MIAMI, Florida -- Protesters who thought they had done an adequate job protesting the slack voting process implemented in the last Presidential election were caught off guard when they were suddenly called in to protest the slack voting process implemented in the Democratic Gubernatorial bid race between Reno and McBride. As a result, over a 100 protest signs were created with glaring typos. Janet Leigh, one of the organizers for formal protests in Miami-Dade County said that the typos made the group look "really stupid"...what also made them look stupid was the fact that none of them had actually voted.

MIAMI, Florida -- Former Attorney General Janet Reno, newly ousted from the Democratic ticket in the race for the Governor's seat in Florida, has decided to become a Communist. In a formal press conference regarding her change of heart politically, she said, "Fuck it". Insiders say that Reno's Democratic/Socialist policies regarding health care and salary caps for baseball players lend themselves nicely into the Communist ideology. Others believe that Reno will stand a better chance to make a run for Governor under the Communist banner since they're only other serious contender in the party is a guy who goes by the name "Some Drunk Sonofabitch". .

NEW YORK, New York -- To commemorate the 215th anniversary of the signing of the US Constitution, President Bush called on author/historian David McCullogh to make the sacred American document easier to read. During a dialogue in the Rose Garden, President Bush made the following suggestions: 1) Include pictures to help make sense of the topics being addressed...or maybe some topical Cathy cartoons...Cathy's funny and American. 2) Increase the font size while at the same time reduce the number of words, so that it still feels like it’s the same size. 3) Change the title of the document from "Constitution" to "Stuff We Believe". McCullogh left the Rose Garden and immediately became Canadian.

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia -- Tom Ridge, the chief of President Bush's Homeland Security division, is backpedaling after a leak from his staff members revealed that Ridge's primary suspects in the War on Terror is everyone who works at Dunkin' Donuts. The report, which Ridge denies coming from his office, details how the government has been tracking the odd relationship between Dunkin' Donuts and the hiring of employees of Middle Eastern descent. More attention was drawn to the donut company after reports of their Bavarian crèmes causing a nation-wide case of the shits that more than one person described as "explosive". Their latest featured confection offering for September, "Jihad Crullers", has also raised a collective eyebrow in Washington.