Where, oh where, has our manly man gone?

And for that matter, where is the rest of the cast?

The answer is simple… they were bowling.

Yes, Becka, Karen, Utena, Anthy, Chuchu, Saionji, Miki, Juri, Nanami, Touga, and… Wakaba, were bowling. They had decided one week prior that they would do something different. Duels were getting old, and chess just ain't that fun anymore. Not to mention no one had the heart, or stomach, to suffer through Anthy's cooking again.

So, what to do when dueling and chess are not an option? (And Akio never was.)

The answer is simple.

Bowl.

So our enthused cast found its way to "Thundering Roses Bowling Extravaganza" (on Disco Night!). Upon entering, they are surprised to be herded into a single file line and led to what appears to be a security station equipped with a metal detector.

Karen blinks, then glances at Becka, "A -metal detector-? In a bowling alley?"

"C'mon, Ka-chan. You know that bowling alleys are notorious hideouts for local terrorist activity, not to mention all the native gangs that would love to bomb this place."

Karen mutters to no one in particular, "Maybe someone just tipped them off that they have big swords…"

As a method of silencing Karen, Becka shoves her through the metal detector, then follows, smiling and waving at the security guards who haltingly wave back. Chuchu, Nanami, and Wakaba had already passed safely through the metal detector when things got a little more complicated.

It all started with Miki, who blushed furiously as a loud, jangling "beep-beep-beep" filled the air. Two burly, muscle-bound, ferociously buff women took Miki over to one side of the room where they thoroughly searched him. Exactly one moment later click the offending metal was found… in the form of Miki's stopwatch. After a short time, they succeed in wresting away the stopwatch, leaving a pathetic, crumpled, whimpering, blue heap, who successfully crawls through the metal detector. Teary eyes waver up at one of the two women who sternly tells him that his precious watch will remain confiscated until he leaves. A strangled cry of defeat resounds through the bowling alley, causing permanent occupants of the janitor's closet to look up. One of then queries his elder, "What was that?" The older, wiser janitor, who bears many battle scars from broom, brush, and stray bowling pin alike, replies, "That, my child, is the sound of ultimate suffering." That is, of course, until the nicer of the two women directs him to the shining, blinking screen of the scorekeeper.

Juri comments softly, "Wow… that was harsh." She, however, is given to her own set of problems, as she debates with one of the male security guards on how, though an illegal substance, drugs are not metal in any fashion, and therefore cannot be confiscated by metal detector test alone. One glance into her eyes and they let her pass without further argument.

As Touga and Saionji approach the metal detector they're stopped even before they get a chance to go through, for the large, obviously metal, swords handing at their sides. Saionji in his usual, bastardly way, challenges the security guards to a duel for the right to carry his sword; however, they were not amused. Two of the imposing female security guards step forward, bearing the nametags "Olga" and "Brunhilda." One simply picks him up from behind, lifting him several feet off solid ground, while the other casually and effortlessly removes his sword.

Finally, Saionji steps through the metal detector successfully (minus his sword), and spots Touga standing on the other side waiting for him. Dropping his gaze to the red-haired man's side, he blinks. Shocked, he looks up, almost screaming, "How the hell did you get to keep your sword?" Touga merely shrugs seductively, and points to the drooling puddle which once was the female security guard population.

Utena walks through the detector with no problem, and she waits with hand outstretched on the other side, patiently coaxing her Bride. Timidly, Anthy steps under the metal arch.

BEEEEEEEEEP!

As the security guards descend upon her, despite Utena's offended protests, Olga and Brunhilda perform a quick, efficient strip search (pointedly ignoring the fact that Saionji and Juri try to join in) and, to their surprise, find no metal. Still, the detector beeps. Aggravated beyond the point of speaking (not that they ever did anyway), the two buff females search Anthy again, this time having to physically ward of the other occupants of the bowling alley. Finding nothing, and still having the detector beep, they take drastic measures- which is to say, they forcibly lift her off the ground and shove her through the conveyer belt, while Utena is reduced to staring in utter shock.

While they were expecting to find metal, nothing could have prepared them for the sight that lay naked before their eyes on the X-Ray screen.

Olga was a simple woman. She enjoyed some of the finer points in life, and swords were one of them. Being her hobby and all, Olga knew a good deal about them: big swords, small swords, short swords, tall swords. Why, she could tell the difference between a Dutch-Morish sword and a Morish-Dutch sword at 50 paces! However, this sword was like no other she had ever seen before. This sword was encased in a woman.

Brunhilda was an even simpler woman. She never spoke much, nor did she really have any wish to. But now she did, and she stated the obvious. "A sword?"

