Karen waves happily. "Hi everybodee!!! This is the Akio page. Since we made a list of 101 reasons why we love Touga, it would only be fitting to make a list of 101 reasons why we hate Akio. Right, Becka?" She looks over at Becka, whose eyes have glazed over and whose mouth produces a little drop of drool at the mention of Touga's name. She tries again, "Becka…?" Shrugging, Karen pulls out a random mallet, which she uses to smack Becka, yet again. "Becka, you baka. This is Akio's page."

Becka flies into the shadows back stage. She walks back out with an iced-drink a few moments later. She speaks to Karen thoughtfully, "Ka-chan, did you know that there are two sweet girls in the shadows back there?"

Karen blinks, "Shadow Girls…? Well, what did you expect? This is Utena, remember? … Akio's page."

Becka blinks twice, then turns a bright shade of purple, "Akio's… page…?" She 'eeps' loudly, then runs back to the carousel. She takes her seat on a random monkey, with her fingers in her ears, humming loudly.

Karen coughs, then turns back around and smiles pleasantly at the audience. "For those of you who don't know about Akio, let me enlighten you to the world of evil." Behind Karen, a large Becka demon-head appears. Hands with lavender fingernails rub together as Becka cackles with glee in a raspy voice, "Welcome to Hell…!" Karen turns around and sees Becka still happily riding the carousel. She shrugs and continues, "Akio is Anthy Himemiya brother. Among other things, he is a lecher, seducer, and campus playboy. There are many things about Akio that just leave us to wonder. For example, he is supposedly both Utena's prince and 'End of the World,' however; it's such a screwy *cough* show, that we aren't really sure if this is the case."

Becka comes out of her happy little world and is about to say something when there is a loud crash of thunder accompanied by a flash of light in the background. Karen and Becka blink in confusion.

The scene pans out to reveal a professional looking Anthy sitting in the sound booth. She blinks once and smiles, then, with a straight face, she continues to play around with the buttons. Chuchu points to a big red button that reads 'Do Not Push.' He speaks to Anthy frantically, "Chu-chu! Chu! Chu, chu-chu!" Anthy smiles again and presses the button. A giant safe drops onto the stage with a loud *thud.* Becka and Karen dive into the orchestra pit for safety. Karen peeks her head up and looks with fear upon the safe. Becka stands at her side, spatula in one hand, stopwatch in the other. The safe opens slowly. Karen pulls out her mallet, poised for battle. As the door to the safe swings fully open, both Becka and Karen turn a pale shade of white and dive back down into the orchestra pit. A somewhat dazed Akio steps out of the safe and stumbles into the shadows. Becka and Karen whisper up from their place in the orchestra pit, "Just read… why we hate him…"

101 Reasons Why We Hate Akio:

101)     "He gets with Utena when she could have had Touga." ("See '101 Reasons why we love Touga'")

100)     "He does compare himself to Lucifer, after all."

99)       "He has a huge planetarium thingie and we don't."

98)       "Not only does he sleep with his sister, he enjoys it way too much."

97)       "He's just… eeevvviiilll…"

96)       "He knows enough places to ride around in circles like that." Karen blinks, "I mean the car. Get your mind out of the gutter."

95)       "He has a ton of cars that are named after him."

94)       "And probably a sneaker brand too."

93)       "He waits all that time, and *then* decides to put an elevator in the damn arena."

92)       "Every great position he has has been acquiring by sleeping with someone."

91)       "He can 'manipulate' in every sense of the word."

90)       "He *does* 'manipulate' in every sense of the word."

89)       "He has the means of mass-producing Rose Signet Rings, and we don't!"

88)       "He manipulates everyone in the show. Emphasis on 'manipulates' and 'everyone.'"

87)       "He even goes as for as to manipulate out beloved Touga." Becka grins evilly, "See '101 reasons wh- what?" *WHACK* "Oww!" Karen puts away rather large mallet. Becka yells, "What d'ya do that for?? Grrr… you are so un-cute!"

86)       "We wouldn't be surprised if he manipulates himself."

85)       "He manipulates Utena and Anthy to both take up residence in his tower. Pun not intended."

84)       "He manipulates Touga into showing the rest of the Student Council the 'End of the World.'"

83)       "Akio manipulates people into trying to corrupt *Miki.*"

82)       "He has a dream of owning and manipulating a 'harem.'"

81)       "He has put himself in charge of 'handling' the entire Academy." Karen smiles, "Pun intended."

80)       "The school that he runs is shaped like an Ancient Japanese Burial Mound, and that's just too depressing."

79)       "He gets his own damned saga, and we don't."

78)       "He helps turn Wakaba against Utena, and that's just plain wrong."

77)       "He convinces Mikage to start the 'Black Rose' seminar for Mamiya's sake, then reveals to him that Mamiya was never real, then tells Mikage that he was never real either."

76)       "He had 'relations' with Touga as Dios when Touga was eight."

