Bolstered by the presence of his most recent ally, the Legion of Doom, Saddam Hussein talked tough this week, warning that anyone who attacks Iraq will die "in disgraceful failure," or may even be “transported to the center of a black hole”. Hussein then laughed maniacally and continuously for a long time, all the while looking over his shoulder for the approval from his colleagues.

On the eve of a strike from the baseball players' union that could likely end this season prematurely, the Miami Korfball league is poised to fill the entertainment gap left in baseball’s bitter wake. Korfball, explained the Miami league’s president, Javier Torres, “Is just like basketball.” So why not call it basketball?...well in Korfball, a player cannot move anywhere with the ball, and cannot throw the ball when being defended, and cannot touch another player…so exactly how is it like basketball…”I don’t know! I DON’T FUCKING KNOW!” replied Torres. Then he walked out of this interview and threw rocks at my car.

US Airways, crippled by the Sept. 11 attacks and burdened by high costs, filed on Sunday for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. USAir’s new uniform will now include cardboard signs and change cans. A new section will be created on all flights that will be known as the “red light district”. Angry employees lashed out at the only target they knew; successful airlines. That included Southwest, who had a promotional photoshoot upset by a drunk and disorderly USAir Human Resources Manager.

Vin Diesel became outraged this week after having to endure one too many nerds referring, in their “I’m-so-clever-which-explains-why-I-can’t-workout-and-nail-chicks” way, to his new espionage action movie, “XXX”, as “30”. At first Diesel tried to reason with the pencil-necked geeks by saying, “You know, XXX reads the same as you move the title in 90 degree increments”. The geeks were not swayed by the logic, however, so Diesel was finally forced to duct tape all their heads to a urinal.