Recovering from her shock, Utena took the opportunity and ran with it. The opportunity in this case being a petite Indian woman with a sword in her chest. She quickly redressed Anthy, slung the timid girl over her shoulder like a sack of flour and darted off before anyone could do or say anything.

Olga and Brunhilda just ... looked at each other. "Does she know about that?" "I don't know, but that's not a burden I'd want to carry around on my chest."

Meanwhile, the rest of the cast, having had their shoes approved, set out to find their balls. *note* we could make a comment on Touga here, but well, we've done enough of that already - look at the rest of the page, fer cryin' out loud!

However, one member of the cast had issues with these shoes. How could she, Fashion Role Model of Ohtori Academy, allow such skanky shoes to touch her delicate, princess-like feet which were related to that godlike Touga. After a moment of thought, she snaps her fingers, and Tsuwabuki swaggers through the doors (how did he get past the guards?), carrying a bowling ball bag of at least twice his weight and holding between his teeth the laces of two fashionably keen, impeccably clean, yellow bowling shoes with large pink Velcro bows. The man behind the counter sighs in defeat and lets them go on, knowing there was nothing he could do to stop such a… powerful girl.

Miki, thoroughly depressed over the loss of his stopwatch, settles himself in the position of scorekeeper. Though he cannot keep time, at least he can keep score, and he must be content with that, and the small blinking buttons.

Just before the game commences, Anthy points out one small oversight. "Utena-sama, where is your bowling ball?"

Utena smirks and crooks a finger, "C'mere honey."

Once everyone recovers from their collective facefault, they begin to bowl. Utena and the Bowling Ball of Dios somehow manage to get a perfect strike every time, while Anthy beams on with pride for her Prince.

Always one keen for a challenge, Juri bowled against Utena. During the first round of Juri's turn, Chuchu bolted from Anthy's lap, scampering down the lane in an attempt to Disco-Surf down the isle. Using a small surf board made from the Styrofoam cups at the snack bar, he suavely gets literally bowled over by Juri's perfectly aimed ball. Caught off guard, and unable to control his path, Chuchu is knocked into the pins. To the machine which resets (perhaps its sensors were glazed) a small, purple, monkey-mouse looks a lot like a bowling pin. For the rest of the game, they bowled against nine regular pins, and one bowling-shaped Chuchu pin.

Karen blinks at Becka, "A bowling-shaped Chuchu pin?"

Yes, a bowling-shaped Chuchu pin.

Despite the fact that everyone had agreed that this game was simply for fun, a little break to get away from the stress of Student Council, Touga and Saionji play a bit more… or less… seriously. Taking their stances, Touga glances once at the decidedly purple bowling ball with a small dot on its forehead Saionji has opted to use. Our red-haired prince wasn't too worried, that is, until Saionji proposed to it and threw it quite forcibly at the pins when it refused to answer him. Consequently, he didn't knock any pins down (that is, not any in his own lane).

Touga sighed, smiled at every female present, and focused more on his bowling pose then on scoring any actual points… somehow he did very well on all accounts, which leads us to believe that bowling pins do indeed have a gender.

As Saionji seems to have slight difficulty scoring any points, Wakaba the Ubiquitous, decides to show some compassion. She sits her green-haired lover boy (though technically, he's only green-haired to her) down, then recovers the purple bowling ball from the other lane, profusely apologizing to the blue-haired lady who seemed very familiar from… somewhere.

Wakaba blinks, "Hey, weren't you at McDonalds?" The old woman can only nod in stunned assent. To meet people such as these twice in one webpage was just a little too suspicious. She slowly nodded, backed away, and ran as fast as her Velcro-ed little shoes could carry her. Blinking, Wakaba shrugs and goes back to bowling for Saionji, doing surprisingly well, despite the fact that the ball was twice her weight.

Becka and Karen have their own way of going about things, and inherent in that statement is the implication that they must have special clothing. Both of them somehow changed without anyone noticing (except for the bowling shoes), and Karen now wears a polyester Zoot Suit. Becka, on the other hand, can only be described as… phoenix. She takes up a good section of floor, measuring about 10 feet, from beak to tail. Her awe-inspiring costume consists of a half-a-million, day-glow, red feathers. One must note the two wings, not to mention the rather pointy beak. To end that off is a brightly multi-colored tail which swishes amiably as she walks. No one said anything, not even when she began to molt. While Karen bowled to the Disco music, Becka roosted in a handmade nest in one corner of the snack bar, formed out of the discarded straw wrappers and coffee stirrers.