75)       *Read number seventy-six again.*

74)       "After all that, he never even realized that the damn revolution happened."

73)       "He abuses Anthy, his sister."

72)       "He abuses Chuchu, the cutest 'friend' in the entire series."

71)       "He even abuses what he once was, Dios."

70)       "Think about that."

69)       "He has a sex life, albeit an entirely sadistic one, and we don't."

68)       "He uses Anthy as a totally mindless doll, and convinces her to back stab (literally) our heroine."

67)       "His 'manipulations' cause: Saionji to become an emotional eunuch, Miki to loose his 'shining' thing, , Juri, an angel, to fall from her place in heaven, and Touga to 'swing both ways.'" ("See '101 Reasons why we love Touga.' Yes, I know. We're pushing it, aren't we?")

66)       "He didn't go after Nanami. The one bitch in the series who deserves him, and he didn't go after her."

65)       "He… lies. Pun intended."

64)       "He is able to make Saionji seem even *more* pathetic."

63)       "Not only does he make Saionji seem pathetic, he makes him more deranged. Damn."

62)       "Having him around blots out all hope for a quiet evening…" Karen pops up, "Hey! Wait a minute. That's not a bad thing…" Becka appears behind her and whacks her with a giant spatula, "Yes! It is!"

61)       "He's the kind of guy who lures the innocent to sin, in the worst sort of way."

60)       Becka pops up, "He keeps finding ways to get me into a straightjacket, but he never tries to do that with Karen. My stamina can only sustain me for so long." Karen appears behind Becka and whacks her across the room with a mallet, "Baka! That's a good thing for me."

59)       "He knows the correct way to play with sealing wax, and we don't." Becka jumps around on one foot in the background with her thumb stuck in her mouth, while Karen just smirks.

58)       "He just screws with people's minds."

57)       "He manages to pit our lover boy… umm… playboy… umm… Touga, against Utena."

56)       "He has a random dot in the middle of his head."

55)       "He's a bitch. He's a lover. He's a child. He's not a mother, but… He's a sinner. He's a saint. He does not feel ashamed. He's your hell. He's your dream. He's nothing in between (although though he does find himself in some interesting positions. See previous numbers: 98, 92, 76, and 69. ) He wouldn't have it any other way."

54)       "He 'had' Utena…"

53)       "He 'had' Anthy…"

52)       "He 'had' Saionji..."

51)       "He 'had' Kozue… then again, who hasn't?"

50)       "And though we can forgive him for 'having' them, we can *never* forgive him for 'having' Touga."

49)       "He still 'has' Touga, and we don't!" ("We * really * really * really * want you to read 101 Reasons why we love Touga' if you haven't already by now.")

48)       "No matter how good of an insult someone gives to him, he still manages to look smug."

47)       "He," *coughs* "Touga, and he,"*coughs* "Utena; hence, he gets the best of both worlds."

46)       "What kind of idiot wants to start the duels all over again?"

45)       "What kind of idiot wants to start the duels all over again, century after century, until the revolution happens?"

44)       "… The revolution he didn't want to happen to begin with…"

43)       "Does the word 'pimp' mean anything to you?" ("See '101 Reasons why we love Touga.' Have you picked up on the mild hints we've been dropping?")

42)       "And he gets away with this stuff too."

41)       "He makes it downright impossible for anybody to explain the series."

40)      "He brings in all new connotations to the words 'road trip!'"

39)       "His hair does the nifty 'wave' thing, and ours doesn't."

38)      "He comes up with a plan that enables him to sign letters as 'Ends of the World' and makes people do 'stupid things' by said letters."

37)       "He executes that same plan and he does with style. Damn."

36)       "He looks better in a dress than most people do."

35)       "He looks better in a dress than we do."

34)       "And we are quite sure that what he has under that dress is better than what most people have."

33)       "He convinces Saionji to wear a dress and be Touga's bride."

32)       "He convinces Touga to wear a dress and be Saionji's bride."

31)       "Not only does he have the spiffy Akio-car, it seems to be able to drive itself."

30)       "He is a shameless self-promoter."

29)       "He has that broad expanse of chest, and we don't," Becka pops up, "Umm… I don't get it." Karen pushes Becka out of the way to stand beside her, "Okay Becka, just read it again." Becka reads it out loud, "He has that broad expanse of chest, and we… ohhhh! I get it." Karen smirks, "Yes, and when she gets it, she really get it." Becka; face fault.

28)       "He can get his car to stay inside a fountain without ruining the leather interior."

27)       "He can get his car to crash through a window without getting a scratch, not to mention not having to clear up the mess made by the window, or anything else." Karen pops up, "He sure knows how to make an entrance…"

26)       "He can turn perfectly normal 'Flower-runs' into an odd sort of 'Deflower-puns.'"

25)       "He believes that Anthy must suffer eternally because she took him away from all the girls of the world."

24)       "He makes Utena become his toy."

23)       "He expects Utena to be his princess just because."

