, where were the females? This monster Maximum PC had become gayer than Richard Simmons at an N'Sync concert without the public ever knowing it. This was serious Tom Cruise territory, and it was heading quick into Elton John land (that is such a bad thought… Elton John and man-love… goddamn myself.) Another trend I found occurring in the Maximum PC forums besides users creating fan-fiction about fucking Elton John was that the longer a member had been there, the more their ego grew, which is directly correlative to the heights of their homosexuality.

^^^note the chart above that was formally drawn by me in MSpaint. I mean, by my colleagues and I at Johns Hopkins' Mental Health and Sexuality division. Anyhow, after one year, they become as gay as gay gets, and it turns them into assholes that are on the forums for the pure pleasure (what pleasure they receive I don't understand) of making someone's life hell by not answering the question. I mean, everyone look back at Fixer. He proves that Maximum PC forums are for fagots, he was the biggest of them all.

-SUPER-GIGANITOR-ULTRA-MEGA-BONUS-ROUND-KILL-no.2-
I am sorry, I have no other reason, they are just assholes that make your life more stressful than less. They find it their mission to make things as hard as possible SOMETIMES; and then continue making it harder by responding to everything in an offensive manner. SOMETIMES there are people on the forums that I could rightfully, in right mind, say are downright nice fellas. They help you, you get done what needs to be done quickly, and are nice about it too. So, Master forums members, don't whine to us when we ask a question; if you don't have an answer, don't post, YOU FUCKERS.

-Zillah, the chick-magnet, "please butcher this story."

 

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