Anyhoo, back at the lanes, Nanami sat on one of the semi-upholstered seats, and sipped daintily from her soft drink, while Tsuwabuki bowled for her. As the young boy struggled to lift the ball, Nanami pondered. ("I ponder, I ponder, do you know what I ponder?" Becka pecks at the Shadow Girl with her beak). Well, back to Nanami, the petite blonde-haired girl sat thoughtfully, chin propped in one hand. "Hmm," she murmured softly, "How can I perfectly humiliate that brother-stealing wench, Himemiya Anthy?" No retribution was sweet enough, no plan for vengeance too dastardly- something more painful and evil than even the Dean himself could conceive.

Suddenly, it hit her. Or rather, Saionji's bowling ball hit her. After the EMTs left and Wakaba made her profuse apologies, Utena left her, muttering, "At least it wasn't elephants…"

Nanami was left trying to remember what she had been thinking about… ah, yes. She had a plan. The perfect plan… to lock Himemiya Anthy in the -bathroom-. Yes, the bathroom of a bowling alley: a place so terrifying, and so swanky, that not even the most hardened pimps dared there.

The question was, "how?" How could Nanami get Anthy to the bathroom?

Being a girl, therefore one who never goes to the bathroom alone in public, and being a dainty princess, who would never venture into such a place without a body guard, she walks over to Anthy and pleads sweetly, "Oh, Anthy, please come to the bathroom with me. I just can't -bare- to go in there all by myself. And everyone else is bowling! … sort of…"

After telling Utena that she would return momentarily, Anthy gives a small nod of consent. The two of them make their way to the bathroom. Along the way they encounter several directional signs to guide them: "Beware!" "Proceed no Further!" "Turn Back Now! Before it's Too Late!" "You'll Regret this Later!" Anthy seems slightly upset by this, but Nanami drags her along.

They both enter, but Nanami sneaks back out a moment later. She assembles a complex lock, having carried the lock, bolts, and power tool necessary to complete this mission of utmost importance with her. After the door was firmly secured with three deadbolts, twelve combinations, and a multitude of padlocks, as well as a few boards nailed across the door for good measure, Nanami sighs. She wipes her hands, and turns to go back to the bowling lanes when, surrounded by sinks, toilets, and various UBPs (unidentifiable biological pungencies), Nanami realizes something.

A noise from outside the door attracts her attention. "Oh my, what's this? Keys?" Nanami frantically glances down at her belt, only to discover her key ring is missing. Anthy's voice continues, "Oh well. I'd better be getting back… Utena-sama will miss me if I don't hurry."

After a good half an hour of screams and pleas for help, which were all drowned out by the infernal disco music, Nanami slumps down, carefully not actually touching anything, and faces her fate. She happens to glance up and notice inscribed there great words of encouragement. "Sit down. Read our walls." Glancing around, she notices something else. It made sense.

Wallpapering every inch of free space are words, drawings, posters, toothpaste sculptures, and various UBPs. Taking a moment, she reads the ones nearest to her.

Realizing that it would take several lifetimes to read all the walls, Nanami redirected her efforts to the obviously impervious door.

Meanwhile, back at the bowling alley, Utena blinks as Anthy hands her a full ring of keys.

"Utena-sama, I found these at the bathroom…" Rather surprised, Utena decides that they must belong to the janitor. After all, who else would carry around a full set of keys in a bowling alley (not counting, of course, all those local terrorist groups)? After a moment's hesitation, Utena locates the closet, clearly labeled "JANITOR," ignored the special noises coming from inside, and knocked. The elder battle-scarred janitor answered the door. "Yeh, whaddyu want?" Utena responds, "Excuse me, but my Bride found these near your bathroom. Perhaps they belong to you?" The janitor didn't even blink, or even look down for that matter, but gruffly answered, "No." Surprised, Utena thanked him politely, then took a moment to decide her next course of action. Having braved the janitor's closet, she decided that the bathroom couldn't be all THAT bad, and set off to investigate the Mystery of the Unplaceable Keys. Much like in a bad harlequin novel, Utena astutely reasoned that someone was locked in the bathroom. From the screechings, scratchings, and howlings coming from inside, Utena deduced that that someone could only be Nanami. Trying the handle, and giving it several forceful yanks, Utena decided that something a little more powerful was needed.

She whistled for her Bride, and as soon as Anthy made her presence known, Utena asked for a variation on The Speech. Anthy began:

Smiling proudly, Utena withdrew... The Chainsaw of Dios. She revved it twice and called to Nanami, "I suggest that you stand back!" Namami hastily complied as Utena and the Chainsaw of Dios sliced through the wooden door and all its locks like Saionji's bowling ball through the gathering crowds.

Soon a VERY grateful Nanami was gulping fresh air, and the trio made their way back to the lanes.

As the disco wound down, and the time came for everyone to go home, (by virtue of being kicked out more than anything else) Nanami looked back at the fateful alley and swore, "I will never take for granted my cleaning staff again."