22)       "After the duel known as 'Revolution,' he completely forgets about Touga, which we just can't forgive," Karen smiles. "See '101 re- What the?" * THWAP * Karen looks dazed, but she manages to get out, "I know that spatula… anywhere." Becka grins and hold up her giant spatula in triumph, "Revenge!"

21)       "What kind of a pick-up line is, 'I'll show you the Ends of the World' anyway?"

20)       "He actually tries to comfort Anthy after she wounds Utena."

19)       Karen ponders aloud, "What *do* we want, than Akio has… and we don't?"

18)       "And after all he's put Utena through, now he decides to shed a tear."

17)       "He keeps on whacking with the sword, Utena's sword, you dirty minded people, against the Rose Doors even though he knows it's hurting Utena."

16)       "And in spite of that fact again, he breaks her sword."

15)       "Just read what Akio says, it's wrong: 'You have reached here without losing your noble mind, so you are my real princess. This sword does not suit you any more. From now on, I'll keep the sword and protect you. And we, the prince and the princess, will live in the castle happily ever after.'"

14)       He has enough of a sex life that we can get 101 reasons why we hate him about it.

13)       "During episode 39, he can stand there, literally beside himself, and watch Utena's struggles as she tries to open to Rose Doors."

12)       "The look of shock on his face when Utena finally does open the Rose Doors, but what the hell did he expect anyway?"

11)       "After all that, he still has the audacity to shout, 'Don't open that coffin,'"

10)       "And there is the fact that he expects her to obey him."

9)        "Not only does he just stand there and watch Utena, he gets a random 'iced-drink', and we don't! …which is just not fair."

8)        "He tells Utena that after all she's done, she has to be a woman anyway, implying that she has to be *his* woman."

7)        "He manages to do all of the above with a strait…" Discreet cough, "…face."

6)        "See our 'Special' Picture Page."

5)        "His lines get progressively more irritating, Ex. 'So, you came all the way here just to see me. You can go home now.'"

4)        "He manages to be in the right place at the right time, and that's just wrong."

3)        "Hell, with Akio, 'Intensive Care' becomes the 'No Tell Motel.'"

"And now, a token commercial break… and a word from out 'sponsor.' See '101 Reasons Why We Love Touga', or else."

2) Akio steps out of the shadows, and from behind him comes the sound of two girlish giggles. This leads us to wonder what he was doing in the shadows to begin with. Shadows… Shadow Girls… hmmm. Never mind. Akio then takes his place, front and center stage.

"Commercials. They are the purest form of hell on earth. Next to yours truly, of course."

He steps down, winks at all the ladies in the audience, and blows a kiss to all the men. Fading back into the shadow, he precedes to show the Shadow Girls 101 Reasons why Akio comes pretty damned close to Touga, and no. We are not going to write that list.

"And now we return to our…" * squawk! *

Becka climbs up from the orchestra pit, wearing her very own duelist uniform and carrying a random stopwatch. She whistles loudly and yells, "The coast is clear, Ka-chan."

There are several loud 'thumps', a couple of 'umphs', and one 'Damn!' Finally, Karen appears at the very top of the catwalk, striking a very Tuxedo Kamen-esque pose. She then slides down the curtain. As she lands, she turns to Becka, and points a rubber chicken at her, "My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

Becka 'eeeps' loudly as Karen chases after her with that oh-so threatening rubber chicken. She tries to reason with Karen, "Ah! Karen! Wrong Web-page!"

Karen blinks, looking slightly deflated, "Aww… you're no fun." She tosses the rubber chicken to the ground. Becka sighs in relief and is about to continue when two loud screams erupt from the shadows. Karen exchanges a look with Becka, "Question. Was that a scream of pleasure…"

Becka cuts her off, "Or of pain? One never can tell when Akio is involved."

Karen grins evilly, "And you know from personal experience?"

Becka sweatdrops.

Karen grins again, then looks around curiously, "Say, what did you do to the announcer guy I hired?"

Becka sweat drops, yet again, "Oh, umm… him? Errr… I think I hit him a little too hard."

Karen blinks and looks down into the orchestra pit. She blanches, "Oh dear… umm, blame it on Akio. That's what we do with every thing else."

Becka picks up the random rubber chicken, "Even this?"

Karen notices that Becka is about to say something more. She takes the rubber chicken and whacks Becka in the face with it. Becka sails across the room with the greatest of ease, just like the man on the flying trapeze. She lands in the shadows with an *umph.* A few moments later, she runs out of the shadows minus a few pieces of her uniform, and half-dressed in a straightjacket. She runs off the stage followed by an even more scantily clad Akio.

Karen shrugs, "Well, I guess there isn't anything else to do around here." She turns towards the audience, picking up the discarded rubber chicken and assuming a fencing stance, "My name is…"

1)      "And the top reason we hate Akio is, in spite of all that (and if you don't know what I mean by 'all that' you really haven't been paying much attention, have you?), yes, in spite of all that, we still *WANT* him."